I hope that for most of you, this Take sounds stupid and like common sense.
But I know that for some of you, this will come as a surprise.
We all need a place where we can feel fully comfortable, and fully comfortable to share and discuss our problems. And by that I really mean that. And what I mean is fully candid sharing, fully open, and not only just sharing but sharing and really living with confidence.
Most of us, I suspect, have this in our personal lives and families. Actual caring caregivers.
But some of us, unfortunately, do not or did not have this. Unloving or uncaring caregivers who, actually, don't care.
Personal lives of much fighting and shouting, along with neglect and what can only be really described as not actually caring. Not caring about making meals to eat, not caring about restocking supplies like food and toiletries, not really caring one way or another if the children are happy or not. In general, not actually caring about the quality of life of any family member. A 'whatever' or 'so what' attitude.
This might sound shocking to mentally healthy households but this is a reality for children of adults with personality disorders such as narcissism, or people with insecure attachments with their caregivers from their own childhoods (perpetuating a cycle of good families and bad families, usually mutually exclusively coexisting in real time -- tragic as it is) such as neglectful people, insecure-avoidant people (clingy) and a few others.
A fundamental reality of such a living arrangement is that, sooner or later, a child or dependent comes to the correct realization that they were, in fact, not loved by their guardians.
Imagine this scenario. Their entire reality is completely different from that of others, and seemingly mundane tasks such as romantic and sexual relationships for most people become unusual, foreign and difficult to understand concepts to such individuals. Abstract.
Obviously the starting place between those from loving homes and unloving homes are not close together.
Which is why it is such an important element to have as the foundation that one uses to gauge normalcy of future social interactions going through adolescents and into the world for the first time as a young adult, exploring sexuality, flirting and social lives in the context likely of nightlife.
Implicitly, people assume the other people out that night are similar to themselves, doing the same things and experiencing the same experiences. And this is why people from these backgrounds experience friction when they go out for the first time to see the world. Often the same confusion ensues, as there are implicit assumptions, biases and cues going on in the background of implied communication between peers out and about that such an individual does not perceive or understand, further isolating from the world around them.
But this can be prevented and repaired through communication and repair of broken bonds, or supplementation of new bonds. Which is why I think it's so important to take the right steps at whatever age you think is right to do so.
And doing so opens you up to this other world that a person has been missing out on. It's like a rebirth into the world. Becoming aware of the implicit social cues, understanding their perspectives.
Social interactions make more sense, social media posts are not confusing, social anxiety in public evaporates. Most of all people in your prior situation suddenly stand out, and they do so very blatantly. Like a sore thumb.
Through healthy and open communication your individual needs can actually be met and respected for the first time. You can set your own boundaries and have them not be violated, implicitly or not. And the first time this is experienced you truly realize what your life was not or would not be if you did not have truly safe spaces with actual love in your life.