Women, could you forgive a man that has raped you?

[Anonymous]

Updates

+1 y

This question is really about forgiveness and perspective at its absolute depth.

What does it mean to truly forgive? Time? Action?

Could something like rape be forgiven eventually?

Does perspective on one’s experience being raped change with time?

Deep question at its core.

[ChrisMaster69]

When I was working at counselling centre and from a couple of friends, who were raped, that is not going to happen.

example one girl was held over a weekend by 5 guys and raped repeatedly from the Friday evening until the Sunday evening.

Utterly horrendous for her, however there are worse ones.

The link below is of two young girls raped and tortured, cigarettes put out on them , boiling water threw on them, raped, then taken off to be killed. Read the links below, then think about if you could forgive…

https://www.theguardian.com/uk/2006/jan/20/ukcrime.ukguns

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/abducted-abused-teen-tells-court-574779

also talked to guys that have been raped, they do not forgive either.

[Asker]

Yeah, not everyone will forgive something like that.

Nearly most won’t I would guess.

But there circumstances less horrendous, nonetheless horrible, that probably have been forgiven many times.

[ChrisMaster69]

The closest I’ve seen to that is sibling rape, where a brother raped his sister, not really forgiveness more of understanding.

If you move to the non consent technical ones, you may find some, however those rarely end up in long term counselling.

On the whole not a chance, even death of the rapist does not mean forgiveness.

[Asker]

These are the ones that we can track correct?

We don’t truly know the statistics on those that do forgive their rapist.

Those that are raped but don’t report

We all know how under reported rape/sexual assault/battery is

[ChrisMaster69]

The Office of National Statistics here capture reported cases and those that go to trial.

The entire area is complex, keeping it to rape is a simpler (but very complex) approach, you throw in abuse, that’s even more complex.

From experience sitting in on group sessions it’s going to be very low as in very very.

[Asker]

What I’m trying to say is, since we know rape and sexual crimes are usually under reported relative to other crimes.

I don’t think we know a perfect picture of the victims of these crimes

Likewise, forgiveness CAN be MORE common than the opposite, within the victims.

I’m not saying it is.

Maybe the majority just move on, without forgiving, which is extremely probable

[ChrisMaster69]

What I am saying is based on experience, which I have in this area, there is no More common.

Religion may come in to it, however I know that in the deepest parts of a persons mind, there is no real forgiveness.

The emotional impact can take years to recover from, it often ruins in part a chance of a normal relationship.

[OlderAndWiser]

I believe that most people confuse the ideas of forgiving and forgetting. To forgive someone means that you don't carry around a hatred for them or a need to seek revenge or retribution. It does not mean that you forget what they may have done to you and it doesn't mean that you stop taking precautions against them possibly repeating what they have done.

[Espresso-Grande]

No. I couldn't fogive

Some people assume you can't move on without forgiveness. That's not true. I don't need to forgive in order to let go and move on from trauma. I don't let trauma or hurt consume me.

[jennifer_bloom]

I think I could if I think about my healing and not their crime - bitterness comes when you focus on the other persons character and not on the personal need for healing and peace

[Juxtapose]

Ehhh no, I wouldn't forgive that personally regardless of my sex.

Look, once you have crossed a certain line you have proven that you don't give a shit about other people to a point where you are rotten to the core. People are responsible for their actions and their actions reflect their character.

[Kaneki05]

I know someone who did. But i will never get that nor want to. It's not a forgivable thing.

[Asker]

Well, clearly it is forgivable hence the example you just gave.

[Kaneki05]

Not by anyone smart. Dumb people forgive everything sadly. Someone would even forgive been killed by someone if they could somehow back. People are not all there sometimes when it comes to there patterns of thinking. It would be like saying, ah racism must be good just because one person thinks it is. Nah.
Just cause one person thinks you can forgive it and do so don't make it so.

[Asker]

It’s of course an individual thing.
Don’t you think it’s somewhat offensive to say that dumb people forgive when you don’t know their perspective or reasons for giving even though it’s for something that you consider unforgivable?

[Kaneki05]

Nah i know her and trust me she is not the brightest. Kind and sweet, and helpful and didn't deserve such things but not smart. And again even if she wasn't still kinda falls under how you cannot just based it must be so just off one opinion.

