I Don't Want Kids!

[SweetHomicidalQueen]

A lot of people want kids, in fact they dream of the day they do! But I personally do not ever want children. My pets are my babies.

I do not hate children, I just don't want any! I love pregnant women and I understand they can like the feeling. But when that baby kicks and you see it move and just...ugh it's gross to me.

The pain of childbirth is one of the biggest turn offs for having a baby, I mean I get super bad cramps and headaches on my period. My cramps feel as if a knife is stabbing my uterus repeatedly, and apparentally it hurts like 100x worse than that during labor.

Pregnancy is not attractive to me.

I am a very motherly person but that doesn't mean I want to be a mom! It just means I'm caring.

Just because I'm female doesn't mean I have to have a baby.

I've been told "You're so pretty though you need to have kids!" Which is very sweet yet unnecessary to me because as much as I appreciate the compliment, the kindness is kinda taken away when that last part is added.

I like (most) kids and I am very nice to all children, even the little shithead ones you can't fuckin' stand but that doesn't mean I want to have kids.

Not wanting kids doesn't make me "weird" or "bitchy". I've been told I'd be a great mother- I know how to treat babies and kids, since I've helped raise 6 kids throughout my life since I was 8 years old (yes half of my life).

I know I'm young but I know I won't be saying "Fuck a baby into me" anytime soon - or ever.

So please, don't insult me for not wanting kids.

Don't lecture me on how 'great!' kids are.

It's cool if you want kids. Have all the kids you can care for. Just like religion and penises, don't shove it down peoples throats unless they want it.

[RainbowFanGirl]

I agree with you. I'm already fat and pregnancy will just make my body even more unattractive. :( I mean, I love caring for kids but I just don't want any of my own! I might change my mind down the line though because my boyfriend wants kids but now I just don't want them. I'll probably have some in my thirties I don't know.

[SweetHomicidalQueen]

I never want any (Yet I have their names chosen if I ever do have some, Astrea Lilith for a girl and Demetre Charon for a boy)
and darling you're very attractive. but who knows, we may both have kids, or never. *shrug*

[RainbowFanGirl]

Aw thanks and pretty names! You just never now. ^_^

[RainbowFanGirl]

I much rather have a bunch of puppies lol

[SweetHomicidalQueen]

Lol you're welcome, thanks and same here. I have a list of animals I plan on getting.

[Chief16]

Didn't you write a Take sometime ago about how you'd tell your daughter about your first heartbreak will combing her hair?

[SweetHomicidalQueen]

If I ever have a daughter

[Chief16]

Ok...

[SSFlynn]

Good for you girl. And don't. EVER let someone tell you that you are being selfish! In truth, it's the complete opposite. I feel the exact same way as you. Stand your ground. Do not ever bring a need/ truly wanted child into the world!

[Stacyzee]

How can you have a daughter if u don't ever want kids , I'm confused.
Are you saying u won't take preventative measures to prevent the occurrence of children?

[SweetHomicidalQueen]

@Stacyzee no I will but accidents happen.

[Sara413]

Feeling ya brah!

I've never wanted kids. Thankfully, as I am getting older, people are beginning to accept that my mind won't be changing. Drive me nuts when I was younger and people always said so matter of factly "oh you'll change your mind when your clock starts ticking!" Ughhhh do fuck off, people who say that shit! Heck, even if it is true for some people it's still not ok to invalidate someone's personal choices and what they feel is right for them at a given time in their life!

The worst is when people say that it is selfish to not want kids, or imply (or outright say) that people who don't want children are cold and emotionally stunted or damaged. It's ridiculous! There is nothing wrong with me - I just don't want kids!

Like you, I love children and I am a very caring, very nurturing type of person toward those I love. My friends and family can come to me with anything and I will always do whatever I am able to help. I love my nieces and nephews more than anything and playing with them is my favourite thing in the whole world... but when play time is done, I love giving them back, going home and being able to relax. I don't want to be tied down by having children to consider in every decision I and my partner make. I prefer to focus my energy and my love on a wider variety of passions and people. What is so wrong or so selfish about that? I want to be the best friend, partner, daughter, sibling, coworker, and community member that I can be and I strongly believe that having children would not allow me to fulfill those roles as well as I can without them.

[Darkfairie17]

I don't think anyone should shame you for your decision to not want kids That is entirely up to you and your life. You get to choose how you live your life!

