I am 18 in college and my mother is expecting me to clean up after her cause she calls it (taking care of her). she doesn't even take take of her own dog! Me and my sister are taking care of him but we barely have the time since we cook, clean, taking care of my mom (doing everything for her) having 4 classes on top of that. she doesn't care about how we feel in any situation she always says her decision is final and it's not suppose to be fair. she doesn't let us get a job nor a car, I barely got my permit to drive. my mom doesn't want me to go to driving classes cause she doesn't want to pay for it. my mother is very forgetful, manipulative, narcissistic, and very childish. than she told us that went me and my sister get a job she wants us to give her a discount on things and some of our money (20 dollars form me and my sister each month!) me and my sister aren't doing that but she is very a problem starter and acts like the child in the house even though she is 52 years old. she gets very aggressive went she gets upset and don't get her way or went people disagree with her, also my mom cares about what other people think about her life, family, children and her choices. this is very sad for me to see cause I feel like nobody can help her only God can. this is a very sad situation for me and my sister cause I know my mother can't parent me correctly ( not saying their is a correct way but their is a wrong way) me and my sister need help with her. i started parenting myself and look at YouTube for guidance on how to be a women in this world along with the bible. i don't listen to my mom's advice unless I see that it fits what the Bible says and address it to my life.
How can I get my mom to understand her responsibilities aren't mine?
I never read the Bible before but I would think that it would say if we have all been given a gift when we were born and that gift is choice which is we want to be in life by the things that we say and we do so I take it your mom is a single parent she probably feels that she will never have another guy in her life so what she's trying to do is hold on to you and your sister too compensate for that at the same time she's using manipulation to get you to do the things that she wants you to do
Now here exactly what you're saying when you say she should be taking care of you but I have to explain something to you when I was 16 years old I wanted a car so bad I already had my learner's permit that I got a night time job working as a dishwasher in a casino restaurant when I was 16 and a half I had the money to buy a car I also had the money to move out the harsh reality is right now in this time in this moment the only person that you have in this world is you and that's it and I hate telling you that but it's the truth from this day forward you're on your own and I hate saying it like that but it's the truth you're on your own you're going to become the person you're going to become depending on your strength your will your desire your passion and who you choose to be you're going to have a lot of hard times like right now but really this isn't a hard time
In life we have experiences we experience everything each and every day and it's what we do when we experience them that makes us become a better person a bigger person a stronger person it's how we deal with that experience right now this experience that you're going through is actually a lesson to teach you what it's going to take to succeed everything that you experience no matter how hard it is that experience and how you handle it is how much easier it's going to be in the future you're taking care of your mom one day you might be taking care of a kid you want a car the only person that's going to give you a car is you like I said this day forward you're on your own and you have to work you have to bust your butt it's going to be hard but the harder it is just means it's going to be easier depending on how you deal with it right now but it will be easier later on in life it's just like when you learned how to walk you would get up you wanted something so bad you would get up and you fall down you'd get up and you fall down but look at you now that commitment to that got you to where you're at right now and your commitment right now to yourself first we'll get you to where you're going to be in the future everything's going to be tough for a while except it stand back up and do it again walk again once you accept that you're on your own that it's going to get crazy and it's going to be hard that you're going to make it through it because you're going to stand right back up and you're going to fight to walk again it's a challenge life is a challenge battle it become it you're going to have to anyway so what you do it and become very good at it everything gets easier so for now on you're the parent kind of because your mom is kind of giving up that's her choice your choices to become bigger better stronger because that's who she's taught you to be and through your question I know that's who you're going to be because I believe that you can do anything you want to do you just have to accept it and do it and understand from today on you're basically on your own and that's a good thing though so smile try to smile while you're doing it it's going to be tough but it's how you deal with it is where you're going to be in the end take it on your destiny is meant to be great
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1 y
I never said she had to take care of me. i said she need to take care of her responsibilities as a parent and not put all that on us. i never said she HAVE TO buy me a car. i said I need me a license, I understand what you have went through but all I ask for is what I need an answer for. you people also have to understand my life is t like others where I can just "move out" or "get a job" it's more complex than you think. I pray everyday to get a excellent job so I can provide for myself without putting my mom in stress like she is doing me and my sister. you adults overly look things went all I ask is how to communicate my feelings about a problem. there is no reason why people should be upset about a question that needs an answer. parents get mad at their kids for not communicating their feeling about topics, important topics but they can't even tell you about small ones, than they become rebellious against authority cause they don't know how to communicate their words so they go by actions. think about that for a long minute...
Good morning how are you I can't believe that you actually understood part of what I was saying that was a long time ago let me start again no matter who we are there are times where we are stressed our plate is full we have so many things going on and we ask for help
Then there are times where we put ourselves in a position to where we have to take care of something and only we should be doing it
So you had to figure out which one is what and either help her because she's tired at her plate is full or because you want to
Whether it's a parent a child a coworker a friend sometimes we take advantage of them annoying me in a roundabout way and ask them to do things we shouldn't and it's our choice to say yes or no
I’ve seen some of this behavior… caring about others opinions but not yours. That be a trust issue. Sounds like her mind not working great but as well she expects you to have responsibility around the house… that is ok.
