Is this good advice or sexist mumbo jumbo? Would you teach your sons the same as your daughters (see details in the remarks)?

[DaveJord]

I always taught my daughters that they;

"never need a man without a job, that they never should expect someone to provide something they can not provide for themselves, and they should never allow themselves to become dependent on a man."

I always taught them; "That if you dependent on others to constantly make you happy, you will constantly be disappointed, true happiness comes from within."

Is this just as good advice to teach your sons as well as daughters?

Yes it good for advice for a daughter

No its sexist

Its equally as good for a son and it is for a daughter

[Anonymous]

Ironically my parents both grew up in households where old fashion ideas of what a man should be and a woman should be were strictly enforced, but when they had us kids, they were very conscious of teaching both my brother and I the same things. If I learned to cook, so did he, if he learned about car maintenance, so did I. My parents both emphasized to us both that the many skills we were learning were life skills that we would someday find useful and maybe even life saving. Most importantly it would teach us to take care of ourselves because they wouldn't always be there for us, and we might not be with someone who was willing to do any of this, or we might not be in a relationship at all thus forcing us to be independent. I am so thankful for this because when I got to college years ago, I really saw the kids who were not prepared for life in anyway...like never picked up after themselves, never had to do their own laundry, never woken up without someone waking them up. I felt miles ahead of the game because I didn't have to ask anybody about how to adult.

[Medicalbug]

I come from a family of very independent wanderers, so it was always ingrained in us that adding people to your life should enrich it but never to the point where you refocus your existence to revolve around them. This advice has served me well because I have discovered that I am not well suited for romantic relationships, and am able to abstain from them without a feeling of incompletion. Theoretically, I don’t rule out romance completely, but I’m also not banking on it. On the flip side, I have long lastly, incredibly deep friendships with some people. My parents also did not raise me under the umbrella of my gender.

[DaveJord]

So you were not raised under an umbrella gender, and you don't add people to your life unless they enrich it... and just so happens that you don't rely find fulfilling romantic relationships.

I guess for me its more about being finicailly independent and self supporting through your romantic relationships.

[jshm2]

It's small minded and stupid advice.

You're saying they shouldn't marry royalty or a made man living off his millions? You're also teaching your daughters that they do not deserve attention. Should be content with minimum, and never aspire to more. That physical value is all that matters and they should not bother with emotional, spiritual or sexual gratification with their partner.

You DO depend on others constantly. Who the fuck do you think builds the roads? Grows the food you eat? makes your daily living possible? It's always others, and when you can no longer depend on others, such as in your area, is when you move.

Happiness is fleeting, but disappointment and failure are where lessons are leaned. But if you're constantly failing and being disappointed, then you're not learning. There is nothing "within." Humans are social animals, not hermits.

You develop by having a good support group and reliable network of people. No one is an island. Family is your base to build from, but it isn't always the family you're born with.

[DaveJord]

You seem to be making a lot of assumptions about me. There's so much that you said that I disagree with.

[Subarugirl]

On the contrary that is fabulous advice. Independence is important, especially emotional and financial dependence. I would assume most people wouldn't want to be a caregiver to a codependent adult who can't take care of them selves.

[andreasderjuengere]

I abstained from manipulating my kids into little copies of mine.
I explained my thoughts and views, but left it to THEM to adopt it, or not to.
After divorce - unfortunately - they fell into the hands of their mother and had to endure quite some indoctrination.
Quote (my mother): '' You have the right to make your own mistakes. But if you have questions... I'm here"

[Anonymous]

I understand the motivation to teach your kids to not be overly dependent on a partner, but that can be, and often is taken too far. In any good romantic relationship each person does and should depend on their partner for some of the most important things that lead to happiness in love.

I have known women with the mindset you taught your daughters and they often were not very happy or fulfilled in their relationships.

[DaveJord]

I know plenty of guys whose fathers taught them to love and provide for thier spouse... they are paying alimony to them still today.

[Opinion Owner]

Are you suggesting guys love and provide for their wives should expect to end up divorced and paying alimony?

[DaveJord]

No not saying they should expect divorce... but they should've be surprised or unprepared for it either.

[innerman]

you taught your daughters never to trust a soul... i dnt know if they will hold a relationship for a while

[DaveJord]

I would say I taught them to never put their eggs all in one basket.

[innerman]

Yea... thats nice

[grega239]

I agree that both should be taught the same, but some things are gender specific

[DaveJord]

I todays world the only thing that is gender specific is the ability to carry and give birth to a child.

[grega239]

By gender specific i mean how men/women interact with men/women.

Maybe its just in my group , but men seem to be harsher with each other wether its serious or a joke.

[DaveJord]

Yeah in my day the concept of gender and how men and women interacted was a lot simpler. Men were men, women were women.

[bamesjond0069]

Thats terrible advice for a daughter. Are you trying to raise a cat lady or divorcee? Smh.

[DaveJord]

You think so? Raise your kids to be self reliant / supporting and independent... to teach your daughter's to be there own person and sons to respect and seek relationships with independent women... terrible advice?

[bamesjond0069]

Yes basically the opposite. The sexes are complimentary. Women raised to work and be independent are the low quality women. So i would not want my daughter to be like that nor my sons to date girls like that.

[DaveJord]

Did just say working independent women are low quality? Shut the front door... 😆

[bamesjond0069]

Usually yes. Technically they could be good still but one only has a certain amount of time and effort to spend so it comes at the neglect of moral education, home making skills, and with additional exposure to anti family situations and ideas. All which cause a woman to be low quality.

[DaveJord]

Well thanks for sharing... but I disagree with that.

[bamesjond0069]

Thats fine but one only needs to look at the typical outcomes of these life choices. Essentially all girls who wait for marriage and focus on how to be a wife and a mother get married. Essentially every girl who tries different things includes the cat ladies and multiple kids with multiple men, prostitutes, single and married to their career women, etc. So many dont make it to the finish line of life having had that white picket fence normal outcome happy marriage kids etc. Its the women trying the "new" way of life who have a high failure rate not those doing the tried and true standards. Now before you or anyone comments "what if she wants to be a single no kids career woman until she dies?" Or some other scenario like that? Good for her but everyone knows this is not what makes the average woman happy or fulfilled. Good go be a special star but lets not pretend this is what little girls dream about *cough princess weddings *cough. And its certainly not mens idea of a catch if you want your daughter to be respected and loved by a man teaching her to not need men and act like a man is not going to help her personal or romantic life thats for sure.

[boobliker]

yes it good advice and it's sexist in my view but i was told to look after my other half for better or W, and that is sexist too but hay life is for living so enjoy what ever you want and pay the price latter.

[Anonymous]

Nobody can ever MAKE you happy, and you shouldn't expect it. You make your own happiness. The real trick is finding someone to share your happiness with instead of them getting in the way of it. Those people are rare.

[Jamie05rhs]

I think it's great advice.

[elizamichale1]

Woww i m really impressed

[Andres77]

Good for both.
I applaud you

[moonpie89]

Yes. Good advice