How about a Dad Joke?

[AviatorTom]

Q: What is blue and not heavy?

A: Light blue

Q: What would you do if you came across a lion in the wild?

A: Apologize and rub it out

Share your best Dad Jokes below.

Let's help make today a funny day.

Updates

+1 y

People are asking about the lion joke. It's courtesy of Samantha on the Yeah Mad YouTube channel.

It's a play on words. If you "came" across the lion, you ejaculated on the lion, so the best thing to do is say you're sorry and wipe it off.

[purplepoppy]

Man phones his boss at work and asks, "What's the difference between the office and your daughter?"

"I don't know."

"I'm not coming in the office today."

[KostasKouvalis]

Now THAT'S a good one! You never disappoint Pabi

[purplepoppy]

Try it tomorrow and let's know how you get on.

[RetroReviews]

That one is raunchy

[Dinklex3]

I don’t understand the lion one 🤔

[KostasKouvalis]

What's the lion one? Am I not seeing something?
I don't get the skydiving one. I mean, I get what the joke is saying, but I don't get the logic behind it. How would someone who is skydiving for the first time be working as an instructor?

[Dinklex3]

@KostasKouvalis OP posted the lion one.

For the skydiving one, neither are instructors. The joke is that some guy mistook him for an instructor, strapped himself to him, then jumped.

[RetroReviews]

@KostasKouvalis it don't matter it's not on preschool level so you won't understand

[Dinklex3]

Hey hey hey.
This is supposed to be a good vibes fun post.
No fighting or passive aggressiveness allowed.

[RetroReviews]

I put a joke on that was very light-hearted and silly, they didn't understand it so I explained it to them and they said it was fucking stupid

[KostasKouvalis]

That's so stupid though, 'cuz that would never happened in real life. One of them would notice.
And yeah, I don't get the lion one either.

Forgive me. I usually listen to jokes that are actually funny

[Dinklex3]

@KostasKouvalis It’s a joke, sweetie. A salt shaker doesn’t come to life to beat a pepper shaker either. Nor would a doctor refer to their patient as “fatty”.
That’s fine if you don’t find it funny, move along ❤️

[RetroReviews]

In the fridge why did the green tomato turn red?

Because it saw the salad... dressing...🤣

[KostasKouvalis]

I don't get it

[RetroReviews]

@KostasKouvalis you see the salad was naked... he saw the salad getting dressed the salad... dressing. So the tomato was embarrassing was blushing that's why he turned red

[KostasKouvalis]

That's fucking stupid

[RetroReviews]

@KostasKouvalis look in the mirror lately that joke was on a kids cup at fazoli's so if kids can get it then I don't think you should be calling anything or anybody stupid dumbass

[sage2021]

@RetroReviews
I got it right away 😅
Some people don't have a sense of humor but I do

[AviatorTom]

@KostasKouvalis The best Dad Jokes ARE stupid.

[RetroReviews]

@sage2021 that's cool I shouldn't have even explained it to him it's like make people use their brain if they can't figure out something as easy as a kid's joke then I guess that's too bad I actually think it's funny and cool. Lol

[RetroReviews]

I agree you just need that three strikes on the drum at the end. Followed by the symbol

[ArrowheadSW]

What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?

"DAM!"

LOL

[RetroReviews]

How do you make a tissue dance

[ArrowheadSW]

@RetroReviews "You put a little boogie in it"... LOL (I had to look that up... LOL)

[sage2021]

@RetroReviews
Some people need to buy the game CLUE and play it a few times before they get a joke.
Work with me people!

[RetroReviews]

Lol yep , ultimate Dad joke

[RetroReviews]

@sage2021 for sure

[juliammm]

Son: I am going out

Dad: Make sure you are safe!

Son: Dad! I am 16!

Dad: Your mum and I are 32.

[ApplePie409]

Little boy: What does it mean to be gay?

Dad: It just means you are happy.

Little boy: You must be the gayest guy in the neighborhood.

Dad: I was, but now I'm married.

[SallyTho87]

My favourite: How do you make holy water?

Answer: You boil the HELL out of it

xD

[purplepoppy]

Actually that's true. Back in the old days people believed because vegetables grew in the ground they were closer to hell than heaven and would boil them for hours.

[KostasKouvalis]

@purplepoppy Of course YOU would know that. That actually makes sense though, that they would think that

[purplepoppy]

It's the basis of British cuisine

[sage2021]

My dad is the joke. He's a joke of a dad. He doesn't even know me. Now, isn't he funny?

[KostasKouvalis]

What does Ilhan Omar's daughter call her uncle?

"Dad"

[OlderAndWiser]

Q. What do you get when you throw a grenade into a French kitchen?
A. Linoleum Blownaparte!

[jjj101010]

2 nuts walk into a bar, one was assaulted