Restricting from a job I don’t understand. That may be control or wisdom… not sure. You need some power and control so job… money… savings required.
Too complex to sort out… get counselor. Good you have god to help.
Only have one set parents and best to keep good relations as much as possible.
My mom is the same way and she is 54 years old. I want to believe it’s a generational thing however there are always exceptions. It also depends on how they were raised. Most of those traits get cycled and passed down by generation to generation. For example, she was raised like that and most likely so were her parents. It’s up to you as the todays current and present generation (aka newest generation in your family) to stop those toxic generations. It’s hard though. Now that I have a child I see some traits that my mother had (some good and some bad) and I have to stop and correct myself because it’s almost automatic or auto pilot mode. If I give in to those toxic traits I’ll be succumbed to them and begin not knowing the difference anymore. It sounds like your mom succumbed to those toxic traits and forgot what it felt like being on the receiving end (the child) throughout the years. Don’t let it happen to you. You need to leave the house as in move out. Build up your own life. You can still help her out every once in a while because you really should help her but limit yourself and set boundaries. You’re 18, barely starting a life. Go create more of it. Do what makes you happy. Stay strong and even when it may seem impossible sometimes, always love and cherish your mother because one day you’ll wish she was there again.
What country are you in? Most people in America have a drivers license at 16. I suggest moving into a dorm, getting a job, and cutting her out of your life until she is ready to stop being a leech.
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1 y
I need a license to get a bank account and I don't know how to open up one. i want a job but I have a fear I will not pass any classes if I get a job.
You can get a non driver government issued photo ID for like $5 at the DMV. All you need is that and your birth certificate or social security card to open a bank account.
Ok but I don't wanna fail any of my classes I have to make good grades to get into my program. i feel like if I get my own place it would be stressful for me if my sister is scared to move out with me.
It is your problem though, you're living with her, she isn't living with you.
But that aside, where is your father or family in all this? Reach out to them.
On the other side, it's likely your mom has undiagnosed mental issues. I understand you're just kids, but you need to understand that parents don't magically become perfect adults after they have kids, and some adults require medical attention.
No idea what your mom has been through, and maybe she is just a stone cold bitch. But until you have her assessed, you cannot be certain of that. You should regard her as a patient with mental problems, you need to care for, if not a parent you need to care for.
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New1 y
I understand what your saying and I do take care of my mother since I was 9 years old. i know it's not my problem, you are right I am living with her. so you mean to tell me just cause I live with her I should be treated with little to no respect cause I live there? I don't deserve respect cause am young and don't have a job? It's like saying that to a homeless person doesn't deserve happiness cause he can't get a job. i never called my mother that word she have called me that many times, but I have respect for her cause she is my mother. i don't really like her actions toward me, I will let God handle that. i am not kid or child I am a young women, I don't need to be in my own house or apartment to be treated as such. most people don't move out of their parents house until 25 years of age or even in their late 30's. look around you prices are going up it's hard to move out, like you people keep saying... Find a nice apartment or any apartment that I can rent for 200 dollars a month that includes all the bills. you can't most apartment start around 500-1000 dollars to rent just for a month. even if you do I need food, shoes, clothes etc. parents shouldn't put their responsibilities on their children just cause they don't want to do it or lazyness even cause they are tried from work. its no excuse why I have to take on her responsibilities. she is not tried from work she plays on her phone like a teenager, doesn't do nothing for herself at all. she have bipolar disorder nothing else is wrong with her. stop making excuses for parents and people in general cause they are older, she the bigger picture. i didn't ask for aggressive behavior here in this chat room. if this makes you mad your a foolish person, if you want to make a real comment about this than do just that don't be venting about my question.
i doesn't matter what my mother goes through, she shouldn't put her anger and responsibility on her children. most things she doesn't need and she needs to get rid of it
I agree with you. Your mom is a horrible parent. I'm proud of you for wanting to better your life and grow into an adult even though she's trying to keep you from that. Keep seeking wisdom from wise sources, and fight for the future that you want. You deserve it!
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1 y
I just want advice on what to do. i really want a job, but I don't have any sources to do so. i did find a side hustle called study pool where students can give their notes for money for classes. buy I think I need a bank account For it. i am not they type to make excuses, I just want help on what to do.
I have a fasfa and the government doesn't let you have a job. i need the money to pay for my classes, people don't understand why I can't do things like "move out" or get a job. i am a person just like everyone else that have a story, but a lot of people choose to judge, and be ignorant about a story they never read. i am not mad at those people I will let God do all of that, I just wanted opinions, and suggestions but people will be people. thanks for yourself
I had a mom just like that and I wasn’t free of her until she died. Move out as soon as you can set up boundaries and if she tries to break them put her in her place if she continues to be lazy and doesn’t do anything then that just means she pretty much no physical ability to stop you from doing anything.
