Why did my brother fall in love with an attention seeking hoe?

[Anonymous]

We come from a wealthy and conservative Arab family. My mom wears hijab and so do the rest of our female family members. However, he (my brother 29) fell in love with a very westernized Lebanese girl (we're not Lebanese), she wears revealing clothes-she is very self centered (she's very pretty i'll admit it-to the point where people definitely turn their heads when they see her), she's nice but too nice with everyone even guys-where it looks like she's flirting, she doesn't even wear a hijab, and she's 22 or 23 I think. He loves her so much that they are planning on having kids; or so they're trying, he buys her gifts that cost more than the average persons monthly housing payment, he bought her a car etc.

We always thought my brother was going to marry a conservative Arab girl, but he ended up falling in love with a very liberal girl.

[BikerGirl89]

1. I am Lebanese, and far from a hoe.
2. I do not wear a hijab, and far from a hoe.
3. I have been judged and shamed by Arab women and men who pray 5 times a day and fear Allah. Isn't that going against your religion? You should never judge someone else if you decide you want to live your life as a true Muslim. Either stick to it 100% and fear Allah enough not to judge another one of his children or give up that religious "conservative" role.
4. Just because she doesn't wear a hijab, and your brother loves her enough to spoil her, doesn't make her a hoe nor does that mean she isn't conservative.
5. Just because someone isn't raised like you, doesn't mean you are any better.
6. Your brother obviously sees something great about her to make her his wife. Don't mistrust his judgement of his wife. He knows what's best for him, not what's best for you and yoUr family.
7. My brothers wife wears a hijab, she is Lebanese and lives in Lebanon. She slept with brothers friend while my brother was battling cancer. My brother passed away and she took everything of his and put my family through hell. This is a woman who wears the hijab and portrays her self to be a god fearing woman in front of people who can't read her. The hijab, and Islam has nothing to do with anything. Someone can be a very bad person and wear it and act conservative just to fool you but the entire time they are actually the opposite.
8. Give her a chance. She may not be all that bad. I am not a bad person and I don't practice Islam, but those Arab people who judged me and shamed me got to know me. They adore me and see how great of a woman I am and how much I truly respect myself. Please don't be quick to judge someone just because they don't live a life you do.

[RomaTekilla]

the asker does not state that if a girl does not wear a hijab she is a hoe.

[BikerGirl89]

@RomaTekilla Yes she does. She said her whole family wears a hijab but this girl doesn't. That is an indication. This girl is a hoe because the way she dresses and her whole family wears a hijab. Come on now. Then "she is Lebanese. We aren't" She is just plain judgmental and shaming this woman for the type of person she is.

[RomaTekilla]

@BikerGirl89 you are overthinking it. she wants to protect her brother from potential emotional trauma (the girl might be a gold digger afte all) and tries to provide as much information as possible that's it.

[BikerGirl89]

@RomaTekilla if you were Arab and surrounded by Arab families then you know how they think automatically by just a few words. Itsvvery hard to explain to someone who isn't Arab and even harder to get an Arab to admit to their wrongs. To someone who isn't Arab, they just see concern in her eyes or even don't see any issue with this situation. To an Arab, they see the worst in every person who wasn't raised like them.

[RomaTekilla]

@BikerGirl89 I don't have any prejudice against arabs or muslims. So, in her question I do not see anything that indicates that the asker is prejudiced against non muslims. Even if I had a bad experience related to arabs I would not let it shape my opinion of them as a nation.

In your reply to me you generalise the nation by saying that they see the worst in every person who was not raised like them yet look at people here on this website - we were not raised like her and we do the same by seeing the worst in her i. e. calling her prejudiced, narrow minded etc and yet we give her advice to not judge. I think it is quite hypocritical.

[saudiguy1]

@BikerGirl89 The way you talk down on Asker and people with likeminded mentalities as her, say more about you than what it does abou her. She's concerned for her brother, because she more han anyone knows her brother and if she feels like something is not right... then gues what? ... Something is not right. You are nobody to judge her are talk down on people who think like her.

