How to set boundaries with strict parents?

[Anonymous]

Hello everyone, this is a long post, so I apologize.

I was today years old (21) when I finally realized my parents do not respect my boundaries. I am going into my final LLB law year of university and I got accepted into a legal experience scheme with Barclays. The program started yesterday and I informed my whole family that I would be busy for this week, due to the online scheme.

Today I was getting ready to start day 2, at 9:30am. I am in the bathroom at 9:15 brushing my teeth, when my dad come sup telling me he wants to show me a YouTube video. I politely told him that I was getting ready for my scheme and couldn't look at the video right now, as I start in less than 15min.

And my dad goes off about how rude I am being and how I do not respect him and if I am going to be this disrespectful when I graduate and get a job.

I was so confused, I have ethnic parents but I was just in awe at the response. I never said I couldn't watch the video I just said that I was currently busy. Which he knew about.

That's when I realized that my parents (here at this instance my dad) have no respect for my boundries at all. And this has been going on for years, but today was a wake up call

How do I deal with this situation, preferably because I have ethnic parents (black parents)?

And was I in the wrong?

[hahahmm]

Uh, it's not about the ethnicity/skin color of your parents, silly. It's that they are used to you being a child... and until you are actually ACTING like an adult in 100% of life they will still view you as a child. And while you live at home you're subject to your parent's rules... still being treated like a child, fair or not. It's why many people move out and go on their own way too. Also some parents aren't ready for you to grow up so there's friction when you start to be too independent.

Any boundary you try to set can be countered by them creating stricter rules or raising your rent so high you will be crying. It's a battle you can't win. The only way you can win is by moving out... or you're going to have to find some compromise. Like you could have said I'll watch it in a few minutes. Then watch like 10 seconds/skim it ALONE and tell him you watched it.

Would help if you were able to study away from home... like at a friend's house or library where you know you won't be bothered. But do NOT tell your parents you're going there because they suck. That will just cause issues for you at home.

[OlderThanILook]

I just embrace the rudeness. My parents had to learn the hard way that I'm a person and not a pet. Like sorry but if I have shit to do, I have shit to do. I'm not going to tell them where I'm going or who I'm with just because.

[itsalyssaagain]

Ok well first of all that's amazing so congratulations!

Second of all, this is just an ethnic parents problem. I have the same problem and believe me I CANNOT WAIT to move out. It's not that they dont respect you, it's that they don't know any better. My solution is usually avoiding my family as much as I can until I can move out one day... hang in there buddy.

[EaterPeter]

Only by escaping, moving out, world's most challenging task

[legalboxers]

you can't. I tried,