My girlfriend of 3 months cheated on me with a guy she used to date from her past, should I forgive her?

[cheddae03]

Me and my girlfriend are in college we have been together for 3 months, the 6 degrees of separation brought us together, we look good together , the sex is great, I met her family and she recently met mine. Even though me and my girlfriend were great for each other we did fall on rough times about 2 months in, she felt as if I didn't appreciate her she felt as if I didn't listen to what she was trying to say she felt as if I was being arrogant and non caring of her feelings. I found out that a guy she use to date a couple months before me has constantly been in her ear since we've been together, egging her to leave me and come back to him because he misses her and loves her and wants her back, (bullsh*t). Now she would always tell him no and keep it moving and not even think twice about what he was saying until this 1 particular night. The dude called her up from her friends house (who stays across the street) and asked her to come over because he had some issues going on in his life, being they were somewhat friends she went over, now remember it was about 12 at night and his roommates were gone. They start talking and conversation turns into jokes and catching up on old times etc. Then the guy ask her about our relationship, she tells him that we are on bad terms, one minute everything is fine and the next she doesn't know what's going to happen. (She later told me at the time she felt our relationship was on the brinks.) So the guy says to her you know I told myself that even if you did come back I wouldn't want you and she replies all I want is your friendship, someone to be an ear to talk to. Time goes by as they watch t.v. and the guy takes his pants off and ask her to give him head. She says no about 5 times, as more time goes by the guy tries to grab her and to touch it, she slowly pulls away, he pulls her hip to bring her closer and she pulls away. It becomes a battle of will at that point. Finally she gives in, she tells the guy regardless of what happens were not going to have sex without a condom. The guy pulls 1 out and she lays there as he takes of her sweats and proceeds to move behind her. She lays there and lets it happen and it goes on for about 15 minutes as he strokes her from behind and pulls out b4 he orgasms. She lays there for about 5 minutes gets her stuff and then leaves, when I found out 3 weeks later because apparently the guy was telling his friends, I was mad I confronted the both of them and they admitted it after they tried to lie, she said she had planned on telling me because I'm such a great boyfriend better than any of her past that I deserved to know, she would do anything to get me back at this point, her family and friends have all tried to contact me telling me how sorry she is and how much she cares about us, how much she needs me in her life even though she admits I deserve better than what she's done. She said she is going to be better and she will be the women of my dreams, should I forgive her & give her a chance in the future?

Updates

+1 y

Things between us are somewhat better, since I've found out she has been making strides 2 be that woman, she hates the dude because she realizes that he messed up something special 4 her, she is being over protective around other girls, I think its cute lol

Updates

+1 y

I'm going to post a note that she has posted on fb and it's going to be titled "you don't need no1 else" it's the note she wrote after the situation came to light.

Updates

+1 y

She recently went to 1 of those women hope clinics where counselors help girls & there issues, she told the counselor & they prayed about it, she also signed a celibacy waver 2 give up sex since it was our downfall, she said she wants to my rebuild trust

Updates

+1 y

she said she loves me so much & she is willing 2 never have sex with another guy unless she knows that will be her husband, she even said she wants me 2 join her if we happen 2 make it work, that's serious commitment in my eyes, she wants 2 regain my love

Updates

+1 y

Remember people this guy harassed her, claimed 2 be my associate & tried 2 kiss her, told her 2 leave me for about a month, finally he got her 2 come over to talk about issues in his life & he manipulated her & got her to have sex, should I beat his ass?

[RugbyGuy]

Hey man, I put it up on your other post but I'm going to put it hear again to reiterate my point. Just looking out for you bro. I hope you take my advice even though I know it's probably the hardest thing to do.

