My sister is on the autism spectrum and is very smart. She’s polite, friendly and can have a pleasant conversation, but I gotta be blunt, she sucks at social cues. I mean she’s gotten better at it, but when she was a lot younger, she was horrible at it no offense to her. She loves positive moments, but sometimes she always brings up negative stuff and that’s all she wants to talk about sometimes and we have to keep reminding her that we don’t wanna hear about it. Like one time we found out our mom has cancer, I mean yes it was a horrible thing but our mom has a positive attitude. Of course her positive attitude doesn’t change the fact that she has cancer. She’s been depressed about it and I can understand that but our mom said that she shouldn’t have that mindset and she needs to have a positive thought I’m talking about negative stuff doesn’t help and she’s right. We got to visit her a couple times, and we always brought positive memories. my sister said that we’re glad we got to see her but she wishes it was at a different time and if it wasn’t for a sad moment but we cut her off and said, “Nope. We’re not talking about that. We’re only gonna have positive attitude stop bringing up negativity. She said, “I know they and I don’t wanna talk about it either but I’m just saying-“ then our brother cut her off and said, “Yeah but you’re the one that keeps bringing it up. Don’t be a Grinch.” She shut down, but I told her to not sulk and besides she’s the one that brought it up. She always brings up the past about the negativities, but we have to keep reminding her that we don’t want to hear about it and if she keeps talking about it, we’re not gonna listen to her anymore. We shouldn’t have to tell her because she’s an adult and we’re not gonna treat her like a child. She’s not five years old so we’re not going to sugarcoat it. She’s 21 and will be 22 in March.
How can I get my sister to stop dwelling in the past or bring up negative thoughts?
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I get it's frustrating dealing with your sister's habit of dwelling on negative stuff. But you gotta remember she's on the spectrum - social cues are tougher for her. Cut her some slack.
Instead of just shutting her down, try more gently explaining _why_ focusing on positivity helps. Like it lifts moods and gives people strength. Ask her how she'd feel if roles were reversed.
She's still learning. Empathy and patience go a long way. Try redirecting conversation to happier topics instead of demanding no negativity. It takes practice, and she's still growing too.
Maybe suggest keeping a gratitude journal together. Writing down 3 nice things each day can rewire thought patterns over time. You could also say something positive about her each time she brings up past sadness. Positive reinforcement works better than harsh tones.
She's not trying to annoy you, so avoid calling her names or acting like she should just know better. With support, she'll get there. You guys sticking by her side means the world, even on her toughest days. Cut her some slack - you got this!
We’ve given her some slack a couple times so she should be aware of that. She doesn’t listen well. She hears but she has to learn to LISTEN because that’s what she lacks. We’ve been patient with her and she doesn’t catch up like we do. It’s so frustrating that we just snap at her. It’s the only way she’s going to get it and get through life. We don’t care if she’s autistic. She should know when to listen! She’s an ADULT not a child.
Whoa, I get you're frustrated but you gotta chill a bit on sis. Yes she's an adult but autism don't care about age, it affects how she processes stuff. Cut her some slack, yeah?
Snapping at her won't teach her listening skills, it'll just hurt her feelings. You need empathy AND patience in these situations. She's prolly trying her best to understand but it's just harder for her.
Focus on positive reinforcement over punishment. When she shares something positive, shower her with praise. "Good job catching yourself there sis, I'm proud of you!" She'll want to keep doing right.
And lead by example - really listen to understand her POV too, not just wait to speak. Compromise works better than demands.
I know it's irritating but yelling won't fix it. She looks up to you so take the high road. Gently correct with care and she'll learn. You got this, stay strong for her!