Parents don't respect my boundaries?

[Anonymous]

My parents have a hard time respecting my personal boundaries, specifically my mother. This includes physical boundaries, like not wanting my mom to touch my butt because it makes me uncomfortable, as well as other sorts of boundaries. For instance, I have anxiety and I have expressed to my parents many times that I feel unsafe when I am yelled at, even if they are just calling me downstairs for dinner. (It probably wouldn't bother me as much if they yelled a little... quieter? but my mom has a very loud voice naturally and I can't even hold the phone up to my ear when I talk to her, because it makes my ears throb. She really doesn't need to yell to be heard.) Tonight my mom came in my room as I was checking my assignments online and told me to clean up my room, which, to be fair, she has been telling me to do since I got home from a church retreat last Sunday. But she was only about four feet away from me and was screaming at the top of her lungs. I took a deep breath and told her okay, then I asked her to stop yelling because she was going on and on about how I haven't done anything all day. I've been sick! She told me she'd stop yelling when I cleaned my room, and when I told her I would, she kept yelling, as if I was trying to argue with her. There's no winning with her.
She seems to think that because I'm her kid, I don't deserve any sort of respect from her. I think if she would make more of an effort to respect the simple things I ask her to do to make me feel comfortable living in my own home, like not yelling when it's not necessary, then she would find that I would spend a lot more time with her and I would respond better when she asks me to do things. But she's never interested in listening when I tell her she's making me uncomfortable! She mocks me or tells me that I need to suck it up because she's my parent and she can talk to me any way she wants. What do I do?

[Anonymous]

The way that you recieve respect is by giving it. Show your parents that you are mature and capable of meeting them on their level, on understanding why they are the way they are and respecting it, and you might find that they give you a bit more space. Try to understand the reason why they are the way the are, but don't get resentful about it. Even if they're wrong. And parents are often wrong. They will always make many mistakes. Part of being human is understanding that people will inevitably make mistakes. But a lot of the time they don't do it on purpose. People get stressed out. This is especially true if they're overworked or if things are going badly in their life. Your mom could just be very stressed. Or that could just be how she is.

Mmm. With teenagers, you can never tell exactly when they're blowing things out of proportion or misrepresenting the circumstances. Teenagers are more impulsive and emotional than adults, due to their undeveloped forebrains--the rational center of the brain. They rely more on their amygdala, the emotional lizard brain. So if you are rather emotional about this whole thing right now, it might be good to wait for awhile until you are in a calm, stable frame of mind to think about the problem rationally. This is also really good for you, because your brain is wiring itself right now. Actively attempting to solve rational puzzles on a consistent basis will wire your brain to, well, be better at rationality as you age. Very important time. The way you problem solve right now will set the standard for how you problem solve in the future. To preach at you just a little. Just because I wish I had done that when I was a teenager. :/

But, if what you say is true and nothing will work, and they always assault you just to assault you, then there's really nothing you can do. Minors have no rights, pretty much. Except to their safety and nutrition. So long as you aren't being abused directly and illegally, you just have to wait it out and endure. You'll be able to handle it better as the years go by. But, that's the thing. In life, there are annoyances you simply must endure. But, I also believe there's always a solution. And showing respect and understanding is usually a good way to a solution.

Good luck in any case. Being a teen is hard. But it gets easier, if not better.

[serious]

Well, I know it's tough for you right now. There are 2 things you can do.

1. You can ask her to have a discussion with you and sit down talk to her about this and see if something comes out of it.

2. However if she is just outright authoritative then you'll have no other choice but to wait till you turn 18 and then move out of the house, live your life by your own rules.

[MaiNameIsSunshine]

Dude, seriously calm down. You're mom isn't treating you in a disrespectful manner because she feels like it, if you are not listening of course she is going to be pissed. You are under 18 and you live in HER house, there are very few boundaries she can't cross.
My mom acts like that when I act rude as hell or don't listen to her. Suck it up bro, she's not being abusive from what I can hear so build yourself a bridge and get over it. Here, you can have mine.
upload. wikimedia. org/.../Old_Bridge_ANF. JPG

[honeyyyyy]

Hmm... Tbh just clean your room and do what she says. I used to have a terrible relationship with my mom BC she can be sooo childish and irresponsible sometimes!!! But I grew up and now I obey her and listen to what she has to say and help her. This made our relationship grow stronger and we are friends now! So I know ur mom may seem like the devil but just obey her! Help around the house! Listen to her problems! Be a good kid lmao. I promise it will help so much in the long run

[Drooogie4]

You can't. My mom was the same way.
"Her house, her rules" which translates to you get no respect, adult or not, if you're her kid, bo matter how good I was.

[Anonymous]

Just another fucking victim...