[BikerGirl89]

@saudiguy1 Lol my point has just been made.

[MintLime]

The fact that he buys her very expensive gifts such as a car etc makes me think that she might be a gold digger, at least whenever I hear such things that is my first impression. If I were his sister, I would be therefore also very concerned:"Does she really love him or does she lie and uses him for his money?"

The fact that she flirts with other guys only makes me think that she might be indeed using him.

Love makes you blind. He might be happy with her at the moment but if she does not love him sincerely sooner or later he might get hurt emotionally.

I think that you need to talk to your brother regarding his relationship with her. You are his sister and you wish only the best for him. You have known him for your whole life. Be very diplomatic as he might not listen to you since he is in love.

If I were in your shoes, I would just ask him if he could refrain spending money on her for at least 6 month, if she really loves him she will not be bothered by it whatsoever and will stick to him even if he is penniless. After that it will be very clear what her real intentions are.

[Sweet_Nothing]

As an Arab girl myself, it's like you were describing her behavior as my own. I do treat both genders very friendly, and it isn't a common thing but then again my mother is a foreigner. I've picked up a lot of traits in her and her side of the family and people mistaken me a lot when I act friendly with guys. My dads family on the other hand is the complete opposite, and they question my behavior even though there's no intention of flirting 😅 you shouldn't be calling the girl a hoe, she might be an extremely decent girl who just loves everybody. Give her the benefit of the doubt, it isn't a nice thing to call someone " an attention seeking hoe" it's a horrible thing to say to someone

[BikerGirl89]

Thank you. I am Lebanese and I take this as an insult. This is why I backed away from religion because I am sorry to say, women are not respected in this religion. A man is free to do as he pleases but an arab woman who doesn't the same thing is trash. No. i am my own person, I do good, I help others, I respect myself. I have seen Arab men cheat on their wives, go back home marry another woman, have more kids and come back and rub it in their wife's face. Very twisted. I feel bad for Arab women who get brain washed and controlled into thinking they must do this and that or else they are hoes and shamed. Smh

[BikerGirl89]

Does*

[Sweet_Nothing]

You're welcome, I've taken this as a deep insult too. I wouldn't let anyone make me back away from my religion, I still follow it even though they dislike my behavior, you shouldn't let them influence you too, you're better than that 👏🏻. I believe if my intentions are good then I haven't got anything to worry about, they can judge all they like. It won't change my behavior, morals, values or even beliefs. As a girl who got to experience both cultures, I can definitely say, unfortunately they restrict Arab girls and assume the worst in them. I'm hopeful one day the Arab girls will not judge each other so harshly, it's something I'm deeply saddened and ashamed of

[BikerGirl89]

I agree with you. All we can do is be ourselves and not worry and not worry about what others think. You are right!

[Sweet_Nothing]

It really helps in the long term, best of luck! Continue doing you

[BikerGirl89]

Thanks, girl! Same to you :)

[Oram52]

So whats the big deal about putting a cloth over your head? Why does that suddenly raise a girls value and make her special? So what's wrong with revealing clothing and being sexy? Surely God gave her that hot body? Have you maybe considered that your brother might not be conservative and is more open minded. He has no interest in local Conservative thinking.

Reading from your question maybe he actually is relieved going against conservative thinking being imposed on him. It looks like he finds her fun. What makes you think your borther doesn't openly talk to and is friendly to other girls.

I do see your concern about her might be using him, and her being seen as flirting to other guys might be a red flag too, if she isn't actually interested in your brother or may not even love her. But on the other hand you might also be biased, and seem dead against him. It is ok to be concerned after all he is your brother.

But its his life, he has to live his life how he see's fit. Have you maybe considered he doesn't want to adhere to conservative traditions and is happy with someone very liberal as that is exactly what he might be seeking going against conservative traditions being imposed on him.