If not having kids makes you happy, then so be it! I don't get why people must shame those who do not choose to have kids. There are plenty of reasons one would not want to have kids.

One thing that really bothered me is that people said to you "You're so pretty though you need to have kids!". Since when did it become a requirement to be a parent to be attractive? So ugly people shouldn't have kids? That to me isn't much of a compliment. And when did being attractive mean you owe society anything?

Everyone should have the right to make the decision to have or not have kids. I have a friend who chooses to be childless and she is rocking her life! She travels, she has an amazing job and she is a DJ as well!! She is so cool! But people still tell her that she should have kids, which I think is wrong. Sounds to me like she is living a pretty amazing life to me!

[JudgmentDay]

@SweetHomicidalQueen Welcome to the club of childfree people. Having children and a traditional family just is not for everyone and has never been that way.

You are free to decide what you want to do with your life and not let others dictate how you should live your life, and make important life-changing decisions such as marrying and having children. That's the most important thing, being completely honest about what you want or what you don't want and not try and force things. And if you ever do consider changing your mind, then that's also on you. Usually if someone will confirm that they are absolutely certain about remaining childfree and not wanting any children indefinitely, they'd consider going through sterilization procedures.

You can still be productive and positive and contribute and make a difference and become an important member functioning in society. Don't let anyone else tell you any different otherwise.

Besides I think this generation will live longer than the prior ones, and hopefully through science and engineering or bioengineering specifically, that will result in us eventually live even longer and reduce the need of having to pass down our "genes" as soon as possible just all in order to keep this cycle of guaranteed problems once you are brought into existence into this world and reality and to satisfy someone else's expectations or society's general expectations.

[OlderAndWiser]

You have every right to fell as you do and to make the decision that you have made. I suggest that you consider the following.

1. You may maintain this same attitude for the rest of your life, but. . . many young girls say this when they are younger and then change their mind as they reach their late 20's and hear the biological clock ticking. At age 16 (or even at age 61) you can never know how you will feel for the rest of your life.

2. Understand that the position you have taken is a minority position. Most girls who reach child bearing age decide that they want to have children when the circumstances are appropriate.

3. While other people have no right to tell you how to think, you also have no right to tell other people how to think. Your post is fairly innocuous but the meme sounds a bit hostile.

4. Of course, you are not now in a position where you would be thinking about long term commitments, marriage, etc. in your immediate future. However, in a few years, when you are dating, you will need to disclose to potential boyfriends early in dating that you do not want to have children. This is a deal breaker for most people and it would be unfair to get into a relationship and then tell a guy that you don't want to have children with him.

5. Remember, also, that young girls tend to over dramatize the pain associated with childbirth. I am not saying that there is not significant pain involved; I am sure that there is, but. . . after going through the experience of childbirth once, most women get pregnant and have another child. It must be worth it to most women.

[sarthak809]

First of all IF that's what you are determined to do, WHY bother asking? You could have just written a blog somewhere.

I am an unmarried male, yet I go awww at kids, especially below 2 years age! I connect so easily with kids, they start chatting/playing with me instantly. And I am not gay at all (I'm homophobic, not proud nor guilty for being one).

I am assuming that you have talked/researched so much about kids and pregnancy that you started hating it!

For thousands of years, the sole motive of humans to populate is to leave behind their legacy, however small it maybe. You can't imagine how much a parent loves his child, his own creation!

If you are scared of pregnancy only, can't you opt for surrogacy? But I think even raising kids is a headache for you, you seem to judge everything by its pros and cons, and raising kids feels totally con to you!

You say that you are NICE towards kids, even the shithead ones? Guess what, I am way more NICER towards stray dogs and cats, let alone kids! You don't have to be nice, you start loving and adoring children unconsciously, it should come naturally.

Call me whatever you want, the fact is that YOU are the abnormal person here, I am just telling you the cold hard facts. There is definitely some chemical imbalance in your head!

[Eburns90]

I Like this take because most people who don't want kids are so hateful towards people who have kids. There are so many memes about how kids suck or are gross or how it's so much better to not have kids. It makes me feel crappy, almost like shaming me for having kids. I don't say things to people who don't want kids, it's fine if they don't and it's none of my business. I'm sorry that there are people who do say things to you about having kids. it just seems like a trend now a days to shame people who have kids. I'm tired of it :/ but I'm glad to see someone like you who doesn't want kids but isn't going to shame someone who does. Thank you.

