When I was growing up, I told my mum that I would NEVER stop loving her and I was stuck to her like glue.
While I was growing up, I told my dad that I [_B_L_A_N_K_] I never told him anything, I told my mum that I love him and that he is a good dad but never told him face to face.
At the age of around 17-18 I started finding that I was stressed and annoyed when my mum kept asking me questions and when she was in the room I got concerned that she was going to make fun of me for liking anime (She stills makes fun of Anime...)
At the age of 17-18 I had completely changed my view of dad, he was essentially just a person who is there to complain, mock, bring food, sleep. My dad doesn't want to have conversations, he gets home, puts on the TV, drinks his coffee and that's him for the whole day, so it isn't in the least bit unreasonable to say I don't want to talk with him.
I tried talking with him a few times and so did my sister but he just sighs and slowly increases the TV volume, he does this when we are having dinner and me and my sister try talking with mum or I am talking to my sister, LITERALLY if anyone is talking at dinner, he will up the TV volume and make that sigh that pi**es me off so much..
At age 19 I get annoyed from my mum always asking me questions and always staring at me, I can't even open my cupboard without her saying "What's that? You alright in there?" because she thinks any sound that happens in the house is me having a seizure which is nice to be worried but pisses me off when you can't do even the smallest things without your mum breathing down your neck.
At age 19 I still don't see my dad as either a role model or a conversation person, nor as anything I want to be when I am older, he just annoys me by his behaviour alone so I sometimes pretend to have music on when my headphones are in just so that he doesn't think about talking to me.
It really is too late for my dad to try and talk to me, I have had to have 19 years of him not having conversations with me and so I just don't want to talk with him now, it just annoys me that he could be so rude all the time.
A- He sighs super loud as if to indirectly complain about something
B- When doing ANY task such as the dishwasher, he will make that task as humanly loud as possible to make it sound like he will break something at any moment.
C- If he doesn't understand something on the computer or can't fit something in the cupboards when emptying the dish washer, he swears so damn much and it is just pathetic, if someone offers to help, he just says he understands it and while you try to help he just swears over you saying he did that and did this and it ends up being such a simple answer because he is a F***ing idiot...
I know a lot of people say you should love your parents and here is my predicament...
I love my mum, I love my sister, I love my dad...I just don't want to be in the same house as them. I would be sad if any of them disappeared from my life but while they are alive? I would rather live on my own or with a mate in a different house than be with my family, they are just unbearable...
I don't want to feel this way but that's me and who knows, if I was spoken to more as a kid by my dad, maybe I could have wanted to have more conversations with him but I don't, I literally have lost the desire or interest in talking to him or interacting by eye contact in general.
While dad does bring in the food, I am well off for money so I have started buying my own snacks and treats and I get my own shampoo, basically I do my own shopping when he goes and I get all the foods I want, all the shower products I want, all the drinks I want, all the healthy parts I want WITH MY MONEY.
I love my nan (Mother of my dad), she doesn't smoke and she is very serious.
I kind of love my second nan (Mother of my mum), she smokes and is very childish. I say kind of because she mocks my mum a lot when she sees her which annoys me.
I love my 1st auntie
I hate my 2nd auntie
I kind of love my cousins but not a lot
I loved 1st uncle but he's dead now
I loved 2nd uncle but he's dead now
I HATE my 3rd uncle and he's still around.
I have a large spectrum of family that we don't even talk with because they don't get along with my mum.
To sum it up, my whole of my dads side are the ones we talk with, also the ones who are dying so frequently.
My mums side of the family are the ones that have all the people that we don't talk with. I can't actually remember most of my mums side, I know there is someone in there called Sam but I don't know what he is but I have a amazing uncle on my mums side who I love dearly called Paul and while I don't get to see him because of family complications, I love him dearly.
I also grew up believing that we are just a shit family structure, believing that families are meant to be like in the movies where everyone loves each other and all go to see each other etc. but my mum said that not all families are like that.
I looked into it further by asking my mates and girl friends and they said they get along with their family and as guilty and embarrassing as this feels, I really wanted at least one of them to say they don't get along with their family and that the family structure is bad just so that I didn't feel out of place.
I heard from ONE friend that they were in a similar situation which made me feel a bit less out of place and I think that family can't always get along...You need to be away from someone to miss them and you need space to want to be with them, if you are with them ALL THE TIME, you start to get sick of having them around, so I think that maybe I might start wanting to be around them more if I am out the house without them for a while but....The longest I am out the house without them is about 20minutes, I think we need like a month or something apart for me to miss them.
I suppose it's just one of those days when I had to unwind this stress somewhere. A lot has been happening and I had to get rid of something so that it isn't all just packed in.