My boyfriend wants his 2 small children (8 and 9) to visit for the entire summer and I don’t want them to. Am I wrong?

[Anonymous]

I’m a new mom and had a very stressful high risk pregnancy and child birth. My boyfriend made me continue working my full time warehouse job the entire time while being harassed and discriminated against at work. I was also staying w my sister, sleeping on an air mattress. He shared w me that it was out of spite bc of a really bad fight we got into. He felt bad and apologized and allowed me to quit my job and stay home w our baby now that we live together. A part of me doesn’t want his children to visit out of spite, but I just don’t have the energy to help take care of two very annoying children. Mothering a baby is very exhausting. I told him they can stay for a week or two and he said that’s not long enough. They either stay the entire summer or not at all. What should I do?

[rosemilk]

you have problems with your boyfriend. the kids are innocent and have no input in this whole situation and didn't cause anything. i don't like that "spite" idea/comment. your boyfriend is the one who caused you a lot of stress, probably including the reason why your child's birth was like that.

but i do understand that you cannot handle that, especially after a stressful birth, i think anyone would be like that's too much. and i have a feeling he won't be helping as much.

i'd say try to compromise and only have them stay half the summer, it'll cut out a big bulk of it at least.

[integrale77]

When you say out of spite it makes me loose sympathy for you, if you'd just said because your to tired to look after them I'd say it would garner more sympathy.

He's also trying to be a father to his kids and distance is difficult. His dedication should also reflect on how dedicated he is going to be to the child he has had with you!

Him getting you to try and keep your job is perfectly justified you don't say how they where "discriminating" but I assume they put you on lighter duties in line with you being pregnant. And you quit in the end instead of taking maternity leave?

So essentially it's time to act your age and find a compromise. And stop doing things out of spite!

[Mrtcn01]

it is realy bad for you and especially your baby.. it is newborn and it needs more care than normal... also you dont have to look after his children entire summer..

[DishLady]

You accepted a guy who has kids into your life… what did you think would happen? They would mysteriously vanish just for you?


They’re his kids. They’re only going to be this young and precious for a short while. Don’t ruin their lives by trying to prevent them from summers together.

[Asker]

No. His ex wife unlawfully moved them to another state out of spite and now he does not get to see them as often. I told him to take her to court to move them back and he does not want to. So now here we are. He lets her pull all the strings and it’s really annoying. I don’t mind them coming, but I don’t want to be responsible for them the entire summer. They have a mother. I wish they would do a better job at coparenting so I can focus on mother my own baby.

[DishLady]

Court is $$$. Not everyone can afford all the fees and fiddling and a lot of time the parents still don’t get what they want. I’m not saying she’s ok for doing that, but YOU need to not get into it with him. I figure his heart’s already bleeding from the situation as it is. Just be his support. That’s what he needs from you.

Be strong — I know it’s not what you want right now, but… that’s how life just is sometimes. Make the best of it.

[MsProsperity]

Maybe tell him to go visit them instead of them coming over

[Asker]

If he does, it would only be for a weekend. I think we both would like it to be longer than that.

[jahaims]

You are both immature and irresponsible. You shouldn't be in charge of raising other humans.

[LazerBean]

SMH Y'all should not be reproducing