Why I don’t want to have kids

[jjodllwedo]

Having kids is something that I think people take upon so easy these days. People seem to just be thinking that they will have to have sex, carry a child for nine months and then bring the new life into the world. It feels like when people have the child in their arms that they don’t think they have to do more after the birth then to feed, change, and dress the child until they are old enough to take care of those sorts of things themselves. That they forget that there is so much more to the new life that they’ve created than that and I think that’s something that people haven’t thought about well enough before choosing to be a parent.

You’re going to have to support this child until the day you die with everything you have to give. Becoming a parent will mean that you have to put so much your own needs to the side and give everything you have to the child. You will have to have the economy, the mentality, and the time to take care of the child and there are so many times that I see people don’t either of this at all. I feel like people are so greedy when they have kids and they don’t think these things true well enough. I think it’s horrible when people are so greedy of themselves when they have kids and don’t think about the poor life they’ve put into this world without actually thinking about what they are doing. It’s okay if you want to have a kid. I’m not judging people who choose to have kids. But if you’re going to head into this life changing thing without having though it true well enough before doing it and then sit there and moan and complain about what you’ve gotten yourself into, you should be ashamed of yourself, and the fact that you put a child/children into the world and running their life’s like that.

And then we get to the question I get asked the entire time. So why don’t I want to have kids? I don’t want kids because I’ve realized that I first of all don’t have the money for it. Seriously, I grew up in a home where if I ever wanted something I had to go out there and get it myself. I started working way earlier then you are allowed to by the law where I live and I’ve spent 90 percent of the life I’ve already lived just working. And I promised myself that if I ever got a child I would get them everything they would ever want because there was so I never got for myself and that I just wanted to give the child my entire world. And I know already now that I won’t be able to do that so I’m not heading into it. I’m just not.

I have not either finished my education, or finished paying for it. Which I also consider more important to get done. I far from have the time to take care of a child and I neither want to spend the time I get over raising a child. I have so far not fulfilled any of my dreams and I don’t want to have anything to slow me down when I get the time over to work on it. And I just don’t want And though I’m mostly done with school I far from have the time to take care of a child. I also know I can’t give a child the support it needs. I can barely take care of myself and my depressions so why pull a child true a mental unstable hell? No. I’m not that greedy or interested in having kids so I would do such a horrible thing.

[xHoneyxBeex]

I don't know why some people here are calling you selfish simply because you don't want kids, I think it's far more selfish to have kids and then not properly take care of them. You have recognized that you are not capable of caring for children at the moment and I think it's good for you to be self-aware of that and not bring a child into the world in an undesirable situation.

Personally, I do want children but not any time soon. I would like to be settled into my career first, get married, be free of debt, etc. and then I will start thinking about having kids. I think that's just the responsible thing to do, in my opinion.

[jjodllwedo]

your sutch a sweetheart. thank you so mutch for your kid commentsxoxo

[xHoneyxBeex]

Aww no problem! Don't let the hateful people get to you :)

[jjodllwedo]

saadly i got to admit that theyve already have. it hasn't changed my mind about not having kids. But they have just made it clear how incredible ignorant they are of other peoples choices.

[xHoneyxBeex]

Yeah, it's a shame. Some people just can't handle the fact that not everyone is the same or thinks the way they do. Those people are not worth your time.

[Jersey1]

I have three kids and they are the best thing in my life. They are grown now and the oldest isn't sure he wants to have kids even though he has a great job and could afford them. I think he will change his mind though. People would die for their kids, that's how important they are.

[AelloKaliska]

I have chosen not to have children. When I look at babies, I feel nothing in the warm tingly fuzzy department. I've known since I was twelve that I did not want children. So I know how you feel. I've heard it all! As for people touting you being selfish for not wanting children, well... they can think what they want, but you... thought about it for yourself and if you can take proper care of a future life. That is unselfish. Nothing is wrong with you at all. You have valid reasons for your decision. Also... people will act like that, call you stupid, selfish etc ... They are just dim-witted, acting out on their communal primate natures against someone who doesn't think or act the same way. You see it with, race, religion, gender, etc ... anyone who is different or doesn't fit in to expectations should realize they will face some amount of scorn from some simple minded folks. The one person who says people who want children are selfless is an idiot, don't listen to her. I've seen plenty of selfish parents out there. Does popping out a baby suddenly solve all the world problems or something? I respect people who really think about it, and decide based on a logical decision, and not on their hormones and biological drive. Don't let people's words get to you, seriously. If you want a laugh, look up "Child Free By Choice bingo card" and read the stupid ignorant things people say. I bet you can already mark some of those off! And you know really what's selfless? Is people who help foster children, or someone who adopts an older child. That's selfless. So next time someone tells you something, you can tell them to stuff it!

