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4 Reasons You Should Never Hit Your Children, NO MATTER WHAT! (Page 2)
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I agree that spanking doesn’t teach a kid anything. Instead, look at the root of their behavior and fix that. Fix the cause of the behavior or you will keep having the same issues over and over again.
Personally, I wasn’t spanked as a child and I almost self disciplined (and still do) from feeling so guilty. One conversation where my mum said I was disappointing her and I NEVER did it again. I hate feeling guilty so why do something bad?
Female nature is to feel guilty, and then resentful to stave that off. Like my mom (Catholic-conditioned, but not observing) says, she'd rather feel resentful than feel guilty.
My aunt tried spanking me when I was younger and I hit her back but I got in so much trouble lmfao
My oldest just goes on time out and has a reward jar, if she's bad she loses the shit in it and doesn't get a reward for filling it up. If she's anything like I was as a child she'll hit me back if I ever spank her 🤦🏻
Hit her back, that's funny. The reward should be hugs, though. I felt strongly enough about things that I could outlast my mom's affections, but I would still laugh.
I did hit her back, I was an asshole lmfao
No.
Discipline and love go hand-in-hand. People can use corporal punishment on their kids, as long as it's done justly and quickly and not very often. The folly people fall into is that they then don't know how to show love in greater or equal measure, and so rely on purely physical punishment, and THAT is a great transgression against their kids.
You are taking this to an illogical extreme.
Agreed
Yeah no spanking has led to this current generation of Logan Paul fans... nah, my kids won’t be like that.
Yea ill fokin abuse the cunts that i give birth to. My guy ill tell them them they are born in North Korea LMFAOOOO
@Multi There’s a wide range between abuse and discipline son.
Im doing both phack u
Discipline is necessary, but hitting is abuse and not discipline. Children do need to be taught discipline to not be brats.
@wolfcat87 You lied on other posts. Enough said.
@vyvyn Please, provide over 170 scientific studies showing that spanking is beneficial to counter the over 170 that say it's harmful, and only then can you begin to call me a liar. Until then, please refrain from ad hominem attacks in what should be a civil discourse.
@wolfcat87 Stating a fact is not civil? I don't know what country you're from but that's not how it works here.
@Cosytoasty: Thank God I am teaching Asian kids. Won't want to deal with their kids 😁
@vyvyn You should learn to tell the difference between facts and opinions. XD They teach this in school.
@desidoll My kids' teachers love them. My children get many leadership jobs and hep to tutor children who are behind. They make their teachers' lives easier. All without being hit.
As for Asians... that's not helpful at all. All Asians are not the same. What types of Asians and where. Many Asian cultures are not in the habit of abusing their children either. In the U. S. they hit their children the least and have the most successful and least criminal children overall... How are you teaching anyone when this is basic information you think a teacher would bother to know? I certainly took the time to learn it.
@wolfcat87 There is a vast difference between abuse and physical discipline... Asian parents don't abuse their children that is true, but they will discipline them. They don't hit their children *unless* their children misbehave repeatedly and intentionally.
Hitting a kid without reason is abuse.
Hitting a kid to teach him/her that there are bad consequences to bad actions is not.
Furthermore, application of discipline has to have an effect. *Some* kids respond positively (i. e they don't do that shit again), others don't (they get all depressed and sad or act out even more).
I discipline my children.
Again, Asian American parents scored the lowest for spanking or corporal punishment period. They are clearly using other methods.
Hitting a kid for any reason is abuse. If a police officer cannot walk up to you and start smacking you any time you speed or break any law period, then you already agree that it's abuse on some level if you do not support a police officer doing it to you as an adult to teach you a lesson. How about any time you make a mistake at work? should your boss hit you? The cognitive dissonance and inability to apply logic from one area to another is why children are being ruined.
When properly disciplined, no child becomes depressed. No child becomes happier for being hit. Every child can be raised properly without hitting. To hit instead of properly disciplining in a non abuse and mature manner is to be lazy and a child abuser. An adult who is not mature enough to make adult decisions will have a hard time raising a mature child.
People take this way too seriously. My parents also beat me but I never felt anything like it! Yes I also felt bad and scared and all but it taught me more clearly what is right and what is wrong. Sorry that your parents couldn't raise you the right way, but I still get beaten by my mom.