[saudiguy1]

I completely understand where you're coming from, from experience Lebanese girls are hoes. But don't worry, their relationship won't last long. What will most likely happen, they will probably end up having a kid and getting married... but 2 or 3 years down the road or maybe less, he'll divorce her and he'll end up with someone more like his background. People eventually learn from their mistakes. She is a mistake.

[BikerGirl89]

You have the nerve to tell me that I am judging her but you just judged ALL Lebanese women. Typical and hypocritical.

[epiclol]

it is probably what caught your brothers attention: that she is like one the only girls actually showing off her body and if she is hot to then he must defiantly be intrigued, all his life he as seen girls in veils (hijabs) and now that he has fallen for her he won't want to marry to an woman he doesn't see like this girl.
that said she might be attracting him with her body knowing he is rich and is a gold digger that wants expensive stuff and she will have kids and marry if she can have that luxury.

[EpicDweeb]

You said yourself that she's nice, but that she's "too friendly." It may well not be something intentional on her part but something she does naturally. Not flirting, but being really nice to everyone she meets. Obviously in the U. S. many girls are like that and we take it as the norm. So while it may not be what you hopped or what you wanted/are used to. It's not necessarily bad. It might be, but it doesn't have to be. Is she religious at all do you know? Or is she an atheist? If she's an atheist I'd be more concerned simply because relationships in which the members have different world-views often fall apart.

[SnapTsch]

he can't be blamed for liking a girl that seems normal
you are looking the world from the lense that you are taught to see through

have an open mind and try to evolve with the time, also if some woman doesn't live by the rules that you live by, doesn't mean that she is a hoe

[BikerGirl89]

Thank you!

[DonkeyRick69]

Perhaps your brother is not as conservative as you think. I know many Muslims like your brother who drink, do drugs and fornicate lile rabbits. Honestly you sound jealous of this girl. Jealousy is sinful.

[RomaTekilla]

she does not sound jealous to me, she sounds concerned that the girl might be a gold digger. and honestly what is the point of these gifs?

[DonkeyRick69]

@RomaTekilla jealous women always call hot attractive women that intimidate them sluts. She expected her brother to marry a woman who dresses like a ninja and he decided no that he'd choose his own woman

[RomaTekilla]

@DonkeyRick69 , well i guess don't know

[xmark76]

Its like y rich girls want the bad boy. he's the opposite of what she's used to (exotic is a turn on), her way to feel rebelious, and she's getting attention. so ur bro is the girl in this scenario, but the same story. if his e. q. is good and his i. q. isn't low he'll eventually realize that shit dont matter and start looking for the crap that does... but dating that type shows his e. q. isn't great, so he may learn, or like most women, be a sucker for assholes

[dexterlecter]

the culture religion moral it's a bad thing in love matter cuz maybe he is just in love but no love her and then they got seriously troubles when motony catch them and she show her self being more liberal than him but u got the other side when they can lofe forever happy don't be mad with him or jealous just support him. he will loved that.

[Wonderer89]

Because she sounds fun, interesting, attractive and he see's a future with her.
Just because she's different from your family doesn't mean she's bad

[TotallyLikeMonday]

What is fun about her? If a girl wears a hijab and does not flirt with other guys then she is not fun? But if a girl is hot and flits with boys despite having a boyfriend then she is very interesting and fun? How about the fact that he spends fortune on her? No normal girl will accept gifts that cost as much as average persons monthly housing payment.

[Wonderer89]

@TotallyLikeMonday wake up to yourself, point out where I've said that women who wear a hijab and don't flirt aren't fun. Don't project your insecurities.