[SweetHomicidalQueen]

Well of course, there's no need to thank me.
I just try to be a decent human haha

[Lovelinefan]

You're 16, I'm GLAD you don't want kids!

Who knows if your feelings will change further down the road, don't worry about it for now though, just keep yourself from getting pregnant!

The fact that you had to become sort of a parent at such a young age probably has something to do with your strong feelings about this, if I were to guess.

THANK YOU for not wanting to have kids at 16.
God knows the world doesn't need more teenage mothers cranking out kids before they're finished with high school!

[SweetHomicidalQueen]

Lol I just never see myself having a kid unless I was somehow forced to.
But yea, I'm a virgin and will be for a long while so I'm not gonna worry about being a teen mom xD
I have better things to do than worry about fucking.

[Lovelinefan]

Wow.
You are a role model to which other teen girls should look up to as a good example.
A framed certificate or gold medal should be awarded to you for being smart about this stuff, it amazes me to hear about young women your age (+/-) who are so carefree about sex and having kids... if they could all have the same mindset you have, the world would be a better place!

No need to worry about kids at all right now. The future will be what it will be, it's not something you have to 100% commit to one way or the other right now, and you're on the better of the two sides right now anyway, so you're safe!

Get good grades in school, have (relatively safe) fun with your friends and enjoy the freedom of being a teenager, start figuring out a career... all the rest will be for you to think about in your 20's and 30's :-)

*high five!*

[SweetHomicidalQueen]

Haha thank you. I already have the major stuff planned out. I have all A's in school rn, I am gonna go to college in California or Texas, major in literature, minor in photography, and eventually I wanna travel the world to write and take photos. I wanna be an author and kids would hinder that severely. I don't have much freedom currently lol but I'm trying to have fun even though my life is stressful lol But thank you!

[Lovelinefan]

Nice. Sounds like a fun plan, and you're right... if globetrotting is in your life plan, kids would be a difficult thing to deal with!

Good luck and have fun!

[SweetHomicidalQueen]

thank you :)

[GingerBear]

I agree 100%. Not only do I not want kids, pregnancy could either kill me or seriously injure me.
It does really piss me off when people tell me that I'll change my mind one day, with that knowing smile. No, shut up, I do not want to be a mother. I am not motherly, and I will be more than happy with my furbabies, and being the cool aunt to my sisters kids.

[SweetHomicidalQueen]

Exactly.
I want to be an author, and kids would seriously hinder that.
I'm gonna be that cool rich aunt who spoils my all of my nieces and nephews and has a better sense of humor than their parents lol

[lolatyou]

I agree and i've been saying I didn't want kids since I was 15 and now even at my age i'm not even close to wanting them still. People have also been telling me "you'll change your mind when you get older" and all getting older did was make me go from 99% to 100% sure that I don't want them lol. Also the "wait until you meet the right person" crap isn't true either. I only date people who don't want children and if it came between having kids that I don't want to keep someone or being alone, I would rather be alone.

[Sara413]

They're harder to find but great dudes who don't want kids are out there!! Finally found me one! I rarely made it longer than a month or two with anyone I dated because of this... the topic of what we want for our future would come up and they'd either not accept that I don't want kids or they'd basically tell me ill change my mind and I'd be the fuck out.

[helpmejack]

I don't get why people have to be so pushy about the whole "you should want a child" thing. It's decidedly none of their business anyway, and it's really rude to criticize people for a highly personal decision which doesn't even harm anyone.

I also dislike people saying I'll change my mind. I know they don't mean to be, but how condescending can they get? Maybe I'll change my mind, sure, if my DNA suddenly, magically, fixes itself and my personality does a complete 180. They'll probably change their minds about a lot of things. That alone doesn't make their current perspective invalid, and it doesn't make it classy when they patronize people for not wanting babies.

[Sara413]

"They'll probably change their minds about a lot of things. That alone doesn't make their current perspective invalid"

THIS. THIS RIGHT HERE. FUCK!

[Remonster]

I won't insult you for having kids, but when I was your age I held the same beliefs and they've only been changing for the last two years. I even did the whole "no no I'm different I am the exception to the rule" thing when others contested me and told me I would think about it differently in a decade or so. In my mind I also had very logically sound reasons for not wanting kids so I thought the nay-sayers were just being arrogant about it.

