I have to agree with you.
My parents put so much pressure on me to get good grades. My mom would often say once you have an A there's no way to go but down, which had me terrified to even get a B. I was cyber schooled through middle and high school which did not help the matter because I got no break, there was no separation between home and school.
Yeah I got good grades, was 3rd in my class, was inducted into the honor society and made the dean's list in college... but at the cost of my mental health, social life, sleep schedule.
I was so focused on being successful in school that I never planned for what I wanted to do after I graduated and I'm still so lost.
I know they meant well. Neither of them did well in school - they both admit to rarely attending, my mom was 200 something out of her 300 person class and my dad dropped out. They just wanted me to do better than them, but it really didn't help me.
Otherwise they were pretty great and I am lucky to have them.
Yeah I can truly understand you because I had been where I was so engrossed in my academics that I had left everything. That shouldn't have been the case. I was good in other things but didn't pursue it because I wanted to be on top in academics. Parents should never pressurize a child. I sometimes think if I wouldn't have been in so into academics I would've done something better which I liked and get to know myself better. I hope you find your way. Sometimes, it's good to be lost before we get something that we authentically love to do. Don't worry keep on trying new things and you're on your way to be found. Take care❤
As I’ve got older I realise that if I wished for a different upbringing then i would not be where I am and who I am today! And I finally like myself!
I really like how you think! You can't love yourself if you don't accept the things that you've been done. I love your positivity! By, far I think it's the best answer ❤
Thank you... you have no idea how much that means to me... Hearing someone say they love my positivity from only reading a couple of sentences is proof that you can bring happiness to anyone as long as whatever you project verbally, emotionally, physically is pure and you!!!
I just said what you're! Your very welcome 💓
Id remove the extreme emotional abuse that occured in my childhood (not prior to adoption, I think that the abuse then was fundamental for my development, it was what forced me down the path I went down so despite being bad it was for the best over all) and teen years by my adoptive parents. The constant self doubt and criticism turned me into a deer in headlights for quite some time and as a result I didn't get to do the things I wanted to because i was paralyzed by the doubt they instilled. Would be nice to get a do over in that regard.
I'm so sorry you've been in such a big trauma. I know how it feels to have self doubt and be overly critical about yourself. I hope your parents realize what they done to you. Since, they didn't soothe you. You've got to reparent yourself because people would do something to us consciously or subconsciously. But it's our choice that to heal and soothe ourselves into healthy adult. I hope you get over your self doubt and abundance of self love 💓 take care 😊
Oh I've long since moved past that, it wouldn't have been an issue except my biological mother and her boyfriend beat, raped, starved me and her boyfriend stabbed me in the head. I was then raised by a step mother who was not nurturing in the slighest, believed that since I was abused that I was going to grow up to be a monster and their was nothing I could do about it, who refused to acknowledge my intelligence (I was reading at a college level when I was in grade school) and told me that every plan I had for myself was "unrealistic"(I wanted to be a teacher (also wanted to write but she ripped me apart for that too) and that i should instead become a mailman (their is nothing wrong with being a mailman if that is what you want to do, but its quite a problem when some one says your not capable (intellectually) of doing anything else). She would punish me at random and if I asked why I would be punished again. If I accepted the punishement without question she would claim I rolled my eyes and punish me again and then if I expressed any emotion (like making "a face" i. e. looking confused or shocked) I would be punished again, then she would keep screaming in my face then ask me if I wanted to hit her and make her bleeed. To this day, she refuses to accept what she did.
The problem wasn't that I didn't get over it, its that it took me decades to get over the inital trauma then the abuse she heaped onto me and by that point I was in my late twenties and it was is if half my life was gone all because I was busy trying to fix what others broke. As I said the first trauma wasn't the issue, that got me into a lot of things and thinking in a way that others don't and made me who I am, but what she did held me back and now I have to try and play catchup now that I have overcome that and I feel like I don't have enough time or resources to do it. (doubts gone, and I have plenty of love for myself (their are things I could do better, but over all I like who I am (its just despite what my parents did not because of it)).
