What does one say to a friend who lost their mom?

[Anonymous]

When a friend loses their mother you show up. Now I said that knowing that I was and am woefully under equipped to console a friend during such a moment. I know not what to say or do as there is nothing one can do or say that will truly help. Instead I place a hand on the shoulder and travel between long bouts of silence where friendly words are to be and mindless chatter when the silence becomes awkward and unbearable.

My own troubles, which typically loom large, feel utterly insignificant in these moments; as there is still the possibility of remedy on the horizon. I wish I were wiser in these moments so I would know what to do.

[Moose304]

My mom died about 11 years ago. After her graveyard service was over I decided I wanted to walk about 2 miles to see an old friend. I got there and he was not at home. My mom was buried on a Sunday. So I decided to sit on his front porch and just chill. His wife Candi came in about 30 minutes later and saw me. When she got up on the porch I got a huge bear hug and a kiss on the cheek. I was invited in but only wanted to use the bathroom, and walked back outside. Candi called her husband and he came home. We talked for a few minutes and he excused himself and came back with two beers. We sit in rocking chairs and sipped on the beer and said nothing for a long time. Candi invited me to dinner that day and I accepted. Then my friend took me back to the funeral home where my car was parked. I drove back to my home about an hour south of Atlanta. That silence but being able to "feel" a good friend's presence was all I needed that day. His mother has since died he and I sit on that same porch and rocked for hours. Both of us were recalling funny stories about our now gone parents.

[MAC1983]

That's a moving story.
Kind of reminds of the song "More than words" in a different context...

[Moose304]

@MAC1983 When I think of that day I am reminded more of the song the sound of silence, I detest the Simon and Garfunkel version because of the overdubbed music.

[MAC1983]

@Moose304 I can appreciate what you're saying. I'm sorry for your losses, even if I'm a stranger. Thank you for sharing that.

[Citizenkirk]

You pretty much said it, right there. It's not something you can really do much about, other than be there for them.

[Citizenkirk]

Thanks for MHG

[dustybiker]

Tell them that. You have no idea what to say, it’s the truth and perfectly natural. You want to be there for him, so do just that. Be there listening. You don’t have to say anything to support someone. Just be there for them. That’s all I wanted and needed when I lost my mother.

[Sparks32]

@dustybiker I'm lucky that I still have my mother at my age. I sorry for your loss

[dustybiker]

Thank you, @Sparks32 That was kind of you to say.

[Subarugirl]

Just being there is usually enough. When someone is mourning a death there is really nothing you can say or do to make it better. People mourn in different ways, usually that just takes time and some space.

[Aperson32]

Yes it's always important to at least just be there for the person. That shows you care about them and that you are a real friend because real friends are always there, including the worst of times.

[Staximus]

Just hang out with them and be there for them so they are not alone with their thoughts and depression. My mom died when I was 20. It was terrible, but my friends being around all the time made me feel a lot better than if I was by myself

[_alice_]

Just I would cry with her... Because I love my friends moms... They are so lovely womans...

[grega239]

You dont have to say anything, just be there for them

[In_Trance]

Sorry for your loss

[Demigod_eq]

Yeet

[jimmy2]

Death is partof life