[Asker]

Well, okay, but that is her.

Someone else can be different.

It’s not just her, but a ton of other people I’m sure.

She can’t be the only one that has forgiven her rapist.

In a world of billions.

[Kaneki05]

again tons of people are racists. Don't really think it's a good argument to base it on just some people can.

[Asker]

I don’t think I have though.

I’m just pointing out something that I think you’re missing.

Also, we really don’t know the stats on forgiveness

We really don’t know if this is common or not.

[Kaneki05]

Don't matter if it is or not. It's simply not forgivable to anyone who say's so. And it is to those who say it is. There is always an opposite answer to everything. Don't really mean much to a overall point tho.

[Asker]

Well, isn’t that my point?

We don’t know

It can be forgivable

But obviously not to those that don’t think so

I don’t know what your disagreement with me is about

[Kaneki05]

My argument is just simple because some people do, don't make it any less bad and unforgiveable cause it still is really.

[Asker]

Well, I don’t think that was your initial argument.

Just because it is forgivable doesn’t mean it is bad, sure.

[Kaneki05]

Oh it was once you said clearly it is forgivable, because i saw that mindset come through and it's not a good one to have. But if your not in that mindset great.

[Asker]

What mindset?
It is to some people
Isn’t to others

[Kaneki05]

The mindset of trying to use this to devalue the importance of how bad rape is. There is a lot of people who try to do such things. They ask questions and try passive aggress around the issue just so then they can use it as some dumb point later on.
If you ain't doing that tho like i said great.

[Asker]

Yeah, I’m not doing that.

[EmmaMary]

Not A Fucking Hope In Hells Chance.

[KrakenAttackin]

You need to define "rape" with a question like this.

Feminist consider an unattractive man who looks at a woman for more than. Five seconds to be "rape staring". Could you forgive this man?

[hahahmm]

Very interesting that you say "a man". I know women who got raped by women... but usually women get a pass for raping. Like that famous actress Lena Dunham who admitted to being a pedo who raped her underage sister.

[Little_Bumblebee]

Probably not. He knew what he was doing
There might be exceptions, but in the general sense, no, fudge no

[DeeDeeDeVour]

When it comes to physical assault or worse, I'm not only unforgiving, I'm vengeful.

[LindsayR07]

In my heart, yes, I forgave all of them a long time ago.
Will I ever let them know so it can leave their consciences, not a chance, it's a deterrent from future behaviour

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Could you forgive a man if he raped you? Women aren't the only people that get raped... No, I couldn't, wouldn't nor do I think anyone really could!

[Kevhanma]

It’s different for men

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

@Kevhanma rape is rape!!

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Victims are victims

[Kevhanma]

Men don’t have vaginas most women who are raped don’t usually get buttfucked do you fuck in the ass?
Probably not because the sht fucking hurts

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

@Kevhanma women can get raped in the ass too you know, if she being raped, it's not like he's doing permission.. What a stupid thing to say

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

*asking permission

[Kevhanma]

Men have to get raped in the ass though

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

@Kevhanma Your point? Anyone male or female that gets raped whether in their vagina or ass, it's still non consensual rape!! And then too, don't you see, a woman could get raped in both? Of course not🤷🤦

[Kevhanma]

So your really about sit here and pretend that asshole are supposed to penetrated at least with a vagina there’s a possibility you can enjoy it anal hurts

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

@Kevhanma okay I'm done here.. You think because a woman has a vagina, she'd enjoy being raped.. What the f is wrong with you

[Lillie_xo]

I dont think there is any reason they could give to make me forgive them

[dustybiker]

One of us wouldn’t walk away. I’d be a step ahead, I wouldn’t be able to forgive a “god” who would allow it to happen.

[ElizaPam]

My first boyfriend raped me 8 years ago when I was a virgins I’ve been trying to forgive him but I haven’t been able to.

[888theGreat]

you were a guy , so I guess I know where that happened.

[fonduegirl]

Forgive them? Maybe. Let them be a part of my life? I'm not stupid.

[Arcreactor81]

Uh No
Never
Why should I do that?
Don't have a reason to
Nope

[DWornock]

As rape is defined by Mary Koss whose statistics on rape in colleges have been accepted by and are frequently quoted by mainstream media, most women continue to have sex with their rapists.