I'm sorry to hear that. I can't imagine that. That's so awful.
Well shit happens, could have been worse (which is why I pointed out I wouldn't necessarily remove the trauma because lessons were learned and I was stregthened because of it, just wish the recovery period wasn't increased so much by my adoptive parents (and specifically my adopted mother).
Can I give you a virtual hug?
You've been through hell.. I mean still you get to be so positive. That's wow like really wow! 👏👏
Sure (I'm a hugger so I wouldn't mind)! Well, when you have been through hell you either let it consume you and give into it or you come out the other side and think to yourself "Wow that sucks, lets not do that again" and you learn from the experience (got to make the experience worth something right?) and do what you can to make other peoples lives better (because life sucks enough without people adding to the problems).
I really really love your positivity... You're amazing man! I admire you.
Thank you! Don't know if its warranted but I do appreciate it.
I would make sure my bullies from Middle School / High School would have been brought to justice and serve their day in Court and I would even sue the School District for not doing more to help me... I went to the Guidance Counselor Office all the time and they would not help me and even I went to the Assistance Principals Office they would not help me so these are things I would want change also my Father was verbally abusive so I would have got justice on my Father for mistreating us the way he did with being verbally abusive?
I'm so sorry to know that... You've really been through a lot. You seemed to be a kind gentleman. I hope karma be a bitch to them. I hope you get over the wounds that you've been carrying so long. Sometimes people can be toxic. It breaks heart even more especially if it's a parent. You just start to doubt yourself if what you went through as a child you deserved it. I hope you be loved so much that you get healed from it and maybe get a revenge for what they did to you.
@hazelstar99 Thank you, for your kindness, I appreciate it very much... It makes you wonder why parents do the things they do but I guess it remains to be seen.. Tomorrow is 17 years since my Mom passed away I know she didn't mean half the things that happened but my Father was a control freak we had to sleep in a cold house cause he didn't want to put the heat on cause of gas bills?
Sometimes we forget that our parents didn't have the intentions to hurt us but unknowingly they do. Living with such a father must have been so hard for you. I hope your father realizes that. I hope you get healed from all the pain that you've been carrying so long and 😃.
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If I could change anything about the manner in which I was raised it would. I would change the way my mom wanted us to think before we made choices and take in consideration other people and how they might or might not be affected by our decisions. She also told us to be aware of the possible consequences of our choices.
The reason I would want to change these aspects of my childhood is I am way too sensitive and and empathetic to other people and their situations. Life would be so much easier if I didn't care as much.
Yeah sometimes our parents should teach us having boundaries and not giving a flying fuck. I think its good to be sensitive and empathetic. But, it's bad when our good quality is turned into our weakness.
I know I'm sensitive too. People took advantage of that.
I pretty much had a horribly abusive mother and was raised in a horrendous household. Though the physical fights stopped once I got old enough to outweigh her, like at around 13 or so. So yeah, if I could change one thing about how I was raised, it'd be to have some actual frickin' loving caring parents! I've literally never been loved before, if that matters for anything.
I've been in such a chaotic situation before but a different family member. So, I can understand what you've been through. Hey! You're going to be fine and someone will love you so much that it'll heal all the pain you've been carrying so long!
Your very welcome ❣
My parents would put pressure on me to be a certain way. But I am my own person and some of my values, beliefs and character are inevitably going to be different. As I am older now, I've learned to stand up for myself and build the courage to be who I really wanna be.
Yeah parents should be a mentor than to control their child. They should always tell the consequence of a decision a kid makes , support them and still give freedom to make their choices. It's remarkable that you learned to stand up for yourself else you would live in codependent relationship. Stay fearless stranger 😊❣
I'd have loved to have had a mentally healthy mother. I think if I had a mom who wasn't an abusive narcissist who ruined my father's life, raised me to think having boundaries was "disrespectful" and who cost my dad his financial future, my life would have been so much better.
