How can you get over being betrayed by a friend?

Question

USMC-Crossroads · Accepted Answer

Do the math, Sweetheart :) What I mean by that is, that feeling of imbalance you get when the initial shock subsides. It felt to me like (and this may be the worst part) something was just 'off' in the universe. We don't sense that in our normal lives, but every once in a while, something tragic will happen to us, that smacks you with a sensation that the whole world took a hard left into another dimension. The terrorist attacks on September 11, 2001 left us all feeling it. Quantifying that 'imbalance' is part of what I meant... get a sense of the weight of it. The 'doing the math' part is where you put it to use. Regarding 9/11, we knew right where the blame went, our hearts calculated the correct amount of anger, applied it, and then things at least made sense. What you need to do when your type of betrayal occurs is: First, recognize that imbalance. Second, get a sense of the weight of it - quantify your amount of anger/sadness/etc. Third, and lastly, try to realize that you have a credit - Just YOU. - YOU were betrayed - YOU were wronged - and YOU are owed. It may seem banal and obvious, Dear, but, us humans do not like what is unknown - simply putting a face or a name to something can ease our nerves. Even if you go your whole life without revenge or even just telling off your ex-friend, you can really put your Soul at ease, just by showing yourself that the math adds up correctly, and shows that you are the better woman - and you are owed. Keep in mind, that you haven't lost anything, but rather, you are walking around with the ex-friend's check in your purse... she is walking around with a bill, unpaid, and stapled to her Soul. When you think about it, picture it as yourself strutting down the sidewalk with an extra $1,000; and at the same time a block away, she is slowly dragging her dumpy ass along, with the heavy weight of that $1,000 draining from her account. Run that scene through your imagination, and I promise that your smile will return, the world will make sense again, and you are fine - ready for your next friend. Just maybe a bit more wiser for the wear. And you know what, Sweetheart? I think you'll be just fine :)

S3ntnl · Accepted Answer

Being happy about you were able to get away from that person for good. It hurts, I know. But we can believe no one. Just don't believe anyone, it will keep your happiness

hannahjo022 · Accepted Answer

I've been betrayed by friends since I was a pre-teen. It sucks really bad and to be honest it's more worst than being betrayed by your partner in a relationship. One of my childhood best friends who I thought was truly my best friend. Everyone thought she was this perfect nice beautiful girl but really she was not at all. She would steal my stuff, used me, backstab me, and was twofaced towards me. In high school, she would let her friends who I never met let them do her dirty work for her to bully me. I was really hurt and stopped talking to her. I had another best friend who I thought was a truly best friend in high school who only used me to get guys because a lot of the cute guys in school liked me and hung out with me. She started to spread rumors in school that I was a whore and slept around with the entire grade. Its obvious she was jealous. Which I was a virgin throughout high school and lost my virginity after high school with a boyfriend I dated from 18-24 years old. All those betrayals from friends really messed me up making new friends because it really hard for me to trust people especially females. Guy friends can be bad too. Once your friends betrayed you, you never trust them and want nothing to do with them even if they try to get back into your life again.

menina · Accepted Answer

I think you can't. Once the trust is broken there's no friendship. Also, if they betrayed you that means they never care about you.

Gingervitus · Answer

Short answer, is what most everyone else here has said... Time.

Long answer... Aka, why time is the best remedy?

From personal experience, it's my changing values. When my jackass best friend growing up told me to hit the road, my values then were popularity, parties, status, being a good friend, and snorting crushed amphetamines from women's chests.

As time went on, only one of those values turned out to have any... Value... coincidentally, it was the only one that didn't depend on someone else's decision. Being a good friend.

I realized I couldn't control what people thought of me, couldn't force people to invite me to parties, and couldn't get any girls to part with their dignity, or the Adderall they used to pass college classes. But I could control whether I was a good friend or not.

Eventually, (time) I realized I wanted friends that also valued being a good friend.

So... It blows big daddy sheep balls right now, but as time goes on, and you begin to realize what you do and don't want in life, you start filtering out shit that doesn't matter anymore. Stuff that DOES matter right now.

rjroy3 · Answer

First you need to allow yourself to feel those hurt emotions rather than ignoring them. Really let that shit out. Cry, yell, just let whatever is there to come up. Do that the best you can without fighting it.

Part of what's so hard is you're actively trying to not deal with the emotions and fighting those emotions cause you longterm hurt. You're delaying the hurt and thereby hurting yourself more.

The emotions may feel like too much at once so you're not allowing yourself to really feel it yet. You have to allow that to happen.

Let it come. Let it be, then let it go.

After you released that emotion, make the decision logically if this is someone that is worth risking them breaking your trust again in the future.

Regardless of what you choose you have to get back to living your life without that person. If you've decided they're worth attempting to salvage the friendship and they want that. Then allow them to come to you and figure out a path back to friendship.

If you decide not to, then continue your life without them.

Xoxocutekitty · Answer

I think it depends on the level of betrayal.