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1 y
I already doing that went I move out 4 years from now
If your sisters are legally adults, go rent an apartment with them. You already have a good community with them... You just have one leech to pluck. Most landlords don't run your credit. All you need is income. The three of you should be able to finance it together.
You're 18 and in college, it sounds like you can make it on your own at this point. Since this things are toxic with your mom i eould try to move out, maybe get a friend who can roommate. I would take the dog too.
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1 y
I am full time I can't do college and a job at the same time. plus I have a fasfa and I can't get a job anyways.
Join a credit union and build some credit. It only takes a year, and you don't need credit to get a job. Drop your pride and go apply at Walmart or some shit. There's ways to make it on your own as a young girl with no real life experience, but you have to shovel shit before you can be the one dumping it
I don't understand why you're being aggressive towards me. and I can't get a job cause I have fasfa which doesn't let you get a job while your in college they could take the money away from you. also thanks for the tip I will take that into mind once I learn my schedule.
Establish your boundaries now. Move out and become independent as soon as possible, lest you end up supporting your mother for rest of your (collective) life.
I wish she wouldn't be so lazy on some things like clean her room and make her own food. i actually like to do chores it keeps the house clean, but I wish she would take care of her dog and room at least.
Her house her rules, plus she’s paying for your college. If you don’t like it than I would suggest moving out….. as far as what the Bible says, the Bible says to honor and obey your parents and that you should wait to move out until you get married….
She doesn't pay for my college my fasfa does and don't use that verse to justify her actions. she can do things on her own, without my help. a lot of parents use this verse to abuse power over their kids which is wrong.
And if that was true that means you would have to "take care" of them even went you move out cause the honoring doesn't stop even if you do move out. so your saying to stop honoring your parents even you get married? which isn't in the Bible at all. since you put the Bible in it, lazyness is also a sin in the bible. Proverbs (22:13) it says Lazy people make excuses. so your telling me she can't take care of a dog that is hers? Or why would she buy a dog that she can't take care of? Wouldn't that make the dog miserable and lead to murder (meaning she can't feed him all the time)? which is another sin think about it without feeling look at the big picture of what am asking.
I like how you didn't answer a lot of my questions but you still continue to say the same. i did mention the Bible but what I said was what you said "to honor and obey your parents and that you should wait to move out until you get married" I asked you "so your saying to stop honoring your parents even you get married?" And I questioned more, you still didn't even answer all my questions only summarize what you said. so I ask you "is her actions lazy?" From what I told you *Doesn't take care of her OWN dog
* doesn't clean her own clothes
*NEVER cook her own food The reason why I call my mom lazy is cause she has time everyday, is isn't sick, doesn't have any disabilities.
So your saying just cause it's her house she can treat me with no respect? The question now is would God treat me or even you like this. You know the answer and so do i. i am not asking for a way out I am asking how to get a this problem fixed while being in the house. if you don't have that answer than you don't have to respond. but like most people you mostly will, I am not angry at my mom I am frustrated that she is acting like she doesn't have ANY responsibilites just cause he. Pays bills and work. (Proverbs 28:19) hard work helps with BASIC needs meaning you HAVE too do them. We get awarded by God with Crowns cause we CHOOSE to follow him it's a CHOOSE not a HAVE TO That's why we get awarded with eternal life. but she HAVE TO provide cause she is the parent, her responsibilities shouldn't be mine cause I am the child which I have other things to do than hers. she shouldn't put all that weight on her own kids and to justify her actions by saying it's her house is her rules is foolish. The father shows us how to parent in the Bible.
Example: a father figure is EXACTLY THIS Provider (Matthew 6:11) Leader (Matthew 3:17)
Teacher (Matthew 9:1-4)
Protector (matthew 9:9-13)
Helper (Psalm 10:14)
Encourage (Hebrews 12:5)
Friend (John 15:15) Jesus said :"you see me, you see the father" It's like me saying "I am only going to do only two of the commandments but all the others I won't do" my mom can cook, clean, take care of her responsibilities as a parent. But she only pays bills and work something that she have to do cuz that one role of a parent is to provide! So don't justify her actions just because she does only two things that's what she's supposed to do just like I'm supposed to do my chores and I'm supposed to go to college so I can provide for myself because that's what you're supposed to do.
That’s how the real world works hon. He house her rules, if you don’t like it then move out. It might not be fair but that’s how the world works. Think of it a valuable lesson you’re learning now instead of later. I was about your age when I moved out.
@Jamie05rhs I don’t have to believe is something to be educated about it honey…. In fact I know more about the Bible than most so called Christian’s I’d wager
I have a feeling you don't understand what am asking here. read the question again and come back cause your making it seem like I don't like my living situation. your ignoring what am feeling you your just making yourself look ignorant cause that's all you have to say "move out" like every one else instead of giving actual advice. all your doing is being ignorant cause your older and that's all you have to say. if your just going to be no help than you should have never replied.