I've been in a situation similar to this man, and you need to forget her sorry ass. Straight up bud, you cannot trust this girl and whatever she says, katem33 is right, she flat out cheated on you. However you may feel about her, you've gotta cut her out of your life because that's the best thing for you, to just move on. I know how much it hurts, and that's not going to change any time soon, but trust me when I tell you that, for your own emotional and mental well being, you need to get as far away from her as possible. And yea, the guy's a f*cking *ssh*le, for doing what he did, but once again, talking from experience, the satisfaction you would get from stomping his smug little face in is no where near worth the possible legal ramifications. It could f*ck you over for life. So even though I know what you're going through and I know how much it crushes you to not do anything about it, it's best for you if you can just cut these two out of your life and chalk it up to a very nasty learning experience. And that's who you need to be thinking about now, yourself. Take care bud, try not to let it get ya down, it's happened to the best of us.

[fdsa1]

I've been in the same situation, its better to forget about it, get your ego/emotions hurt a little bit and move on. For this case you just forgive and forget (her) and find yourself a woman who will reserve herself only for you.

[palek]

So many excuses, so little time. Bottom line: She disrespected and dishonored you in favor of her ex. She shouldn't have him in her life anymore (unless they have children together) in any way, shape, or form. If she loves you, she would do everything in her power to protect you and make you feel absolutely secure, as "love always protects". Find someone that puts you FIRST in her life, and if she's someone you want to do the same for, you'll have it made. You'll know when it's right as she'll bring pure joy and a sense of security to your life, not anxiety and distrust.

[cheddae03]

She does bring me joy she is a great preson who comes from a great and close family, she had a boyfriend of 3 years who she claims she's never cheated on but he cheated on her when he left for college, she said the worst part about all of this is that she knows how it feels & that she made me feel the same way. She said while it was happening that he got under her skin and cracked her composure, we all know that when girls are mentally unstabble they can be taken advantage of, I've done it b4 lol

[palek]

I know where you're coming from. Your heart says yes, but your head says "danger". If your heart wins out, make sure your head tells your girlfriend to cut-off all contact with her ex, and if you should in the future so much as hear that she has even talked to him again, it's all over with your and her. You say she brings you joy, and I'm sure she does, but what you're feeling now is panic and betrayal. It's no fun, and I hope it works out for you. All the best.

[palek]

Also, once the bond of trust has been broken, it's very, very hard and painful to repair it. dasouthernicon used an important word when he said "priority". You need to always feel you are THE priority in each others lives, and this has now been compromised in the worst way possible.

[cheddae03]

I understand and I am battling my pride right now because I know there are girls out there who wouldn't let that happen, but I trust her when she says that it won't happen again, its an ego thing. The funny thing is that after this nite took place he has been trying to get at her again but she tells him no and then laughs replying "im going to lay up with my man tonight, I don't need you" and he would ultimately get mad at her lol. It was a one time thing, that can be forgiven right?

[palek]

I think it's very rare, and I have grave doubts, but I can't say with absolute certainty, of course. If your think you can deal with the anxiety it causes, and feel there is good reason to be optomistic, then, hey, it's your heart on the chopping block. Do tell her that trust is something we earn, You give it fully up front, but from then on it's "show me" time. Tell her she needs to be open to any question, any time. No being insulted when you ask "20 questions", or check up on her stories.

[cheddae03]

I feel you, lately whenever I want to talk about the story she says that she doenst want to she says that she is making strides to be a better women and that she has forgiven herself for it and that she's moving forward, she said whenever I bring it up it brings her back down and makes her sad....what would you say in that instance?

[palek]

This kind of betrayal is such a devastating thing it can cause a relationship to burst in many different ways. You agree to accept her vow not to do it again, but you also become (and I don't blame you) more than a bit obsessed with it. Rather than talk endlessly about it, and drive her away, put safeguards in place that make her accountable for her whereabouts always. Accept her remorse, but make it clear she needs to be accountable. Otherwise move forward as though it didn't happen.