[jjodllwedo]

thank you so mutch for your support. it means alot!<3

[AelloKaliska]

No problem. Someone's already down-voted me. Awesome! *waves fist at downvoter and mutters something incoherently about monkeys*I just hate when women get told shit because they don't want to have a child. There are a lot of us out there, (child free by choice) look up some support groups and stuff. Those folks will get you laughing! Some of the coolest, most genuine people I've met. Tip: I've learned though, if you don't want to get harassed, just tell people, in the good lord's timing... if they ask when, how, with who, etc . Go religious when in doubt even if you aren't, and that usually ends the conversation. I met this woman who had one child, but chose not to have anymore... Another woman lectured her about that, telling her how it was child abuse and whatnot. Yes... people are THAT nuts about it. Nothing gets people's asses bent out of shape faster than people who think for themselves.

[InsertWittyName]

I think that it's best that people seriously consider the prospect of children before actually having them. That would make for such a better generation of children - ones who are born to people who actually want them, understand the consequences, and are able to raise them.
I know plenty of people who don't want children. Some people call them selfish, and I just think that's wrong. People have the right to choose. Better to realise that you don't want children, than have children, then realise you can't raise them.
I didn't grow up wondering how I would get my next meal. With me, it was more of a case of 'What do I want?' rather than 'What do I need?'. My parents wanted children. They had emotionally and realistically worked out that they wanted to, and could raise a child. That, I feel, is the best circumstance to have a child. It doesn't matter if you're married or unmarried, gay or straight, young or old. If you can deal with children, have them. If you can't deal with having to raise a child to adulthood, don't have a child. People who just have children, and don't give them a loving and safe environment to grow up in honestly need to step back, take a look at their lives, and realise that they shouldn't have children.
And don't call people selfish for not wanting children, because 1. The world is overpopulated, and 2. The same can be said of people who have children without thinking of the consequences.

[jjodllwedo]

this!<3

[Queen_naki5]

Very true.

[GirlsLie]

I don't think having children is for everyone and it's ok to be either way in my opinion. I never want children and I never have, I don't like the idea of being tied down to something for that much of my life, I don't like the schedule children are on, i'm a night person lol, I get grossed out easily and being a mom just sounds boring to me even though it's really difficult, it's just not something i'm interested in doing and I don't feel like it's something that I need to complete my life.

And i'm so tired of hearing/seeing these assumptions made about people who don't want children, saying that we're selfish, cold hearted etc. Anyone who knows me, knows i'm anything but selfish, I took care of my grandmother for years, I help/support my family members, I love pets/animals and love taking care of them and people, so that's such a rude assumption to make just because someone doesn't want to have children. Also so what if people don't want children and they actually are selfish about it, how does that effect your life in the slightest, it's a life style choice, it's not a crime.

I think good parents are amazing and deserve a ton of respect because you need all of the patience in the world for it but it's not for everyone.

[FlyingTurtle]

I know that i don't want kids any time soon... and maybe never. I can't even take care of myself, let alone a kid. And that has less to do with age and more to deal with the mental disorders I struggle with. Also, I know I could never ever look into my daughter's eyes and survive seeing the same kind of pain and sustain for life that I do myself. I see this world as full of pain and misfortunes. I know if I was offered the chance to have never been born, if it weren't for my boyfriend I would gladly take it. How could I justify bringing a child into this world, just to watch it grow and lose all its innocence and know the meaning of pain? What if my child became suicidal? I couldn't handle that, so I don't want to risk it. And I am not ready to be a mother, a person to to guide and be strong, by ANY stretch of the imagination, not yet. Someday, when I know I have the qualities a good mother needs and can take care of myself? Maybe. Not sure. But as of now, definitely not.

[jjodllwedo]

i though i was the only one that seriously feelt this strong about not having kids. seriously...

[FlyingTurtle]

Having kids is a HUGE responsibility. Huge. When you don't have kids, unless you took wedding vows the ONLY person you are responsible for taking care of is yourself. And even if you did take wedding vows, assumedly your spouse can take care of themselves for the most part. When you have kids you are obligated to take care of them to the best of your ability. You owe them so much, because YOU are the one that brought them into the world (well, you and your partner). It is your moral duty to teach them life lessons, to guide them to become honorable people, to make sure they are educated, fed, clothed, protected. You must love them unconditionally. You can't complain if they are deformed, disabled, impaired, if they have disorders, if they wind up gay or transgendered, if they turn out in any way unlike you hoped they would.
It's a huge responsibility. Obviously you can't be perfect, bit you have to understand that when you decide to raise a child, these are the things expected of you.

