How do I help my mom in this situation?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

As long as I remember my mom was always bullied and abused, when she lived in the capital city, she was emotionally abused by my grandma and my dad was never there to protect her, so I had to stand up to everyone and protect her, I had to stand between my grandma and my mother a few times.

Because my mom had a breakdown and my grandma would see how weak she was and yet, would keep pushing her emotions, keep bullying her.

My mom fell into depression and developed anxiety.

After my grandpa passed away, my mom moved to the village, where she takes care of my grandma with dementia without any help from her sisters.

The home she stays in, has a shared yard with her older sister, who is also a bully, whenever she goes there on weekends, she and my 20 year old cousin emotionally abuse her too, I feel trembling anger thinking of this and I wish I was there to protect her.

They tell her horrible things, insult her, hurt our pup and are extremely rude and abusive to her, because they are angry the whole house doesn’t belong to them, as my mom is a little sister l and that sister of hers feels entitled cause she is older.

Mom never tells me of her problems, until I dig deep to find out.

No one can help her, my dad could never protect her, even when they lived together and now that she is in a village, she’s totally defenseless.

I wish I could go there and teach my crazy aunt a lesson or two, but I am afraid I won’t hold myself if I see or witness my mom get emotionally abused again, that’s something that reminds me of my childhood traumas and totally makes me lose it.

But I need to somehow help her, she has nowhere else to go. How do I help her? She is already very emotional and struggles with her mental strength, as she’s too weakened by this anxiety of hers and a cruel life she has experienced.

Updates

8 mo

Because my mom is a little sister, her older sister feels entitled to the whole house and tries her best to make my mother’s life extremely uncomfortable. It already is, as she takes care of my grandma with dementia totally alone.

That aunt and my cousin tell mom horrible things, the aunt also says horrible things to my cousin about my mom and makes my mom hear all this.

Very violent things.

My cousin is a daughter of my aunt and an alcoholic father, she’s mentally unstable. She’s crazy

[Anonymous]

I'll assume you're Indian or something like that. Nothing racist. It's the way you describe the dynamics. It's a very social dynamic typical of India or the SE Asian countries, stretching to degrees into Middle Eastern or Arabic cultures but a lesser degree.

This is after all very typical behavior among small village Indian families - the wife or unmarried children is alotted to the parent caretaker and can be taken advantage of or abused, guilted into believing that they have part of the household only because they have a purpose in caring for the parent or senior relative otherwise they would not be part of the household and would by extension be homeless.

As for your father not inteferring if you are indeed Indian or the like culturally he may not have been raised to infere simply because the wife is not blood and not as valuable as parents to him. In that it sounds like your father may be gone - either dead or left - puts your mother at an even lesser social standing amongst her own family then she would've been in his.

.

As for what can you do. Nothing.

Unless you remove her from the village there is nothing that can or will be done. It is the cultural and familial dynamics and as they were brought up this way it won't change.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

I'm from America, and I was bullied in middle school, high school and girls who were neighbors would bully me to the best I can tell is make sure you get your mom out of there and possibly find friends from America who would get a visa for you and mom and bring you two to America to escape the bullying and friends who will sponsor you if you speak a different language then possibly this is what you and mom need to do, something needs to be done, and it's sad to see your mom to go through all of this abuse.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

Thanks for MHO :)

[msc545]

You need to get your mother out of there before something terrible happens. She does not need to be around those people anymore regardless of what your grandmother may need. Remember that your grandmother bullied your mother when she was growing up and really is not entitled to her help anyway.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

That is another grandma, my dad’s mom bullied her. She got away from that situation cause that was ruining her and now she is bullied in the village by her own older sister and my cousin…

[msc545]

Just get her out of there before she gets injured. This is not a safe situation and I think you know that.

[BoopBoopBeep]

AND the pup.

[msc545]

Yes definitely the pup. Even if you don't get your mother out of there please get the dog out of there.

[msc545]

Thank you boop. I'm embarrassed that I miss that to begin with

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I figured out, that last time when I sent her money for psychiatrist so she would keep taking that medicine and feel little less susceptible to stress, she didn’t actually go there, cause she couldn’t leave grandma alone.

As a first step, I am going to push her to go there and keep taking medication, she knows she needs it.

Because without medication she’s very susceptible to feeling hurt and unable to protect herself from all this toxicity.

At first, I will push her go there and then along with my brother, I’ll try to find out what else we can do from there.

