Girl Getting Too Friendly with Boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

Hey guys, I have a question.

Been dating my guy for four years. I am kind of a jealous person... I feel flashes of jealousy with pretty much every girl my guy interacts with. Most of the time, however, I realize very quickly I'm wrong and being unreasonable, cause I see him and the girl interacting in a normal way.

I have no problem with my boyfriend having female friends. However, there's one girl who has really been sending up red flags for me. I don't know her at all (he met her about 8 months ago, when they were both doing study abroad, which just ended; she's from New Zealand.)

Anyway, she comments/likes absolutely EVERY single one of his statuses, talks about how excited she is to see him on his wall, and they went sky diving together.

I am extremely jealous of her, and I feel like their friendship is crossing a line. My boyfriend thinks I'm insecure, because he says he's not attracted to her at all, and he gets EXTREMELY angry whenevr I show any jealousy about her.

So when you see a female friend crossing a line, but your boyfriend doesn't, and thinks she's just acting that way cause she's his friend... what do you do?

Updates

+1 y

Also, he says it's no big deal even if she is into him, cause she's on the other side of the planet from him now anyway.

[Aarien]

I say to let it go for now. She's in New Zealand now, and is too far away to really be much of a threat. If you're feeling this upset, she probably is crossing a line. Just keep in mind that the trip just ended, which may be part of the reason why she's posting/commenting so much.

The only thing you can really do is talk to your boyfriend about it. He probably gets angry because he takes your jealousy as you not trusting him. Perhaps you should just change your wording. I mean, do you really see her as a threat to your relationship (as in, that your boyfriend would cheat on you/break up with you for her) or do you simply not appreciate her intentions and her crossing a line? If you explain it to him in terms like that, he would probably understand your feelings a little better.

[Asker]

Well kinda both (threat to relationship and not appreciating.) Yeah, he sees it as a sign of me not trusting him, and that I'm trying to control him... He says he doesn't see anything wrong with what she does, so I should shut up about it. What do you do when you see flirting but he doesn't?

[Aarien]

Just point out to him exactly what you see as flirting. Show him the comments that stike you as crossing a line, and ask him what he would think if one of your guy friends said that to you, and how he would feel about it.

[Aarien]

You obviously can't control him, but it's a little bothersome that he would accuse you of that for simply telling him what bothered you. I can understand why you see this as a threat to your relationship -- if he won't even hear you out, or doesn't want to hear about it. You should bring that up to him too: this is obviously bothing you, and if he doesn't want to work it out and help put your mind at ease, that is definitely a red flag and not helping the situation at all.

[Asker]

Tried that... he said, as long as I assured him the guy was just my friend, he had no problem with it. Course, HE still goes on off jealous tangents about a guy I had a crush on a year ago and got over. I barely see the guy, and yet it's "How's your OTHER boyfriend?"

[sophiabush123]

i agree she's on the other side of the planet, but did you say she's going to see him? because that's just wrong. I have guy friends I talk to that my boyfriend gets jealous of sometimes, but there's one guy I do kinda like that my boyfriend knows we text and gets jealous, and the reality is I do kinda like this other guy but I'm with my boyfriend for a reason and I would never cheat on him with this guy its just kinda nice to know that someone else is attracted to you I'm not sure why but its just kinda a self-esteem boost.

[Asker]

She would write she was excited to see him, like when they were going sky diving ("YYAAAYYYYYYYY!") or for his birthday ("The party tonight is gonna be awesome! Can't wait!") So it was all in the past. She's not coming to see him.

[sophiabush123]

That's good, if its still bothering you I know I would just write things on his facebook that would make her back off .. you could write I love you on his wall, or post cute links, or say how much fun you had with him the other day or something because she can't compete with that since your his gf

[Miss_Desirae]

I kind of know what you mean. There's this girl who seems a bit too friendly with my boyfriend, and they haven't even met, but she irritates me and I get jealous and feel like saying something to her about it, but then I just think that my boyfriend is with me, and not her, and I'm the one he says "I love you" to, and the one he wants to marry someday. If he isn't really responding to this girl's over-friendliness, then I think you should just let it go and not worry too much about it. If it still really really bothers you, calmly tell him how you feel. Don't go off on a whole jealous rant, just sit him down and calmly say why what she does makes you jealous, and that it is not because you don't trust him. He might understand a bit better. Also, like what was said before, try to subtly let everyone know that he's yours. Post little mushy, cute stuff on his wall, call him by a special pet name... etc.