I have some tricky feelings about my parents...

When I was growing up, I told my mum that I would NEVER stop loving her and I was stuck to her like glue.

While I was growing up, I told my dad that I [_B_L_A_N_K_] I never told him anything, I told my mum that I love him and that he is a good dad but never told him face to face.

At the age of around 17-18 I started finding that I was stressed and annoyed when my mum kept asking me questions and when she was in the room I got concerned that she was going to make fun of me for liking anime (She stills makes fun of Anime...)

At the age of 17-18 I had completely changed my view of dad, he was essentially just a person who is there to complain, mock, bring food, sleep. My dad doesn't want to have conversations, he gets home, puts on the TV, drinks his coffee and that's him for the whole day, so it isn't in the least bit unreasonable to say I don't want to talk with him.

I have some tricky feelings about my parents...

I tried talking with him a few times and so did my sister but he just sighs and slowly increases the TV volume, he does this when we are having dinner and me and my sister try talking with mum or I am talking to my sister, LITERALLY if anyone is talking at dinner, he will up the TV volume and make that sigh that pi**es me off so much..

At age 19 I get annoyed from my mum always asking me questions and always staring at me, I can't even open my cupboard without her saying "What's that? You alright in there?" because she thinks any sound that happens in the house is me having a seizure which is nice to be worried but pisses me off when you can't do even the smallest things without your mum breathing down your neck.

At age 19 I still don't see my dad as either a role model or a conversation person, nor as anything I want to be when I am older, he just annoys me by his behaviour alone so I sometimes pretend to have music on when my headphones are in just so that he doesn't think about talking to me.

It really is too late for my dad to try and talk to me, I have had to have 19 years of him not having conversations with me and so I just don't want to talk with him now, it just annoys me that he could be so rude all the time.

A- He sighs super loud as if to indirectly complain about something

B- When doing ANY task such as the dishwasher, he will make that task as humanly loud as possible to make it sound like he will break something at any moment.

C- If he doesn't understand something on the computer or can't fit something in the cupboards when emptying the dish washer, he swears so damn much and it is just pathetic, if someone offers to help, he just says he understands it and while you try to help he just swears over you saying he did that and did this and it ends up being such a simple answer because he is a F***ing idiot...

I have some tricky feelings about my parents...

I know a lot of people say you should love your parents and here is my predicament...

I love my mum, I love my sister, I love my dad...I just don't want to be in the same house as them. I would be sad if any of them disappeared from my life but while they are alive? I would rather live on my own or with a mate in a different house than be with my family, they are just unbearable...

I don't want to feel this way but that's me and who knows, if I was spoken to more as a kid by my dad, maybe I could have wanted to have more conversations with him but I don't, I literally have lost the desire or interest in talking to him or interacting by eye contact in general.

While dad does bring in the food, I am well off for money so I have started buying my own snacks and treats and I get my own shampoo, basically I do my own shopping when he goes and I get all the foods I want, all the shower products I want, all the drinks I want, all the healthy parts I want WITH MY MONEY.

I love my nan (Mother of my dad), she doesn't smoke and she is very serious.

I kind of love my second nan (Mother of my mum), she smokes and is very childish. I say kind of because she mocks my mum a lot when she sees her which annoys me.

I love my 1st auntie

I hate my 2nd auntie

I kind of love my cousins but not a lot

I loved 1st uncle but he's dead now

I loved 2nd uncle but he's dead now

I HATE my 3rd uncle and he's still around.

I have a large spectrum of family that we don't even talk with because they don't get along with my mum.

To sum it up, my whole of my dads side are the ones we talk with, also the ones who are dying so frequently.

My mums side of the family are the ones that have all the people that we don't talk with. I can't actually remember most of my mums side, I know there is someone in there called Sam but I don't know what he is but I have a amazing uncle on my mums side who I love dearly called Paul and while I don't get to see him because of family complications, I love him dearly.

I have some tricky feelings about my parents...

I also grew up believing that we are just a shit family structure, believing that families are meant to be like in the movies where everyone loves each other and all go to see each other etc. but my mum said that not all families are like that.

I looked into it further by asking my mates and girl friends and they said they get along with their family and as guilty and embarrassing as this feels, I really wanted at least one of them to say they don't get along with their family and that the family structure is bad just so that I didn't feel out of place.