She likes being in that village, when my aunt is not there, she rides horses everyday, she has friends there, she goes cycling, takes care of gardens, she doesn’t want to go back to my dad’s house where my abusive grandma lives and I totally understand her, I wouldn’t want to go to that place either, even though I grew up there. Ever since I moved out at 20 I only visited maybe 5-6 times.

I can understand that mom doesn’t want to return there. They are all abusive and my dad can’t handle his mother, she is a rare type of bully.

But she also wishes to stay in the village.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Probably if she had anywhere else to go, she’d choose to go.

But out of these two choices, she prefers the village.

As for my pup, I raised him like my own baby, my mom loves him to death, she will never go anywhere without him.

@BoopBoopBeep

[BoopBoopBeep]

There are horses other places. Your mom is under no obligation to care for someone bullying her. Take the puppy and go literally anywhere else. Her mom can die in the streets or the other bullies can take care of their own. Not your mom's problem or responsibility. She has enough on her plate already.

And she DOESN'T have friends there because where are her "friends" helping to get her out of this toxicity?

[BoopBoopBeep]

crap... @lafemmefatale_1

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

@BoopBoopBeep My maternal grandma used to be an amazing woman, she never bullied anyone.

My paternal grandma is a bully and a monster.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

My paternal grandma is back in the city where I grew up, my mom “escaped” from there and took care of her mother in a village, but her sister won’t let her live peacefully.

[BoopBoopBeep]

@lafemmefatale_1
Gotcha, then you need to get your mom and her mom and the pup out of there. If she's got dementia she doesn't need to be in that environment.

I usually find once the situation elevates to animal abuse people aren't receptive to being reasoned with. That's when I choose violence. I've never had to repeat myself that way, but of course that is not something I would advocate for another person to do.

Your mom's "friends" aren't worth shite in a shampoo bottle because if that were happening to my mom her friends would be over there taking her and your grandma somewhere safe (and I'm from the south so they'd be whooping ol' girl's behind for being a bully). That's pretty much why I've bailed half my female friends out of jail, but... you know... cultural differences and whatnot. Is there the equivalent of social services there? I'm assuming not. You mom and grandma could both benefit from professional help. Maybe get your grandma in a facility where she can be taken care of by someone other than your mom, and far away from this cesspit, which would certainly help YOUR mom's mental health as well.

It can't stay like it is. You know that. It's hard, yeah, but you don't know if your grandma has weeks left or years and your mom will be irreparably damaged if she's there too long.

[molonski2]

That is a heartbreaking scenario , she's basically been picked on and undermined her entire life , the goal just has to be to somehow get her out of there , even if that happened today , you know , there is no way she can get over what she's been though but maybe it can somehow be tolerable for her ,

I just don't know what else to say , that's an horrendous situation.

[Sevenpointfive]

tell your mom to try to get a conservatorship for her mom. then she will control everything that is your grandmas and can kick out the older sister and cousin. grandma needs to make a will so the older sister knows exactly what she's getting. have the dog stay somewhere else until this happens. if you know someone that's good with animals have them take care of the puppy until you can resolve this.

[exitseven]

This is a tough situation. There are no easy answers. You need your mom to realize that you have her back and you want what is best for her. I think that you are living elsewhere these days? That makes it harder

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I live in Shanghai, China.

My mom is in Georgia.

[exitseven]

makes it hard for sure.

[Friendlybro79]

Help your mom get therapy so she can talk through her life experiences and work with a trained professional to help her to help herself better. Anyone being abused this much needs therapy to help them work through the trauma and find a way to either get out of the situation or somehow stick up for themselves.

Sorry to hear about this.

[Grond21]

This is horrible, and honestly, I don't know. I wish I could help further, but I will keep her in my prayers

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Thank you ^^

I’ve prayed a lot my whole childhood, and it was never helped. Maybe your prayers will be heard.

[Grond21]

I am sorry the answer to your prayers was a no. That is really really hard.
I know they will be heard, and I hope the answer will be a yes this time too

[jshm2]

Depends on your country. There are charities and support groups, as well as reporting to the police.

[taurusman]

Get your mother to respect and love her so she’ll straighten the rest out

[Anonymous]

Get a life and stop writing your crap here please.

[Lliam]

Who owns the house?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

My grandma with dementia.

[Lliam]

It doesn't sound like your mom will the the house when your grandmother dies. Does she need the house or the money? Where will she live?

Your mom sounds really sweet, but I wonder why she puts herself through such abuse.

[Anonymous]

How many accounts do you have?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

1? Get lost please

[Opinion Owner]

You got 2. Don't lie you catfish

[msc545]

Who is this clown?