She confessed everything, gave me all the details and has been very cooperative.
She's begging me to not leave her, that she will do everything I want and everything she can to make it up to me: I can sleep with other women, always check her phone and she will have zero rights.
I said no to her offers because she will disgust me more if she loses all her dignity like this. What should I do?
See "Older..."answer below.
You got a real project with this one ify ou choose to take it on. She's a mess... you can't trust her more than you can throw a 20lb weight. This girl is broken to the core, in childhood. So if you want what's really going on, go to therapy (her)... go with her, and start digging. That is valuable regardless you stay together.
It does not mean it will be found and resolved in a timely manner. Fiugring out why should be easy enough but solving it... can be hard. Worth a shot for the good will of her, maybe. If you are sacraficial and love "her". I'd consider this only if you'd feel guilt leaving, leaving something on the table. Then I'd consider giving it a shot. After all... we don't throw away most things that are broken or those that make a mistake. Generally, we try to make things work.
Whether you do that may depend upon how much is already invested and what's really going on. The other part of this is how and why you chose this persion... that is really screwed up.
You cannot trust anything she says at this point outside validation with therapist... imho.
She will cheat and cheat again over and over until she hits the wall and her options run out.
You say you got all the details... but be real, why would a cheater actually give all the real details? They're deceptive from the start and my first guess is she was trying to monkey branch away from you and that branch she grabbed onto broke after she gave it up, and now it's all hands on deck with you again... for now.
I dealt with this situation before. First it was lust she said and just a one-time thing, then it was her drunk, then it was entrapment and rape... I do some digging with others and she was sitting there bragging about how they are sex friends on these business trips... bragging about how they were going to go and fuck. And yes they fucked. Turns out though... he fucks another girl as soon as she leaves... not even 30 minutes after. She finds out right as I call her out and she semi-comes clean. Then she finds out he's fucked like 3 other girls the day before and the day after her as well. Turns out her claim that "I could have him wrapped around my little finger" was all bullshit. She was stealing her female's boyfriend by the way. ... I forgave her. But guess what...
It was just a few more years down the line and there was another guy. She already fucked him before but she was in the process of trying to hook back up with him again... her Dad got involved.
That's my story of dealing with a piece of shit cheater and you are most likely going to think your situation is special and different. Bro... you're dealing with a piece of shit and it will just keep doing shitty things. There is no way around any of that.
They will blame you, then blame her friends, then blame him... you can break her down to accepting it was her all along... it isn't going to change her behavior that got her there. You're considering a pointless endeavor. She will keep doing this shit as long as she has the chance to. You'll have to wait until she is old and wrinkly, fat, and going bald... but even then she'd cheat if she has the chance.
You really want to keep that for the long term? Just think about that.
Was that a long time ago? None of it happening recently?
@ScienceThumper Yeah that shit is ancient history. I found a box full of journals I wrote during it though... literal books... handwritten books I wrote. I open one though and it's like the memories get jogged back into life from around 20 years ago, as if it happened just now or something. Even the dreams I wrote about... I was having crazy dreams (seems to be how I dealt with the stress). Like waking up crying and throwing punches kind of dreams. She was a piece of shit, that was the beginning of me turning to the weights (I was fat and weak) right before I started fucking every slut that came across my path as a form of revenge. Getting buff and ripped changed everything for me with women physically, but unfortunately, I was already damaged goods mentally and hated women at that point. The women that I pulled only seemed to affirm my bias about them. They were cheating on boyfriend's and liars. They'd spend his money on me type of shit. I became the evil I hated... and in that process... it made me incredably based and red pilled.
@ScienceThumper For reals... the advice I just gave this dude, it came from my soul. I lived this scenario out trying to take the forgiveness path. It doesn't work... it's better to just leave her ass.
The best predictor of the future is that dirty past. She will repeat this behavior over and over through time like a cycle... and most women are just like her. It won't stop until the options stop. It just is what it is.
The revenge was sweet though... I must of added 100's to my body count. 90% of which were cheating women. I'd put myself online like "Hey, I'm revenge cheating, who wants to fuck?" and then add a picture of myself... that's all it took. Sluts will be sluts. ... this is back when Craigslist still had the personals section and I did that for years all trying to just justify her cheating to myself by doing it.
Bottom line though... it doesn't work. What worked is forgiving the bitch, but accepting she's nothing more than a cheating whore. No woman is ever yours... it was just your turn.
I thought you were always a pump&dump hyperfucker since you even talked of beating up Mexicans and fucking 13 year olds or whatever... but what I was about to write yesterday still stand.
I think its reflected in women's hormones. A fit stud is needed for breeding, they also seek a dad to help feed the kids, obviously the monthly cycle plays a role, but even if hormones were stabilized it's just our dual nature, they crave them both.
Sometimes they just want a dog to ram them as fast as it can, at times series of orgasms from a soft patient worshipper, but repeated orgasms in the same bedroom also get boring, that's when the stud is needed to use her as his coom jar, novel positions and locations, and if there's not enough occasional wildness to it then rape fantasies creep on.