[nemer26]

I appreciate your insight. As a mother of two, it's a sometimes difficult journey and for me it's rewarding. However, I know not everyone wants kids, but I don't think they're selfish. I am sure there are things you do in your life that someone may think you are selfless for. Being an adult sometimes requires you to put your wants aside. Kids or no kids. The grownup life is hard. Stay focused on school, your emotional health and you will be successful. Congrats on almost being done with school!

[jjodllwedo]

what you wrote to me had me in tears. so far I've never meet someone who has kid who as accepted my opnions so well. thank you so mutch for your support. god im ugly crying now.

[nemer26]

You're welcome :) And we all ugly cry sometimes! I know I have and do.

[Worthy]

To be honest, i dont want kids.
I mean im only 22 but if i ever get pregnant of course ill keep it but i dont want to plan on having kids and i always make sure to use protection, not that i have sex so often, never had a bf.
My reason for this isn't because kids take up all your time etc etc, but because this world is so cruel, the world is getting ruined and horrible things happen everyday, So why do i want to bring life into this world knowing that we are all soon pretty much going to die or suffer. I know its sounds so sad and horrible what im writing but lets be realistic. I dont want to bring a child into the world knowing that this world won't be a world for a long time.

[RoseBloom]

i support your decision although i am with you on this page about the education planning including the about the consideration of getting a child , i am really glad there are women out there that at least consider the thought before jumping into a family , and dont feel insecure about yourself , let people talk what they want but only you can tell whats right and wrong of your own decisions and no one can correct because its your own decision you have the choice to determine wither its wrong or right , best regards !

[jjodllwedo]

i seriously can't even take this sort of dicussion with friends and relatives cause they will litterly call me stupid cause of the way im thinking. thank you so mutch for your kind words and support. hugs and kisses. xoxo <3

[muspelhem_3]

I think it's great that you have thought about your own and the potential child's welfare beforehand. I agree that it is cruel to bring a child into the world if its life will be crap.

At the same time, I think it is important to realise that no parents are perfect.

Also, in my opinion, giving a child everything it wants is not a good idea. Bringing up a child is as much about teaching it to manage by itself as it is caring for it. Of course no kid should have to miss its childhood due to work. But some responsibility is healthy, I think.

[Anonymous]

If you don't want to have kids, you don't need to justify it or explain it to anyone. If people judge you for it, understand that their judgment is not about your decision, it's about their hang-ups. You do what's right for you and let others do what's right for them. Many people have kids for all the wrong reasons, often very selfish reasons, and then preach that not having kids is selfish. It's your life, live it the way that feels right and genuine for you. Plenty of other people don't want kids either.

[James0]

Agree people just think having a kid is easy when it's a lot more difficult then it seems, grew up in the save life style if I wanted something I have to earn it. I grew up alongside a lot of baby cousins and nephews when I turn like 6, you learn quickly how painful having tons of children at the sametime are and it's a lot of work. Having gone through elementary and high school I see girls get pregnant and I wish them luck at such a young age you are killing your options, I seen guys just walk away so easily to, or not even know who the farther was. the last thing on my list is to have kids of my own, I still have finish school either ànd want to travel, besides I have nieces that I can spoil in the meantime

[derpaderp]

I don't want them either and it seems really sad that everyone just expects it. not long ago I was having a conversation with some lady and somehow my weight came up and she was like "don't worry after your first baby you'll fill out a lot" like wow thank you perfect stranger for acting like you know my life.

Not every woman can/wants to/is meant to have kids and be a mom and that's okay

[jjodllwedo]

all this support means so mutch to me cause people have usualy acted like I've been a horrible person for thinking the way im doing. ;;_;;

[derpaderp]

No I so get you! Tbh I hate everywhere I go everybody is assuming the kid thing.. it's honestly really painful and I get twisted up inside when I hear it. People should just shit up and let people live their lives how cuz they don't know everyone's circumstances.

[jjodllwedo]

<3333

[missjayne]

I don't think everyone expects it. I want kids but I respect the decisions of those who don't. At least they have it figured out they don't want any instead of having a child and realizing that they don't want kids. People are selfish and need to understand that being a parent is a full-time job and not some trend or fad. A child is not an accessory. I wish teenage parents would understand this also. They are far too young to be having kids and don't fully understand all of the things they are sacrificing by becoming teenage parents.

