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Right after college, I temporarily moved back home for a while, and it was hard on me, because I had dreams of graduating and immediately starting my adult life in full, but instead found myself back home and feeling like the same old kid I was before I started college. I was thankfully only there for a little while before finally striking out on my own, but there are a lot of people these days that have similar stories of needing to move back home until they sort things out, and if that is going to be you or is currently you, there are some realities you need to learn to contend with sooner, rather than later.
1. Be Grateful
Some people living at home are far from grateful. They view the very people continuing to support them like their enemies. You do realize you are living there for free (or at a reduced cost) and that the alternative is you could be living on the streets or having to bum from couch to couch, right? Don't just say thank you to your parents once and that's it. Make an effort to continually give them the respect they deserve, and don't take advantage of their kindness.
2. Make the Effort
A lot of the fighting between adult children and their parents having to take them in, is usually caused by the parents feeling as though that adult child is not making enough of an effort either around the house and/or to improve their situation and move out. Get a job if you don't have one already. Mow the lawn. Cook dinner. Do the shopping. Do your own laundry. Come up with a plan that you make your parents aware of, of how you're going to try to get out of there.
3. Their house, their rules
This one is huge. If you want to do whatever you want to do...simple, move out. Can't do that right now, then yeah, it is their house, their rules. It doesn't matter if you're 19 or 25 or 30, and especially if you aren't paying any type of rent. If they don't want your friends over after a certain hour, or they put a curfew on you, or tell you, you can't drink in the home...if you want to continue living there, then follow them or guess what, they don't have to allow you to stay there. You do not have the upper hand here, because you are an adult, and if you want to be one, then the reality is, you've got to move out eventually and then you can demand things and make your own rules in your own house.
4. Don't burn your bridges
You may finally get your bearings and move out of your parents house, but don't turn around and burn the bridge down by telling them how awful they are, or how awful it was to live under their roof for a time. This may have been true for you, you may have hated every minute, but go back to number 1...if not for their generosity, you'd have been out on the streets. The last thing you want to do is cut ties with the few people on earth that had your back in your time of need.
5. If you want to be treated like and adult, act like one
If you find yourself reverting to tantrums when you don't get your way, or screaming matches with your parents when you're in a mood, don't expect them to treat you like and adult. Learn to handle your issues in an adult way. If you have a problem, find solutions that work, that don't end in you crying pathetically or having a tantrum.
6. Learn to cope
It's not easy living at home. And you will get frustrated and angry at yourself or your situation from time to time and just want to scream. It's understandable, however, you need to come up with ways to cope that aren't you taking that out on your parents all the time, or frankly, yourself, all the time. Exercise, talk to friends, take a walk, take a vacation, see a counselor, journal, spend the night at a friends from time to time. We all get knocked down in life, but it's what you do with that that determines a lot about who you are and where you're going in life.
7. Get Help
For a lot of people, moving back home involves you not being able to manage your money well. If you've gone into debt, or don't have a savings account, see a financial advisor, or ask your parents for help with managing your money. THIS WILL NOT GET BETTER by ignoring your financial situation. You can accrue more debt if you ignore it, and not having a savings account for emergencies only, will practically ensure that if anything goes wrong in your life, you will probably be right back at your parents if you're lucky they still open the door.
What Girls & Guys Said
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1Opinion
100% CORRECT! But I would just change the word 'cope' to just move on. Because so many people cope for years and years and they never get over it, and it opened up to more problems than ever. Too many of this generation is too ungrateful and spoiled. I live at home with my dad, but I earn my keep until I can do better. Hence why I'm looking to get back to school to get a degree and get jobs that would allow me to live on my own.
I hear it all the time, people talking about how mean or awful their parents are whom they live with, but it's like, how awful can they be if they even allowed you to move back home in the first place. They didn't have to do that, at all, so get that job and do the dishes, and be grateful. As far as coping, it is necessary for some. They tend to take a very negative and depressed approach to their situation that doesn't help them to move forward, because they are so in their heads and feel like losers and what not rather than viewing it as a temporary situation if they can work through whatever has put them there in the first place. If they don't learn to cope, they will continue to remain stuck with no hope, so channeling that negative attitude into something positive is much better than the alternative.
I disagree with rule 3. I do so much work around the house, save my parents a bunch of time and money, and they don't appreciate it. I won't pay rent
It is still their house, their rules, whether you save them money or not, because again, they have the power to say, you know what, get out. If you aren't paying rent, doing house work or whatever you do, I would think is only fair for not having to pay a bill. Now, if you are paying rent and such, then you should probably agree with them that you want to be treated as a tenant and not a child, and the rules are a lot different there.
When I was living with my parent, the day they were not happy with the number of work I did around the house (laundry, mowing the lawn, cleaning the refrigerator, cleaning almost all the room in the house, etc ) was the day I stopped doing work around the house. Everything was a mess after. I left a month after that.
@Kamulus and good for you. When you're in a situation as an adult living with your parents, you only ever have two choices, and that's either a) accept your parents rules and your circumstances or b) move out. You cannot tell someone else how to run their own house. Someone who stays with you, cannot dictate, how it is you're going to live under your own roof. It doesn't work like that, and it's a lesson you and many other people have learned.
NO I learn that some people will always whine after you gave them an hand because they want the whole body for free. Before people freak out, after 18 I paid rent with them on a monthly basis.
@Kamulus Then my above comments here to you, still reign true. If you were paying rent, that's a different ball of wax and you could have asked to be treated as a tenant as opposed to someone simply living with their parents for free. You have different rights when you are actually paying to live with someone as opposed to just living there scott free.
I'm on disability, and hate living with my parents and cannot afford to move out with this economy. They don't care about my life problems, what kind of parents are they, they just use me. I won't help them when they gave up on caring about me
Have you tried talking to them about it?
Yes, some people never accept or change. So even though it's their house, if they had been there for me more growing up I wouldn't still be with them
Maybe, I'm missing something in translation, but I don't see the correlation? If they didn't care anything about you, wouldn't they just kick you out? If you aren't contributing work around the house, and not paying rent---b/c you feel they are using you, you're still there. That doesn't really say to me, they completely don't care about you.
I do work around the house, I have a disability and I attempted suicide in the past, they can't kick me out. If I wasn't they might of.
It sounds at least to my eyes, like it still may be worth it to talk to them especially if you continue to feel that way.
attempting suicide and not doing work around the house of your parent is not related. Yes your depression might affect your wiliness to do it. But not doing it because of that is not a good reason.
@Kamulus finding another place to stay when i was broke got them to quit with bitching.