[elizamichale1]

I m not really sure but i think i did but yet i get angry sometimes

[kstout6]

Its because you are still feeling it, friend. Stuff like that is hard to get over. I'd ask you to search for a good therapist that you can trust and can connect with to help deal with those issues. Hugs!

[elizamichale1]

@kstout6 awww 😘😘😘🤗🤗🤗 thanks for that n i understand but thankfully i am alright tbh

[Esti1703]

It depends. If they have gotten help for it and would not do it again

[TacosRAwesome]

In front of the judges at court... Absolutely not, his ass is going to jail.
In front of God... Maybe.

[888theGreat]

supposed to forgive

[TacosRAwesome]

@888theGreat nah I'm too petty to forgive.

[rienna888]

No it cannot because that’s the lowest thing you could do to another human

[888theGreat]

It could have been things that got out of hand or alcohol too.

[Crystal_Snail]

Of course not. why would or should anyone forgive someone who raped you?

[princeofromance]

Men should never forgive themselves for raping a woman. Why should a woman forgive them for that same action?

[Smashingdoozy]

No. (Answer too short so I'm adding this)

[Smashingdoozy]

Also to add, you don't need to "forgive and forget" to move on. You can hold a grudge, hate a person with everything in you and still move on from the situation.

[Asker]

I can agree with that

[collie22]

send him to Jesus then forgive, letting God do the Judgment

[Kevhanma]

Sex is all they have to offer of course women wouldn’t forgive it was taken from them

[Agape93]

Never. I'm not debating on this one.

[Agape93]

To whoever is thumbing us down for saying no, go fuck yourself with a nail gun

[Fuentes]

They should murder the man if the justice system doesn't

[Cherry234]

No I definitely wouldn't

[Jennifertoubl]

Only if I asked him to

[forthright]

I'm not even a girl & I wouldn't forgive them.

[Apple1996]

I could forgive but definitely not forget

[SnakeBoop]

Never.

[Ninani]

Nope.

[Ninani]

I haven't forgiven my rapist, don't think I ever will.

[SamE86]

No. I would probably try to kill him too

[CordetteMonet]

Nope.

[jackieistired]

how can I forgive a dead man

[Gwenhwyfar]

No..

[Dinosaursandanime65]

I think that’s something only God can forgive

[anylolone]

Why are you asking only girls?

[NerdyAndTall]

Nope

[Hithere987]

After I killed him

[888theGreat]

That would make you a worse person

[LindsayR07]

@888theGreat sweetie, being raped is worse than death many times... I still have flashbacks occasionally and am forced to relive it over and over. Until you go through on it yourself, you have no idea what it means to be raped. I would have rather been killed... Death is a merciful vengeance.

[888theGreat]

@LindsayR07 Not if you end up in Hell , then it is 10,000 times worse than being raped.

[LindsayR07]

@888theGreat I don't believe in Dante's Inferno, the Christian Bible makes no actual mention of "Hell", only a vague reference to an "abyss" which could be taken as literal.

[888theGreat]

@LindsayR07 It is referred to as the lake of fire.

[LindsayR07]

@888theGreat that is Dante sweetie

[888theGreat]

@LindsayR07 Lake of fire is from the bible , sweetie. Don't die anytime soon , you still need time to prepare

[LindsayR07]

@888theGreat where... Make reference

[888theGreat]

@LindsayR07 Revelation 20:14

[kstout6]

@LindsayR07 Have you ever died before? No? Don't think so. Yeah, it hurts more because you are alive, but you are alive. Imagine you are dead. Worms will be eating your eyes and you can't do anything about it. You can be raped and learn to live with it and become a very successful person. As a dead person, you cannot do anything. Comparing rape to death is like comparing a shopping cart to a shipliner when it comes to carrying things.

[LindsayR07]

@kstout6 irrelevant

[notacannibal]

no, they would already be in my kids' stomaches

[Tania16]

Nope

[helva]

Surely not.

[HeartFullOfGlue]

Never

[pink_and_inlove]

Nope

[AthKristin]

No I can't

[Joker_]

wow this is so deep

[rosebud3671]

No. Flat out no.