I ditched the swimsuit and now my mom knows?

[Anonymous]

On Sunday, my boyfriend and I went to a public beach. There is a spot on the beach about 3 miles that is legally clothing optional. My boyfriend didn’t want to participate but wanted me to, so I was like fine, whatever. There generally isn’t a lot of activity there, in fact it was us and another couple there nude, everyone else was clothed or suited up just walking by. Not sure why.

So we walked the 3 miles and relaxed there for a few hours. Since it’s public you’ll see people dressed or nude. So my boyfriend (not nude) and I (nude) decided to play water ball, those tiny balls that jump well in water. He was in the lake while I was closer to the beach. After not catching the ball and having to run a distance (a few feet) I was spotted by one of my moms friends and her daughter walking along the beach (in suits) so she has this full on conversation with me about how she’s known me since I was young, and that they go out for dinner with my parents, etc, etc. The conversation was at least 25 mins with her daughter looking at me in disgust with my choices. The family friend also told me that they have never walked this far and sure found it “interesting. “ they then left and didn’t see them again.

Soo now Tuesday night I’m visiting my mom and had a dinner date and she asked me what my boyfriend and I were up to over the weekend. I told her that we just relaxed at home and didn’t do much. She then tells me she heard from the friend I saw, and said how she ran into me on the beach, and couldn’t believe I was naked! So I shared my side of the story and haven’t really spoken since. Mostly because she didn’t necessarily approve of my choice with my boyfriend.

Should I let it go, or attempt to talk with her.

[CallMeDave]

Are you really 25-29 like your profile shows? If so, then it's your choice what to do and even if your mom doesn't like it it's still your choice.

At this point, I think since you've already discussed it with her once I would just let it go. If she brings it up again then you can decide whether or not you want to talk about it again, but I think it would be better if you didn't mention it again.

When I was probably about 25, my mom wasn't happy that I went away for a weekend with my girlfriend, but we just didn't discuss it any more. She knew what was going on and didn't like it. I knew that she knew what was going on and didn't like it, but as an adult I get to make my own choices and we just never discussed it again and everything was fine.

[Asker]

I’m actually 24, but thank you for your input!

What had happened was a personal choice made between my boyfriend and I. Should I have made him join? Probably but I was simply doing what my boyfriend who is amazing asked of me. It wasn’t a big deal.

I’m more upset with how the daughter to the lady kept judging me.

[CallMeDave]

OK, still an adult though. My answer would be different if you were like 15.

I think what you and your boyfriend do is up to the two of you. If you were both OK with you being nude and him not and it was legal to be nude there then I think that's fine.

It sounds like you felt comfortable with it and it sounds like your boyfriend wanted you to do it so I think that's the only two people's opinions that should matter.

Like many things, there will be people that will not approve of what you do (like that woman and her daughter). I think you have to try to not let that bother you too much. They obviously have different opinions about nudity and that's OK. There are probably things they do that you wouldn't agree with. You don't have to try to please people that you're not directly involved with.

[Asker]

I would agree. I just value my moms input considering we are best friends.

And I did explain it was a request by my boyfriend and that I felt completely comfortable even though he was not nude. Which of course made her feel eh. I probably shouldn’t have told her I would do it again.

Thanks for making me feel better.

[CallMeDave]

Yeah, I understand about it feeling better if your mom approves, but you are an adult now so you don't have to do everything the way your mom wants you to. Hopefully she will still love you and respect you even if you make some choices she doesn't agree with.

My mom believes in no sex unless you're married. I don't believe that. She doesn't like that I don't believe that. We don't agree on that (or some other things) but that's OK. We still have a good relationship.

Was that the first time you've done that? Apparently you like it since you said you would do it again. Maybe it would have been better to not tell her you'd do it again, but I don't think it's bad that you did. She needs to accept you that you're not going to think exactly like she does. And there will probably be things that you'll have to accept that she does differently than you think they should be done. Any two people are going to have some disagreements about some things, but that doesn't mean you can't be close.

[Asker]

Yeah I get that. I’m her only child, so I still feel like her opinions and such still matter. Maybe I shouldn’t but the reality is that’s how I feel.

This was my first time doing this and I really didn’t have an issue with it, I probably shouldn’t have told her I would do it again, but it just happened through conversation as I do feel trust talking to her.