And I am much better than my spoiled brat classmates. -.-
There is a difference between beating and punishing.
The lesson is: Do bad and something bad happens to you. You don't negotiate the philosophy of morality with a 4 year old.
I agree but I think smacking them teaches morals that I dont personally agree with
It has to be done deliberately and with thought. Not out of anger.
4 year olds are more intelligent than you think... Also, if a child is too young to understand logic, then they are too young to understand why an adult is beating them... Think about that... At that point it is the parent's job to remove the child from the danger/issue. It's called supervision.
@wolfcat87
I never said "beat", I said punish. That means spanking, a slap against the thigh, something like that.
And they can understand if they disobey, lie, or steal, then punishment follows.
Beat- strike (a person or an animal) repeatedly and violently so as to hurt or injure them.
Spankings are usually repeated hits meant to hurt and are acts of violence.
@wolfcat87
Spanking is not typically violent.
Is it done with an intent to cause pain to another person? Is it a use of force to force a person to bend to your will? It's violence. All it really teaches is fear and violence.
Smacking is supposed to hurt them- Physical force intended to hurt, so yeah, it is kind of considered violent.
Sorry, but I'm spanking my child if they get out of order after I repeatedly warn them.
There is a big difference between abuse and a firm spanking.
Say that again but replace "child" with "wife" and you'll see how hypocritical you are.
@djvtech You keep repeating a statement that makes absolutely no sense at all. It makes you look foolish, so maybe consider stop repeating that on other posts.
Yes as long as you don't spank out of anger and are just trying to discipline them it's no worse than a time out. Maybe better at getting them to listen too.
@vyvyn: lol for real.. I don't know what that is thinking..
He actually is comparing my wife who is grown adult to a child growing up that I have to discipline as a loving father to my kids for their good, lest they come out as spoiled brats that think its ok to defy authority after being warn time after time like they don't give a crap what is being told to them.
I agree @Hispanic-Cool-Guy, that is something that's wrong with this generation. Nobody thinks it's okay to teach kids about consequences anymore.
@Jon_25: When a parent let's their children have their way without any punishment they grow up thinking they're too good to be touched, criticized and often despise any authority figure wheather be school teachers, boss at work, police or government officials..
In the real world there is order, not my way or the highway foolishness.
@Hispanic-Cool-Guy yes I agree completely, that's what I was trying to say.
@Hispanic-Cool_guy no one suggested to never discipline your child, and I get your point of view, but I feel like this is kind of close minded, like there are many other ways of punishment you can try, so I hope you will at least try them out before smacking
Exactly thank you. Fuck people are whiny and weak as hell these days, it's why their children act up and walk all over them.
Discipline is necessary, but hitting is abuse and not discipline.
@wolfcat87 Not only have you proven yourself to be incapable of care taking given your subpar reasoning ability that is reflected in this very statement in which you've indiscriminately repeated on practically all the opinions you posted on this myTake but more importantly the fact you've even lied in other replies only proves to show that anything you say lacks any legitimacy.
@vyvyn Hmmm... So the many doctors, psychologists, and scientists who came up with over 170 studies around the world (some spanning decades) are all less able to know what I am talking about that you are? Not to mention the fact that it's been outlawed in over 35 countries due to these scientific studies that are peer reviewed and accepted as fact. What are your qualifications hon? Please, post 170 scientific studies stating that the 170 that are widely accepted are wrong.
@wolfcat87: lol you believe every little thing scientists says.. C'mon girl.. Sometimes there is agendas pushed by some evil scientists backed up by the government to strip parents of their rights as parents..
People have been spanking their children for thousands of years and in 2nd and 3rd world countries parents sure as hell spank their bad and rebellious kids.. and those kids grow up just fine.
These are thousands of scientists in many countries. Are all of the scientists in the world and ll of the governments in the world backing some 50 year agenda that is anti violence against children? Wow, I think you give them more credit for goodwill than they deserve...
No, I do not believe every thing that any one scientist says. I do believe intensive, decades long studies by many scientists from many countries that have reached a consensus on an issue. I don't think you understand how uncommon that is and what that means in the world of science.
The countries that outlawed spanking did not in fact strip parents of rights. Instead, they met with parents, told them hitting children is not acceptable, and offered them help to parent in non violent ways. That's not stripping rights any more than telling parents not to rape their kids is... Is violating the body of another weaker, smaller human a right that you feel you should have?
