I went behind my girlfriends back and asked her family for help, it blew up and she's upset at me, when should I contact her or is it over?

[Anonymous]

So, I finally met the girl of my dreams, we became great friends and decided to date. She has three kids with two ex's and is going through custody with one. She got some bad news that she would lose custody for several reasons, her ex knows about this and used it to demand she move back in with him or risk losing her children, she agreed seeing no way out. I kinda panicked and called her sister who I'm friends with and explained the situation. Her family loathes this guy, he's caused tons of problems for their family. She didn't know any of this had happened and I just told her they needed to not get upset with her and support her through this until she can find a way. She agreed and we hung up. The issue is that my girlfriend told me several times her family is not good to her and that they don't care if she's happy, they just want to control her but I naively thought I knew better. The next day I learned she was not giving in but she was just going along until she found an option. Before I learned this she basically said it was over and we were just friends now but I told her I'd keep trying to find a way to help, I've been trying to be really supportive through this including paying her lawyer fees. Anyways she talks to her mom and tells her some plans we have and her mom flips, starts calling her names and says she just wants to sleep around, then her dad finds her and starts beraiting her in public and saying he's going to take everything over. Long story short, she was terrified and crying and agreed with what he was saying to get him to stop, including that I helped her in exchange for sex. she said she knows I'm trying to help but I made this a lot harder. I feel terrible and decided maybe she needs some time. It's been three days and I don't know where we stand or if I should contact her. I told her I felt terrible and that I would give her some time, she responded that it was fine, to stop trying to help and that she needed to handle the situation.

[Oliverlogan263]

This is a tough situation man. Sounds like you fucked up big time going behind her back to her family like that. A few things:

- Give her space. Contacting her right now will probably only make things worse. She clearly said she needs time to handle things on her own.

- In a week or two, send her a sincere apology text. Own up to your mistake fully. Say you misjudged the family situation and panicked, but that's no excuse. All you wanted was to help but you see now you made it way harder for her.

- Make it clear the ball is in her court going forward. Tell her you'll respect whatever boundaries she puts up, and you hope maybe she'll accept your apology someday and you can rebuild her trust slowly.

- Then actually give her space. No more calls, texts, nothing unless/until she reaches back out. She needs to see you'll respect her need for distance now.

- In the meantime, reflect hard on where you went wrong so you can learn from it. Sounds like you had good intentions but acted without thinking it through.

It may take her a long time to forgive you. But owning your mistake is the best way to maybe earn another chance someday. Give her breathing room for now, dude.

[Avicenna]

At least try to fix things with her

[Asker]

I really want to, but I don't know if I should contact her or leave her alone until she contacts me, but I know she's got a ton going on so not sure what to do.

[Iron_Man]

This is extremely complicated

[Asker]

Yeah it's I big mess. I couldn't belive her family did that, my family is so different so i never expected that. Then again I'm only hearing one side of the story.

[Iron_Man]

I think your girlfriend is probably big trouble

[Iron_Man]

And her exes

[Anonymous]

You blew it. Move on.

[In_Trance]

Tldr