It's OKAY to not want kids. Stop the shaming!

[Anonymous]

I adore kids.

Most people do but not everyone wants them...

Does that mean they're bad people? No!

Does that mean they're selfish? Not necessarily!

It means they don't want kids.

We live in a world where some children are raised with everything money can buy but we also live in a world where some children go without basic needs; food, water, clothing etc.

They come with a lot of responsibility you have to feed them, change their diapers, teach them how to walk & talk, send them through primary school, watch them get bullied or struggle through today's society etc. you get the point

There are also positives!

They bring unconditional love, they bring happiness, laughter and a whole new perspective. They're another part of you and that's a beautiful thing. You would've brought another human being into this world.

My point is that when raising a child there are pros and cons like anything. some people know they couldn't handle the responsibility or it may be the costs.

Maybe they're dedicated to their career and contributing to society and feel they don't have the time.

Maybe they just don't want them because they're happy with the way they're living.

Personally I don't want kids because I love my life and everything I want to do with it because there's so much good in this world left I want to do that'd take precious time and attention I know a child needs. It wouldn't be fair for me to try to raise a child that lacks the emotional and mental needs they crave and need to grow. I want to contribute to the world in other ways helping people who need it and making one persons life better at a time.

May I want kids 5 years down the track?

Maybe or maybe not. Either way that does not make me any less of a woman or human being.

Please,

Stop the child shaming. :) xo

[loofah]

Side note: why do so many people on this website consider criticism about anything shaming? This is not shaming, and I would say I have heard just as many people who don't want kids criticize those who do want kids for being selfish since the world is overpopulated and there are orphans who need homes. It's criticism not shaming. Shaming is more like bullying on a mass scale such as fat shaming or slut shaming.

That being said, I think your reasoning for not wanting children is respectable and completely legit. It's up to you. You have no obligation. And you're right, any of us can change our minds at any time.

[myTake Owner]

Maybe you've never seen real shaming towards people for not wanting children but I sure have it's real and damages a lot of women's self esteem

[loofah]

I am sure there are individuals who were made to feel bad about it as with anything, perhaps it is a newer phenomenon and not discussed enough, I'll give you that. I have heard shaming with regards women not getting married in more traditional cultures but not particularly with not wanting children. I have heard children vs no children debates as criticism, i. e. both sides criticizing each other. What have people said to you?

[myTake Owner]

Personally I was told that women are only on this earth to birth children and not having children doesn't make me a real woman. That's was from another woman!

I've seen worse though my mothers friend said she was shamed by her friends, family and acquaintances when she openly stated she did not plan on having children. She told me she lost all dignity, self-esteem and worth for herself but saying that it definitely depends on the social group you're in or your cultures so not everyone experiences it

[Anonymous]

Nice take.
I always thought it was so silly to think people are selfish for not wanting kids, when people can also WANT kids all kind of self-serving reasons (think it'll help their relationship, want their name to go on, have someone to take care of them when they're old etc.). Not everyone is meant to be a parent and that's perfectly all right.

[aamina_m]

The same goes for people who don't want to get married or people who just want to be single.

If I don't meet the right guy, I'll NEVER get married. But my friends and family give me grief for this ALL THE TIME. And they always bring up the baby point "don't you want babies?"

I decided a long, long time ago, that I will never make plans in my life that involve someone else, because you can't rely on someone else. I can't say "I need to get married and I need to have babies" because I don't know if I'll ever meet someone who mutually loves me as much as I love them or someone who will mutually want to get married. Even if I do get married, how do I know if I'll have a baby? You don't know these things... I mean I don't know these things.. so if I never have a baby what's the big deal?

I don't even know if I want a baby!

You have to understand that most people want to get married and have a family because they think you are a failure and pathetic if you do neither. I agree with you 100%, there are pros and cons to having babies.

But I'm not going to base my happiness on having a baby either. To me, it's not a big deal and there is nothing wrong with not wanting a baby. Four years ago I always said I would NEVER have a baby, but lately, I'm OPEN to the idea of having one, but I'm not desperate about it, like most people I know...

[Mekkalyn]

I think this is a wrong statement: "You have to understand that most people want to get married and have a family because they think you are a failure and pathetic if you do neither"

I strongly disagree that it's the reason most people want to get married. I think that most people want to get married because they love the person they are with and want to be a lifelong commitment. Most people don't get get married because everyone else thinks they should... or at least any strong willed people. You are supposed to learn eventually that the only person you should please is yourself, you shouldn't do things that make you unhappy in order to please others (I'm talking big life changing things, not little things like compromising)

[aamina_m]

@Mekkalyn you're 20 years old.. wait until you are 30 and re-think what you wrote here. In the past 10 years of my life I know a lot of people who got married, and out of those people (many of whom are now divorced) I could say MAYBE 2 or 3 married for love.. MAYBE... all the others married because of pressure, they didn't want to "start over", they were "settling" because they didn't think they would meet someone better.. and these were things they themselves told me...