Actually, we've had constant wars, slavery, rape on a massive scale, domestic abuse, many genocides for thousands of years, and our prisons are overflowing. Please read history. I don't think your argument supports your stance... The countries that don't hit kids are actually the least involved in these negative phenomena...
Its not about 'every little scientist,' its about HUNDREDS of them telling people they need to stop
5. th It teaches might is right.
6. th Risk of long term Depression increases.
Just adding 2 more to it.
7. you can no longer teach them to be against violence if you use it, so they might be more prone to use violence in the future
I totally agree with those three points! my friends who have never been smacked and had a good system, I can just tell by talking to them that they are a lot happier and secure than the ones who have been hit
8. th your child loses trust (which is basically similar to fearing the parents)
Found another one.
mm that is so true! like if I had a child i would never leave them alone with my parents ever
I'm childfree 😂
But even if i wanted to have kids, i can't. No woman likes or wants me so far. 🤷
aww, dont worry! I bet you will find someone one day! goodluckk! and I hope you get a chance to raise kids!! :)
Thanks but kids aren't part of my life plan. Like i said I'm childfree.
Childfree = i don't want kids and it is my decision.
ahh haha i thought you meant you didn't have them now, but thats good you know what you want
Yes, indeed =)
Give me women please ☺☺☺
👩👩👩👩👩🦄🌹
haha, goodluck!!
Thanks lady 🤗🤗🤗
I agree. Parents who are physically affectionate and matter-of-factly and genuniely communicative from early on, AND firm about privilege opportunity, typically have children who are the same. Human nature is sensual.
It largely depends on the kid.
@vyvyn It does not depend on the kid. I've worked with hundreds of children of others for over 20 years. It's universal unless the child has a disability. In that case, no one should be hitting a child for being disabled.
@wolfcat87 What?
@wolfcat87 You work with children, yet you don't make any sense at all. Incredible.
@vyvyn I make perfect sense to most people, so you are really grasping at straws.
I've worked with children for over 20 years at work in schools and daycares as well as at home. I've taken child care classes from middle school through college, because children, psychology, biology, and various topics that relate to the development of humans are my field of expertise. I'm highly respected as a child care provider in any capacity, and any expert who sees me working with children often defers to me. This includes education employees, doctors, and therapists. So, please educate yourself before you advocate hurting children and hurting their futures. Our children are everything. Our future is nothing without proper care of them.
@vyvyn you keep saying she doesn't make sense, but she actually does and you know it. what specificly doesn't make sense? why doesn't it? because she makes sense to me, and obviously to her co-workers and bosses or she would not have been able to keep her job
I disagree. I see many children who have never been hit or just slapped and they're terrible brats. If the kid throws a tantrum, slap is needed.
They likely haven't been hugged and communicated with.
@Ahsthen what else could have happened to them? Absolutely nothing? If they're not disciplined, and they're not spoiled, then they are neglected. That's not the same thing.
I think there are always kids that dont listen, but those 'terrible brats' your talking about probably haven't had any form of disapline, not just smacking. so if they have not had a disapline/reward system (like earning what they want, not jsut getting it) that i mentioned, OR smacking, then that doesn't represent anything about smacking or disapline, it just shows that doing nothing will give you bad results, which i think most people know anyways
Discipline is necessary, but hitting is abuse and not discipline.
Right. You hit for a reason. That's to tell him discipline. You have to tell him why and the reason for the justification. It must moral correct and within reason. Theft talking back to parents swearing etc... All must be punished with some form of physical contact. Boys will become men and they will know things of what not to do. This is why we have disrespectful youth today. Calling their parents bitches cunts etc...
not all respectful people are bit, my best friend is the nicest AND happiest person I know, and she had no physical discipline at all because her parents believe in other methods
Violence only creates other problems
"Boys will become men" and may be among those who beat their parents. They learned violence is OK.
With you whole heartedly never hit a child out of anger, if they reach an age where martial skills are important then training a fighter is different, but they actively have to be trying to evade and fight me back, and it has to be wanted, the child must know the reason why it is important to know their pain thresholds, and to practice discipline and self restraint.