Now I actually do think differently about it despite all my resistance in the past. Most teenagers, my past self included, really underestimate how getting older and the changing circumstances that come with it can (sometimes completely) change you.

[vonasaurus]

for the past 8 years, i've dealt with people calling me "cold", "selfish", and "unfeminine" because i don't want kids. and i love this take because i can relate so hard! lol.

i love kids; i have 6 nieces and nephews i love dearly and enjoy spoiling to bits, and have been told i'd make a great mother (in fact, von's parents are very disappointed that she's not giving them any grandchildren). but i have no desire to procreate, and it's unlikely that will change.

some women have the mommy gene built in; i do not.

[justlilly]

Personally, I absolutely hated being pregnant. The part where the baby kicked was awesome. The rest totally sucked both times I was pregnant. As far as labor goes, I had two totally different experiences. The first time sucked, the second time was much better, but neither was the worst pain I have ever felt.

That being said, my kids are the best thing that has ever happened to me. However, being a mom is by far the hardest thing I have ever done. I love it, but it is hard and it isn't for everyone. I definitely respect your opinion and get what you are saying. It is your choice and I think you have made the right one for you.

[phil2]

kids...
let me tell you! once you're married, your husband might change your mind.
but the pregnancy thing, UGH it's like... your hormones are really out of wack
I had hives 3 months after my son was born
I had hives during my pregnancy with my daughter and then a year afterwards
I had mouth problems... like strange feelings and bumps on my gums.
and it is all pregnancy related! Your stress level goes up once your kids are born too.
The kids both want to sleep in bed with you and wake you up super early.
you get no sleep and your stress level after a year is through the roof

all I am saying is there are TONS of good reasons to NEVER have kids.
Enjoy yourself.
Don't worry about having kids...
Let those who think they're really "strong" emotionally and physically enough to have kids have em... man it really takes a force of nature inside you to have em I tell ya!

[Minxxie]

I don't know why but everyone seems to think it's okay to tell someone exactly what they think they should do with their lives and bodies... if they are women. This makes me so angry but I have realised that people will never stop. People have even asked whn my boyfriend and I will have kids already AT MY AGE WHILE I AM IN UNIVERSITY! WTF? I just tell them "We are already raising a cat together, and her cuteness will never wear off and that is all you need to know :)"

[aliceinwonderland69]

When I tell people I don't want kids they either don't believe me or tell me I will change my mind. They ask me if I want to hold baby and when I say no they give it to me anyway. It's like they are trying to bring out my maternal instincts. If they do believe me they act like I am psychopath. Why does not wanting kids make me a bad person?

[Sara413]

People who force other people to hold their fucking babies are THE WORST.

Any time I politely decline to hold a baby and they shove it in my hands anyways I will intentionally hold it arms straight out with a disgusted look on your face til they take it away just to be a dick. I don't hate babies but I don't like holding them and that's ok so if you're gonna force me to hold one i'mma be a dick about it haha

[redeyemindtricks]

@Sara413 lol, that's... something else. When my babies were little babies, if anyone had reacted this way, I'd NEVER have considered foisting the baby on them anyway. Shit, I'd be afraid they'd drop mah baby!

Srsly? People have just... shoved babies into yr quite-unwilling arms, and were like HOLD THIS HAHAHA?
Wow

[SweetHomicidalQueen]

@redeyemindtricks they've done that to me too just cause I said I don't like babies

[oddwaffle]

Also a kid costs about 250k to bring up properly. If you are scrapping around at 50k a year and owe people money then probably not a good idea to have a kid.

If you have enough money then you can get someone else doing the pregnant pain since we have the wizards to do the magic of artificial insemination. Hire a maid to the house work (and most of the other work), live in a mansion and play with your kid.

Still have to deal with the insanity though. There are times I just wanted to have enough magic and turn those brats into frogs so they can only say "ribbit! Ribbit!" and I don't even have kids.

[FatherJack]

I'm a single dad to those 2 in my picture , but equally I don't blame you either , there are too many unwanted kids around anyway. ( some people just have kids to claim more welfare benefits... this has been a way of life for many here in the UK ) Children can be hard work & stressful to deal with , my son ( 12 ) is being a moody , moping pain in the arse at the moment !!

