How can I cope being a complete disappointment to my mother?

[Anonymous]

She had me when she was 16.
She struggled with alcoholism but she was always amazing and doting with me.
She always said "You can be anything you want if you put yourself into it".
Now I've left university and become a night guard. She encouraged me to study, but when I gave up she stopped caring. She said "Good that you bring in money, but I'd have worked for both of us if you continued to study".
Tonight she wanted to go out and I gave her 100€. She said "If that's all you are good for, I'll take your money".
She didn't take them. She left them in the kitchen..
She used to ask me to go cycling or walking with her. Now she makes excuses and when we go out, she always walks faster to keep her distance.
I can't take it anymore.

Updates

+1 y

I asked her and she said she's disappointed with herself because if I resigned myself to a "dead end job" and don't follow my Dreams It means she did something wrong
She told me she's the one who failed not me.
Now she completely stopped talking to me and I'm planning to move out when she's at work. She won't find me when she'll come home

[dustybiker]

Take a step back and remember that she has lifelong addiction urges she will always be fighting.
Allow yourself a moment to know that damaged you, but you still have a great mother.
Everything else are minor details that you can change, fix and or make better.
Think of your situation from years in the future. You’ve just lost your mother. What would you change right now while you still can? Go do it.

[MrWolf]

Go back and study I mean if you have the chance to doit make something of yourself. I mean the only person you gotta prove something too is you.

And a night guard really? I mean there ain't going back from that place. Rethink your life and chose what you want!

As for your mother she will understand at some point and will always support you.

[Anonymous]

are you Asian by chance?

[Asker]

Half on father side
Father is Korean