Not just my life, but my dad's life.
That's terrible. The impact of human health both physically and mentally affects relationship. I hope your mother be fine and realize what she has done. I hope your family be in happier and healthier state. 💞
She's 60 and still refusing therapy despite having several very large mental breakdowns and never being able to hold down a job.
So I doubt it.
But thank you. My dad and I have survived and have forged a healthy relationship separate from my mother. It's far from "normal", but it's better than I ever expected to have.
Thank God! You found your way out else it would have been miserable. I hope you have abundance of happiness in your life ❣
Aw, thank you! :D
Your very welcome 💓
My parents were really poor so we were not treated as very equal to the society. They also did not have money to apply me to extra activities.
However, I was kid again, I would join scouts. It would be something probably helping me to grow into a much more fulfilled man having a feeling of community.
Financial instability can be a huge headache. Money gives access to happiness and pleasure. Well, I hope now you can pursue your dreams. It's never too late ❣
If I could change anything about it I would have liked to have my dad to be in my life more. I missed a lot of key learning experiences with him and lost a lot of opportunities to grow as a person with him and I see that guilt and regret in his face when I tell him i dont know how to do things or when i talk about guy things that i didn't get to experience
That's so heartbreaking! I didn't get to stay with my parents long because I went to boarding school at an early age. Since I didn't have cellphone those days and also they were busy. So, we talked once or twice in a month. That absence still hurts.
For them to be more concerned about my stuff like other parents. I aways used to feel like a black sheep when my grandfather came for my dance and music classes instead of my mom. I couldn't even concentrate when i saw all those moms standing there and mine wasn't there. But it only hurts little old me. Now i am kinda thankful they didn't end up caring about each and everything about my life like other parents
That's so heartbreaking! Sometimes people could be so unkind knowingly or unknowingly! That it stays with you for the rest of your life. I hope you be the love that you were deprived of. ❣
I hope you stay happy and have abundance of whatever you desire. Your very welcome 💖
I would have liked it if my parents let me get dirty and play rough. My mother didn't like it when we got dirt on our shirts and pretended we were little ladies or like that.
Also they were not emotionally supportive, I couldn't talk about my problems because they never built trust between us, they never asked anything or just talked between them, and made me stay silent if I interrupted a movie they were watching, so in the end I got fed up with that crap and never told them anything.
I never quite understood that why mom's would us want to be in touch with our feminine side when we are just getting to know ourselves. Maybe, because they thought that it worked for them. It might work for us but that's not how things go.
Maybe, now you realize how much it's important to communicate and how it feels like to be not listened to. That's so disrespectful to a child. Your parents don't want to listen you. A world without trust on your parents must be so scary. I feel the same way. It's just that you feel so alone and unheard. But, I still hope that you've someone or get someone who would love you with all your heart, make you feel cared and listened to! My heart goes out for you. Lovely stranger ❣
I'm scared to change the way I was raised, but it would be really cool if my mother was never an alcoholic so that I didn't have to suffer from trauma. I am more concerned with the bullying I went through during elementary though..
What about your dad? Or grandparents?
My dad is fine, but I wish we could be more open with our emotions. My grandma is controlling and quite clearly has tried to change me, she doesn't like how Im not "girly enough". I wish she could just leave me be sometimes..
Hey! Get a job and leave your home and stay where you can be yourself and feel secure. I hope you stay safe and happy.
For me, my dad was a verbal abuser. So having more peace with my dad with him stepping up to help the family... it's possible he would still be with mom and still alive if he had made better choices with us
I am sorry you had to go through that. I hope you be the love that you were deprived of 💓 i wish you abundance of love and happiness.
I first lived with my mom when she returned from war. My wish would be for her to have not been too prideful to seek counseling for PTSD and alcoholism and taken the anger out on me. She is better now but my teen years were rough due to it.