OP has clearly said that she's attractive, she's nice and that he loves her to the point he wants to start a family with her. Generally wealthy means well educated, so he's not an idiot; ergo if he's CHOOSING to buy her love that's his choice to make. It's acceptable and more common in much wealthier circles to gift larger simply because it's not seen as a sacrifice. People with that much money AREN'T normal, so your "normal girl" theory is irrelevant.
While I don't find it tasteful or important in a relationship, that doesn't mean he isn't happy with her. Just because she doesn't wear a hijab and is nice which is apparently construed as flirty, that doesn't make her a hoe.
Bye now

[lotsandlots]

"She sounds fun"? What exactly makes you think she is fun? The girl is a gold digger most likely. She is free to flirt with whoever she wants according to the feminism but again a feminist would never allow a man spend so much money on her. If she follows the rules of the west then she needs to follow all of them not only the ones that are convenient for her. The fact that she is different from her family does not make her bad, the fact that she accepts presents such as cars etc and at the same time flirts with other guys makes her bad no matter whether she is arab or a western girl.

[Wonderer89]

@lotsandlots read it again.
"she's nice but too nice with everyone even guys-where it looks like she's flirting"

It doesn't say she IS flirting. It says that her niceness is construed as flirting which are two separate things.

[HeyCaroline]

"People with that much money AREN'T normal, so your "normal girl" theory is irrelevant."

Since when wealthy people are not normal? Rich people are humans as well. A polite girl will never accept gifts that cost a lot. It is the basics of etiquette.

[Wonderer89]

@HeyCaroline an Arab multimillionaire dating a woman doesn't have the same standards and etiquettes as a western middle class couple. It is not a "normal" or a relatable experience for 95% of people on this site.
My employer services the UAE and Saudi students that come to Australia to study. The amount of men who come here and throw down $10k on experiences and gifts for women they'll only date once is mind blowing, and they're 18-24 year old kids NOT looking at marriage.

People who can afford cars as gifts don't view it as big as someone who doesn't have that kind of expendable income

[HeyCaroline]

@Wonderer89 etiquette is one for everyone. It is not separated into etiquette for poor people, etiquette for middle-class, etiquette for rich people etc.

[Wonderer89]

@HeyCaroline actually forms of etiquette vary from culture to culture. What is acceptable in the US may not be in the Middle East and vice versa.
You're over simplifying by trying to say it's only a wealth class issue when to an extent it is - but it's also cultural.

If someone has only $20 to last them the next two weeks, and they spend that on dinner for a girl it's a sacrifice and that $20 will be greatly missed by that man. The girl understands the sacrifice and is touched and grateful for it.
If someone has $20 million for the next two weeks, and they spend $20 on dinner for a girl it's nothing. The girl is grateful for dinner.

There is a difference in these two scenarios. Saying there isn't is naive.

At no point have I said he shouldn't be careful, but slamming this girl for being nice to those around her while accepting a gift her boyfriend can clearly afford and labelling her a hoe that doesn't wear a hijab is ridiculous.

[HeyCaroline]

@Wonderer89 Regarding the "You're over simplifying by trying to say it's only a wealth class issue..." - I did not state that and never implied that either. I also never stated that she is a hoe. You seem to be putting words into my mouth.

[Wonderer89]

@HeyCaroline you've referred to etiquette being relevant for poor, middle class and rich and that it's the same across all of those. Saying a polite girl - regardless of wealth class status would never accept a gift of value on the basis of etiquette.
So yes, you have implied it.
And the very question itself calls this woman a hoe, right in the title.

[HeyCaroline]

@Wonderer89 I never stated and I never implied that it is only a wealth class problem - so please stop putting words into my mouth. The fact that I mentioned the financial aspect only does not mean that I am not aware of the cultural aspects. I am perfectly aware that there are cultural differences as well but I did not mention it and made an emphasis only on the financial aspect because you only stated that rich people are not normal. So you assumed that I am not aware of the cultural differences which is wrong. I am also not the one who asked the question so I never stated that the girl is a hoe. I hope that this clarifies everything.