[SweetHomicidalQueen]

Yea I know what its like to be an unwanted child
and he's just being a teenager lol it gets worse once he's 14-18 lol

[ObscuredBeyond]

Something tells me that with that attitude, the lack of desire for offspring and legacy is the least of your problems.

Everyone has a belief in something, so "don't shove" is never really possible. The dicks part makes sense, except putting that in the mouth won't lead to pregnancy. Not normally, anyway.

Inability to find a woman who would want to have kids with me is a problem, but I consider a bigger problem to be the lack of jobs I qualify for that would earn me enough to support children comfortably. I would like to have them, but I want to do right by them. To be a responsible father, if I am to be any kind of one at all. I can barely support myself right now, so kids are out of the question.

[Sara413]

What attitude? I thought this post was written very respectfully. She basically just said 'this is what I want/don't want. You do you, I'll do me, please don't shove your lifestyle choices down my throat as if they should be mine too'...

[Jersey2]

First off don't expect a "lecture" out of me. I really don't care if you inidvidually have children or not. Secondly, children ARE the best thing in my life even though before I had kids I couldn't understand that.

My oldest son who has been very sucessful, tells me that he doesn't want children. I told him he was then a waste of my resources from my point of view as I should be able to see my DNA get passed along and enjoy grandchildren. It seems selfish of him. He though can change his mind when he is in his 40s, females don't really have that luxury so you better be sure as yu get into your late 20s early 30s.

[Sara413]

Your son doesn't owe you fucking grandchildren. What the hell man? What is selfish is you expecting your child to make a completely life altering choice that he doesn't want just because its what YOU want.

[MegBee21]

@Sara413

I agree with Sara

[Sara413]

@MegBee21 thanks

[Jersey2]

@Sara413 I guess saying "fucking" made you feel better. He actually owes me everything, his life, half of his DNA, his education costs inlcuding a Masters, his Mercedes, his experiences travelling globally, his first job interview at a major coroporation and more. I expect that he will do the same for his yet unborn children instead of holding everything for himself... and ironically, the future him would agree... he will change, or shpuld I say 'he will fucking change', lol.

[MegBee21]

Is he over 18? Then he is his own person with his own choices

[Sara413]

YOU chose to bring him into this world. YOU chose to give him the things you gave him. He is an adult now and he can decide for himself what is best for his life. No, he does not owe you anything. That is something you accept when you decide to create and raise a child - that you will give them everything and then let them go where they've grown up. If you're not prepared to let your child go, to let him make his own decisions about his life, you should never have had children in the first place.

[Jersey2]

@Sara413 Yeah well, sounds good on papaer but that isn't how families work... others do have a say, albeit not a final say., but you, you certainly don't have a say.

[Sara413]

Ok well have fun pushing your son away because you selfishly expect him to live his life according to YOUR wants and not his... let me know how that works out for you.

[redeyemindtricks]

@Jersey2 There are lots and lots and lots of good reasons to have children, but, "positive return on investment" ain't one of 'em.

Also -- Go back and read what you wrote.
You basically wrote this:
"Goddammit, my son's selfishness is getting in the way of my OWN selfishness."

Yep.

Who knew.

[Jersey2]

@redeyemindtricks No, it is selfish to take the easy road instead of passing along life to the next generation. The selfishness isn't about me, it is about denying life and all that the world has to offer because it is a hassle. For me as a grandparent, I would get joy from it and have my DNA passed on which is a normal desire.

[redeyemindtricks]

So if he adopted kids instead, you'd still give him the same line of shit?

[Sara413]

Ok so if you want him go have two kids and he only wanted one.. would he be selfish for denying the amount of life you want from him?

One doesn't have to create life to bring value to the world. By foregoing children of our own, people like your son and I are able to contribute to our communities and our families in other ways that people tied down with children can't.

People are all different and want different things. That's what keeps the world turning. Life would be stagnant if we were all the same. Do yourself and your son a favour and accept him for who he is.

[Jersey2]

@redeyemindtricks if he couldn't have kids himself, then he can adopt.

[Jersey2]

@Sara413 he should have kids, if he doesn't I have considered offering to be financially responsible for a woman to have my children. It would simply take away from his inheritance, which he won't really need, but allow me to see new children even if they aren't grandchildren. I am sure there are women out there that would want children, want the financial support and are okay with not having the father in their daily life... that is a potential solution. I have asked my wife about it in the past and she is a "no" at this point.