[cassie_merryman]

Ok. Here's the deal, coming from a girl who just recently cheated on her boyfriend and feels like a huge piece of sh*t for it. I believe with all my heart that good people just make bad decisions sometimes and there is no rhyme or reason for it and it doesn't mean she doesn't love you or wanted to hurt you at all. If she is going through the motions of changing her lifestyle for you then that should show you she is truly remorsful and has learned from her mistake. And I know you may be telling yourself "but she wasent even thinking about me when she did it" and you are right. Temptation is an evil entity that does infact cloud our thoughts until it has had its way with us, it isn't until then that we are like "OMG! what the f*ck did I just do?" and unfortunately it may take hitting rock bottom for some people before they learn how to handle themselves when temptation comes their way. It happend to me exactly a week ago today, and I can say that I have learned from this and it has changed me for the better and I believe her experience has changed her for the better as well. So don't go believing all this "once a cheater always a cheater" bullsh*t because it's not true. I am living proof it's not true. Take her back, you won't regret it.

[rolfen]

some girls like rough sex. Don't get too exited with the counselor hype.

Who are these people to say what is right and what is wrong for her. If its her true nature it might come back. Come on if she went to the guys place at midnight she wasn't stupid. Maybe everything is great for you, but obviously maybe not for her.

So step down your cloud. The guy is obviously an asshole, but I bet she has some type of connection with him.

I think she should stay away from him though.

All what I'm saying is, its not as simple as you think.

Be very gentle to her, never force her to do anything. And seriouly, LET IT GO...

She just cheated on you once, for less then an hour, with an asshole, and its even kinda close to rape... (although it is NOT!) so let it go!

[the-love-guru]

Nobody just "lets" someone have sex with them... especially girls. Unless forced, a girl always has the option of saying no and leaving. She may not have had it in mind, but perhaps she was curious, or wanted to do something daring. I think she's holding out on telling you the whole truth.

Of course she'd say he forced it. It takes 2 to tango. And the fact that she didn't leave when he ASKED her to give him head, I'm sorry... but it sounds too suspicious to me. I would've slapped the a$$hole and walked out the front door. I respect myself too much to be treated like that. Great sex can't hold a relationship together. Find a new girlfriend buddy.

[cheddae03]

She admitted that she still thought she had some sort of feelings for him bcuz for weeks prior he was filling her head with lies about how he felt about her. She said she thought she was in control of the situatio but when it got really heated i.e. him removing clothes she only acted on it bcuz she wasnt sure if there wrere feelings left for him and that's what eventually made her commit, she said that when it started happening it was evident 2 her there were no feelings but now she had 2 tell me

[heartgirl]

Okay, be adult, do not fight over someone who wouldn't do the same for you. It is apparent she would not fight for you, or the relationship . Keep in mind their are three sides to every story, hers, his, the TRUTH! At 2-3 mos in a flourishing relationship, problems of this nature should not arise. I learned years ago, people show you who they are, you have to be smart enough to recognize it, in addition we teach people how to treat you by what we will, or WILL NOT tolerate. If you accept her apology you are teaching her you will tolerate unfaithfulness in a relationship.

[Munki]

Ok, dude... Here we go...

First of all, I didn't even read the post, I just read the title and the updates.

Second of all, with all due respect, are you retarded?

I'm going to quote something here that you said:

"finally he got her 2 come over to talk about issues in his life & he manipulated her & got her to have sex"

Seriously? He MANIPULATED her and got her to have sex? Do you think he hypnotized her or something to where she had no control over what she was doing? I'm not trying to be an asshole or anything, but unless he just straight up raped her, then she had a choice in it, and her choice was to have sex with this guy.

Honestly, man, if I were you I wouldn't forgive her for that. That is just blatant disrespect towards you, on her part. It's not even like she was drunk or under the influence of drugs. She just straight up made a choice to cheat on you.

Even if you did forgive her and you both tried to move on from it, neither one of you will ever forget this. I can guarantee that this will come up in the future and that it will cause drama. There are some cases where couples forgive and forget, but it is very rare.