What I'm thinking of, is that the only way to get rid of the need for them cheat is to fully satisfy them, which I think is possible. Like the yin yang shit. Obviously women choose men who embody the committed fucker, rather than just a fucker or just commited hubby.
I think it's possible to satisfy them and it's evident in that they choose guys of the same appearance, unlike men choosing women with a variety of looks. If she fucks the next guy who is really similar looking as her boyfriend, perhaps her boyfriend is too repetitive in his actions, or doesn't involve drama, estrogen thrives on bullshit.
You mentioned that they brag about doing it in business trips. Wtf is there to brag about? For us guys sex is sex. For them walking sacks of estrogen, the theme is the main part, it's probably exciting and shit. It starts to sound like they love the act of cheating regardless of whom with, maybe they just need an outlet, more stupid roleplaying where they scratch their biologic itch, booking hotel rooms just to fuck in.
In the worst cases some people established group of friends to cheat with, once they're bored they spin around, swap partners with their best friends couple... I have no idea what majority of average women think of that... I'm trying to understand their exact drive to cheat, since it obviously isn't a "I've been fucking blondes and now there goes a fertile brunette" like it is for us.
@ScienceThumper I had player potential and I was a pump'n'dump guy, but I was blue pilled about women's behavior. I never got the chance to experience their treachery because I was already cheating and playing them... I thought they were all perfect angels though and that it was just me being the bad guy.
That changed when I decided I was going to be a good guy. I caught feelings for my Japanese ex that I lost through my own bullshit, so I decided to change, to be faithful and not play games. That was the worst mistake of my life. See... these chicks won't cheat on you when you're bringing the drama and they're all worried about where you're going and who you're with... but... if they have you locked down being everything they claim they want from a man and they know it... that's when the woman starts bringing the drama. She'll experiment with flirting and keeping low-key conversations she shouldn't be having with another man and then she'll eventually do it.
in my opinion, they get bored, and they'll take a good man at home that is everything they claim that they want for granted. They'll risk it all just for the excitement. in my opinion, a woman cheating is all about chasing some sort of thrill. They like the attention and the drama... even if the sex is shit, they like that thrill. Us dudes... it's usually just sexual arousal that drives us, so it can be hard for us dudes to understand bullshit like seeking attention and wanting drama for the excitement.
Yeah, and I was blue pilled af even though I was an asshole. I thought all women were not like that and even thought everything was all men's fault... I thought it was just me that needed to change and everything would be happily ever after.
Damn was my dumbass wrong as all fuck.
That bitch in politics deletes my replies. Have you viewed it before she deleted?
I was talking a few things about elon musk including his tweet posted on 322nd day of the year,
archive. ph/Hbddf
The skull and bones logo and skull and bones takes it from genesis 3:22
Please leave, if you don't, she'll do it again, she never loved you nor respected you or your efforts, forgiving her won't make her finally love you or respect you, it'll make her do it again knowing you'll forgive her again and again, please fucking leave and don't turn back, unless you've cheated once before, she definitely doesn't deserve even a breath of you, please!.
Very hard choice, that is up to you to decide…
I believe in 2nd chances but I don’t believe in 3rd chances…
If you decide to forgive her, set boundaries, tell her what you expect from her and slowly try to build the trust again…
It’s totally up to you and also, I am sorry you have been cheated on. I can only imagine how it hurt to hear that from her.
Opinion
22Opinion
u 1. All of those offers she is making would not move you in the direction of a more solid relationship. She is simply self-flagellating to try to gain sympathy.
2. All of those offers would disappear within a few weeks or months, at the most.
3. Relationships require trust and, if you are looking for a long term partner/potential wife, should you find a woman who you trust absolutely? How could you ever trust this woman again?
4. Accept her offer and the message is, "you can cheat and be forgiven." To me, that only encourages her the next time she is tempted.
5. Why did she cheat? Has she explaied why. . . in a way that seems candid and reasonable? Most cheating involves opportunity, a desire for thrill, and minimizing the importance of keeping her commitment to you. To me, that suggests a character flaw, and that won't change.
The cheating is in the past. What you need to decide is what is going to be the future. Do you care for her and will you continue to care? Same question for her... does she care for you and will she continue to care?
Random strangers on GaG cannot answer that question for you.
So she saying
She will not cheat again. Which reminds me, I got the deed to the Brooklyn Bridge in NYC. Will sell it cheap.
She is saying
I will become like a slave to you. Which reminds me don’t be surprised when you get a restraining order from the police for unlawful conduct against her.
She is saying
You can sleep with other women. Which reminds me, now she might just cry and say she is the victim because she gave you everything and you had the nerve to cheat.
So think hard about whether you forgive or NOT
That depends on your mood right now. She's willing to be your slave for the time being. I mean she's basically agreed to be your obedient little subbie and do anything you want until you let her off the hook, which could take years! She said go ahead and sleep with other women, so you could just keep her around till you replace her. OR, you could just make her repent indefinitely. How many guys get the opportunity for this kind of control? Take it until you tire of it, if you ever do!
I wouldn't sleep with other women, but I like the idea of keeping her squirming for forgiveness and willing to do everything I want. Make her feel guilty indefinitely.
