New Dad jokes, please?

[UncleBob]

I need new material to embarrass my teenage kids.

[NamerOfStars]

Not sure what your kids' embarrassment threshold is, but these should evoke a few groans:
-A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, “uno, dos…” and poof! He disappears without a tres.
-Why does the Norwegian military have barcodes on its ships?
So when they return to the harbor they can Scandinavian.
-We all know that six is afraid of seven because seven ate nine, but why did seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat three squared meals per day.
-If you’ve never tried blindfolded archery, let me tell you…
You don’t know what you’re missing.
-Who Wants to Learn Roman Numerals?
Well, I for one...
-I once bought a wooden car. Wooden engine, wooden doors, wooden wheels, wooden seats, put the wooden key in the wooden ignition. Wooden you know it, it wooden start.
-Why did Star Wars episode 4,5,6 came before 1,2,3?
Because in charge of planning, Yoda was.
-I just read a book about Stockholm Syndrome
It started off badly but by the end I really liked it.
-You can tell the gender of an ant by putting it in water
If it sinks, girl ant. If it floats, buoyant.
-A guy walks into a bar and orders fruit punch. The bartender says, “Pal, If you want punch, you’ll have to go stand in line.”
The guys looks around, but there's no punch line.
-And the Lord said to John, ‘Come forth, and you will receive eternal life’
But John came fifth, and won a toaster.
-So this guy at college keeps calling me a flamingo...
one of these days I’m going to put my foot down.
-Want to hear my latest joke about the Fibonacci series?
It’s as good as my previous two Fibonacci jokes put together!
-I once had a job at the UN. One day, one of the secretaries asked me to get Kofi Annan a gram of cocaine. Naturally, I called him immediately. “Kofi” I said, “right now the only one I can think of is ‘oceanic'".

[sweetcocoa_]

Uh oh

[JaneDoe377]

👍😅