All in all, I would say that you can try your luck and see how it goes, but I think you're just wasting your time and that you two will end up breaking up, because of that one incident. I wouldn't give her another chance.

Good luck.

[fdsa1]

I completely agree.

[morrgoth]

Hell no bro, f*** that sh*t, if she really cared about your ass first of all she would ve just left right of the bat when that other p**** ass guy took his pants off, she would of though of you but she didn't, she wanted it and she knows it, there's obviously still some type of sexual attraction/chemistry between them and ur girl knows it, I would have kicked that guys ass serious beat down, changed my number, changed my locks told my family about the situation and just move on, trust me if you keep on listening to her friends and families bs then ue gonna give in to it, women search for wats missing in their lives that's why they cheat, and urs obviously went to here ex cause she was feeling bad about you not listening, wats to say she gets into another of those depressions and f***s him again or worse some random dude with an std who was nice at first by listening to her but then throws some game and she cracks all over, I'm sorry if this is harsh man, cause trust me I've felt close to these emotions before and lets just say I had to get to get some carpenters to fix my walls because of the Punch marks I redecorated my walls with, I don't have any anger problems lol but those types of emotions are a bitch, you should just move on and give each other some space, and if by some chance in the long run you find that your still thinking about her and she of you then that's true love man and you should follow ur heart, you need her to realize what she lost first and I mean really realize for you to even consider getting back together so she knows not to do that dumb sh*t again unless ur dumb enough to do it yourself, then ull she'll really have an excuse to do it, but goodluck with your situation man

hope this helped out and brought a smile to ur face bro

[Littletad]

Despite all her work efforts, I sill would have left her. She put herself in that position and stayed there. I have no idea what was going through her mind, when she knew from the start what his intentions were.

Not only that, but you seem far too soft. You should have told her to block her ex's number. There is almost no reason to remain friends with an ex when your dating someone new. Otherwise, there never really was any closure and your just dragging along a third party.

Go ahead and stay with her, but she has much more of a mental issue than anything else. I'm happy she's seeking help about it, but I still wouldn't trust her at all. It would take a long time. So as for you, just keep at it and let's see what happens.

[cheddae03]

I appreciate that insite and no I'm not soft but I do believe everyone deserves second chances, and the thing with her is that her good sharply outweighs her bad, besides this 1 insident she trully makes me happy, she said when it was happening she felt insecure, lonely, felt like I dindt love her bcuz we were always fighting and while they were having sex she honestly just wanted it 2 be over, the guy is a real asshole he played with her mind when she wa weak and tookd advantage of her, not cool

[boi818]

ok..I didn't have to read your whole novel here you've writen about your gf.

All I had to read was that she cheated on you after only 3 months.. that's a done deal.. I don't care what the circumstances were..cheating is cheating.. and should not be tolerated..if you have any respect for yourself... obviously she didn't..

and apparently from all the excuses or explanations of why you think it happened or won't happen again.. shows your denial that your relationship is not meant to be..

If you want to continue to be deceived and disrespected...stay with her..

if not.. DUMP HER.. leave her.. move ON..

[breakingstyles91]

I wouldn't, man. For all you know the girl wanted to make you jealous of her and had the guy tell that story, you never really don't know what happen until you ask her. But once you find out the truth, it is really not worth it unless you love her. But then I would question how much you value character, she unintentionally cheated on you and who's to say she is not strong enough to punch the next guy who tries to rape her and run like hell. She does not seem that strong willed and you certainly don't need to be her blanket 24/7 when things happen like this, don't give in.

[sumina7]

More than the fact that she cheated on you, it shows a few possible things about her character:

1. She has weak will power

2. Her value system is screwed up

3. She did not respect you

4. She is gullible

5. She can not resist temptation

Not a great list of characteristics for a life partner.

However, one thing fascinates me about your answer. You described the act with a great deal of detail. Were you watching or did she (or they) tell you the story with such detail. Did you ask?