I'm sorry you had to go through that. PTSD can be really rough for the victim and for the loved ones. I'm so sorry that you had to go through rough teenage days when you should've been enjoying! Take care❤
my parents... cos they are total scum and abusers...
there were many many many days i hoped i never woke up the next day, and other days where i hoped i would have become orphaned
I am so sorry! You had to go through this. I have no idea what circumstances/ situations you've been through. But it sound so hurtful that you wished you were an orphan or even being dead. I hope you get abundance of love and security. My heart goes out for you lovely stranger. ❤
thankyou, but it made me stronger in some ways cos i knew who i could trust, friendships meant more and were stronger cos i knew who i could depend on if needed... life is a great teacher of many things, bad experiences can if we learn from them and help others to work through them, mean there can be some good come from them...
and to you :)
I really love the positive attitude you have even if you went through hard time and infact thank YOU for sharing your positive perspective regarding life. Take care❤
Your very welcome 💓
I hardly have anything I would change. I had great parents and a good childhood. The only thing I would change would be to have been raised in the country with a lake and some forests to go exploring.
I envy you that you had a good childhood. I didn't get to live long with my parents. Yeah I'm a nature lover too.
That I was raised with a strong belief in God’s justice - my life has been delayed by decades because of the moral disorder my parents tried to train me in
I can understand this because my family wanted to be a pro- Muslim but I still managed to get out of it. Telling them it's my choice to be religious to Islam or other religion or just none. I hope you figure out to live what your heart tells you. If God still exists it will definitely go chose authenticity over and over.❤
Thank you - yes I became a Christian
I'm glad you're authentic to yourself 💖
My parents to be more concerned with my own well being and giving me advice and suggestions over what i want to do as a career rather than them going on about their bs and have them not compare me to their friend's sons or daughters around me age.
Yeah that stuff is so irritating and how does comparison even help? It just feels so disrespectful. You never know what's going into someone's house and what kind of deal have they gotten themselves into.
You've got a lot of data now to how to become a good parent.😃
Really @nodnol32 ? You were going to have kids and it was 3 of them.🤣🤣🤣🤣
Try telling your girlfriend about that 🤣 also Richie rich you've got loads of money hiding somewhere inside your house.
I know because you're rest of the letters.😜
being taught to socialize more instead of focusing so much on grades, i believe i probably wouldve spend more time socializing more than ill ever use most of the things i was taught in school
Same
Yeah sometimes, it's human nature to socialize with others. Grades don't really get you anywhere but still enough to be literate and understand how the world works. We should have best of both worlds.
I would of took the abuse we suffered at the hands of my"father"-although don't deserve that title-out or at least just took him out...
I'm sorry you had to go through that. I can understand what you've been through because I have faced it. Sometimes you get the thought that the people who were meant to protect and make you feel loved could be so unkind that you don't want to be associated with them anymore! It's heartbreaking. I hope you're the love right now that you were deprived of as a child.
Same to you 💜💜
My parents not beating me for stuff I have no control over. They say that you sleep walk when you are stressed out when younger. Let's say my parents caught me a few times doing that because of what they did to me
I'm sorry. You had to go through this but why would you want to be inflicted with the pain for things you've no control over?
To have parents who didn’t blame all their fights and arguments on me and have it get to the point where they would scream in my face and even get physical..
yeah that’s too much information.
I am sorry. Parents can suck at parenting. You were still a child. You didn't deserve this. Sometimes just because someone is old that doesn't make them wise or better off. Please don't blame yourself for their shitty parents. You deserve to be loved.❤ Take care!
Take more opportunities that I didn't the first time around.
Take up the drums as well as the piano.
Have less attention be paid to absolute perfection.
Yeah I faced this thing I was so into my academics that I left sports. You do you man! Yeah being perfectionist can be really exhausting because I'm a perfectionist myself. Sometimes I wouldn't take up a task because I felt that if I did and I couldn't do it. I would beat up myself for that.
I honestly wouldn’t change anything about the way I was raised
You're lucky! 👏👏
Maybe you're kids will be.
