Do Married Men Really Need Women as Friends?

[Anonymous]

Why would a married man actively seek to rekindle an old friendship with a long, lost female friend? My friend and I met when we were in college. In times of need, he always had my back and was a faithful, true friend. We never so much as kissed or held hands, just platonic friends. On graduation day, my mother mentioned to me that he seemed to (really) like me and that he would be the type of man to love, cherish and take care of me forever. Being young and otherwise occupied with another man, I didn't see what my mother was talking about. We moved on with our lives, he eventually married (for over 18 years now) and has children. I am still single. He recently contacted me before our 20th reunion. For 9 months, we've been corresponding via his work email, initially almost daily (sometimes 8-10 times a day)...though the emails have cooled to once a week or so. He has never been inappropriate, no excessive flirting. He has not spoken one harsh word about his wife. He tells me he is very happy, that he loves his wife very much and that they are very good to one another. With that being said, he seems to have a need to be in touch and he's mentioned on several occasions that he wants to see me again...in person, that he misses talking to me and that he wished "we would have hung out more while we were in college". He recently sent me his picture, his personal email address and now wants to link via Facebook. I hear everything he has said to me about his life, but yet I feel as if he really wants more than a friendship with me. He's a great catch...and I could easily fall for him, but he's someone else's catch. Should I run while I have the chance...or am I reading too much into this?

[Gone_But_Not_Lost]

Disclaimer: I would like to start by saying that you kinda ticked me off. This next bit may seem a little angry but this is something I think you need to hear. So I apologize in advance if I seem a little harsh.

______________________________________________________________

I think you ARE reading WAY too much into this. Come on now. Just because a guy talks to a girl, doesn't mean he's trying to either date her or get into her pants. It's frankly this kind of mentality that far too many women seem to have in their heads that has always ticked me right off.

You said it yourself, that he's never cheated on his girls to be with you in the past, and he's always been a good friend. You said he's never so much as kissed your hands and has been fully platonic. You said that. YOU. So keep that in mind while I ask you to use genuine logic here. Keep that in mind when I ask you; Why would he screw all that up NOW, and suddenly divert from his behavior of platonic friendship and monogamy? If you can think of any answer other than "he wouldn't" then I invite you to fucking get over yourself.

He was your friend. Simple as that. If he hasn't made a move in all that time, he isn't likely to make a move now. Why would he need a female friend? You're needlessly bringing gender into this. He just wants his friend back. Not his woman friend. His friend, plain and simple. The question you should be asking is why he wants his FRIEND back. In all likelihood, it's something as simple as just wanting to reconnect with an old buddy. People do this. It happens all the time. I got a friend I've known since the fourth grade who calls me up out of the blue no matter how hard I am to track down.

Now. Maybe I am coming across as a little hostile here, but seriously girls need to stop making a big deal about the opposite gender being friends. It happens. A friend is a friend, and that's all, and in this instance that's all this guy ever was and that's likely all he'll ever be. you need to come to terms with that. Anyway, you have no reason to "run while (you) still have the chance", just be his friend as you always were.

Good luck, and sorry for going off.

[Eiffelgirl21]

I see your point here...but, just to let you know...Some of us who have always been friends with guys...the guys have ALWAYS made moves on us, even if we were taken! So, I just want you to know my point here...Some of us have bad experience from being "friends" and I have even had a guy friend once..tell another one that he was "talking" to me and I was going to leave my boyfriend...WTF?! Just saying. I know all guys aren't like that..But, I am a bit afraid of having guy friends now.

[selfishstars]

Great answer, Toban.

[Anonymous]

Could you explain why you feel the need to "run why you still have the chance?" I'm a little bit confused about that. It seems to me that the whole situation depends upon how you handle it - as long as you can manage to see him as a friend, I'm not sure what could go wrong. I think that the only real danger would be you developing feelings for him.

Consider the worst case scenario for a second. On the off-chance that he does want more than friendship, that's a path he's already begun travelling down. I don't see how communicating with him would make a difference as long as you keep it platonic on your end. If you get sucked in and don't have enough will power to make logical decisions (instead of emotional ones), though, it could be a problem.

[Eiffelgirl21]

Every person is different. For example, I would never try to seek my old guy friends from hish school..But, this is because I know that they had other intentions..And, my relationship is not like most. My boyfriend and I tend to not trust other people..and think it is best to not have a friendship with another guy. Just because of the problems I know I would have. Jealousy with my boyfriend...because I may confide in the other guy..and etc. Besides, I feel whole with just having one guy friend, my boyfriend. :-) But, in you situation...he may be happy..and it may be innocent..although, I find it a little strange on his part..especially, if he might have liked you before..and the fact that you could easily fall for him...That is a heart break waiting to happen I think. I wouldn't get involved just because...I wouldn't want my heart broken or want to mess up a good marriage. Now, if you suspect he isn't happy..and etc..that's another story. I think...

[at_first_sight]

Saying "I trust you, I just don't trust him/her/them" is such a crock. If you trust your partner, then it shouldn't matter.

[Eiffelgirl21]

Why talk to other people if they like me? That would be keeping my options open, and I do not do that.

[sedwar3]

Even if he wants you, he has obviously chosen to continue keeping you in his life as a friend. He is married. Obviously if there was a time when you two would have been good together, that time has passed.

Enjoy your time with him, and use that time to build your confidence up. You really are amazing, and he knows it. Just because he isn't trying to get you into bed doesn't mean that he doesn't think you are amazing. He knows you are amazing. That's why he still cares after all these years. Take that confidence and go find the right guy for you, because he is out there.

[Anonymous]

Why can't this purely just be an innocent thing were he would like to get back in touch. I am not quite married yet, but I had a best friend at school who was a guy, and I would love to rekindle that friendship, people are allowed to have friends, its nowing the boundries that makes the difference.

[tibo1979]

Well, if his wife knows about this, it's probably because he just misses you and she's OK with it. BUT if she doesn't his relationship might not be going as well as he claims it to be. Looking for attention outside, cause the inside job isn't giving him what he needs.

[Anonymous]

he doesn't need, he wants

[Shaun]

Men don't need women as friends, period.