Also, you don't seem to be too upset about it. You are also believing her explanation. So, may be you are the gullible one.

[Neubauten]

forgive her, but also break up with her.

forgiveness is for you, so you don't drown in anger and resentment. you can forgive and say "bye bye" all at the same time.

and she cheated. never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, trust a cheater.

never.

[cheddae03]

So your not the type who believes in 2nd chances? What if it trully was a 1 time thing, do you think its possible that the relationiship can get stronger as a result?

[marwuzcraze]

Personally, I don't like any of the answers you're getting.

No, once a cheater is not always a cheater... And no, if she's honest, why not forgive her?

What she did was really wrong, but

what needs to happen is she has to prove to you that she loves you, she has to prove to you that she's faithful to you.

She has to regain the trust.

And once you forgive her, forget it! Forget it happened, and never bring it up again.She'll always remember it, though. And she'll feel like she owes you one.

[cheddae03]

I like your answer the best, we are going to counseling starting tomorrow she has given up everything and really started to cahnge her life around, she really wants 2 show 2 me how sorry she is and she's doing big tings 2 change her life to show me how dedicated she is to our relationship, I'm leaning towards forgiveness...

[marwuzcraze]

Now, don't forgive her right away!

=]

It really needs to take time.

While now you may want to forgive her already and get everything together, you still haven't had time to get over it yet.

You need to fully fully fully forgive her... And you need multiple reasons for it.

Good luck on the counseling! I hope everything goes well.

[I don't recommend counseling though. I think this should be worked out between the two of you, but it's your relationship.] =)

I wish you the best!

[cheddae03]

Well she said I could sit in one of her coueling sessonis but I don't have to talk, weve pretty much worked most of it out between us but I just want 2 sit in and here what her and the counselor have 2 say about us, decisoins she is making in her life and getting over bad habits, should be fun, but I doubt were going to engage in actual relationship counseling, thank you tho

[Gorce]

Sorry bro, your lady is a dumb ass and if you tolerate this you are the bigger dumbass. You do not tolerate any cheating whatsoever.

The moment you take her back is the moment she loses respect for you. Honestly, have some respect for yourself and move on. Do not make excuses for her, she f***ed up..you found out..now leave.

[dasouthernicon]

you need to let this chick go... she obviously wanted to bone her ex, so you should do this- set up something so he (her ex) knows that you don't want her, and he can have her. That way, I guarantee he won't want her. He is all about screwing you, ur relationship, and messing her head up. You don't need a loser like that in ur life, Like the old adage goes, there's too amny fish in the sea to be putting up with chickensh*t like this, bra... think on it and do what you need to do.

[cheddae03]

I don't think she wanted to bone him, she even said taht while it was happening that she didn't even feel an emotional connection, she said she was faking an orgasm so that it would hopefully be over. She also said that she tried to get herself wet because it was uncomfortable and bad for her, I know she loves me, she wrote me 400 text within the next 3 days of me finding out, she's a great person overall and she takes care of me, I believe she has messed up and she will do right in the future...

[dasouthernicon]

Ok... but still think it over hard- because you don't need to become somebody's sucker over "love" when she's just looking to exert power over you. Me and palek know what we're talking about on this, dude... Never make someone a priority that only makes you an option...

[noregret11]

ok, I didn't read all you have to say, just the first few sentences, and the last update. I don't need to read more. She cheated, sure she may hae been pressured, but she caved. In my opinion, any chick that cheats or lies... she is done with me, even if I love her. I just won't tolerate it.

[ap1100]

I'm not reading that entire piece, but from the beginning, it's bad. She can't even go three months without banging someone else? How is she going to last an entire lifetime? The fact that you're having great sex is a bad sign. It is blinding you. Get out as soon as you can.

