I know this is a odd thing to go to a site like this for but I feel I have no where else to turn for advice.
My Mum was diagnosed with menopause a few years ago. She lost her job to covid and ever since she just sits around the house. I have an autistic brother who requires round the clock care… he can do things independently he just wants prompts
My mum has a very big hoarding problem. I moved out 3 years ago and my bedroom looks like this nowWhen I was moving from a rented to mortgage property my mum suggested move back in with her during….. even if I wanted to there’s no place to put my stuff.
I’ve found letters back before I was born, 3 boxes of nail polish that are all dried up and a million crossstitch packs. Boxes of stuff she never opened back from 2007…. It’s gotten out of hand
whenever I talk to her about the hoarding she is full on guards up… she’ll bring up a time I didn’t hoover when I was 17. Or all that stuff is mine or dads or my brothers. Or she’ll bring up how dad didn’t do this other day…. I have said to her that dad does work a full time job and has fixed up the bathroom and kitchen in last 2 months…. And he’s been helping me fix my oven/washing machine and furniture in my new house…. But according to my mum my dad doesn’t do anything. Basically she uses what we aren’t doing as an excuse to not do anything. And it’s frustrating.
my dad did tell me earlier this year he’s just getting fed up and thought about divorce. we have both tried telling her to seek medical help for her menopause, depression and hoarding but she refuses to take ‘crazy pills’ and that she’s not emotional just “[me and dad] not doing as we are told or listening” we talk to her in a calm tone but she’ll shout then say we are the ones that started shouting. I love my mum, but she’s becoming quite narcissistic towards us and I just dunno how to help her from this point forward
You're not going to be able to convince her to get help on your own. This type of thing requires an intervention, where a trained professional breaks your mother down over the course of hours, maybe even days, to the point that she is willing to get help, at which point, the family takes her to go get help immediately, before she changes her mind. This will typically be at a rehabilitation center, which can be quite expensive.
I have a similar issue with my mother, who cares for my mentally disabled brother. She’s not a hoarder, though she’s bipolar like me. And she won’t seek therapy or meds. I’ve gotten a bit tougher about visiting her. Only if she goes to the doctor or psychologist.
your family needs support is the rest of the house like this talk to her GP about your concerns there are support groups for women going through the menopause if the house is really bad contact the local council environmental department because they will advise if your house is dangerous to live in due to your mothers hoarding
