I know I know, you love your girls. They are the emotional comfort foods you indulge in when life gets hard. Friendship is wholly necessary and a part of growing up. But a lot of women (especially in their 20s) will allow their best girlfriends to ruin their lives, especially their relationships. Let’s talk about it.
1. Your girlfriends want what you have.
Let’s say you find Mr. Right and you’re super excited. Well I know you’re young (as am I) but you will find out soon enough who really wants your happiness and who was just friends with you out of sheer misery. Single girls have single friends - and that friendship is tested when you stop being perpetually single. If your friends constantly ask about the status of your relationship, tell them nothing. I MEAN NOTHING. Some women legitimately want to collect info on the relationship to throw it in your face when it goes south. They are the ones who never forget that *one argument that you and your beaux had 7 months ago. They won’t let bygones be bygones and are quick to assume your man is cheating. Their insecurities will become yours. Keep ya business to yourself and build with your man quietly. You have a grownup type of love which means you need to handle it responsibly....like a grown woman.
2. Spending all your time with your girlfriends is a lack of balance.
There are some women who won’t drop everything for the man they’re dating. Kudos to you. But your friends aren’t sucking your clit dry now are they? It’s important to balance your friendships and your relationships. And it’s a good idea to make sure all parties at least get along. I recommend having one night out every 2 weeks for just the girls. No your man cannot come. That night is for you to remember how much of a life you had before him. This should be easy to handle right? If you see your man every week, then a hangout with the girls (and not musty clubs either, quality time ladies) shouldn’t be an issue.
3. Evaluating your relationship based on your friends’ portrayals of theirs.
Keeping up with the Joneses is a terrible flaw a lot of younger girls make. It’s easy to look on social media at what your friends post and think “is my man doing enough?” This isn’t reality ladies. You only post the highlights of your life, not the so-so moments. And definitely not the fights. Your friends may tell you the nice things their boyfriends do and that’s awesome. But do NOT compare apples and oranges. Grown folks know that what makes one relationship work would break someone else’s. You are never going to get the full story from your girlfriends so don’t expect to get a well rounded take of the relationship - it’s all bias and probably a way for them to gas their relationship up. As a good friend, let them talk about how amazing their man is. Just listen and smile. Don’t internalize a word.
4. Stop hanging out with desperately single women when you can’t get a man yourself.
I’ve noticed a lot of women who can’t get laid have friends with that same problem. Your whole crew CANNOT be sad and lonely just like you. My rule is, 1/4 girls in the group need a long term boyfriend. 1/4 is probably desperately single. 1/4 needs to be the hot friend. And the other friend can do whatever. I say this because at least ONE person in the group needs to pull quality talent. A lot of women don’t like being the “ugly” friend but it’s the actual BEST thing for you. It keeps you humble and allows you the opportunity to rub elbows with more attractive men than you could pull alone. Go out with your hot friend (just the 2 of you, not a whole posse) and watch her work. Watch how she moves and how she lures men in. And imitate that. You get the skills and training for free that most women go to seminars for. They pay MONEY to figure out how to attract men. You get to learn hands on and in person. Don’t let your ego and bruised self esteem keep you from learning how to use what you have.
5. Your friends will lie to you.
Your friends will tell you the breakup was all his fault, and you were innocent. They’ll tell you they like the dress you wore to that dinner when they really thought it looked a mess. A lot of women don’t like to be brutally honest because it hurts feelings and ruins self esteem. Any woman that’s too honest is only hurting herself so she’d rather keep the peace than lay it all out for you. Sometimes you made the mistake. Sometimes you can’t keep a man interested because of rookie mistakes YOU are making. Will your friends be straight with you about that? Probably not. They may hint at it but will they get real about your inability to commit or your crippling insecurity? Nope. They don’t want to hash out your issues with men because THEY might be next.
I could write a whole book about the things women do to hold themselves back. But just know this: every woman needs a strong girlfriend behind her. I don’t want to hear none of that “women have too much drama” because it’s not true. These are just general things to think about before spilling your all. Your friends are not a crutch, they are backup. They are only there to warn you when you look crazy, and cheer you on when you inevitably fall. They are NOT your therapist or counselors. So stop treating them as such.
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