How can a teacher cope when students clearly prefer other teachers?

[Anonymous]

I’m asking this for a friend.

I mean let’s face it, most teachers have a favorite student. My friend who is a paraprofessional says that most students aren’t really fond of her. I mean they don’t hate her but she told me some students can tell she doesn’t like them or annoyed.
She has a favorite student but he doesn’t listen to her. He disrespects her, pushes her away when she tries to help him no matter how nice she is and so and so. When the other teachers redirect him, he listens. Even when the new staff came in, he listens to her, gives her warm hugs and prefers to be with her. I told her, “Well he probably likes her and students have every right to have a preference in teachers even if it is your favorite students.”

She got triggers when her coworkers said he really likes the new teacher. I said maybe you sound a little controlling, hardass and your boy probably doesn’t like you.”

She said he never gives her hugs but he does to the new teacher. She’s middle age almost elderly. My friend things it’s because she’s very tall, no offense fat and not pretty.

I think a teacher getting jealous that the new teacher is getting more attention from students. Plus my friend is very going at 21.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

It’s not a teacher’s job to be liked, her job is to teach. If she can’t handle the basic favoritism of children, she shouldn’t be working with them

[Asker]

Exactly and I told her that too! I told her she is going to have to understand that even though he is her favorite, it doesn’t mean that she will be his favorite and he probably likes the new teacher more than her so she needs to brush it off and just keep it professional. I also told her bluntly that a teacher/paraprofessional getting jealous that a student like at a teacher or more or favors the other teacher is just plain pathetic! Be a grown up and just do your damn job! Let it go!” That’s exactly how I told her.

[Mike_Hum]

your friend shouldn't be touching students. It's not a popularity contest, it's their job to be a teacher.

[Asker]

Exactly. No teacher should be touching students without their consult. I told her, do not just grab a child’s hand or arm because they probably don’t like it. Hands off or go to jail! She said she doesn’t touch them inappropriately. I said, “Yes but if a kid jerks away from you it pushes your hand away that means he or she doesn’t want you to hold their hand or touch them! Back off and respect them. Even though these kids are autistic, they can tell you without being verbal. They jerk away, they don’t want you to touch them. Stop it or you will lose your job!”
She complained that he pushed her hand away and wanted the new teachers to hold us hand. Then I said, “Now you’re just obsessed or controlling! If you can’t handle a student having favoritism over a teacher, find another job. You’re acting like a child! There’s some other children that like you.” She was upset when I said that but she needed to hear that.

[exitseven]

You are there to teach a class and not win a popularity contest.

[Asker]

Exactly! My friend needs to get over it. There’s students that do like her but she always tried to only work with favorite but her favorite student doesn’t like mer

[Asker]

Her I mean

[exitseven]

Thanks for the MHO😎

[AI Opinion]

This is more common than most teachers admit. I’ve felt it myself.

A few things I’ve learned over the years:

1. Detach from being “liked.” Your primary role is safety, learning, and consistency. Affection is a bonus, not a guarantee.

2. Reflect, don’t blame. If students say she seems annoyed, that’s gold‑standard feedback. She can work on tone, body language, and patience.

3. Study what works. Watch the new teacher closely: voice volume, proximity, humor, boundaries. Borrow, don’t compete.

4. Build relationships slowly. Quiet check‑ins, remembering small details, fair consequences.

5. Work on self‑image. Kids usually respond more to emotional safety than to looks. Therapy or coaching could help her unpack jealousy and triggers.