[Sara413]

Doubt he really gives that much of a shit about the inheritance considering how much money he is able to save not having children he won't need to rely on it. What he will probably care about is the damage you see doing to your relationship with him by trying to push a massive life choice on him that he doesn't want. By now accepting his choices, you're sure sending the message that you don't accept him. What a cruel and damaging message to send to your own child.

I am ever grateful that my parents are not like you. They would love for me to have children but they accept my choices and are proud of the woman I have become.

[Jersey2]

@Sara413 my advice to him throughout his life has now positioned him nicely. He will be a millionaire in the next ten years barring catastrophe. He knows I have his interests in mind and that I believe that family and children are the best part of life so I do wish that for him. He loves his family but we won't be here forever and he will potentially grow old and alone. He should have his own family. You sound typical of today's 30 somethings meaning that if I don't agree with you, you turn caustic and bitter, it is childish. My son has been far more mature and less threatened that you. For us it is not a frequent conversation but he clearly understands my thoughts and I understand him. He trusts my judgement but has his own mind. I feel he will eventually have a change of mind. Right now he is focused on career but he is does have a girlfriend. She will likely have her thoughts as well.

[funny_strange_man]

@redeyemindtricks you know he would because it would not be passing on genes

[redeyemindtricks]

@Jersey2 Hmm...
How heartless are you about this DNA shit, though?

Let's say yr son got married, had a couple kids, then found out (after a number of years, and after a significant emotional investment) that the kids weren't genetically his.
Would you suddenly... not only hate the kids, but start feeling this same weird degree of spite against HIM, for not "successfully passing on yr DNA"?

I mean, you might try to dismiss this as a stupid example, but, if you think about it, it really isn't a stupid example at all.

__

Also, wait, you said "my oldest son". So, you have at least 3 kids, then. What about the other ones? Can't/won't at least one of THEM have kids?
Why so much pressure on the oldest one?

[Jersey2]

@redeyemindtricks of I love kids and found that they weren't his, no I would still love them... perhaps not so much the mother though. Yes, I have three kids. The others aren't against kids and he is first by five years so he should be first for kids. It is also wanting him to have the best part of life, which I believe is family.

[Sara413]

Not sure where you're finding the bitterness here... you're the one railing on about people being selfish for not wanting kids... all I've been saying over and over again is that people have the right to live their lives how they see fit, that not having children is a valid choice, and that if you love your son and care for him you won't let your wishes eclipse his personal choices and risk tarnishing your relationship with him over it...

[funny_strange_man]

@Jersey2 You are an idiot. You actually think your son owes you for everything you done for him and given him. I have never heard anyone say any of their kids owe them that much. It is his choice to have kids or not. He is old enough to make the decision. You are the selfish one because you want him to do with his life what you want regardless of what he wants for his life. It seems that you want everything to be your way or if any body goes against what you say and or do is wrong. You are forlorn and need help.

[redeyemindtricks]

@Jersey2 "It is also wanting him to have the best part of life, which I believe is family."

Look, I hear ya here, but, this isn't true for everyone -- and you gotta respect the difference.

Imagine a spectrum, from, say, –10 to +10.

At +10 you have the people for whom family = life. If they don't have children, their lives are literally empty and bereft of meaning. Children are EVERYTHING.

At –10 are the abusers, toxic parents, etc.

Between –10 and 0 are people who shouldn't have kids for all and sundry other reasons. Priorities, personality types, physical (in) abilities, psychological associations, etc.

The point is that there are a whole lot of people between –10 and 0 ... and those people SHOULDN'T have kids. And @Sara413 is probably one of them. And yr son may be one of them, too. Live and let live.
The right choice for you, is not the right choice for everyone else in the world, or even yr own offspring. A BIG part of LOVE is recognizing this.

[Jersey2]

@redeyemindtricks perhaps.

[Jersey2]

@funny_strange_man wow. I won't even respond to this.

[redeyemindtricks]

@Jersey2 See, ok, so, you are at least open to the idea. That's good.

Have you had a heart-to-heart conversation with him about this, without shutting him down or pontificating too early with yr own view on the subject?
If not, mb you should try that, at least. I mean, if yr bond with him is not totally broken, I'm sure he would love a chance to have you understand where he's coming from, here.

