How do I deal with a friend who lacks empathy?

[Rose00]

It’s sometimes bothers me I thought all people did I been realizing more and always wondered what was the issue on why they act a certain way.

Updates

+1 y

She is book smart but communication she lacks in different way.

Updates

+1 y

We have known each other since we were in 3 rd grade and been friends since then. My mom just tells me to not give up on our friendship. I think she is selfish, she always talks about herself and doesn’t really listen to me depends what I’m talking about. We were both fit but she started eating bad so she been really insecure about her body for 2 years and sometimes is jealous of me for no reason. We used to swim in high school she used to be always competitive and now.

[JoeyRock]

I think a bit more context would be helpful but I will try.

A lack of empathy does not mean that person has no morals. It just means that they are indeferent to most things. But that also doesn't translate that they don't care.

In fact a lot of these people might care a lot, but they don't show it or they don't want it to be seen. It's only to those closest to them that they open up but it's a level of trust that takes ages to reach.

If you are patient and don't leave their side, they might feel comfortable to open up. but it's a loooong process.

[Rose00]

I am her closes friend she just has a relationship with someone else that she is 24/7 around.

[JoeyRock]

Okay, I read your update. Allow me to change my opinion a little bit.

Someone like that usually had something in the past that triggered this kind of reaction. Also, because of this lack of empathy, they don't often find interest in other people unless it's someone really close. But even then they can experience unexplained mood swings that make them interact with different people, even if they barely met.

One thing I can recommend: try point out how their actions affect others. but never do it all at once to not make them feel overwhelmed and think you are just dissing them. Like, if they are making life difficult for family or a friend, casually mention that as if it didn't mean anything and let them ponder.

I hope you will be patient with them but even if not I can understand. Not everyone can deal with these kinds of personalities.

[Rose00]

Yes thank you. Yes I just spent time with her she gets annoyed when I talk about my faith but it doesn’t make sense because she calls herself a Catholic anyways. I don’t mention anything anymore. Also she has a girlfriend and today what bothered me was that when I talked about myself she would constantly bring up her girlfriend. The girlfriend once sabotage our friendship a lot of my friends don’t trust her girlfriend. It’s a long story but I think my friend is blinded and the girlfriend is controlling.

[Rose00]

But it’s so hard trying to spend time with her because everyday the girlfriend is up her butt and it’s annoying. They are so close I mean we used to be best friends and the weird thing she doesn’t talk about her relationship with her girlfriend. I think she is quite on that she apart of the LGBTQ and she is lesbian but why are you being weird about it. I guess she doesn’t want people to find out. I barely knew she was dating I had to figure it out for myself. She does things to make me mad I think on purpose or maybe she doesn’t know the things she does affects me.

[Rose00]

She is different I mean everyone has their problems and issues. She has ADHD snd something else so does a lot of people she doesn’t drive because she has has hard time focusing. I told you this to explain to you she is wired differently. But she is incredibly smart I met her in elementary school. Our friend group always stayed the same even up to college. When we would go back to our hometown. She not considerate I don’t know I’m moving soon because of a new job so I’m excited to meet new people. We both work in the same city now. So I’ll see if anything changes coming up.

[Rose00]

She is always different I am more extrovert and like to meet new people go up to talk to strangers. She has lived in the city longer than me barely knows anybody doesn’t really like meeting new people. We still have a good time don’t get me wrong but communication she lacks and expressing her emotions to others. My mom keeps telling me to be patient but I’m honestly done putting up with her bs. I do the reaching out but I’m going to stop and let it be. I always feel like it’s my fault when I don’t hear back someone I feel like I have to reach out to them. But that’s a sign from God that this person maybe has served her time in your life and I have to move on. It’s sad but I think it will be better when I do move. My sister said we are just drifting apart and I will never be her best friend just her friend.