Your**
I mean I wasn’t as fortunate to have both parents but having my mum and grandparents raise me is all I needed
Well it seems to be tough.. and I'm glad that you had a good childhood still. Your mum and grand parents must've done their job well!😊
Thank you ☺️
Your very welcome ❣
Nothing , like I've said before my problem is being born male. Being female would have made it perfect...
What's your problem? How is being born as a male problem to you?
Well people get operations for that. I think if you have enough money then you can go for one.
I'm sorry for you man! *hugged you*
My mom and grandma are overly protective and don't demand that you should act more mature to be a man. That hurt me as a man. I know they did it in good faith, but that wasn't good for me.
Yeah sometimes our parents don't really want us to grow up. But, when we do their parental ego comes in the way. Parents and grandma need to understand that we can't still be a kid.
My uncle never came around, and I had more tolerant parents.
How does your uncle had to do anything with raising you into an adult?
I'm sorry you had to go through that. That's why you get an impulse to never mess with you because of lack of sense of security. That must have been so hard.
Security you went through **
Yeah thank God!!! You're safe. Your very welcome ❣
I think i am raised in the best possible way so i would leave it be
You're a lucky girl! I envy you 😊
I sure am😊😊😊
I wish I wouldn't have been so overprotected and have a bit more freedom.
I hope you're having freedom now and relishing it every moment of your day. It can be so restrictive. Freedom is our birth right.
Thank you!! You're absolutely right.
Your very welcome lovely stranger
I would give myself a loving and supportive family. I would make sure that I was being loved, respected, protected, encouraged and supported.
That would have made an huge difference in my life.
I am sorry for what you went through and I hope you find so much love that you forget what has happened to you! I wish you abundance of love and happiness in your life ❣
Your very welcome and thank you!
I'd like to have a family who's motivating and didn't tell me to aim for less than my goals.
That's terrible.. You do you girl! Live the life as you want. Don't let anyone come between you and your goals! 🤘
Thank you! I'm nearly where I want to be, one step at a time :)
I'm proud of you anonymous girl. You can do it 👏👏
Thank you! :)
Your very welcome 💓
How I entered school/puberty. I've let my mother have too much power over my life in the past.
I hope parents learn that it's not good to be controlling. All a child needs support, safety and freedom with boundaries. If a child wouldn't make a mistake how would he learn and grow. I'm sorry that you had to go through this way. I hope you learn how to be a good parent after having experienced what you experienced. In case if you decide to have a kid someday. 😊
Not to be an introvert and interact more with people.
Really? I thought Indian parents always wanted to have an outgoing kid who is charming to everyone. Well, they shouldn't have done. Human connections is what human crave for.
It was just the opposite for me.
My parents wanted me to be a disciplined child without any bad habits but in the process of doing so they stopped me from going out with friends, watching English movies, etc.
Ofc I did all of them later but I wish I'd have done them a bit sooner during my early childhood.
Yeah it's allright now you're grown adult. So you can make choices.
I'd not worry about the humans and become something way different
What will you be? 🤣
Why does human make you worry?
You scare me right now 🤣😅
Yeah sure thank you for asking that 🤣💖
No being lied to and then expected to tell the truth.
Yeah sometimes parents don't realise that they are setting up example for their child. You must've felt so deceived.
I am sorry to hear that.
I would like to have been encouraged to try new things, instead of wasting half my life learning to
Yeah, life would've been more easier.
I wish I wasn't so afraid of people in positions of authority.
I know they can be so evil!!! I hope you get a place where you feel secure and loved. Take care anonymous. 💓
Thank you
Your very welcome by the way what happened to you?
Let's just say that at least one of my parents preferred to be feared than loved.
Actually, I'd mostly gotten over the problem I have mentioned before once I moved out a more accurate look at the issue is not knowing how to go about standing up for myself.
The only fights I have ever been in outside of the home was first grade which I just stumbled into. At home it was against someone I know fighting back against would be a huge mistake. It was against said parent.
*hugged you* everything is going to be okay anonymous.
