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She confessed everything, gave me all the details and has been very cooperative.
She's begging me to not leave her, that she will do everything I want and everything she can to make it up to me: I can sleep with other women, always check her phone and she will have zero rights.
I said no to her offers because she will disgust me more if she loses all her dignity like this. What should I do?
See "Older..."answer below.
You got a real project with this one ify ou choose to take it on. She's a mess... you can't trust her more than you can throw a 20lb weight. This girl is broken to the core, in childhood. So if you want what's really going on, go to therapy (her)... go with her, and start digging. That is valuable regardless you stay together.
It does not mean it will be found and resolved in a timely manner. Fiugring out why should be easy enough but solving it... can be hard. Worth a shot for the good will of her, maybe. If you are sacraficial and love "her". I'd consider this only if you'd feel guilt leaving, leaving something on the table. Then I'd consider giving it a shot. After all... we don't throw away most things that are broken or those that make a mistake. Generally, we try to make things work.
Whether you do that may depend upon how much is already invested and what's really going on. The other part of this is how and why you chose this persion... that is really screwed up.
You cannot trust anything she says at this point outside validation with therapist... imho.
She will cheat and cheat again over and over until she hits the wall and her options run out.
You say you got all the details... but be real, why would a cheater actually give all the real details? They're deceptive from the start and my first guess is she was trying to monkey branch away from you and that branch she grabbed onto broke after she gave it up, and now it's all hands on deck with you again... for now.
I dealt with this situation before. First it was lust she said and just a one-time thing, then it was her drunk, then it was entrapment and rape... I do some digging with others and she was sitting there bragging about how they are sex friends on these business trips... bragging about how they were going to go and fuck. And yes they fucked. Turns out though... he fucks another girl as soon as she leaves... not even 30 minutes after. She finds out right as I call her out and she semi-comes clean. Then she finds out he's fucked like 3 other girls the day before and the day after her as well. Turns out her claim that "I could have him wrapped around my little finger" was all bullshit. She was stealing her female's boyfriend by the way. ... I forgave her. But guess what...
It was just a few more years down the line and there was another guy. She already fucked him before but she was in the process of trying to hook back up with him again... her Dad got involved.
That's my story of dealing with a piece of shit cheater and you are most likely going to think your situation is special and different. Bro... you're dealing with a piece of shit and it will just keep doing shitty things. There is no way around any of that.
Please leave, if you don't, she'll do it again, she never loved you nor respected you or your efforts, forgiving her won't make her finally love you or respect you, it'll make her do it again knowing you'll forgive her again and again, please fucking leave and don't turn back, unless you've cheated once before, she definitely doesn't deserve even a breath of you, please!.
Very hard choice, that is up to you to decide…
I believe in 2nd chances but I don’t believe in 3rd chances…
If you decide to forgive her, set boundaries, tell her what you expect from her and slowly try to build the trust again…
It’s totally up to you and also, I am sorry you have been cheated on. I can only imagine how it hurt to hear that from her.
Opinion
22Opinion
u 1. All of those offers she is making would not move you in the direction of a more solid relationship. She is simply self-flagellating to try to gain sympathy.
2. All of those offers would disappear within a few weeks or months, at the most.
3. Relationships require trust and, if you are looking for a long term partner/potential wife, should you find a woman who you trust absolutely? How could you ever trust this woman again?
4. Accept her offer and the message is, "you can cheat and be forgiven." To me, that only encourages her the next time she is tempted.
5. Why did she cheat? Has she explaied why. . . in a way that seems candid and reasonable? Most cheating involves opportunity, a desire for thrill, and minimizing the importance of keeping her commitment to you. To me, that suggests a character flaw, and that won't change.
The cheating is in the past. What you need to decide is what is going to be the future. Do you care for her and will you continue to care? Same question for her... does she care for you and will she continue to care?
Random strangers on GaG cannot answer that question for you.
So she saying
She will not cheat again. Which reminds me, I got the deed to the Brooklyn Bridge in NYC. Will sell it cheap.
She is saying
I will become like a slave to you. Which reminds me don’t be surprised when you get a restraining order from the police for unlawful conduct against her.