[Rose00]

It’s hard to know if you actually mean something to someone if they never tell you how they feel. She does have other friends so it’s not like I’m overreacting about how she never spends time with me. Her other friends live more closer we live in a big city and I live far from her. she it’s going be interesting when I move she is happy for me and I
Is sad but I’m not moving far still in the same state. I think I realized tonight when I was with her that first off our friendship has changed so much. We aren’t on the same page and I honestly don’t know if I want to keep putting up with her. There a lot more but she isn’t encouraging me or moving me I feel sometimes she not happy for me. She just all about herself and she always talking about her girlfriend. I do need to have a talk with her I will have to before I leave. I honestly been feeling bad about our friendship for some time I just thought things would be better and things never go back to the way it was.

[Rose00]

It feels good to open up on here everyone I talk to tells me I should be patient. They saw she always like this you just never realized that or it wasn’t that bad. It was all fine but her girlfriend had to be all drama and almost ruined are friendship it’s a long story she was just jealous because me and my friend have been friends for a long time. That’s why she keeps my friend all to herself and my friend just doesn’t know it’s a problem it isn’t heathy what it is. I’m just looking out for her and she can do better but that’s not my say. She can’t see that this girlfriend is leading her down a dark road some people are blinded God I ask she open her eyes. I honestly believe so people know the truth and that they aren’t in the right relationship but stay because they are comfortable and it’s hard meeting someone else. Anyways thanks for taking the time to answer I appreciate real people on here that are willing to help people that need advice.

[Rose00]

I have plenty of other friends and she’s the only one that I have problems with but always she is different. I have a tendency to keep people in my life for longer than God intended it honestly hurts when people leave your life and you have to let them go in peace. It’s life I will get over it lol but it feels like that always happens to me. Like where is that line how do you know when someone is done in your life like it’s time to stop letting them have access to your life and cut them off? I feel that’s kinda harsh.

[Rose00]

Yeah I told you a lot of like bad things and like things I am annoyed but she is like a good person and somethings I do like about her personality and the person that she is that’s why I was still friends with her and we still do talk. I’m not perfect and neither is she so I don’t hold her to a high standard. No one has a perfect friend but we as people can always try to be a better you and a better friend to someone else.

[JoeyRock]

In the end of the day, it's always your decision. We are just here to provide you different perspectives in how to look at things. Hope everything ends peacefully.

[Rose00]

Well rn I told her straight up how I felt she said we need to work on communication. She needs to not me, but after that she called me out for not mentioning boring stuff that I like to talk about which makes me who I am. That’s what makes her mad I guess I don't know. Anyways I sent her a couple messages and she not gotten back with me. She was the one over text getting offensive snd being rude I just ignored that. I might later this week call her I just was super busy yesterday and today to talk to her. I want to slowly distance myself from her without telling her. I always screw up things to soon I have a big mouth but it’s nog that deep.

[Rose00]

I just need a break from her snd I have held onto this friendship to long. I actually prayed to my God about if you can take away people that aren’t suppose to be in my life can you show me and he has answered. I prayed that prayer awhile back I decided to ignore God and do it my own way. This time I need to take a step back and let him work.

[Aakash_Hangargi]

Empathy is something that comes from inside you cannot really do anything about it.

But understanding that you can be more kinder to her.

People can only change if they feel like they need to change.

And they see the people around them how they act.

So if they see you long enough being empathic there is a chance they will attain those qualities.

There is a characteristic of humans they idolise they start to attain there qualities more or less

[Alyssa11]

I’ve got a friend like that too. I genuinely think she’s emotionally damaged. The best way to deal with that kind of friend is just not to tell them anything at all. Not the good things and not the bad things. And when they’re going through something, it’s not worth concerning yourself about it. Yeah the friendship then sucks but these people don’t deserve it.

[OurManFlint]

If your lucky then you have different kinds of friends. If you do, then you know that different friends can have very different functions.

Perhaps its not her function to be an emotional aid or support in your life. Just maybe you should consider the idea that her presences is provide another function that you've not yet considered.

[Emily1991]

I cut them out of my life I don’t need those in my life.

[Supernormal]

Do you wanna keep her?

[Rose00]

I don't know I want new friends

[Sketti2021]

Don't be friends anymore

[Alwayreckles93]

Cut Karen off.

[Anonymous]

Cut her off.