Okay so normally my grandpa and I are deemed “talkers” when it comes to film watching… but we are two different types.
TYPE #1- My grandpa will talk through the entire film about random “back in the day” type shit if you don’t stop him early on.
TYPE #2- I’ve been told that although I barely talk throughout the film, when I do, its always during the worst parts. For example, I’ll comment on something that happened earlier on, but apparently I do so right when we’re on the attention-grabbing climax lol. I promise its an unintentional habit.
Well Anyways… LAST NIGHT I DEALT WITH SOMEONE WORSE than the both of us 🤣😭 He must of been a type 3, 4, 5 and more.
So my dude grew up super outdoorsy with little to no tv. And he’s been very busy with work so we didn’t have a chance to watch a film together despite all these months having passed. Initially, I would have deemed him as the quiet type UNLESS we were having a discussion about planes, trains, automobiles… tools, Japanese food, or something sexXxual… Then of course you couldn’t get him to hush.
Well last night we got to watch “65”. I warned him weeks ago that I may talk at the wrong times and he sighed in preparation. He even said that I’d likely be on my own with the talking because he WAS NOT A TALKER, especially during films.
Mind you, this was one of my favorite films of the year so I really wanted to show it to him! But this mf man talked from BEGINNING TO END!!
-Him- “What kind of dinosaur is that?”
-Me: “I don't know babe I’m no dino expert.”
-Him: “Ooo thats a __ type of tree.”
-Me: *pretends to know shit about trees* “Oh totally, thats so cool!”
-Him: *goes on and on for the next 30 mins talking about trees* “These transitions are so horrible. This must be a different filming location because those two trees can’t be in the same state.”
-Me: *googles filming locations just to shut him up* “Okay so they filmed in Ireland, New Orleans LA, and Cali.”
-Him: “I hope I’m not talking too much since you decided to look this up? “
-Me: “Whaaat? no! I just figured it was a fun fact.”
-Him: *continuing on for the next 30 mins talking about scenery* Well this very scene is clearly filmed back in Ireland look at those rocks. Ooh Oohb and this scene is in California, just look at those mountains! Ahhh, this scene is in New Orleans, look at those swamps.
-Me: *lips trembling as I force myself not to snap at him to hush*
-Him during the overgrown bug scenes:“OH MY GAWSH! OH MY GAWSH! LOOK AT THE SIZE! WHAT TF IS THAT? OH MY GAWSH ITS GONNA CRAWL ON THEM! AHH I FEEL IT ON ME! MAKE IT STOP. BABE WHAT IS THIS THAT YOU HAVE ME WATCHING?”
-Me: *shocked and cringing at his reaction* “ I thought you said you loved bugs and collected them throughout your childhood?”
-Him: *deflects from answering the question and continues to scream insanely and freakout at every upcoming bug scene*
Welp, I can tell I’ll be the one killing any and all spiders that enter the room...
WAYS THIS COULD’VE BEEN HANDLED-
- OPTION #1 BE THE BAD GUY-
(Scary Movie Style)
- OPTION #2 REMAIN NEUTRAL-
“Here my love, eat something, you look starved.” *offers popcorn surely not hoping the talker chokes on it*
- OPTION #3 PRETEND YOU’LL BE RIGHT BACK-
So very many years later…
- OPTION #4 BE “RESPECTFULLY” BLUNT-
- OPTION #5 JUST NETFLIX AND CHILL
Yep just miss the entire movie since you wouldn’t have been able to hear a thing anyways. Just shut em up in a totally different way…
- OPTION #6 BE PASSIVE AND LIE
Yea, so I went with this option unfortunately. It was only our first film after all so no need to overact. Now next time I may not be so nice. When I tell you thank goodness I saw this film in the past since I didn’t get to even hear one 5 minute scene while watching it with him! 😩😭 And at the end of the film, he had THE NERVE to say “I hope I didn't talk too much. Because I would have totally got tired of my babbling and bullshit.” 💀👀
If you read through this mytake, thank you. I understand I wrote a lot, but at least you can’t say I “talked too much” during this very moment (because writing and talking are two totally different things)…
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