I heard from ONE friend that they were in a similar situation which made me feel a bit less out of place and I think that family can't always get along...You need to be away from someone to miss them and you need space to want to be with them, if you are with them ALL THE TIME, you start to get sick of having them around, so I think that maybe I might start wanting to be around them more if I am out the house without them for a while but....The longest I am out the house without them is about 20minutes, I think we need like a month or something apart for me to miss them.

I suppose it's just one of those days when I had to unwind this stress somewhere. A lot has been happening and I had to get rid of something so that it isn't all just packed in.

I have some tricky feelings about my parents...
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Syrian_survivor

    Aight aight many points here my dude:

    1. You can't change people, even if you can, it's temporary, even if it isn't, it still won't feel natural.

    2. You're stuck in that home full of negativity everywhere, that severely and negatively affects your mental health, you need to leave it ASAP.

    3. Start saving money so you can be able to live on your own, rely on your parents for the food and shower products (the things your parents can provide you for free) for now, keep your own money for the living-on-my-own project.

    4. Build up courage and strength so you can work hard in the outside world, to get a well-paying job even if it takes you 10 promotions and years of work experience (which might as well make things easier if you put extra work into it)

    5. Ignore your dad as much as possible, he made himself only a moneybag for the household, so treat him like that, just a source of free food and family money, just avoid him as much as possible, in case you're forced in an encounter, laugh it off all the time and just agree, don't take him seriously, remember, he's not a dad figure, he's a money bag.

    6. If you work hard at school/college/work, your mother will notice it, the more work she sees you put into things, the more she'll respect you and see that you're a trustworthy man who can take care of himself, she'll forget all about the anime bullshit and maybe even like it.

    7. Don't let your family burden you, you're an adult now and you should start caring for yourself and your future more, now's your best time.

    8. Surround yourself with good people to compensate for your toxic household, grab onto your loyal friends and never let them go, your good relatives might count here as well.

    9. Remember that you're not alone, families with a shitty structure are very common around the world, sometimes they hide it other people but the tension between its members is always burning.

    Is this still revelant?
    • This is an amazingly well detailed comment, thank you very much :) You spent a lot of time writing this! ^_^

    • You're welcome! I know you're a nice person and you deserve all the best, so writing that is nothing xD

      Good luck bro, keep your head up and stay strong, cold world out there but we've got this 😎 I relate to the dad thing, I have no father figure and I totally understand you there, and with the damaged family structure as well.

    • Why tank you, same to you, thank you for the luck and I know the both of us can manage even without a father figure or maybe even without family figures, live our lives as our own figure I guess? :)

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  • Piteka5

    Yeah the situation is a lousy one, there are no perfect families, sometimes just the whole situation makes it that way. My family has it's own problems, my brother has autism and my grandma has alzheimer and says my grandpa steals all her stuff for example.

    I'm always biased here because I've met researchers on the field, but you could try family systems therapy. They usually take into consideration the whole of the family and try to see if they can turn it into a well oiled system again. The only problem would be if your dad was interested in actually going along with it or not. But if he thinks about it I'm sure he will find he would be happier than he is now. Try to Google it and see if you like the approach

    Is this still revelant?
    • Thank you for such a detailed comment, I hope your brother is getting along well in society, I know the feeling of being autistic after all, I am autistic so yeah.

      Alzheimer is a really bad thing to have, I have met some with it and it is quite upsetting to watch them deteriorate, I hope you can continue to handle that and stay strong <3

      I would try family therapy but I am certain that given the stubbornness of my family, they would refuse it immediately, saying that we aren't that bad and that our family layout is just fine.

      Persuading them all is completely not going to happen and I am bad with talking to therapy people, I have done it before and they just don't help at all for me, thank you though :)

    • SueShe

      @EllaLovehard Sorry to have to report you for active prostitution.
      Every single reply you posted is a link for a prostitution site.

    • SueShe

      @RebeccaHard I have reported your account for active prostitution.

      Every single reply you posted is a link and promotion for a prostitution site.

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Most Helpful Girls

  • Hanzyxw

    I would say all that is quite normal it is difficult to have a good relationship after adult age you should look for a place

    Is this still revelant?
    • But everywhere near home has zero housing and I don't want to be too far away from them, plus every housing I know of is completely out of my budget :'(

  • nerms123

    A lot of people have similar situations. Most unhappy families pretend they are happy.

    Is this still revelant?
    • I am somewhat glad that this fact has been pointed out to me, thank you. I'm not adding any emojis because I don't know if this is good news or bad news or a mix so I am just conflicted...