Sounds good. One thing you can do is date other really hot women and make her observe you having dinner at a restaurant of something. Don't tell her you aren't sleeping with them, let her worry about it. Let her be worried that you might leave her for one of these hotties.
I would forgive what she did. Not for her but for me. But I would still end the relationship. There's no such thing as a single time cheater. Given the opportunity she'd do it again. It's only a matter of time.
Cheaters don't get the problem isn't the cheating itself (even though it is really bad) it's what prompted it. Her temporary satisfaction was more important to her commitment to you. And that's the problem. That's why the relationship has to end. She knows you know this to. That's why she's willing to go to such great lengths to atone for what she did. Because she can't. She's not OK with you sleeping with another woman. But the minute you do you o longer have the moral high ground. She wants to bring you down to her level that's all.
Eventually everyone does cheat after some point of life. and if somebody is saying that he or she never cheated then they are just simply because humans can’t stick to one person in terms of sex. So it better you have sex with someone else as well and forgive her if she is your wife because other wise she will take more then half of your property. Or you can just do make her sign a simple contract that after divorce she will be getting nothing. But if she is just your girlfriend then just keep her untill you find someone else more attractive and better. But don’t ever think that next one won’t cheat ever. Every human do. It’s just all doesn’t get caught. So if ur current one told u by herself it means she really love you but she was just unable to hold her lust at that point. Lust is a very hard to understand thing. It can make us do things we never wanted to. But it doesn’t mean she doesn’t love u.
Stop caring. Just stop. She hurt you, and no matter what she does, there will always be a little part of you in the back of your head betraying your trust.
Leave. The best you can do is leave and focus on yourself. Go to gym, find a hobby, work harder. Find someone who values you for you and won't cheat.
Personally, hell no. She cheats, she's done. I wouldn't talk to her ever again. You will never have any base to trust her. Even now you have no idea if she has told you all the truth or still hiding things for damage control.
I do not know why people bring up checking phones because it is ridiculously easy to hide pictures, communications and videos to hide further infidelity. It is asinine to even attempt to use that as a check and balance.
it comes down to a trust issue.
Some are one and done, other may think he forgave me this time so I guess I can do that again.
Your call, you have to live with it every time you see her knowing that while she was in a relationship with you someone else was riding her like a rented mule.
Dude, Cheaters are cheaters.. They NEVER change. even if they say they do, once they have done it, they have the propensity to do it again. Cheaters are monsters, They exist without empathy without a soul. If she cheated on you, she never loved you in the first place. Move on. Dont let her manipulate you into a second chance. Dont let her blame you.
Did you catch her cheating or did she feel guilty and tell you about it
She told me
I believe that everyone deserves a second chance. If she promises that it won't happen again I would forgive her just this once. I'd also let her know that if it does happen again, there is no third chance
She probably promised it would not happen the FIRST chance
She may behave in the near term, but she has learned you will tolerate her bad behavior. Taking her back will also lead to her not respecting you, which will eat away at your relationship.
If she cheated on you she does not love you and she does not respect you, no matter what she says.
No. No forgiveness. All people get one chance. If the screw up, then part. Forgive, and you will always be wondering where she is. WHO she is with.
The right thing to do is to break up, cut all forms of contact and heal all the wounds. Time will tell if you two should be together or not but for now you should stop seeing and talk to each other.
no. even if you did, her conditions like "you can sleep with other women, she has zero rights" etc doesn't sound like a very healthy relationship to continue
Of course, you can, but I wouldn't stay in the relationship. You can't build the relationship on the broken trust.
I say no but it's ultimately up to you. Cheating is a deal breaker for me. I could never look at him the same way if he did that.
Drop her ass. She will cheat on you again. All this "you can sleep with other women" bs is that so if she gets caught again then she can play "you sleep with other people too" card
You can forgive but not forget & I think you should move forward without the cheater.
as they say, once a cheater is always a cheater so be careful before letting ur heart go soft
If she is not satisfied with one man and chasing after the thrill, she can’t be with you. Maybe she will settle down when her vagina is pounded and brittle that she can no longer fool around otherwise she will cheat again
You can forgive her, but I think you should break up with her- once a cheater always a cheater...
Leave, she destroyed the trust between you two. The relationship is dead.
I would get yourself an STD checkup, forgive her, thank her for her honesty and then leave her. Forgiveness does not mean staying...
If you forgive her (and take her back), then you are a cuckold.
Just let her go because I bet you will have the respect and love you had for her
No, forgiven people, often think that their misdeed, was acceptable. She can sorry but, when will she learn
No.
Cheaters do not deserve forgiveness.
They make a deliberate choice to do what they did, it's not a mistake or an accident.
Jeez, no wonder she cheated on you. Listen to yourself.
you should keep her as long as you don't find a good girl with dignity. A girl proposing such a deal deserves to be cheated on, so what are you waiting for?
Once a cheater always a cheater.
What matters is if she was sober. If she was dump her ass man.
No you don’t forgive her.
Bye Felicia.
NEVER. dump that trash!
Only if you have no self respect
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