I broke my dad's heart, and it's killing me Advice?

[Anonymous]

5 years ago was the lowest point in my life. Every girl has problems but, I was 17 and I felt like my life was over and that I could not go on anymore. I was failing in school and unable to graduate. I was a failure to everyone around me my parents basically disowned me because they were so disapointed in me. My personal life was a wreck schitzophrenia out of wack. My boyfriend of 4 years cheated on me. I just felt so alone and like life was not worth living anymore I attempted to commit suicide 5 years ago but did not go through with it. I always keep my feelings inside and I never told my dad because he was terminally ill and I did not want to hurt him anymore. Durring my low point I got addicted to pills really bad and I told my mom everything. Now that I am older and have overcome a bunch of things I am working on getting bettter and curing my addiction. My mom carelessly told my dad about my addiction and my suicide attempt the other day because she was mad at me and I was forced to talk to him about it (worst thing I ever did). It hurt him so bad when I told him because our relationship is so close and feels like it is all his fault for not listening to me and he is ashamed at me and doesn't trust me anymore. He is always crying everyday he told me I broke his heart. I never meant to hurt him I did not even want him to know while he was ill. He won't even talk to me now all he does is cry and stay in his room. There is absolutely nothing I can do or say to make him trust me again. I hate watching him cry and basically die infront of my eyes. All my mom does is keep bringing it up everyday making him cry more and blame me and tell me"You broke his heart you are just a disapointment to this family. You are going to kill him and it is going to be all your fault. You are the worst daughter ever you are going to rot in hell for what you are doing" She is just making the situation worse honestly I never wanted him to find out like this Advice?

[NearlyNapping]

You have a lot going on. It's a little difficult to sort out everything you said, but I get the general idea. Sometimes too many things can overwhelm you and you don't know where to start. I'd try to separate them and deal with one thing at a time.

Also, this is not entirely your problem. Your mother and father are both at fault also. I'm guessing that they held you to higher standards and put excess pressure on you to achieve. They are trying to throw fault at you, when they are just as much to blame. They are guilt tripping you and that's not good.

If your father is terminal, what's important for you is to come to terms with yourself. You don't want to carry guilt with you after he is gone. When I say come to terms with yourself, I don't necessarily mean patch things up with him, although that would be the ideal. If you can't do that, you need to accept and understand that neither yourself nor your parents are perfect, and you did what you could. Your parents put a high standard on you. Don't put a high standard on yourself as well. Do what you can, and accept what you can't do. It's kind of normal to not be perfect. So be gentle with yourself.

By the way, I'm being intentionally vague because this is pretty complicated. It's something that really needs to be talked out with someone and try to reduce it to simple terms that are more manageable.

I would make your father priority and at least *try* to set things straight with him. Even if all else fails, tell him you love him. Try to keep your mom out of it. She is NOT helping. Your father is being over dramatic and causing unnecessary pressure and guilt on you. Try to ignore that and see past it. You might not be able to get through the drama and guilt, but try. Try not to react to it.

At the same time, understand that all three of you are being tried. This kind of thing can be VERY hard on a family, all families. You can't really control how they react, but you can try to understand that everyone will react differently in a situation like this. So give them a little leeway. I don't think you are ready for it now, but someday you will need to forgive them. They are only human. Some day you need to see them as humans instead of only seeing parents.

[Rawrzz]

Welcome to my life. You didn't "attempt" anything if you didn't go through with it.

Well, you have good parents. My parents blame me. "Oh well, we made mistakes, but it was ultimately your choice to become a 14 year old drug addict." Disclaiming any potential part they had to play.

Jeez. Your dad is a drama queen. Oh, and I'll take back the good parents part.

Advise: Your parents are toxic. Your mother is a seething deluded bitch, and no offense, but your father sounds like a pussy: crying, isolated in his room for days on end. No wonder you got fucked up. Your mom is overbearing and blames you for everything; and your dad is weak. Biological ties or no, they are a source of damage to you. Drop them and let them endure themselves. At least for awhile. If your mom thinks your such a burden, then just leave. Fuck 'em. Don't care if they're your parents. Blood doesn't mean shit. If you live with them, move out. If you don't, leave them alone. Watch them beg you to come back.

Get pissed off for fucks sake. I know what it's like feeling like you've hurt your parents. But I also know how to handle it. They fucked up, and they're paying the price for it. That's life. And my mom tears up every now and then, thinking that she fucked up. And I just let her think that she didn't do anything wrong. That stabilizes her, and she's fine for another year or two. But they did. And your dad did too. And your mom did, too. That's the truth of it. Your dad will either break or he'll finally adapt. It is his mistake, not yours.

He was responsible for you, and he didn't raise you correctly, nor did your mother. If he would have raised you correctly, then you would not have been in that situation. He's right. It is his fault. There's a reason parents are most often held accountable for their children's actions until they reach the age of majority. Because it is their responsibility to introduce you to the world and teach you the tools you need to adapt and survive. They clearly did not do a good enough job.

Leave and let them sort out their own problems. It's not your responsibility.

[NoJoke]

wow even if u think this is the best question
its the worst question for me
leave your parents? really?
they are your mom and dad
they raised you and feeded you and bought you everything u need
clothes games cookies food everything
they put you in school to learn and grow and be something in this life
u never ever talk about parents like that what ever they do and whatever this feel and say
her father are heartbroken because he feels like he didn't raise her as the way he wanted
and he blame his self about that
i know this was 2 months ago but i really want to know whats going on now with your father
is everything good?
if he's still like before just slowly get closer to him get some gifts and tell him nice words and hug him everytime u see him and kiss his hands or forehead
make him feel that you changed

[Decentguy]

your mom is very immature and stupid, sorry but yeah, your mom dosen't know how to react or raise kids, i would say just go to your dad and tell him that you were going through schizophrenia and soo much in your life and i didn't want to burden you with all my problems thats why i didn't told you, is there anyway you can forgive me.

[NerdInDenial]

Unfortunately, you're going to have to leave your environment. Write a letter to your father expressing how much you love him and that you will change you life for the better. Then, walk away and focus on you.