[Strider90]

I agree partially with you. I believe, what you describe goes specifically to immature people who don't use protection and become parents. Best example I can give you: My brother.
He is a complete failure in life and a slacker. He finished school when he was 22 and this because my mother begged the teachers to pass him. After that it was his duty to serve in the Army (we have National Service in my country). Complete failure as a soldier also. Now, while he is still serving, his gf carries a child which will be born late February . His gf on the other hand is still a student. My brother will be out of the military on April and after that, unemployment is what awaits him since he is unable and unwilling to do anything. This child will be raised by its grandmother obviously and will have a bad life. Im sure about that, with such unsuitable parents.
To say something about myself, I don't plan on having kids also, but for other reasons than you.

[gapminder]

Good for you! Whether or not you have children is not indicative of your success in life. I also agree that having the mental, financial, and proper familial resources are key to raising a healthy human being. I'm glad you have the foresight to come to this well educated decision and I have nothing but respect for it.

[jjodllwedo]

thank you so mutch

[Mesonfielde]

I agree. If you don't have the financial resources to properly support the development of a child which enables an emotionally stable environment, then don't have kids.

If you do have the resources, I think it is the question of just how much you value your genetic setup. Is it worth perpetuating it?

To be fair, if I don't get out of this country, there is no point in having kids. The only way to survive here is if you become s corrupted politician.

[jjodllwedo]

thanks. im so happy and relifed that more and more people are agreeing with what im saying.

[heretohelp83]

I agree with you. I have never had kids because I feel I am too concerned with my own needs and wants in life. I am married and have 4 dogs. Never had kids, and don't regret the decision. If I'm not willing to put the kid first, then I shouldn't be a parent.

[jjodllwedo]

i was so worried i was the only one who felt like this you know? people around me think im stupid for thinking the way i am and i really dont see why people though so. this is just how i feel and i just dont want to put a child true some hell just cause people expected me to have a child.

[Dargil]

When you look at what a Marine infantryman does for a living, most can't reconcile the choice and sacrifice made. It is the sense of duty to "Something greater than ourselves" and being "Always faithful" (Semper Fidelis). These things give purpose to marriage and parenting. Without purpose, life has no meaning. What will be your purpose? What will you leave when you die? Will anybody care... or even remember?

[Jbunch]

I don't want kids, right now.

But once college is finished up and I'm done traveling, I'll definitely be up for raising a family. After reading through a few people's opinions on here, it seems like there is a lot of value in raising a child.

I'll have to comeback in 10 years and tell ya what it's like :P

[LotusFIowerBomb]

I second this. ^

[XNicholeMariex3]

I always believe in becoming stable before having kids.

[I_M_LEGEND]

people who dont have kids live for a while like theyre in their 20s and 30s... then when they turn 50s 60s 70s they look empty and sad as fuk and can't do the same things.

it takes a big hearted mature person to have kids. everyone who had them that i know of loves it and talks about how wonderful it is and how much its doen for their personal growth and the new purpose they found in their life gave them more life.

[ChaosKilledTheDinos]

People who don't have kids can also be "big hearted" and "mature". It's a lifestyle choice.

[jjodllwedo]

done come here to bash down on me. I've had enough people do that already. i accept your opnion if you accept mine. but thats just plaine rude.

[GirlsLie]

Why do I need children to have a purpose in life? hell who even needs a purpose in life, just live/do whatever makes you happy while you're here.

It's really a stupid assumption to say that people will regret their choice of not having children, I highly doubt you've spoken to everyone who has made that choice in life. Not everyone who has kids talks good about them, lots of people are single parents because the other parent doesn't want to be a parent.

And it also takes a mature person to not have kids and to recognize that they don't want to be a parent.

[DarkHumorRUs]

The reason people do have kids is because ONLY THEY will ever know the joy of having kids. Except for the RELATIVELY UNCOMMON, super unfortunate families, every parent probably knows that the joy of having your own child outweighs the pain of anything else.

It is worth it for most people
In developed countries at least, but if you're in a developing country I don't get why you'd be on this site.

[JackKerouac77]

Wtf? I want goats?

i2.kym-cdn.com/.../RHrLj-1.png

[jjodllwedo]

made no sense but that picture had me laughin.

[ChaosKilledTheDinos]

my best friend legitimately feels that way

[cdnSpartan]

Hahahah funniest caption