    • nerms123

      Actually a lot of families who seem the most perfect have horrible secrets or are very dysfunctional

    • Really? Ironically families intrigue me, wanting to know the functionality of each family has always made me interested because I want to know If my family is in the bad level or just a bit bad. I want to put my family functionality on a scale to determine our relationships towards each other.

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • Radi8rspringsdoc

    Wow, dude. You just described exactly what I experienced when I was your age. Hey, I must be an ugly you from the future! I was so f****** annoyed by my f****** father when I was 19, I even shouted at him madly quite a few times (don't try it, they neither listen nor fix themselves). In my case though, I was an introvert and my father an extrovert, and boy do I hate extroverts!
    So summing that up with my teenage aggression and hormonal changes, I just wanted to f****** kill myself. My mother wasn't exactly an ideal mother either.

    She used to do all the household work plus her job, so she had to lash out her unimaginable stress somewhere, right? And in order to avoid falling into the abyss of madness, she blamed the youngest person in the house for all the tiny things that drive you insane. Actually, everyone here seems to blame everything upon the youngest of their house, it's like a tradition at this point.

    So 1 day as a defense I lashed out to her too, she saw disrespect in that and started at me. I was ready this time. What happened was as same as the epic clash between Team Iron Man and team Cap at Airport in civil war, at least to me. Except I didn't have a team. I was able to defend myself in the struggle, but my sister and mother just overpowered me slightly and like, threw me back in my bed.

    There's like many of these "situations", but I think I have already taken too much of your time and must tell you the important thing now.

    Oh wait, I believe I forgot to tell you how they constantly keep fighting. The parents. Feels like they were there, before the universe came into existence, fighting each other and swearing. I sometimes blamed myself for their non-stop drama. It still goes on as I type this message.

    So, now I'm 21. What did I learn? I learnt that they suck. Mother wants to be the centre of attention and lash out, father wants to annoy mother to make her lash out, sister probably suffered as much as I did.

    Just be patient. You already watch anime, Read books and manga too. You don't strike me as an angry guy, but whenever you get annoyed just calm yourself. Re focus. They're imperfect organisms, they probably get treated like shit too at work or anywhere, and nobody taught them how to deal with their absurdity so that it does not reflect at their kids. Now it's a habit and they can't help themselves.
    But you can. Yourself and even them. Just remember that there's no point in getting annoyed, it doesn't help at all. If someone annoys you, try to break down their behaviour. Why do they do that, why does that annoy you? Try to find those answers and focus. Just try and realize the truth. That there's no spoon.
    Hope you be happy with your family. However much they drive you crazy, help them when they need you. But only when they need your help, Not when they want it, otherwise they'll take you for granted. Do things which they can't, don't do things which they can do too but they want you to do it.
    Apologies to make you read this, and also if my advices didn't work out for you.

    🖖Live long and Prosper.

    • Oh my god, shouting at your dad, that feels like a death sentence mate 0_0

      I hope you don't still want to kill yourself, you are an amazing person for the way you are now!
      From this description I can tell your mum wasn't a ideal person to follow in the footsteps of and I'm sorry you live a life like that <3

      I'm sorry you got abused by your mother as well, that sucks and I would of at least hoped your sister had defended you instead of teaming with the parent :'(

      Being bullied for being the youngest can be common unless you become stronger than the older siblings and stronger than the mum at which point they start to not physically abuse you but rather mentally abuse you with things like "I gave birth to you, it's your responsibility" When really my birth was not my choice therefore not my responsibility.

      Lashing out at your parents I can relate to, sometimes in life you just get pushed over the edge, not always at home but in society itself, you aren't given time to cool down and as a result you break, that's just how it is :(

      Never blame yourself for your parents fights, would you blame yourself if you saw your friends fighting about a topic not to do with you or if they were arguing about which of them got to hang out with you? Would you blame yourself if a stranger was fighting in the street? I know these aren't good examples but what I mean to say is you didn't start the fight, it was caused by their own agitation, you didn't display the aggression, they did <3

      Don't worry mate, I read it all no matter how long it is! I loved the whole comment and you should value your comments a lot more :)

      Your advice made me feel a lot more confident with working with my current situation so thank you ^_^