There's a difference between beating your child and spanking them. Beating is repeatedly done over and over and over again until their bruises left behind and the person is seriously hurt. Spanking is done as discipline when the child has done wrong even though they were told not to. The fact that people think any form of physical contact is abuse is ridiculous. I always say this but some people really need to learn their definitions. Also, to the people trying to tell those who were spanked how they really are or how they turned out, just know those people know themselves more than you do because you can't tell the difference between a spanking and getting beat to the floor. There is a difference.
I dont completely agree.
I think in some cases, and with some people its the only way.
I didn't get hit a lot , but when i did some major shit i did.
The usual punishment and groundings werent a concern but the times where i could get git taught me that what i did was very wrong.
But im opposed to abusing/taking out your anger on kids, i mean there is reasonable spanking and then there is simply hurting the kids because you can.
And most people dont fall into the latter as they love their kids.
Also, there are some evil kids who need a beating to show that they can't do what they do.
Thats the only language they understand
I disagree, I’ll discipline my children the same way my dad did with my siblings and myself.
Spankings were only a last resort after other methods of discipline, my dad very rarely whooped my ass right off the bat when I did wrong. Also because he was never abusive, I knew it only happened when I really fucked up. I never got an ass whooping that I felt was unjustified.
Well said. The problem is folks that are too stupid to know when to stop. You're lucky that your dad knew what was up.
I will do the same. 100 percent agree.
I totally disagree.
I got spanked as a kid, and I thank my mother now for it because it kept me in line and made me think twice before doing anything wrong.
"Talking" isn't effective as you think in some instances.
Pineapple_Boy I sincerely hope you won't spank your kids.
Guys don’t respond very well without physical communication. Think relationships. They need to feel desired through touch. It’s the same as when they do something wrong. They need to be shown physically when what they have done is not encouraged. Maybe the take should be geared more towards males.
@vyvyn : they need to feel touched, yes. Parents who are physically affectionate and matter-of-factly and genuniely communicative from early on, AND firm about privilege opportunity, typically have children who are the same. Human nature is sensual.
Those who do not respond to the above will need genetic therapy.
@jacquesvol I never asked for parental advice.
@vyvyn what the fuck are you talking about? Where I live, women hold the same view as me.
@Pineapple_Boy. Okay, you have reading comprehension problems. I actually upvoted your comment and my reply was agreeing with your stance and disagreeing with @jacquesvol. Now I might take that back since you lost control of your emotions and tried to verbally attacked me. And I thought ‘shut up’ was bad.
@vyvyn down vote me. I don't care.
@vyvyn I still disagree with what you wrote. It has nothing to do with gender.
@Pineapple_Boy You totally contradict yourself. You are the one who said ‘“Talking” isn’t effective’ and I was backing that up with facts by explaining the reason why that tends to be the case. Guys are more physical than girls. That’s the truth. So when it comes to communication or discipline they would respond accordingly. Plus talk is cheap in most cases.
@Pineapple_Boy I agree with your post entirely. Great replies as well.
@jacquesvol at least give some form of argument to back up why he shouldn't spank his kids if you're going to say it. Please.
@vyvyn... "Girls are more likely to feel abused by to their parents because they are weak and can't handle their emotions. Sorry that's just a fact about women." That is about as sexist and valid as your argument. They are called the 5 love languages, not the gender love languages. Anyone can have touch as theirs, obviously.
@Jon_25 You have reading comprehension problems.
@Jon_25 And plus guys need physical affection to show they’re loved.
@Jon_25 Girls are physically more frail and they’re more sensitive to pain. I’m short spanking would hurt girls more than guys.
@vyvyn the point of actual, purely disciplinary spanking is not to hurt the child. It is simply to teach them about consequences. Girl or boy, a good spanking should never leave them bruised or hurt. Only maybe a red mark that will be gone in a minute.
I believe you are speaking of the 5 love languages. Touch is one of them, and I know lots of guys and girls who identify with this. I also know plenty of guys and girls who do not. To say that because he is a man he needs physical contact to believe he is loved is not only completely false, but it is very presumptuous and I'd say sexist. (I was not actually arguing my previous statement in quotation marks, that was just an argument based similarly to yours and taken to a bit more absurdity).
Also, of the few things I am good at, reading comprehension is second on that list.
@Jon_25 So you’re saying guys don’t need to have sex in relationships even when in love.