Thank you in fact things have been looking up. I got a job i enjoy and it pays pretty well for someone at my experience level.
Congratulations !!! I hope you keep smiling like this forever.
the amount of physical violence i went through. the beatings with belts and other weapons.
I'm so sorry you had to go through this. No human deserves that. I hope you're out somewhere safe. The impact that causes on somebody after physical violence stays with you. You don't trust anyone and feel so alone. My love goes out for you stranger. Take care. I know this big world is scary but there'll be someone who would make you feel secured and loved.💓
Into a more loving stable family.
I hope you get so loved that you forget the love you've been deprived from the past ! ❤
Thanks love you too 🙏🏽
A lot of things. Infect almost everything.
I hope you set a great example being a parent. If you're willing to have kids one day.. all the very best and I hope you be the love that you were deprived of.
Haha yeah. That's what I really envisage.
Cool then.
Yes..
A different mother. Mine was a nightmare.
I hope you're away from her and she realizes how awful she has been to you. Take care buddy 💞
I'm sorry to hear that.
Being more sexually open and less shaming
That's a good point it would have helped a lot if parents were open about sexuality and sex in general.
I thought it happened in Asian countries 🤔
Well, at least now you know what kind of parent you want to be. If you're interested to have a kid some day.
Cool then have a nice day Andy 💓
Your very welcome
Not a single thing
You're a very lucky girl. I envy you ❣🤣
Have more money
Yeah financial stability is required to feel security.
Secure**
Things would be so much easier. For example i could have gone to college this year even if there was covid, but couldnt afford it, not the flat not the fee.
Yeah I understand that.. money gives you access to growth and access. I hope you get abundance of whatever you want in life! 😊
Thank you!
Your very welcome 💓
Growth and happiness***
Parents divorcing.
I'm sorry you had to go through that. If only people knew how much divorce can effect a child. That must've been so tough. You've to make choices between the two. I can't imagine my parents being divorced. I wish you all happiness and keep smiling 😊
Nothing at all
I envy you man! 💓🤣
Everything.
Hey! I hope you get so loved that you forget all the traumatic events and sad things happened to you! Take care and keep smiling. I know it's tough but sometimes you've to be the kind of love that you were deprived of.❤
what i would change is my dads abusive attitude
Nothing
You're a lucky guy! I envy you 🤣
😎 cool
Remove the abuse.
I hope you get out of that situation if you haven't. The flashbacks must've hurt you so badly. You're a human and you've dignity to live life peacefully without no one hurting you. My heart goes out for you stranger❤
Thanks.
You're very welcome 💓
My height.
Well, there are girls who are willing to date guys who are shorter to them. All you need is to be a good gentleman.
That might be a possibility but it's very rare... a short man isn't desirable and needs much more efforts and other things to be pleasing and desired by the ladies.
Plus it makes us short men feel emasculated and effeminate , intimidated by women in general especially if they're our height or taller.
As a female would you be ok dating or wanting a shorter man?
I think that we have 7 billion people in the world. I would think it would be ridiculous to assume that no one is going to love you with all the packages you have. If I had a good connection with a shorter guy. Then why not? I dated someone disabled. I'm open to true authentic love from wherever it comes. by the way I'm 5'2.
Dated a disabled guy despite knowing it. That's worth the praise 😊 🤗✌️👋👌👏
In what way was he disabled and what made you go for him , and would you be in a long term relationship such a marriage with a disabled guy?
O I see am the same height as you 😑 and am a male.
Would you be perfectly fine with a guy that's mere 5'2 be it short term relationship or even marriage etc?
Well he met with an accident that has resulted to have rods inside his legs. He's like everybody except he can't run fast or lift heavy weight. Well, I really wanted to marry him but he ended up cheating on me.
Well, right now I'm just looking if I can be comfortable with someone else and am compatible. I am bit pessimistic about marriage right now. I need my time right now to love myself enough that I could possibly give it to someone else irregardless of his height or disability.
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