Why I Don't See Any Point In Having One Parent Stay At Home

[Anonymous]

I actually like the idea of being a SAHM to an extent...and I still think the idea of SAHDs is adorable. I actually LOVE to see people with their children during the day. In my case though, I don't see much point in one partner staying at home. Financially, practically, and realistically, it's just not for me. Why? Because if either my partner or I stayed at home, I'd be terrified of these consequences:

(1) Financially: What if one of us loses their job? Gets into an accident, and has huge insurance bills that need to be paid? Has a medical health crisis and can't work anymore? If the economy got really bad and all of our savings are gone? If there's an unplanned pregnancy? Having or being a dependent partner in any of those situations would be nightmarish. I would want the both of us to work full time, and part time at the bare minimum.

(2) Realistically: A married couple with one partner at home CAN be a stable relationship...But not always by a long-shot. Exactly like what's happened to thousands of people, what if one spouse cheats, steals money, or is abusive? Being dependent on an abusive partner...I can't even put that into words.

(3) Practically: I would want my kids to be able to take care of themselves as early as possible. By the time they hit 10-12 years old, I'd expect them to be independent. By sending them to daycare, or having them stay with family/friends from really young ages, they'd have to get accustomed to dealing with other people's routines. That would be really ideal to me. How Capable Kids Can Be Is Amazing To Me

So, if I ever have a family, I wouldn't want either my partner or I to stay at home; there's no point to it from my POV.

[rjroy3]

1. Financially: find a place you can afford off of one persons salary then live there with 2 working parents. Start saving up money.

2. Only have the wife as stay at home for the last 3 months of the pregnancy and first 6 months of the baby's life, with the dad assisting heavily so she can get back into shape (for her job and her own self esteem). Once she's ready for work, switch rolls. Dad is stay at home for 1 year and mom is working. After this point the kid is almost old enough to go to preschool.

3. Once the child is old enough for school, the parents both work on set schedules so someone will always be there to pickup their child.

[KBob93]

I'd rather not put my kids in day care, because I want to be with them as much as possible while they're young. I'd like to do telecommuting work while their father goes to work, that way I can have some income come in as well.

[Anonymous]

There's no point in it?

There's no point in a child being raised by his or her own parents?

There's no point in not sending a child off to spend 5 of every 7 days with someone who doesn't care about them?

No point in teaching YOUR child YOUR values rather than letting someone else teach them theirs?

Here's something you clearly have missed in all of this... it's about doing what's right for the children, not you. No amount of rationalization will ever change that.

Self-centered people shouldn't breed.

[myTake Owner]

Yes, and I think it's right for the kids to be exposed to as many different people as possible! My brother and I were raised that way, and we've never even touched drugs or alcohol...

[Opinion Owner]

I'm glad you turned out OK. Doesn't say much about the topic at hand though. In statistical terms, the sample size is utterly insignificant.

I've been around long enough to see a ton of kids raise in both scenarios, and the difference in outcomes between the two has been pretty stark. Children deserve a parent who is there for them.

[myTake Owner]

Well... That's assuming that both parents are healthy or sane people, lol. In all seriousness, kids need to know how to be independent and take care of themselves; life can be so extremely unpredictable :p

[Jack766]

All of that makes sense, it's practical, and sounds reasonable, to a reasonable, practical person. But try to explain it to a little boy that just wants his mom. It's not adults you have to convince, it's the little ones, and they have no grasp of the reasonable and practical. As a former child who had a mother that got a job, when mom leaves you behind, for any reason, it means she doesn't want you. She can say otherwise, she can verbally reassure, but her actions are all the child really understands. And feeling abandoned, of course not as bad as actually being abandoned, is still very painful. But perhaps you will be lucky, and have an unusually independent child that barely notices when you're gone. It's possible.

[DaddyRollingStone]

1. Yes the household brings in less money but if you still live comfortably, what's the big deal? Yes if something were to happen the spouse would have to go work, but how likely is it?
2. How many relationships really face domestic abuse though? Yeah it could happen but it does not seem likely. Women have shelters to go to if something bad happens to them.. Men are kind of fucked over in that situation but we try to handle ourselves the best we can.
3. Would you really want other people to raise your kids? What's the point of even having kids if you don't raise them yourself? 12 is still very young, it would not be easy to be independent at that age.

I think I will write my own piece on my view, its a little too long for a comment.

[myTake Owner]

I would want to have as much income as possible.

ANYTHING can happen, at any time, so I would want to have alternative options instead of being unemployed for months.

Thousands and thousands do everyday. The fact of the matter is, I don't want to be dependent and then find out later he cheated on me, stole things, or God only knows what else. Finding work can be hard enough; having to do it in an emergency situation is nightmarish to me.

I want my kids to be able to handle themselves as much as possible. By the time I hit ten, I did most of my chores and took care of myself, so I don't think it's asking for much for my kids to be the same way.

[DaddyRollingStone]

I understand your reasoning, you have to trust your spouse will take care of you. And hope nothing would happen to put them out of work.

Also for kids, they're all different. Your kids may be way more dependant on you than you were with your parents.

[PT1911]

I'm lucky that my parents both worked. It taught me to be independent at an early age.

And I never hated them because they would always be home for dinner

[Anonymous]

I won't marry a woman who doesn't care enough about her own children to be at home to love them and teach them herself during their younger years.

[myTake Owner]

Many women don't stay home, and their kids turn out fine, my brother and I included.

[Opinion Owner]

It's not impossible to raise healthy children with two working parents; it's just more difficult and the odds of success are much lower.

[myTake Owner]

Well, I guess it depends on what your definition of success is then :p