I'm 14 years old and my parents announced that they were splitting up about 4 years ago. When they told my older sister and I this, I was devastated. My dad left that same night to live with his brother. My parents said they were going to try and make up, but they never did.
At first, I was angry with my mum, even though I wasn't sure why. I saw a drastic change in my mum, she looked depressed most days and snapped a lot easier. I don't remember a night I went without crying.
I saw my dad every second weekend and as a few months went on, it got better, easier. But then I went into high school and I hated it. I became a paranoid mess, thinking all the girls hated me and were talking about me (which they did sometimes). I got through the first year, but at the beginning of the second year, I refused to go in. My mum let me stay off, I think because she didn't have the heart to say no.
Everyday at home, I was alone since my sister went to school and my mum went to work. I hardly ate and destracted myself from everything by going on the internet 24/7. I cried everyday and I felt suicidal, even though I wasn't completely sure what for. I was too much of a pussy and started self-harming instead. It wasn't/still isn't serious, just scratches. My mum took me to the doctors and they told me to see a councillor and that I had severe anxiety.
After 2 months of isolating myself from everyone and everything inside my house, my mum told me that I had to start going back. We arranged with the school that I would go in for half the day in a one-desk-room with my mum then leave. I did this for a while, but then the school said I had to begin going into at least one class.
The thought of this always made me feel sick. I always refused, until my dad stepped in and began forcing me into the classes, along with the school's educational psychologist.
I felt like I was in hell for months, waking up and realising it was going to be another shitty day. I felt like me mum and dad (my dad especially) didn't understand how I felt and I felt really angry at the both of them, so I began shutting myself off from them, still self harming and even more suicidal.
Long story short, this was 1 year ago and at the beginning of my 3rd year at hight school (August 2014), I managed to get back into school full time and have ever since. I still self harm at times but no longer feel suicidal. This made me realise that things could have been a lot worse and I should be grateful for what I do have.
Unfortunately, 4 years after separating, my parents still aren't divorced. My dad has a girlfriend (who just happens to be his boss at the time of my parents separating, which I find really suspicious) and I know my mum still loves my dad, but hates him at the same time, for the money problems he has caused. We are going to loose our house soon and have to live in a council flat/house, even though he promised he would do everything he could to let us keep it.
I forgot to mention that while I was being forced into classes in school, my dad went on 2 holidays within the space of a couple of months. He told my sister and I a few days before each of them that he was going. I'm still angry about this, and one holiday was with his girlfriend, who we knew he was seeing but wouldn't admit it.
To this day, I believe my dad cheated on my mum, but neither will admit it, although my mum says she thinks that's what happened, but isn't sure. I feel awful for how I treated my mum in the beginning, she was the one who was hurting, and I made it worse on her. I love my dad, but I'm so angry at him for so many things, but I will always love him. I love my mum to death, I would kill to see her happy again. She's my rock and I would be nothing without her.
My parents have openly said they don't want contact with each other, which is heartbreaking to hear, but it is what it is.
I now realise that we should be grateful for the things we have in life, and not throw it all away. If any of you have went through a similar situation, please feel free to comment or message me.
"If you can take it, you can make it"- Louis Zamperini.
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