    • Well, in 2 years things have cooled down a lot. My mom is a good Mother, just doesn't know how to control her temper. But you're right, I don't blame myself or even them anymore. Forgot to mention that she's not that angry when we help her in her work lol. I thank you too, I also thought I was alone with this family situation when I saw my friends and their parents all happy. I'm glad I read your post. You're welcome

  • MinaSuzy97

    1- Reading that got me into tears I'm not exaggerating that's true.
    2- Your dad seems the typical classic old boring dad who thinks fatherhood is about bringing food & money to hs family and that's it while the true role of a father is to know his children well, guide them ask them about every single thng that might annoy them help them get a better life.
    3- Moms can be over protective at time that's why they tend to ask about every detail that's just the way they love their children although children need their own private space.
    4- you need to focus on yourself study hard get you a fine job that can help you live and save some money to buy/rent a house/apartement that way you'll distance yourself from them.
    5- your house has a lot of negativity so don't stay indoors more than you need distract yourself in fun activities that you like
    6- spend more time with your friends loneliness can make you feel even worse
    7- try to explain to your mom kindly that she needs to give you some space and now you're a man who's trying to be responsible enough
    8- Never say what you said here to your dad it'll make things worse if he's stubborn.
    9- remember you are not alone in this hundreds of people can relate & thousands are in worse situations so don't let it control you or affect your happiness & life decisions
    10- it will all pass no matter good or bad, & I really hope it will get better for you I'm not in your shoes but I absolutely understand how painful it is.

    • My dear it is such a shame you didn't comment sooner, this is certainly worthy of an MHO <3 thank you for so much dedication to your comment :)

    • MinaSuzy97

      the MHO is not something to look for
      My aim was to help you ( I hope I did somehow) & most importantly what matters the most is you feeling better

    • MinaSuzy97

      by the way I like that yato pic and how you included anime pics in your post

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  • midnight_1443

    I don't talk to my mom, anymore, because she is mentally abusive, and threatened to kill me multiple times as a child, but said it was a joke later... not funny, terrible. My friend had an absentee mother and no father, so she had to raise herself. So, it's not that uncommon. It just sucks.

    • That sounds like and excuse my wording, like a shitty childhood.
      I sincerely apologise for the description but I say what I feel and that is the only way I could describe it :'(

      I hope her mental abuse hasn't become a permanent traumatic thing for you and I hope you don't feel unsafe when going out.

  • friendlyjaguar

    I don't talk to my parents after knowing having a family they turned to using drugs, taking state money for the kids for drugs and doing crime for drugs. But i still talk to my Uncles and Grandparents who tried to get us better lifes.

    • Well at least you still talk with other family members, ones that tried to help you :)

  • Eternal_Blizzard

    Try watching what he watches on TV.
    Make a rule of no TV while dinners,
    Don't watch anime in front of him.
    I remember I showed my father deathnote and he liked it ,
    Do something about it,

    • I tried once to request no TV during dinner and EVERYONE in the house were saying I was being ridiculous -_-

      I don't watch anime in front of him, I watch it on my laptop so he doesn't see the same stuff as me.

      My dad would never like any anime, he just thinks it is childish and silly, my sister likes it but not anywhere as much as me and my mum would be a stretch to get her interested, she would say their eyes are too big and it's too lewd even when they are wearing full clothes :/

      Thanks for the suggestions though :)

    • No problem, good luck tho 🙂

    • Thank you :)

  • MajesticTwelve

    You sound like a real pathetic loser, in every way possible.
    You're one of the weakest people I've ever seen, rude, entitled, unappreciative of reality.
    You're so deeply lost in your weaboo world that I'd classify you with a deep mental illness.
    Get help.

  • BobSansMal

    Sometimes some distance helps.

    Your may see your relationship with him improve once you move out

    • Maybe, maybe I will start to get along more when I move out :)

  • Poormanscomedian

    Unless you make money from it, something is wrong with Anime people

  • ChiPaPa

    Damn! Well, you can't choose your family.

  • idoknow1

    your dad lost purpose
    he has forgotten GOD

    also he is a beta bux

  • CocoBat

    I was expecting something messed up

    • No, nothing messed up, just family squabbles and stuff, trying to get along and having difficulty doing so, no more no less. :)

  • Nachowedgie

    I hate everyone in my family so I can't relate

  • NovissimumVirorum

    I'm your dad...

    • You're Canadian, there's no way you could be my dad, Canadians are lovely...

    • He sounds a lot like me though...

    • Not at all, you can hold a conversation and you are nice, how is he similar at all? 0_0

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