When I was your age I thought people married for love too... but now 10 years later, I see the truth.. maybe you'll be one of the lucky ones who will, but the majority of people don't. That's why the divorce rate is extremely high.

[Mekkalyn]

The divorce rate is extremely high because people don't ask questions about the future and marry people they are completely incompatible with and then realize it after being married... people rush into marriage and don't live together or have sexual relations before.

And if 2/3 people marry for love, then only 1/3 marry for something else, which means I was still correct that MOST people will marry for love (2/3 vs 1/3).

[aamina_m]

@Mekkalyn I meant 2 or 3 out of maybe 15-20 couples I know that got married... trust me, most couples don't marry for love.

[Mekkalyn]

No one would marry someone that they don't have strong feelings for... unless the world is full of idiots and can't see in the near future how unhappy they will be and how they will just end up divorced. I find that exceptionally hard to believe that most people would do that.

[aamina_m]

@Mekkalyn lol... there you go.. there are more idiots than not. Honestly I'm not going to argue with you about this. It might just be the city I live in. It could be very different where you live. There was a study done in our city last year that showed 60% of married couples in our city cheat. I used to work for a large media company in my city and a lot of the married couples were cheating on their spouses with each other. It's disgusting. So it very well could be where I live.

[Mekkalyn]

Oh god that's disgusting. The sanctity of marriage has long since been destroyed, so I really shouldn't be surprised... but that's just horrible. People have no respect for marriage anymore and enter into it for all the wrong reasons lol

[aamina_m]

@Mekkalyn It's true.. I don't want to sound cynical though. There are good people out there, it's just extremely rare. Hopefully we'll find those people. Maybe I'm too old for it though, you're still young so maybe you will! :)

[Mekkalyn]

Well I have found my someone, we're saving up to get married next year. We've been together for 3 years. We want to marry for the RIGHT reasons. We have the same goals in life (exceptionally compatible) and we love each other more than words can express, and want to fight the good fight (work through any problem we find). Can't imagine my life without him!

I try not to have a cynical take on marriage as a whole, because I want to believe in something good. It's depressing that other people take it so lightly.

[aamina_m]

@Mekkalyn Aww that's really sweet. It is frightening, but at the same time it makes it all the more special that you found someone who feels the same way you do. All the best to you both ;)

[Mekkalyn]

Thanks, and good luck to you! I hope you find your special person (or that you are happy and have good fortunes elsewhere if that's not what you want!)

[aamina_m]

@Mekkalyn Thank you, you are sweet! :)

[dudeman]

nobody gives a shit that you dont want kids. what people dont like is women in their late twenties and thirties complaining they can't find a man. sorry babe you're supposed to find a man in your early years not when its due or die time. its not mens fault you changed your mind deal with it.

[myTake Owner]

Wow sounds like someone may have had a bad experience or are associating with the wrong women

[dudeman]

mmmmm i guess i have as many bad experiences as the next person. I've had a lot of good experiences too.

[bluenose1872]

People micromanage too much in life these days. You can't label a person not wanting to have kids. If somebody does they do it, if not then they don't. It's not as if they're in an anti-life demo or something. There's no order in life. You can't pigeonhole somebody into a group because of one belief or fancy. Life would end up like the aisles in a supermarket. All ordered and boring.

[oddwaffle]

Yup so true. A single kid costs about 250k to raise him or her until 18. Another 50-100k for college if you want to really take care of the kid.

It's really hard to have kids when you are making 30-40k a year.

[thewanderingme]

if more people who didn't want kids got sterilized it would definitely make the world a better place. from over population to bad parenting, it would solve a lot

[Anonymous]

I fear the idea of being a dad. Im quite young so i guess thats only natural. I think there's quite a lot of pressure to have children. My brother is 14 and I heard him say to my recently married cousin that owning a cat for them would be good practice for when she and her husband had children. This struck me as quite nosy and presumptious. The moral of this story is just be a little careful because you dont know everybodies situation.

[Memora]

I think it's ok. I mean there a parents out there that don't plan on having kids then they have them and the kids suffer. That is way worse to me. Besides this planet is over populated.

[Anonymous]

I have heard of people saying it's selfish not wanting children. I really don't understand that. You're right. It's ok to not want children. There are enough people in the world already. I don't see what the big deal with not wanting children is.

[SuperOzgur]

I agree completely. But i always wonder if i go through life without having kids, am i missing out on something. That's why I'm undecided on the matter.

[Anonymous]

nice mytake 😊 I don't want kids because I don't like kids or babies but also because I don't wanna go through and exsperince what pregnant people go through

[pavlove]

YOU HATE BABIES!!!

[PeachSunset]

GAHHHHHHHH D;