Childhood From Hell: The First Chapter in the Book of My Mind

[Anonymous]

My life has not been easy. In fact most people my age may never experience what I have gone through in their entire lifetime.

Born in 1993 to a couple of young and wild free birds, I took my first breath in the rusted bathtub of a dingy motel room. My father was a full patch Hell's angel member who began a love interest with my mother through letters in jail. They were both lonesome behind bars and quickly became immersed in what some would call a demented or dazed romance. My mother was released before him and they were married inside of the jail. Finally the day came where my dad was released. They began a very long and rocky road that lead to my bittersweet existence.

Donna always told me I was planned. I had my sneaking suspicions but chose to never voice them to avoid a good ass kicking. I wasn't allowed to call her mom because she said it made her look and feel old. Dad was 6'4, 280 lbs and covered in tattoos. He was only 25 with almost had a full head of silver hair which I could later thank him for passing on to me.

My mother had long black hair that went all the way down her back. The way it swayed side to side when she walked with the swing of her hips was always so mesmerizing. Her golden almond eyes shimmered in the sunlight as the shadows of her high cheekbones cast shadows on the rest of her face. She was so beautiful. Most kids wanted to be a ballerina or a fire fighter. I wanted to be my mom. When she hugged you her hair smelled of leather, perfume, cigarettes and whiskey. It was my favourite smell in the world.

I could go on with the sap story about mom and dad never being around because they were preoccupied and fully dedicated to a surely fulfilling life of drugs, booze, crime, infidelity and beating on each other but I'll save you the time.

Roman was the only one who was there for me. Whether is was changing my diapers, helping me use my asthma machine or stealing apples from outside of the market so that we had something in our bellies, he was always there. There was no one more comforting in the world than my older brother.

I will never forget Donna dragging my brother down the apartment hall because he had peed his pants from fear as we hid under the table watching my mother beat up two prostitutes. My father wasn't expecting her to be home as she was supposed to be out of town at an AA convention that my grandfather was dragging her to. She left early on a count of "this is fucking stupid and I have better things to do like drown my sorrows from being beaten as a child". Dad grabbed her by her hair telling her to let go of his son. He threw her down the stairs and threatened to kill her if she ever laid another finger on him again.

Fast forwarding a couple of years, some magical how we were still in the care of our psychotic mother.

I remember his creepy black, curly mullet. It always looked like it was drenched in grease and if you got close enough it smelled strange and musty. His mustache was just as slimy as his personality. Randy was her Mr. Right for the moment and unfortunately as always Roman and I got the short end of the stick. I would like to take the opportunity to make a perverted stick pun as I inform you that I have decided to leave out the sick details of the molestation my brother and I experienced by mother's numerous boyfriends and questionable acquaintances.

As they spent the nights shooting cocaine into their veins my brother and I would be locked in our tiny room, if you could call it that, to keep our annoyances (some might call them needs) to a minimum. We had one blanket to share. I still have it some how and there is still a slight smell from that night lingering deep within the fibers the lay beneath the cartoon puppy dogs.

Smoke. The smell of smoke crept into our noses as we looked at each other with horror in our eyes. There were no sounds anymore.. No laughter or arguing. My brother hoisted me up to try to get out the window but it was too high and we would have been to weak to unlock and open it. Sirens rang through the early morning air. We were losing energy from screaming, crying frantically and trying to kick the door. When my big brother flailed onto the ground kicking and screaming I lost all hope. My soul was in-golfed in fear and despair.

Tammy began banging on the window. She screamed at us to stand away from the window as she smashed it with a hammer. Brian took his giant boots and smashed the rest jumping inside and passing us out to Tammy. The fresh air flooded our lungs as we began hacking. I was light headed and couldn't stand.

My mother had left to get more cocaine and was nowhere to be found. Randy fell asleep with a cigarette burning and the couch caught fire. He forgot that we were in the room and left because he didn't want to be responsible. Had it not been for whoever called 911 from seeing the smoke at the front of the house and for the neighbors hearing us screaming we would have never left those empty bedroom walls. We would have died in each other's arm painfully but together as we always were.

We were taken into foster care that very night. It was only one of many to come. I remember crying at night for my daddy. I wan't my daddy. No one ever knew what to say. We were allowed to call him at the jail on Sunday but our hearts were always left broken as we said good bye.

There is so much more to this story as I'm sure you can imagine. The only reason I stop here is because there is always a happy ending. This however is a chapter I would like to close. I leave the rest to the imagination as I type this last paragraph knowing that I have finally sent part of my painful childhood memory out into the Universe. I am crying right now from relief. This is me letting go. Giving this to a stranger that may have gone through the same thing or for someone who hasn't. I want you to appreciate your life.

This day, I am alive. Today I still hurt but am grateful to feel anything at all. With pain comes happiness. Pain brings me understanding, gratitude and allows me to learn self compassion.

I am free and everything will always be okay no matter what.

Here's to new chapters.

Thanks for your time.

[brianna_b]

Beautiful and amazing. I'm sorry you experienced the bad parts yet I'm glad you had your brother. Think about making this (and the later chapters) into a screenplay. :) If you can bear it. Looking forward to reading more. Thank you.

[Guy13]

Interesting story emanating from Family life. Sounds like made for Hallmark channel.

[Anonymous]

You should get a agent and then go to Netflix or Hulu with your story.