[StrykerJ]

I'm gonna have to say a cheater is always a cheater. Cheating means "Oh I'm sorry, I'm not willing to talk things out, and I'm no longer interested". Cheating is just the most dis-respectful thing you can do...But that's just my opinion. And yes you need to kick that guy's ass for prodding her on...

[StrykerJ]

But if you think a person deserves a second chance...that's a person's own choice. And if the person was nearly forced...that just means the dude that made the moves on her needs his ASS whooped...

[Reeses-pieces777]

if she's told you all this stuff that his guy, he sounds like he's a bad guy, then she should stay away from him.

have a discussion with her about it, but it's really hard to forgive her. she'll have to work for it.

everyone has their own standards or set rules. for me, I could not forgive and others can forgive. I respect other people's decision, but have you thought about maybe she may be manipulating you? just make sure she isn't still seeing him. that's all.

[Luvfool]

This is a tough thing to go through.

I'm currently going through the same exact thing.

3 months of being with someone you really care about and she went back to her ex and slept with him.

My word is play it out and see what happens. If you strongly feel that you can give her another chance and that you're not going to regret it. I admire your determination to stay with her, but like most of us have said don't let your heart win over your head. Let her know she did something absolutely wrong and kind of unforgivable. That she should not take for granted how understanding and kind you are. Don't let this girl walk over you.

I'd really like to hear what's happening, so keep us updated.

In the meantime I'm going to be posting my own problem shortly and would like everyone's incite on that as well. Thanks

[cheddae03]

Thanks and yes it is tough but she is really making the changes taht she knows she needs to make in order to show that it was something that will never happen again, I'm going to let it play out to see how it goes bcuz I see the effort and I know that I'm many many many times better then her ex in bed and just overall so I know she didn't go to him bcuz of any physical reasons, she has low self esteem and were working on building that back up

[Sexy-Senior-09]

My ex girlfriend went off and banged her ex, she later came back to me asking for forgiveness. Did I take her back? hell no. Dude forget her seriously its right there in front of your face. She cheated on you after being together for 3 months, you guys were having problems and when your having problems in a relationship you work things out you don't go to your ex and have sex with him. think about it man that image in gonna be in your head every time you see her ex.

[wally]

you'r trying to find an excuse for her been cheating on you.

my advise is think out side the box always.

cheater will cheat again esp if they could get away with it or there's someone like you will justify there actions. good luck

[cheddae03]

This is the first time accordiung to her taht she has ever cheated, she has been cheated on and she vows on everything she loves and lives for that if I give her the chance it will never happen again, she has a good heart she acknowledgin that she messed up and she knows what she must do to fix it, I broke up with her because with every crime comes a punishment. But I did leave the door open incase she decides to make the changes she says she will. If I even believe she is from now on its over.

[Gorce]

Excuse me, this is the first time you caught her, that's what you meant.

[cheddae03]

No because I know the guy and he told me that it has only happened once....tihs guy has been trying to get back with her for months but she kept ignroing him until this 1 time when she was weak and he got the best of her, she had no intentions of doin anythin when she went there but he did apparently

[emzy-89]

i persoanlly wouldn't get back together with someone that's cheated on me. it sounds as though to me that you're trying to make excuses for her and if someone can do something wrong and get away with it, then chances are that they'll do it again. so yeah, I'd think really hard beofre getting back with her...if you decide to get back with her at all

[Chrystilicit]

Hell yeah...but make sure that he keeps quiet about you beating his ass...embarrass him so that he can't use it against you to manipulate your girl...

I would have beat his ass right after finding out...but it might be too late now..so maybe move on

[tyrantfuryre]

Dude, I'm not gonna lie, I read the title of your question and ONLY the time. Based on that alone I'd say get rid of her. You've only been together for 3 months and she's ALREADY cheated?!?! Are you serious? Dump her fast. It's that simple. There's no excuse for that kind of trash. You're better off with out. I don't care if she "realizes she messed up" or no. She made her bed, now she has to sleep in it.