@vyvyn a romantic relationship between boyfriend and girlfriend does not in any way correlate with that of parent and child, but what the hell I'll entertain you.
No they don't need it. Neither does the girl. They will survive, and if it's a fucking good relationship then guess what? They'll feel loved too. I have been in a relationship for over 5 years with the same girl, and guess what? I didn't need sex. Neither did she. After she got to the point where she felt ready to have sex, she brought it up to me. I got to that point, and we've had sex because we wanted to, not out of need. Happy?
@Jon_25 The girl probably won’t need it, but it’s scientifically proven guys do have that inherent craving for sex more than girls.
@vyvyn how is a craving need? I need to eat. I need to sleep. Guys don't NEED to have sex, they may want it more, but it's not a need.
Even if it were, unless you are arguing that I dementedly wanted to have sex with my mom and that's why I was okay with her spanking me, then it doesn't back up your initial argument. Please clarify for me how men WANTing sex more than the average girl means we should automatically be disciplined more than girls by our parents?
P. S. I'm barely awake anymore so may not respond until morning, sorry..
omg there are so many comments Im not reading them all, but I read you first one and your comment ignores everything i said and tries to make it seem unreasonable- I did not say you should just 'talk' to your child- I believe punishment is necessary for children to learn, I never said anything against that, I just disagree with this type as I think it is hypocritical and makes children feel as though they have no control, and I think it is better that they can control their reaction to the punishment given, and be given the choice to accept it because it gives them time to think and teaches what i think is morraly right
@MyTake
"I think it is hypocritical and makes children feel as though they have no control, and I think it is better that they can control their reaction to the punishment given, and be given the choice to accept it because it gives them time to think and teaches what i think is morraly right"
That's the reason why there are so many misbehaved, unruly and disrespectful kids now, especially towards their own parents.
by accept, I mean like their punishment is to say, do the dishes for a week, and until they do it, they get no toys, no tv, no friends etc. or when you send a toddler to 'the naughty corner' if you do it right, they will actually choose to stay until you allow them to leave and apologise. it does work when its done correctly, so I hope you get to see it being used the right way one day
@Jon_25 : nothing in the experiential world is 'proven', only confirmed. And what Western White study are you referring to?
@Ahsthen you mean history?
@Jon_25 : simple Scientific practice - empirical truths (things in the world) are confirmed; analytic truths (like math) are proven. Theories about something in the world are confirmed.
@Ahsthen nothing is proven, if you want to go to extremes. Let me know if you want to go to extremes.
Im just saying that for nearly all of human history, spanking (when used as punishment only, not out if anger, and just when others punishments dont work) has worked perfectly fine. Unless you want to prove to me that literally every generation but the latest few have not been raised properly, then please specify what part of or which kind of spanking are you referring to? If you are trying to argue this idea then please tell me, where do you find your definition for being raised properly and how do you know that your definition is better than that which has been so largely accepted and apparently successful for so long? This will be pretty much impossible to do, since even the idea of not spanking has just not been around for more than a few generations; please feel free to make educated guesses on what will happen for the foreseeable future if non-spanking keeps growing, if you want.
@Jon_25 " that which has been so largely accepted and apparently successful for so long?"
So has slavery.
Persecution of unbelievers and homosexuals and Jews too has a long 'tradition' .
@jacquesvol I never said that having a long history MADE it right, I'm saying that having a long history means it's LIKELY to be right. I then gave you the opportunity to give an argument against it for another method and back it up with the new results*. Just like people gave an argument against slavery and religious persocution, and instead pushed another way of doing things (in these cases is was pretty apparent, yours will probably be too). Views will change if they are wrong. Sometimes they'll even change if they're right. It's up to the challenger to provide a better method by logical reasoning than the standing method. For this you need results, like in slavery what was seen in the north states' practices. Since there aren't very many results for your argument yet, you have a disadvantage, which is why I included the last part. Please give me an argument.
@Jon_25 Long traditions don't mean much.
@jacquesvol okay. Do you have a substantial argument against mine?
@Jon_25 "Im just saying that for nearly all of human history, spanking (when used as punishment only, not out if anger, and just when others punishments dont work) has worked perfectly fine. " Appeal to tradition fallacy https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Appeal_to_tradition
www.logicallyfallacious.com/.../Appeal-to-Tradition
@jacquesvol I already replied to this. Read the 5th to last comment again.
