My girlfriend values more her best friend than me?

[opus_damian]

I have already broken up with her. If this was a right or wrong move only time will tell. I'm loyal to my set of values and this didn't fit into them. What I want is help understanding what happened from a female point of view as I really like to be good in relationships.

I'm kinda old fashioned in serious relationship terms. I like to have a girlfriend that works on us (as well as I do) in order to someday build a home and put the family slightly above work and specially above of friends (I think there is no right or wrong on this as all of us are different). To me this is a priority because I want the relationship to blossom at its best.

So the other day she went out with her friends. She is specially fond to one of them, which if it helps, he is gay. I check out twitter and I find some shocking tweets from her to him that make me feel sentimentally threatened. She tweeted (she tweets a lot) to him that her heart belongs to him and that everything he says is a rule to her (so to speak). So I think, (hypothetically) if his friend would tell her to stop seeing me, would she even consider it? She has never tweeted anything like that to me and we were started planning living together (so you know where we were in the rel.).

I immediately contacted her and argued about those tweets. We have had fought a lot in the past and we are really tired of having long arguments. So I ended up telling her that if she feels like that to him then I'm not there and period. The next day she tweets that anyone who doesn't understand her relationship with his friend can't be near her. So in the end she rather defended her "friendship" with him that our relationship. A few days have passed and now she doesn't give any signs of life in her normal life habits. I find that a little odd. So the question is... what the hell happened?

Updates

+1 y

In the end what you care the most is what you protect the most.

[Vasillilaw]

Ok. I'm pretty sure you over reacted. What you don't seem to understand is that gay guys aren't going to take your girlfriend, so don't get jealous over them. My boyfriend is a bit jealous of my gay friend, but he knows it's completely ridiculous that I would ever do anything with a gay guy. Dude loves DICK. I'm really open with my friend and I don't doubt I would say something similar to what you're girlfriend said, but would I mean it? Probably not. My gay friend and I just make tons of scenarios up and we fly off the handle with ridiculous things to say to each other involving how we love each other and we always call each other baby. They're JUST jokes. Just because your girlfriend said that she would listen to anything he said doesn't mean she ACTUALLY meant it and even if she did YOU completely manifested the part about how he would say she should stop seeing you. Even if he did say something like that, the only reason your girlfriend would listen to him is because #1 he's her good friend (so it doesn't matter if it was him or a girlfriend of hers, their opinion still counts because she trusts them.) and #2 if her friends had evidence of you treating her poorly. I hope you can come to understand what went wrong and I hope my advice helped. :)

[opus_damian]

This is a very interesting view. I understand it but as I said above, I'm kinda more traditional in serious relationship terms. I demand some respect. For instance, if she is with her friends she can do whatever fun she wants, but with integrity. If she is with me, I expect respect and some basic etiquette. I believe that if they are that kind of friends, they should keep their comments within their boundaries and not expand them publicly to our circle. It doesn't feels right. What do you think?

[Vasillilaw]

I don't think it should be an issue. You have to understand who you started dating and just because she doesn't keep comments between herself and her friends private shouldn't concern you in my opinion. If it's between you and her and you say you don't want her to tell people about something you said and she says it anyhow...that's disrespectful in my opinion. You have to realize she's still her own person.

[opus_damian]

I have to meditate about it. To me it is a big deal. But I hear you, I don't want to be seen as a controller or something but I don't like seeing her telling nicer things to him publicly and none to me. If it is not a big deal she may also put something nice to me (yes I'm jealous), but nuthin' as they say. I'm respecting her personality but that part just don't matches with mine. If she loved me, she would respected me as I asked regardless if it's right or wrong. But that's only me as I see.

[Vasillilaw]

All I can say now is that maybe she wasn't right for you. I'm sure there is someone out there that matches your values more. :)

[opus_damian]

Would it be possible for me to talk with you about it? I'd really like to understand.

[Vasillilaw]

Sure. Ask anything you'd like. :)

[carolinagirl15]

I still don't get why girls fall all over guys that are gay. I'm like, "really? if he's gay, and you're a girl, he's not interested!"

I'm not saying the boyfriend should take up 100% of the girl's attention, because 9 times out of 10, a friendship will last longer than a relationship, but the girl shouldn't devote ALL her attention to a friend, especially if it's a guy, gay or not. It will make the boyfriend feel threatened, and guys hate that feeling for some reason. But now they know what girls feel when they see their guy talking to a girl.

You were right to dump her, because she shouldn't do that. You saved yourself, congratulations.

-hope this helps you believe that you made the right decision!

and by the way, you seem like the kind of guy that I like to talk to...hit me up sometime :)

[opus_damian]

Thank you very much for your comment. I believe that friends are important but not as important as someone you are building your life with. However we live in a crazy world. Thank you for your flatter, I'm happy to see there are girls who does want something similar as I want. There is hope in the world!

[carolinagirl15]

Yeah, there are some normal girls in the world with similar values to every guy...that's why I said hit me up! (if you want to) ;)

-and just for the record-- there's always hope!

[InquisitiveMale]

She wants what she can't have.

I dated a girl once that had a male friend. Straight guy. She and him were close friends, they would always flirt, spend excessive time together. I got jealous and asked her if she would back off a little bit because it was making me uncomfortable. She said she would and then about 3 months later I found out from her best friend (some best friend but anyways) that she slept with him one night when she was drunk. I didn't make a stand; reflecting back, I think I should have.

Now you're guys gay, which makes a big difference, but emotionally she will be invested in him, not you. If he would sleep with her I wouldn't doubt from the description of the situation that she would.

[opus_damian]

Now that you say it, If he wasn't gay I do really see both of them together as a couple. It's really sad for me as I believe he would had been a better match for her than me and I'm thinking about their personalities. But it is also a sad thing for her as she want's something that can't get real. Luckily for us we know what we want and know how we can get it, don't you think?

[InquisitiveMale]

I almost always know what I want but not always how to get it.