[CallMeDave]

I think it's good to stay close to your mom, but I don't think that means you always have to do everything the way she would. I think you are allowed to have some individuality. If everyone always did exactly what their parents did, we'd all still be living in caves and hunting with homemade spears and starting fires by rubbing sticks together. Branching out and trying something new can be good.

[Asker]

Yeah! Just considering our relationship I just look for that validation of wanting her to basically tell me my decision last Sunday was fine and that she supports my choices. That would put me at ease.

[Asker]

So it’s been about two weeks since this happened and my mom is still eh about it. We ended up going back to the beach yesterday doing the same thing and I did let my mom know. I want her to know that I have a choice in what I do. I went slightly over the top telling her but it’s okay. I also let my moms friends daughter add me on instagram and we’ve had some conversation

[CallMeDave]

So are you feeling now like things will be OK with your mom? She might not like it but she'll live with it and it won't be a problem in your relationship?

How are the conversations with the friend's daughter going? Do you think she'll get around to accepting it also? It seems like a good sign that she added you and you're having conversations. My guess is that if she eventually ends up doing the same thing with you that your mom's friend and your mom won't be at all happy about that. :)

[Asker]

Hey! So things are better with my mom. It took a while, honestly. She definitely doesn’t want to know about me being nude which is alright I guess.

The daughter and I still talk, we talked a little about the situation but not as much as I thought. She found it to be interesting on how I made my decision to go nude and my boyfriend didn’t. Will she join or accept. No idea. I do know that we did spend some time together when we were younger, I just didn’t remember

[CallMeDave]

I just got reminded of this question because someone liked my response and I got a notification.

It's been a while since you asked this and I'm curious how things are now. Are you and your mom kind of in a "don't ask, don't tell" kind of situation where you just don't discuss it?

That's how I got with my mom. Oh, and it might never change. I'm currently living with a girlfriend. We're both divorced and for various reasons not sure if we want to get legally married even though we're in a long term committed relationship that's basically like a marriage but just not legally.

I've heard from other relatives that my mother's not very happy about us living together without being married but she doesn't say much about it to me and it doesn't affect my relationship with my mom. As you can see in my profile, I'm in my 50s now, so if you're still going nude on the beach when you're 50 your mom still probably won't like it!

Also, are you still talking with the friend's daughter?

[NearlyNapping]

Let it go. You two already talked about it. I don't see a need to bring it up again. There is nothing you can do about the way she feels. But I suspect she doesn't think it's a big deal. She's probably embarrassed that her friend saw you more than anything.

It really seriously is not a big deal.

[Asker]

I’m going to see her today so I’ll find out. Maybe. I think my mom and her friend have talked about it more since the last time we talked. So I defiantly could see her being embarrassed about it. Hat didn’t really cross my mind.

[Anonymous]

That is one reason that my family belongs to two naturist clubs, and go on naturist beaches, a loooonnngg way from home. As far as we know, we have not met any non-naturist friends or family.

Just forget it, and it will all blow over.

[Asker]

Thanks. I would say my boyfriend and I aren’t naturists or whatnot, it’s just how he wanted me to be for the day with him.

[Opinion Owner]

It is fine. Your business, and not that of anyone else. You were being like people should be. I know it says clothes optional, but "Textiles" should keep away. Only voyeurs allowed! LOL!

[Asker]

Thanks. It was super awkward talking to them though! My boyfriend kept his distance too lol.

[Opinion Owner]

Wise guy! It always makes me wonder what people hope to see when they wander onto naturist or CO beaches with at least cozzies on!

[Asker]

It’s a very off the grid private area, it makes me wonder if my moms friend saw me on the more public side and Walked over. They said they come to the beach every Sunday but their tan said differently lol

[Opinion Owner]

LOL! You can tell I live on a beach! Not a CO beach, thank goodness, although it would save a lot of money!

[Asker]

Lol my boyfriend and I frequent the beach often.

[Opinion Owner]

You will soon have an all-over tan! LOL!

[Asker]

Haha well I did get a nice one!

[Opinion Owner]

Thank you for MHG!

[Asker]

So it’s been about two weeks since this happened and my mom is still eh about it. We ended up going back to the beach yesterday doing the same thing and I did let my mom know. I want her to know that I have a choice in what I do. I went slightly over the top telling her but it’s okay. I also let my moms friends daughter add me on instagram and we’ve had some conversation

[Opinion Owner]

Sounds good! So pleased it turned out ok!

[Asker]

It could be better with my mom and I. The girl and I started taking on instagram. She’s not that bad!

