My dad made me cry, my fault?

Question

I can't handle being yelled at, especially by a man. I get really upset when someone yells at me. About an hour ago, I was at the table trying to eat dinner. I'm not feeling well, I'm moody and emotional. My dad told me he and my mum were going to be in the garage. I hummed a 'mhm' as in 'ok' like usual. My dad repeated himself, and so I repeated myself as well. He snapped at me and told me to look at him and actually speak. I looked at him and said 'ok'. He snapped my name again which made me snap 'ok' louder than before. He got angry at me and told me to lose the attitude and that I'm 18 years old, so I needed to grow up. I said ok, feeling angry. Once they went outside, I broke down crying. I locked myself in the bathroom, I didn't want them to know I was crying. I couldn't help but think I was being pathetic and that I'm a shitty, worthless daughter who always fucks up and ruins relationships. Am I at fault? I ended up punching myself hard on the legs, over and over. I really come to hate myself whenever someone, usually my dad, is angry at me. When he's really angry, I always think he's going to punch me. He's punched my brother before, all because he didn't and wouldn't put on a pair of boxing gloves.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I think parents yelling or telling off kids is totally normal. Not many people in the world can say they've never heard their parents voice raised.
When you say you said ok feeling angry then broke down crying. Was that crying out of frustration? If so, just learn to not let him get to you which is much harder than it sounds but I promise gets easier the more you do it.

So from what you wrote, it sounds like you're a normal 18 year old who can get frustrated, cry, get moody etc and like he's a parent who expects respect no matter what and expects you to speak in a certain way to him as your dad. This situation is definitely not abnormal.
There's no reason to think you're worthless or ruin relationships at all. Not sure why you'd think that unless there's more to the story here.

I'll say, it's hard to live with teenagers, but it's as hard or harder to actually be a teenager. Even though you're almost past being teenage years, it's still pretty much the same. I remember it from myself, all my siblings, friends, now my little cousins. The story you wrote here could have been written by any of them. Because it's just typical.

I don't think you or your dad are terrible people, and I don't think either of you were wrong in this particular situation. You're both just emotional types.

Winterblade200 · Accepted Answer

It's not your fault you did nothing wrong it's his fault and that's abusive if he hit your brother, does your mom know? And don't hit yourself

SuperNovaRoyalty · Accepted Answer

Not objectifying anyone here, but by any chance, is your dad black? Mine is.

Kkaos · Accepted Answer

Aw, that sucks. I guess he was so caught up in his own things that he didn't see that you weren't feeling that well and he shouldn't have demanded that you look at him like that, probably some ego thing on his part..."I'm her dad and she will respect me!" kind of thing. It's not your fault, rather than getting mad he should have asked you if something was wrong. My dad unfairly shouts at me when he's angry about his own problems sometimes, I don't take it, I'm not going to have him take his anger out on me. I've fought with him before. Shit happens, but I do love him deep down, everyone makes mistakes. Don't take anything personally, everyone deals with things differently and there's nothing wrong with crying, when you've been building so many feelings up inside sometimes all it takes is something like your dad getting angry with you to tip you over the edge and you just have to let everything out. It's all fine. Hope you feel better soon.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

As a father of two daughters, when I'm trying to communicate and they don't look up or give me the time of day or play on their phones as I'm speaking or mumble an incoherent response, yeah, I can get a little hot under the collar. He clearly got your attention long before he took it as far as he did, so I would say it was a bit of an overreaction. But if he does this all the time to you and your brother and has hit your brother in anger… I would be afraid, too. That's abusive. Talk to your mom and your brother when he's not around.

HotDogg · Answer

Yes, it was your fault. You knew what your father was asking you to do, which was respond with a respectful tone and answer instead of escalating your seemingly sarcastic response.

It's a simple miscommunication that can be solved by talking to him, this happens often with everyone. You can make it better by bringing it up and getting his point of view of what happened, remembering you're not trying to begin another argument, and talking to each other about each of your expectations.

Rawrzz · Answer

Wow. You're an excessively vulnerable person.

Try to get a job at a restaurant or fast food place. They hire anyone. Also seek therapy for your borderline self-harm behavior and glass nature. You have to shop around for therapists. Just because someone is a therapist doesn't mean they're a good therapist or a compatible therapist for you.

singlebee · Answer

I think your dad is a fucking abusive jerk... you said he punched your brother... He is a fuck boy

Mynameisbobby · Answer

I wish I could give you a hug. You aren't a bad person your dad sounds like he gets angry easy. Don't hurt yourself.

Winter_Storm_Guy · Answer

See i would of just left and gave you space your dad was too hard on you.

Anonymous · Answer

Sounds like your in sever depression you should go see a therapist

Zendrya · Answer

I don't get what started the fight

Unknown15 · Answer

It's not your fault at all

Custardcream · Answer

Punch your dad. Make him proud.

My dad made me cry, my fault?

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