Not having kids isn't a decision that people undertake lightly, so, he probably has reasons that transcend pure shallow selfishness.
(And mb they don't even transcend that -- but, even if he's just epically selfish to that extent, you'd have to give him points for that kind of self-awareness.)

At least sit down and talk to him about it, and try yr best to hear his side of the issue without prejudice. I understand the strength of yr feelings -- I love kids as much as you do -- but, yeah. You and me ≠ everyone. Don't risk alienating yr son over this.

[Jersey2]

@redeyemindtricks my son and I have an extremely strong bond. He chooses to live with us in one of our houses, I say that because we have two and my wife and I are often at the other one. He can well afford to move out of he wanted and even at his age buy a modest house with cash but he wants to stay and I beleive that he does so because he enjoys his family. We have talked about it, genreally a few minutes at a time. He jokes with me about it and I do the same. We haven't had a serious conversation in many months because he knows my mind and there is nothing new to be said. I have faith that he will eventually change his mind or some pretty girl will do that for him. I would expect in five years or so he thinks about it differently. Time has a way of changing things.

[redeyemindtricks]

Well, I sincerely hope that he wouldn't change his entire view on fatherhood simply because "some pretty girl will do that for him".
I mean, don't take this the wrong way, but, if MY son's deepest heartfelt convictions could be changed that easily by "some pretty girl"... well, I'd be nauseated at the thought of having raised a pushover for a son.
If his attitude does in fact change, then it should change for reasons that are his and his alone.

__

Also, this is neither here nor there, but, the notion of a financially successful, 40-ish single person choosing to live in his/her parents' house is just... incomprehensibly weird to me. I don't understand it at all.

Not saying it's good or bad -- just that it's weird. Really weird.
If it were my kid, I'd have given the "Please either buy the house from me, or move out" talk long before that. LOL

[Jersey2]

@redeyemindtricks He is 27. He was going to move out but we started to spend more time at the other house for reasons unrelated to him (it is at the beach and we have some very good friends there). If he meets a girl and falls in love, he may change his mind was my point on the 'pretty girl' comment.

[Jersey2]

My comment about him being able to change his mind in his 40s was referencing the differences in biological clocks, he really doesn't have one but OP needs to be sure about her decision as she doesn't have that luxury.

[redeyemindtricks]

I understood the pretty girl comment, but, falling in love and wanting children should be independent thought processes.

[Jersey2]

@redeyemindtricks well, time will tell. Thanks for the input.

[redeyemindtricks]

And thank you for being willing to listen.

[SweetHomicidalQueen]

I am sure about my decision. I do not want a child, and if I end up having one I will love it wholly but I don't want one until maybe AFTER I've done everything in life I wish to (such as college, traveling, having fun etc) and especially becoming an author. It takes me about an hour to write a short story that's 2-3 pages long with Calibri font, size 12. Since I wish to be an author I need to write LONGER short stories, maybe even novels. The time and concentration I'd need for everything I write would be outstanding. I am planning on having pets and for the time being, they'll be my babies. A child would severely affect all of my life goals. Not only do I just dislike babies in general, it could ruin my life/my ability to live my dream.
Now I may change my mind but like many people who have commented on this, I might not, no matter my age.

[funny_strange_man]

@Jersey2 You won't respond to what I said because you know I am right.

[Jersey2]

@funny_strange_man actually, it's because I don't respect you.

[Jersey2]

I wish you well OP. Inagree, college is important. travel was important to me as well, I have been to about 50 countries but honestly I don't need to see anymore... Rome is my favorite though so I will go back there and I haven't been to Ireland so I need to get there. Career wise, I accomplished more than most by a longshot but ai always balanced it with family which I am sure cost me millions but worth it. I have every toy I want and more. What has been most rewarding for me though is family, which includes my children. I get the autor thing though but if you are going to sacrafice kids for it you should be the best out there and not some hack, that takes commitment to excellence with an understanding that most go no where unless the write for the commercial market. Make sure you revist the decision as it is a big one. Best of luck.

[funny_strange_man]

@Jersey2 You have no idea how little I care if you respect me or not. I was going to say something quite intelligent to say but you will not know what it was since you have no respect for me. people like you can not handle realists like me.