She is saying
You can sleep with other women. Which reminds me, now she might just cry and say she is the victim because she gave you everything and you had the nerve to cheat.
So think hard about whether you forgive or NOT
That depends on your mood right now. She's willing to be your slave for the time being. I mean she's basically agreed to be your obedient little subbie and do anything you want until you let her off the hook, which could take years! She said go ahead and sleep with other women, so you could just keep her around till you replace her. OR, you could just make her repent indefinitely. How many guys get the opportunity for this kind of control? Take it until you tire of it, if you ever do!
I would forgive what she did. Not for her but for me. But I would still end the relationship. There's no such thing as a single time cheater. Given the opportunity she'd do it again. It's only a matter of time.
Cheaters don't get the problem isn't the cheating itself (even though it is really bad) it's what prompted it. Her temporary satisfaction was more important to her commitment to you. And that's the problem. That's why the relationship has to end. She knows you know this to. That's why she's willing to go to such great lengths to atone for what she did. Because she can't. She's not OK with you sleeping with another woman. But the minute you do you o longer have the moral high ground. She wants to bring you down to her level that's all.
Eventually everyone does cheat after some point of life. and if somebody is saying that he or she never cheated then they are just simply because humans can’t stick to one person in terms of sex. So it better you have sex with someone else as well and forgive her if she is your wife because other wise she will take more then half of your property. Or you can just do make her sign a simple contract that after divorce she will be getting nothing. But if she is just your girlfriend then just keep her untill you find someone else more attractive and better. But don’t ever think that next one won’t cheat ever. Every human do. It’s just all doesn’t get caught. So if ur current one told u by herself it means she really love you but she was just unable to hold her lust at that point. Lust is a very hard to understand thing. It can make us do things we never wanted to. But it doesn’t mean she doesn’t love u.
Stop caring. Just stop. She hurt you, and no matter what she does, there will always be a little part of you in the back of your head betraying your trust.
Leave. The best you can do is leave and focus on yourself. Go to gym, find a hobby, work harder. Find someone who values you for you and won't cheat.
Personally, hell no. She cheats, she's done. I wouldn't talk to her ever again. You will never have any base to trust her. Even now you have no idea if she has told you all the truth or still hiding things for damage control.
I do not know why people bring up checking phones because it is ridiculously easy to hide pictures, communications and videos to hide further infidelity. It is asinine to even attempt to use that as a check and balance.
it comes down to a trust issue.
Some are one and done, other may think he forgave me this time so I guess I can do that again.
Your call, you have to live with it every time you see her knowing that while she was in a relationship with you someone else was riding her like a rented mule.
Dude, Cheaters are cheaters.. They NEVER change. even if they say they do, once they have done it, they have the propensity to do it again. Cheaters are monsters, They exist without empathy without a soul. If she cheated on you, she never loved you in the first place. Move on. Dont let her manipulate you into a second chance. Dont let her blame you.
Did you catch her cheating or did she feel guilty and tell you about it
She may behave in the near term, but she has learned you will tolerate her bad behavior. Taking her back will also lead to her not respecting you, which will eat away at your relationship.
If she cheated on you she does not love you and she does not respect you, no matter what she says.
No. No forgiveness. All people get one chance. If the screw up, then part. Forgive, and you will always be wondering where she is. WHO she is with.
The right thing to do is to break up, cut all forms of contact and heal all the wounds. Time will tell if you two should be together or not but for now you should stop seeing and talk to each other.
no. even if you did, her conditions like "you can sleep with other women, she has zero rights" etc doesn't sound like a very healthy relationship to continue
Of course, you can, but I wouldn't stay in the relationship. You can't build the relationship on the broken trust.
I say no but it's ultimately up to you. Cheating is a deal breaker for me. I could never look at him the same way if he did that.
Drop her ass. She will cheat on you again. All this "you can sleep with other women" bs is that so if she gets caught again then she can play "you sleep with other people too" card
You can forgive but not forget & I think you should move forward without the cheater.
as they say, once a cheater is always a cheater so be careful before letting ur heart go soft
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