'Cause I just apologized to my air-conditioner. I turned on the portable a/c unit standing next to me by the window, but then went over and opened the window and realized it was cooler outside, so I turned off the a/c, and said, "Oh, sorry". Wtf? I just apologized to a machine. A. I. is goona have a field day with me. I'm toast.Edna Mode, The Incredibles, looking at her securty cam
What's something funny you've done or said recently?
Just yesterday- I was cleaning my room and putting old stuff from 10 years ago in a bag as a "souvenir box".
I needed space in my room so I decided to put in all my teddy bears (don't judge) in the same bag. But they looked so squished and sad, I kissed them all good bye and zipped the bag, saying im super sorry about putting them away.
Called my boyfriend and was really sad about it, until he was like "just put it on your books".
Which i did. 😂 I'm a child. Toy story scarred me 😭
Today I got extremely embaressed by my mother and her friends, I went out side with this braclet on my wrist ( thought it was a braclet) to find everyone making front of me just dying of laughter, and I say what's funny... My mom says why are you wearing my condom vibrator as a braclet!!! 😮😮😦🤣
If it makes you feel any better, I was rearranging the items in the fridge to fit in a bottle of milk. So I had to take the mayonnaise out from the door shelf, where we usually put it, and put it on another one. I apologised to the mayonnaise for changing it's place. 🙈 😂😂😅
On Tuesday I went out for dinner and the waitress accidentally splashed a bit of the soup on my shirt (just a teeny tiny bit) and she kinda panicked and started to apologize a lot. I could see she was worried and feeling embarrassed., so just to make light of it I said to her...
"Don't worry, it will dry quickly, I'm naturally HOT"
she immediately started laughing and it lightened the atmosphere *should have asked for her number, haha
Well my boyfriend said a few nights ago I fell off the bed, but instead of getting up and back into bed I just rolled under it. I find it hard to believe but he isn't one for making stuff up so its possible lol
My husband thinks it's funny when I posted on Facebook, "the skys awake, but I'm not yet" He also thinks it's funny when I toot. Mmmm, maybe not lol. I drew hearts on his nipples and I thought that was funny, and I also said my life quote was, "ravioli, ravioli, give me the formuoli."
Went to lunch with dauthers recently and I wore a tank top with a 🌈 rainbow and the words peace love and happiness , well our waiter was very gay and he spent the who time trying to pick me up , then he go's and get another waiter that was gay then they tag team me and flirted with me for about 30 mins
I was leaving the house yesterday and was like oh I forgot my wallet so i go back in and i am searching all over my fucking room and i am like WTF WHERE IS MY WALLET! ? And I look at my hand and i was carrying it the whole fucking time lmfao 😂😂😂
Whoaaaa. You might wanna get that checked. ;) Wanda Sykes does a stand-up joke about that. It's reallly good. Wanda is miming talking on a cell phone, which she is holding in her hand on stage... "Hey Girl, I think I forgot my cell phone somehwere...(tapping pockets, checking purse)... where is it, where did it go? I don't know." But then the really funny punch line comes, you're not expecting it... Wanda: "And then my girlfriend says... well okay, when you find it, call me back." I love her.
I too apologized to an inanimate object. I knocked my water bottle off my desk by mistake and blurted out 'Sorry, are you okay?' before realizing it wasn't going to answer back.
Those wicked devices. They're in my house but I refuse to use them or even turn them on. Send this to your friend. "Lies, I tell ya, lies, all lies..." https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-SVvtxHJGU
I was getting something out of the cupboard and here i already had it out and was going back in to get. Here it was sitting on the kitchen table. It was my Glucometer.
At my last address I had a good laugh with my nephew's group of 6 friends as they were smoking on the balcony there was a lightning bolt and a crash of thunder at which they all visibly jumped up. I said look at you brave younger folks and me the guy in a wheelchair did not budge. We all had a seriously long laugh.
I made a parody hiring ad for my work, but I can't post it or I'll get fired.
"GUYS! Have you ever dreamed of getting paid... to do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! Well... have I got the job for you? California State Parks Entrance Booth Guy! Get paid minimum wage, for doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!!
I told that joke to my co-workers and they were cracking up, because it's so true!
lol , we had a room mate leave and so anything he left behind were plundering. i was in the bathroom yesterday and noticed he'd left behind his unison tooth brush behind i have one that's needed a new brush for ages , I thought. i should grab any new brushes he has before their lost, I cracked up right after that, I've had dentures for years.
1.3K opinions shared on Entertainment & Arts topic.
I totally trolled my cousin yesterday
Last week he asked me to buy him a CD on Amazon and so we've been waiting for it to come in the mail
As I was walking out, I found something outside my door, something wrapped in Styrofoam in cube-shaped. I thought it might've been the CD, but it turned out to be something else I bought for a friend from Walmart.
So as we were on the way to pick up my medicine, I told him I had good news and bad news
Good news: something good came in the mail today Bad news: it's not for you
This is sad - My life has been so mundane recently - I can't remember the last funny/embarrassing/stupid thing I done and its not because I do them so rarely (LoL)
Was playing a game with my brother and his friend, another group betrayed us and so we chased them so long that they had to go to sleep (they were pretty young so probably had a bedtime xD) and before the chase started I literally said that we will chase them until their bedtime
I didn’t even try to be funny but my roommate and her friend we’re outside while I was getting my shoe on, I walked outside and my roommate said “geez it’s gotten hotter out” and I said “oh, must have been me” 😁
4 girls who I sort of work with said goodnight to me and I said goodnight. They said don’t have sex or get someone pregnant. I said you don’t have sex or get never mind and they just laughed
I am just a fountain of constant jokes and sarcasm... i talk to everything inanimate and animate all the time... often have full conversations with my pets... they get me... they understand
Isn't it great how transporation vehicles etc are always female? And GPS's. I like that. (Except with fisherman, still many believe a female can't come on board cause it would be bad luck. You know what they say - the more dangerous the profession, the more superstititions tend to play into it.)
I mean, I will survive no matter what. But my go to rebuttal right now is to just yell "I HAVE CANCER!" My poor family doesn't know what to do. My brother does though. Lol.
I'll know for sure about the cancer, hopefully by next week.
Thanks guys. I have to admit that this community is really awesome. We don't all agree, but there's a lot of compassion here, even when people don't necessarily agree on thing.
Amen to that. It's really a great platform. Hopefully the creator will win some sort of award some day. Like a Webby or something. (Is that what they call them?)
@Jamie05rhs Yeah, that's a good question - what is the weirdest thing EVERYONE has put in the fridge by accident? I just watched an old episode of Friends, and Joey put the book 'Little Women' in the fridge, cause he was worried/sad one of the main characters was goona die.
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