[Opinion Owner]

She'll be on that beach with you soon!

[xamm89]

Your boyfriend had a choice, he decided to stay dressed. You had a choice, you decided to strip. It'sa clothing optional area. You're both adults, I'm assuming. There's nothing for you to need to explain. Let it go. It's between you and him, no one else.

[Asker]

I agree! I don’t think there is anything necessarily wrong with either choice. It’s just left me in an awkward situation between my mom and I.

[matchrestore]

Its your choice to make, don't let anyone judge you for it.

[Asker]

Thanks. I appreciate the confidence

[matchrestore]

No problem. I've been "seen" by a few people I know when I'm at the local unofficial nude swimming hole, but my theory has always been that they went there knowing that there were likely to be nude bathers there, so I don't worry about it. My parent's are also nudist, so they wouldn't care if that got back to them, but I do have friends that aren't nudist that found out through the grapevine, and so far all of them are still my friends.

[Asker]

I wouldn’t consider either of us nudists but it was actually a really nice time

[matchrestore]

That's great to hear it was a good experience. I hope you get to do it again, and maybe convince your boyfriend to give it a try as well.

[Asker]

I would probably do it again. My boyfriend isn’t into it but definitely enjoyed me that way lol. It was rather cute.

[matchrestore]

There's quite a few benefits to shedding your clothes outside the home, I wrote a myTake about one earlier this year. How Nudism Can Improve Your Body Image ↗

[Asker]

That’s great. I don’t know what made my boyfriend want that on Sunday but it didn’t really bother me. Just my mom, her friend and daughter.

[Asker]

It’s also interesting that my moms friend daughter tried to follow me on Instagram this week. So I don’t really know what has all been said about me or this issue.

[matchrestore]

Maybe she envies your perceived free spirit and our courage to go nude in public.

[Asker]

I guess? I just don’t know if I’ll talk to my mom about it today or not.

[Asker]

So it’s been about two weeks since this happened and my mom is still eh about it. We ended up going back to the beach yesterday doing the same thing and I did let my mom know. I want her to know that I have a choice in what I do. I went slightly over the top telling her but it’s okay. I also let my moms friends daughter add me on instagram and we’ve had some conversation

[matchrestore]

Did your conversation with the daughter include the beach?

[Asker]

Yes it did actually!

[matchrestore]

How did she react?

[Asker]

She said that it was an “interesting thing” to witness and it was a conversation that continued for days with her and her mom, along with mine. She’s actually kind of nice so who knows if we will become friends.

[matchrestore]

Did she express any interest or desire to do it herself?

[Asker]

Not totally, she asked what the process was on how I made my decision and such. I think she is low key expressing interest but I’m afraid to ask why she’s talking to me or requested to follow and talk to me.

[Asker]

So I’m pretty sure she just asked to be invited to hang out with my boyfriend and I. How should I handle this?

[matchrestore]

Let her come along. You can be nude, just make sure there's nothing sexual.

[Asker]

What about her though and my bf?

[CoolGuy7532]

It's none of your mom's business. If it's clothing optional, that's up to you if you want to be nude.

[BigRob420]

Avoid the topic like the plague. You will never get closure about this from her only more fighting.

[Asker]

Hopefully!

[jessture]

At your age you still need your mom's input on things like this? Why?

[Asker]

Honestly? She’s literally my best friend. So that’s why.

[jessture]

If she's your best friend why would it even matter?

[Asker]

Because it’s still awkward for her knowing I was naked on a beach, and my boyfriend wasn’t.

[BigShaq321]

You're 20-something years old, why the fuck does it matter what your mom thinks?

[Asker]

Because my mom is my best friend and I’m her only kid, so that puts pressure on me still!

[Anonymous]

Is it just me, or is it weird your boyfriend didn't want to go nude, but wanted you to go nude?

[Asker]

Yeah, a little. I think that could defiantly be up for discussion.

[clarinet89]

I think nudity, is meant more for the nighttime, ya know, when most people are asleep

[abundantlyrich]

She seems fine with it

[Asker]

My mom?

[abundantlyrich]

Yes...

[Asker]

She felt more uncomfortable with knowing it than anything. Also she questioned me about it, briefly.

[abundantlyrich]

If she was upset, she will touch on the matter again

[Asker]

I think she would too. I guess I’ll find out when I see her tomorrow!

[laughinglad999]

nothing to do with mum