Does it make sense for my friend to forgive her rapist?

[Anonymous]

My friend has forgiven the guy that raped her when she was 16. She's 25 now. He's already been sentenced years ago. The rapist broke down in tears when hearing the words ''I forgive you'' during the trial.

Her reasoning though intrigues me. She wants to be at peace with herself and has nothing to do with having the person in your life. She claims it's for her own peace of mind and that she wants to live in peace. Does that make sense to you?

Yes

No

[Anonymous]

Yes!

I think you and everyone here who says no has zero understanding of what forgiveness actually is. I’m not answering to be belligerent; I think I have insight into your friend’s feelings and, if you want to be a good friend to her, it behooves you to at least appreciate the wisdom of her choice, even if you might make a different one.

Forgiveness doesn’t excuse her rapist. This is what is misunderstood about forgiveness. Excusing him would be like saying, “Aw shucks, it’s OK. It doesn’t matter.” She is not excusing him because is not OK and it does matter, and she’s more acutely aware of that than you and I are. Excusing and forgiving are not the same.

Forgiveness isn’t for the person who wronged you. It’s for you, the person who was wronged. It’s essentially saying to yourself, I don’t want this to control and consume me. I don’t want this person to continue to wrong me and force me to relive it every time I think of it. I don’t want to be angry and anguished every waking moment. I want to get on with my life and find the freedom to live normally once again. Forgiveness is a process. It’s not a single event like signing a document. You do it over and over again.

Here are some people who say it way better than I do…

To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you. -Lewis B. Smedes

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. -Mahatma Gandhi

When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free. -Catherine Ponder

You can’t forgive without loving. And I don’t mean sentimentality. I don’t mean mush. I mean having enough courage to stand up and say, ‘I forgive. I’m finished with it.’ -Maya Angelou

Not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die. -Anne Lamott

To be wronged is nothing, unless you continue to remember it. -Confucius

[Angelo75]

Most times its not actually forgiving but more that the victimn is afraid of him or of the consequences when exposing him.

So "yes" it makes sense and "NO" it is not right, because the rapist gets chances to rape and mess up other women out there.
Giving men even more of a bad name.

[Asker]

He's been sentenced to 18 years and had to be placed on another cell due to his cellmates trying to attack him. She claims to have really gotten closure she wanted when confronting him in court and so she forgive.
Though she never wants him back in her life. Forgiving to her was part of her healing process. I wouldn't ever forgive that though. I believe all rapist should be beaten by their cellmates.

[ManHater]

It's no wonder women will always be the victims. They lack determination to see it through. Soft hearts with a moral obligation to forgive a criminal who would probably go on to rape more women. Woman are their own worst enemies they are not tough on crime at all.

[Asker]

Not me. He's lucky it's not me because I would've shot that bastard in court before my father did something; I would be the one finishing him off. I think rapist deserved death. As a woman myself, I can't understand my friend's logic at all.

[Bandit74]

I don't know I think whether or not you forgive someone is more of an emotional choice rather than a logical one. It's just something you either feel or don't feel.

[Asker]

I think some things have no forgiveness. If someone raped me, they would never gained my forgiveness. I would be hating them forever.

[Kreneman]

People change and to have Great change, you to break the old Chains (Hate, Suffering, Pain and Fear).

[Asker]

Personally I think rapists are better off dead.

[Kreneman]

I agree the same way I believe that they should not be let out of prison at all.

[Kaneki05]

That makes her just as bad as the rapist in my opinion.

[Asker]

Her logic doesn't make sense to me. When I questioned her about it, she claimed that forgiving her rapist didn't mean having him back in her life nor having any contact with him but for her to no longer have that hate and anger. She wanted to heal herself.

[Kaneki05]

Just means the rapist don't have to feel bad about what he did and can do it again because he was forgiven.

[Mikelaughs]

That's an interesting but difficult question.
Do you think you could forgive a rapist?

[Asker]

Hells nope. If I were raped I would've wanted to shoot the bastard that destroyed my life permanently. I really don't understand her logic. It doesn't make sense to me.

[Mikelaughs]

True

[FýrdracaDócincel]

"Such a strong and mature person!!"

This is the response she's FISHING for. I'm highly skeptical that she's forgiven anyone.

[Asker]

yeah there is definitely no way someone can apologize for raping.. no way, no whatsoever
Personally, I'm within the crowd of death penalty for guilty rapists

[FýrdracaDócincel]

I don't know if you're trying to be sarcastic or not but if you are, grow the hell up.

Your friend isn't an angel and the only reason that man is sorry is because he went through hell in prison.

Regret and remorse aren't the same.

[Asker]

That's not sarcasm. That's my stance against rapist. I hope he continues going through hell in prison for what he did to her.
No one deserves to get raped. My friend was an innocent girl minding her own business. That guy not only raped her but that was her first time too. So that must be a horrible story to share about how was your first time.

[coffeewithcream]

Yup.