Like did they act in a way you didn't approve of, but it didn't actually affect you? Once I let my friend roommate struggle with opening the door. She got mad that I was inside doing 'nothing to help her' and I told her it's a freaking door, she opens it plenty of times without me.

Did they fail to speak up when you think they should of? Happens a lot when one girl talks trash about you and your friend says nothing. I mean it might make you doubt your friends loyalty but again, would I go off on someone for calling my friend a hoe when it's true? I'd probably just shrug, say something cyptic like 'wouldn't you like to know', and let the conversation move on naturally.

Did they deliberately do something to sabotage your life/relationship? Here's when you probably cut your friend out of your life. On one hand, if you're the person always complaining about your SO and your friend isn't 'supportive of the relationship', then it's not their fault. If they deliberately try to hit on your SO or they try and make you look bad, then it's a fake friend.

Citizenkirk · Answer

Make good use of the heavy bag in the basement, if you have one or go to a boxing and mixed martial arts facility to work off that anger.
If you are already a ranked professional fighter or nationally recognized amateur with Olympic gold potential, take a break from competition so you don't accidentally kill someone while working through your anger issues.
Don't look for ways of skipping the angel, sadness, uncertainty and all that unpleasant emotional unpleasantness, because they all lead to one unfortunate outcome in the long run, and that is...

How can you get over being betrayed by a friend?

Get the picture? Wheather you get incarcerated for mass murder, or worshiped for creating a new universe, at the expense of the one we are in now, packing all them emotions in and telling yourself it is not a big deal, you don't need anger management class and support groups for people with backstabbing, 💩for🧠s, 💩🗿 friend's, it's all bad in the end 🤧.
Don't be like this guy, Ricter...

He thought he had his anger under control, and didn't take the time to work through the stages of anger, regret, and acceptance, that his backstabbing friend wasn't worth his friendship, it happens, life drops a 2 ton load of 💩on you sometimes, and you just have to accept that 💩 happens, and you move on. Some people, however, are worth your friendship, and they will be there to help you through it all.

I give you my word🤗.

Sarahr123 · Answer

I got betrayed by a so called friend when I was 13. I hated her ever since. She was no friend - she was a snake. I just got rid of the bitch and made better friends. I didn’t need poisonous cows like her in my life. That woman isn’t worth your time so cut her out and make better friends or keep your own company. Some people are like cancer in our lives and it’s better you cut them out sooner before it consumes you and kills your soul and conscience. The longer you keep poisonous people around, the more it’ll affect YOU. If you’re going to love anybody then love yourself. Do what is best for YOU.

mrfoox · Answer

I think in one way it's impossible to truly get over. Once your trust have been broken like that, it will change you.
It becomes harder to trust people and believing them without any proof.
I still try to see the best in people but because I have been let down in the past, I always keep some sort of barrier up between new people before I feel they are trustworthy. It's not something I do 'on purpose', but rather something I reflect on afterwards. One can say this is both good and bad, i am protecting myself from harm but also from the positives of getting to know new people.
In the end, I think it's possible to 'get over' this sort of hurt but also you won't forget it, and it will change your way of thinking and being in some way.

Silver158 · Answer

You don't. I had a friend stab me in the back over a girl. And he went the whole hog with it. Keeping secrets, shit-talking me to the girl and the girl to me, gaslighting... he even threatened suicide at one point to cause drama and get sympathy from the girl. I stopped talking to him for a couple of years and we're friends now but I sure as shift keep him at arm's length when it comes to women. He doesn't even get to know if a girl I'm interested in exists never mind meet them.

Also, he never got anywhere with the girl so all his efforts and bullshit was in vain.

Foreveryeah100 · Answer

I don't think you ever do you just learn to accept it. I've had loads of fake friends, that have gossiped about me. An while it hurts, it's sadly part of life. You realise that not everyone is your friend, and doesn't always have the best intentions. But the people that are your friends, don't lose them.

Biancam13 · Answer

I think it depends if you want to keep the friendship. I had a friend who used to try to “steal” my boyfriends because of jealousy or whatever, but she admitted she was jealous of me one night and ever since then she’s changed and is a good friend now. So yeah the trust was initially broken, she’ll probably never fully get it back but she’s proven she’s fully remorseful and won’t do it again. I got over it and forgave her, but I’ll never forget what she did.

yoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyo · Answer

Give yourself time, think about the weight of what they did and the weight of your trust that was broke. Think about your goals in life. Are they helping or hurting your progress? If they are hurting you, cut them off and replace them. Your memories will live with you forever, but all things are temporary.

Pasiton5 · Answer

Yeah that's messed up, you just deal with the fall out and keep going, and next time choose carefully who you call friend, and sad as it is be careful of just how much you reveal to others about you, best thing you can do is just let it play out let it go and learn from this be more guarded, can't trust no one these days

Sonorous · Answer

Well, it would ultimately depend on the situation, but a broadly applicable viewpoint would be to understand their humanity. They have vulnerabilities that make them predisposed towards unfavorable action. We all do. And sometimes that stuff can take some real learning to implement! So, assuming they have changed & are deserving of forgiveness, just remember they're human too? 🤔

Marco10 · Answer

It’s not easy. I’ve been there a few times (I think we all have). You just have to accept the fact that they were not deserving of your trust. Honestly, a good mentality to have is this: think of them as trash that took itself to the dumpster. Disappear a little, focus on yourself, and with time they won’t even matter to you.