@Jon_25 : you don't know extreme, beau. What the fuck are you talkikng about?
@Ahsthen do you want to go to extremes about what is proven and what is not? That would make it impossible to prove anything here. It'd be fun though, you wanna?
@Jon_25 : you're still being ambiguous, and I have an open ear, so go on...
@Ahsthen If you define proven as being shown to be true, then nothing is really proven. Because who's to say what shows something to be true? Everyone thinks different. You can't really prove anything, because it would have to be shown to be true, beyond doubt. And because even the basic laws of physics like gravity, and even atoms aren't proven yet. You can't prove that grass is green, and you can't prove dogs bark because of mailmen. You can't prove that kids react to anything. This is a bit ridiculous, but going by the definition of prove, you can't prove that you are reading this either. You can't prove anything, so it's just a matter of how much evidence you can compile that makes it seem likely to be true. Take dogs barking: I can't prove that they're barking because of the mailman, but I can point out all the evidence that says that that is likely what is happening. That's what we are doing with the spanking issue. So whoever's evidence is best, they should be assumed as right.
@Jon_25 : that's what I thought you were gonna do, by how you said, "That would make it impossible to prove anything here", but I thought I'd let you hang yourself. Re-read what I said about empirical and analytic.
@Ahsthen okay, could you clarify what the difference you meant between "confirmed" and "proven" are? I don't see yet how I hung myself, and to be fair I did say that I was going to extremes here. It's just for fun for me at this level.
@Jon_25 : the only extremes here are you not understanding language, and not looking things up.
@Ahsthen I did look up the definition I used.
I understand language more than most things.
Please explain to me why spanking in a controlled and limited manner, like way I explained it, is not okay. You keep critiquing my argument, but I haven't seen yours yet.
@Jon_25 : I've said in this thread -
Parents who are physically affectionate and matter-of-factly and genuniely communicative from early on, AND firm about privilege opportunity, typically have children who are the same. Human nature is sensual
@Ahsthen I agree that being affectionate and communicating well and firm about privilege opportunities are all great traits for a parent to have. I don't ever recall saying that a parent should not have these things. Human nature is sensual.
But it is also learning. As a young child, I don't think it is always going to work to just have privileges taken away as punishment, simply because it can seem indirect to someone that young. Of course they can learn from this, but lots of kids don't connect these things at a young age.
I am not trying to say that spanking is the only form of punishment, or even the best form of punishment. I'm just saying that in the short run, it is always most effective when used sparingly. It is a backup for when the child doesn't respond well to or care that their privilege was taken, and they continue to act out. Not the main punishment. Not the first punishment. The one for if the others aren't working. That's when spanking is effective in the long run.
@Jon_25 : unless they're stupid, telling them why privilege is taken away or not granted usually gels in their mind. The other thing is that a lot of the time, parents take/not grant for their own reasons, not reasons related to the kid. 'Oh, you need a nap because it's that time... even though you can't sleep'. XXX
@Ahsthen I already clarified that discipline should only be used to punish WRONG, not "I don't like that"s.
I guess most of my school was just stupid then, because their parents DID try this first, and only spanked when they kept disobeying, which a lot of them did at least a few times, over that course of time.
My dad spanked me so much i ended up being super naughty and scarred for life. I can still hear him screaming at me. And my relationships dont work out cause of my anger issues
I think punishment and discipline needs to be immediate and tied to whatever caused it. I think spamming should be a last resort. Reason, teach, time out, take away privileges, yelling, scolding, and even physical punishment like holding your arms out to the sides for a few minutes all should be tried first.
I think it has to be clear that a spank is coming, that it can be avoided and why it’ll happen. Unless it’s to emphasize an urgent point like like don’t run out into the street. That happened to me and it made it really clear that it was important to follow this rule.
I disagree. The trick is to make sure that you're applying the force at the right, appropriate times. Hitting your children can be very beneficial if you are not liberal about it.
Our son wasn't ever hit. Not once.
@jacquesvol... you keep saying that. Are you suggesting he could have turned out even better if you did?
@vyvyn he turned out very well: ph dr in physics and mathematics cum maxime laude.
@jacquesvol So what? You have the best kids in the world? My dad hit me and I turned out just fine.