[Wonderer89]

@HeyCaroline so you're just cherry picking two words instead of reading the entire passage to understand the context 😊 Definitely clarified it
Also never stated you were OP, was simply reiterating my point on the fact accepting a gift doesn't make her a hoe based on the question itself.
Thanks for playing though 😊

[Sweet_Nothing]

I'm really disappointed reading all this. She obviously didn't mean " she's fun" as in talking to guys and not wearing a hijab. If you were to come to Saudi it's very common for men to spend thousands on their women, what happens if you don't accept it? They'll force it on you, so really at the end of the day you can't even reject anything from them and the ladies got used to it. I'm very disappointed as an Arab girl myself too, you guys were being harsh and talking about etiquettes like you guys know what the girl is all about. They all come from a different background, some believe spending tons of money on the girl is normal and others don't. I've known a couple where the guy is actually happy doing such an act even though his partner told him not to, so really you have to see what's the underlining cause of it. She might not be a gold digger after all

[RomaTekilla]

@Sweet_Nothing The one who has been harsh is the wonderer because she pretty much just makes everyone look bad who writes anything in the comment section. I don't see any reason why you would be disappointed, no-one actually wrote anything offensive in the comments but yet everyone received very "polite" responses from the wonderer.

[Sweet_Nothing]

She's not making anyone feel bad. She's giving her opinions and experiences of what she seen. The fact she's aware some men in our culture throws money like it's nothing towards the ladies, is a correct statement. How am I aware of that? Well as a Saudi girl myself, I've been around these types of men and other Arab men too. They spend their money lavishly on their lady, and they're often force to accept it because he definitely won't take it back and to also include, he'll view it as an insult if you keep telling him I don't want it, you spend too much, you don't need to etc etc. they view this as an act of charity, love and the ability to make you feel secure, so accepting it will make them happy. Unfortunately, you guys came off a bit too judgmental and critical of the young lady. You should understand, and have the ability to be in her shoes. I know what you guys are trying to say, however you've missed a few facts and have taken her words in a shallow way that isn't true

[RomaTekilla]

i appreciate you being protective of your friend but she was rude to the ones who commented before and she did try to make them look bad. ending an argument with "bye now" and accusing someone of cherry picking while doing it herself just to win an argument is first of all rude and is secondly not mature.

[Anonymous]

Just because someone doesn't wear hijab doesn't make them a hoe. Talking to guys nicely doesn't mean they're flirting. Just because his family members wear hijab and are conservative, doesn't mean he should find someone like that. He buys her a car... I'll give you on that one... unless they're getting married, car is over the top.

[Opinion Owner]

but that is his decision... I don't believe anyone can force someone to buy them a car...

[Opinion Owner]

also, what may seem like revealing clothes to you, may not be revealing clothes for her. She may think it's normal. I understand she's not from the same country or background but it doesn't really make her a hoe. I could understand your concern for being different but calling her an attention seeking hoe, I don't think is justified. plus, it's their decision at the end of the day.

[MoeToeMoe]

I, myself, live in a conservative society but i can't imagine myself dating or marrying a conservative girl. It could be just lust (which means that he is sexually attracted to her and he doesn't love her). As i can conclude from your post, you are a Muslim family. In Islam men are allowed to marry Jewish and christian girls (which don't wear hijab) so i think that if your brother decided to start a relation ship with this girl you shouldn't hate him because the girl doesn't wear hijab.

[tattooedhandfet]

What's wrong with him feeling happiness and being in love? As long as she is good to him, like he is to her, there shouldn't be a problem.

[eleanor95]

she sounds like a pretty and nice girl i dont see any problems

[abundantlyrich]

It's so obvious. She is sexy and he's in lust with her.

[AveronRoland]

She's beautiful and she's nice. 1+1=2. Let's just hope she's not a gold digger and be happy for your brother.

[Dingsbums]

Might even be a gold digger. That would be my biggest concern tbh

[Anonymous]

so girls who don't wear hijap are hoes?
lol where i live bitches are only wearing niqab or hijap.

[tomd93]

Good for them, hope they are happy together.

[karahiri]

She's hot. That's why.

[jaisharma711]

hahaha... Good 1!😂😂

[Anonymous]

Because men's brain is always down there. We have brain down there, not in our heads.

[Raheemudheen]

I think she's a gold digger

[WeirdoWerdo]

I don't actually see a single problem here...