FatherJack · Answer

Accept it , it's their problem , not yours , and forget them , break ALL contact , block if need be. At least 90% of people cannot be trusted , hence I far prefer ferrets & dogs to my own species. Less people in your life = less BS

kidvid80 · Answer

for me once that trust is broken, nothing. i ignore you like you never were unfort, i been burnt way too many times. im going through it now, wasn't my choice but hers. for every reaction there's a reaction and mine is like i never even knew you

Novacane · Answer

You don't, you just forget them and move on with your life, understand that there are people out there that will not do you like that!

Anonymous · Answer

I've been in your place before with a few of my former friends in high school, I just learned to accept it and move on. I realized that they weren't really my friends to begin with and that I truly didn't want to be with people like that anyway.

TheBigGuy9 · Answer

Make new friends. Life a positive life. Keep moving forward. You workout? If not, do it. It naturally releases endorphins to make you feel good. So much so that it can be done for the whole day. Have perseverance too:)

Anonymous · Answer

You Forgive and forget — forgive them, then forget them. I had to learn the hard way more than once that when someone betrays you, they are likely to do it again and it’s only a matter of time.

Alyssa11 · Answer

It hurts. It really hurts. I don’t know if you’ll ever get over it to be honest. You just accept what happened and then there comes a really big emotional change in your life. In other words, you just accept what happens and you move on.

Minx7282 · Answer

block them on social media. Take your time to grieve the friendship as well as what has been done. In time you will learn to Let go of it. But take the time to need to grieve. It's much easier said then done. I hope you're okay

lazysoul · Answer

I don't think that's something that can be like instructed in some steps like do this and you'll feel better or get over it soon.
It's your heart which is still in the process of understanding like what has just happened to it... basically all you need is give time to yourself and keep yourself engaged in other activities,
eventually time will heal it all.

Brainsbeforebeauty · Answer

A " real"  friend wouldn't betray you.. Look at it as a good thing... Sometimes we have to let go of the people that aren't right for us..

exitseven · Answer

The truth is that sometimes you cannot. Friendships are profound things, especially the bond between two best friends. They can be closer than family.
If a friendship like that is subjected to betrayal sometimes there can be no redemption.

Browneye57 · Answer

You never give over power over yourself or your feelings or emotions to ANYTHING or ANYONE in the first place. YOU are control of yourself, right?  Trust but verify. ALWAYS.

Anonymous · Answer

I've had it done more than a few times and in my opinion. I cut them off and keep a distance. Even if the apology was genuine. You do not get the same me again.

Overmind · Answer

Easy; cut them out of you're life. We Virgo's could show you how like no other:) You'll never see a man go from hot to cold so fast as a Virgo betrayed./

Floppy2112 · Answer

No story? No context? If we have no info, how can we formulate a response? Betrayal, in general, it hurts, but in time you get over it. Just don't deal with the betrayer.

Account · Answer

I let the feeling consume me entirely, then I feel nothing about them anymore.

2021biguy · Answer

Just completely forget about them. I got screwed by family members after my father died and they are horrible rotten people, but they will get their karma one day, so don't worry.

GingerGuy · Answer

Maybe you don't? Depending on the friendship and betrayal.

DailyConfusion · Answer

It’s not easy. I just block them, delete their number and block them out of my life

FunkyMonkee · Answer

It's a very gradual process. Time wounds all heels.

daisyflowerxxxx · Answer

Growth baby! Easier said than done but block them move on with your life. Do things you enjoy x

Omario2049 · Answer

By cutting them off. Otherwise you're only setting yourself up for something worse than just disappointment.

Anonymous · Answer

Stay away from that person that betrayed you and let the karma do its work.

Anonymous · Answer

You can start by ending things with your friend, because betrayal isn’t something you should “get over”, but rather be done with ASAP.

AskA14yoanything · Answer

I know jesus says never take revenge and stuff but a little harmless prank can't hurt anyone

Anonymous · Answer

What happen? Not all the same  So he may did smth hard to forgive And maybe not I don't know

NyCats · Answer

It is ok to put icecubes into your butt, i do it feels great.

Smashingdoozy · Answer

Drop kick them

Jazquee · Answer

Realize they were never your friend and move on

RingOfFire · Answer

Betray them back. 👍🏼

scott04sa22 · Answer

Yes I been backed stabbed before

RichardCranium6201 · Answer

Find a new friend

Asianguy123 · Answer

Make them feel sorry by being good no matter

Anonymous · Answer

Well revenge of course.

MannMitAntworten · Answer

Reciprocity works.

chriscdi · Answer

Accept it

Iron_Man · Answer

You don’t

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