People find me boring because I suck at small talk. How can I connect with people better?

[Anonymous]

I haven't made friends in so long because people find me boring and unspontaneous. I dont blame them. I just never know what to say. I ask questions about their life and interests but the conversation always stops immedeatly. You can also see i get uncomfortable after a while and try to smile.

I always thought id grow out of it, but apparently not. How can i connect with people better? Anyone who has the same experience or advice?

[chilldude33]

Don't be an interviewer. Don't ask questions, listen to what they're already saying, instead.

For example, I'll turn your post into a small talk:
You: "I haven't made friends in so long."
Me: "Yeah, me too."
You: "People find me boring. I just never know what to say."
Me: "Don't worry about what you gonna say. Listen to what they're saying, instead."
You: "I ask questions about their life and interests but the conversation always stops immediately."
Me: "Yeah, asking questions is not listening."
You: "You can also see I get uncomfortable after a while and try to smile."
Me: "Yeah, and I bet being interviewed is also uncomfortable for them."
You: "I always thought id grow out of it, but apparently not."
Me: "Yeah, it's a skill, but once you learn it, you'll know what to do."

Wow, good talk, anon! As you can see, I never asked you a question. I just agreed or added my opinion to what you were saying.

[SlothySlob]

You've yet to talk about what you're passionate about.

[skyeee_]

i'm not an expert at small talk either, but i'd suggest to turn the small talk into a deep convo with more follow up questions about the person's interests. for example if the person likes to draw, you could ask how long they've been into drawing, what do they like most about art, etc.

[lrina]

damn i have the same problem... i'm especially awkward with new people... i'm a good person if you need to vent or to just talk, but not good at humor or doing anything interesting...

[midnightmoon05]

Step 1. Not be anonymous ;)

who are you?

[Wise4myage]

Then learn to expand your knowledge.