Don't do it to your kids, please.
@jacquesvol @jacquesvol @jacquesvol A statement like that is only valid upon understanding the temperament of that particular child, otherwise applying that rule to every kid is being selfish on part of the adult for fear of being seen as he ‘bad guy’s Sometimes you have to be temporarily misunderstood in order to do what is right for the child.
@vyvyn That shouldn't include inflicting physical pain.
@jacquesvol You seriously think just because someone is an accomplished student that they have turned out well? Wow.
@vyvyn He's a father of two with a good wife and job too.
@jacquesvol Dysfunctional families do often look like the typical nuclear family.
@vyvyn speaking from your own experience?
@jacquesvol Of course. Otherwise how could anyone have come up with anything they said.
@vyvyn It is weird that you are trying to critique or evaluate Jacques' son. You don't know him from Thursday. In Jacques own estimation, his son has turned out to be a good person. What more do you need?
Do you have some guarantee children will turn out well if they are spanked or beaten?
If you don't, then I would suggest leaving the matter up to the parents. And I would say the same to @jacquesvol. Some parents think they should have the right to physically discipline their children.
I have disciplined my nieces and nephews before.
@vyvyn your statement about being the 'bad guy' has nothign to do with it- any punishment you give to your child makes you into the 'bad guy,' but I disagree, i think it is a lot more selfish to hit your child, beacuse using consistent punishment takes longer to organise, and it can be more diffictult to enforce short-term, while hitting them just gives parents the feeling of being in control again, and it appears to be easy and quicka nd stops the behavior, but it actually causes worse problems in the future, mentally, but also physically, as it actually does weaken the immune system and makes it mroe likely for the child to get disease when they are adults
science disagrees. There are over 170 scientific studies, and they agree that spanking is in no way beneficial. Hmmm... When the studies have a consensus, then people should begin to reevaluate why they are so against the facts and against doing things the right way.
@winterfox10 One day they may be big enough to hit back. That too happens.
@jacquesvol The kid isn't going to hit back if you don't abuse the kid, and if the times you hit them are DIRECTLY related to a wrong doing committed. Anyway, part of the issue with scientific studies is that they test with controlled variables. You know what else was scientifically tested? Common Core Mathematics and Participation Trophies.
@wolfcat87 If not spanking, how do you discipline children?
The kid isn't going to hit back right away but may do so 10 years later. Violence will be part of it's life: he learned it from dad.
@jacquesvol My dad spanked me, and violence hasn't been a problem for me.
It might be a problem for others near you.
I could not possibly list everything that I have used. It really depends on the underlying cause of the behavior. some children act out because they are tired, so sleep is the answer. Some children act out due to not being taught why they should behave. In that case the answer is teaching them what to do and what not to do and why exactly. They may not be exercised enough, so they may need to exercise regularly. They may be hungry or on a diet that is unhealthy, and both of those will cause issues. They may have someone causing them emotional distress at home. We must always find out the root into order to fix what we can and get the best and most lasting end result.
Major keys for discipline include making sure the child is closely bonded to you, so they will automatically want to make you happy, and making sure you are teaching them why they should do what they should do. If you have not done these things, then not much else you do will matter.
After these issues have been met, there are countless alternatives:
Start with positive incentives to behave before ever trying a negative:
A talk that mentions what they did right and options they could have chosen instead of the negative action they chose. Allowing them to help think up actions encourages critical thinking.
Stickers
Healthy Treats
Verbal Praise
Extra activities
Etc.
Then move into healthy but difficult activities:
Running laps
Push Ups/Sit Ups/Jumping Jacks
Copying words from the dictionary, and using them in sentences
Writing lines to remind them of what the actual issue was (use very sparingly and minimally)
Writing essays
Removal of something they like
Grounding
Time Out
NEVER talk to much or yell a bunch. Kids will drown that out the same way adults do. A lot of times a parent talking too much or behaving in a non respectable manner is why their method of discipline fails.
www.attachmentparenting.org/principles/discipline
This is handy too
The only one I will agree with is number 2. Sometimes kids need a firm hand against their backside.
The same was said about wives until recent history... No one needs to be hit except maybe adults who feel the need to hit.
@wolfcat87 when you have some bad ass kids you’ll understand that a time out won’t work.