Do You Have Any Advice For Girls And Ladies Who Want To Be Good Mothers? 🙂?

[GagieLenn]

Lately I've been interested in looking for good advice, skills to improve on and general direction to be a good mama for strong family. Possibly in the future. (Hoping. 🤞🤞)

This had led me to more religious and conservative ideas of how to help raise a family. Yet I am also open others ideas, perspectives and stories.

Are you a mom with good stories of and or advice for motherhood? Are you a mother who feels she was more so successful and more so satisfied with the process of how raising her child and or children turned out? Are you a father, brother, daughter or other family member with a strong family story? Or do you know of someone you are not related to who seems like a good mama and has a strong family?

I'd love to read your stories and or advice, Thanks. 😊 💕

Updates

+1 y

Oh, wow. I wasn't expecting so many comments for this. 😂 Will still reply to more as soon as I can 🙂

[jennifer_bloom]

What I read and find is that children value consistency and stability more than any other quality. My research says children care more about quantity than quality when they bond with their care givers as infants. It’s only when they mature, that quality becomes more valuable than quantity. You don’t have to have a lot of rules but you have to remain consistent and predictable about the ground rules you choose to set so children can feel safe and secure trusting you.

My friend is a millionaire and she says not to give your children too many unique and exciting toys because when a child has too many amazing toys for their visual appetite, they stop using their own creative impulses to invent forms of play and recreation. So you should take a minimalist approach to toys, my cousin loves to say, that less is more.

It’s also important to teach your children humility, modesty and moderate expectations about life because schools never bother to teach kids this trait and yet I believe it’s one of the most undervalued skills a human being can have. I believe the number one factor in why some very religious people are more successful than others is that they practice meekness and humility.

You should also teach them the difference between public face and private face, that they should not openly share their business with outsiders. And that different degrees of friendship should be applied to different types of people. You should teach them that people are not always honest and beautiful people are not always kind and compassionate on the inside.

[GagieLenn]

Consistency and stability is definitely something I would have wanted and needed more growing up in certain areas. Indefinitely seems true that as a kid I cared more about quantity over quality about many things as a kid as well. Consistent and predictable about ground rules, got it.

Interesting. I haven't really thought about if I'll give them lots of unique gifts or not yet I get where you're coming from when you say it makes them use their imagination less.

For humility, modesty and moderate expectations for life. I did not have much of a realistic idea of what life was for myself like many other females now these days. Now I am only starting to understand more. Also true that it some seem to be part of what helps religious people more successful at marriage. I'm mainly not sure if it's a good idea to separate those morals and religion and if so then how? Are people successful with this and what are their stories?

Gotcha, gotcha. I haven't heard anything on public and private face specifically yet it sounds interesting. Yet true. They shouldn't be too open about themselves to outsiders and be able to determine the degrees of different friendships and relationships in general. Yup, the "people aren't always honest and beautiful (people you seem to like generally sometimes) are not always kind and compassionate on the inside. I had to learn this the hard way with a person in the past. Haha. 😅

Will keep these in mind. Thanks so much for your answer! 😀

[jennifer_bloom]

Yeah : ) I wish you luck : )

[GagieLenn]

Thanks again. 😊

[sunflower00]

Just be kind and loving. I’m not a mother so I can’t speak from that experience, but from my experience with my own mother I would say if you have any insecurities try not to let it show in front of your children too much! My mother was so insecure about weight, she brought up how fat/ugly she looked all the time (she was slim and pretty), and ended up transferring those insecurities to her children. She still speaks about losing weight every day and does ridiculous diets and it’s caused eating disorders and body dysmorphia for both me and my sister.


Just be there for them, be kind, show them love and patience and all should be good. Good luck and I’m sure you will be an amazing mother!!🥰

[GagieLenn]

Gotcha. Being kind and loving is definitely high up on my list. (Perhaps I should make an actual list...) For sure I've gotta work on my own insecurities as well as to avoid influencing them on my potential future kids. I heard of that happening with mothers and daughters before actually. (Not sure if I relate to it when it comes to physical appearance yet can also image it's likely some of my mom's insecurities and or whatever else has influenced me at least in the past.)

Definitely going to do my best to be there and care for them. Thanks so much. 😊💕

[jennifer_bloom]

Glad to help : )

[jennifer_bloom]

Sorry I misread.

[GagieLenn]

@jennifer_bloom You're good. 👌

[HighValue]

I'd suggest playing board games with your kids. Sometimes as a family, and sometimes one on one. It is a more relaxed setting and over time they can feel more comfortable sharing things with you that they wouldn't normally share.

Also, when they have conflicts, either with friends, or with schoolmates, try to figure out what was the original cause of the problem, not just the last incident that happened to try to actually solve the problems long term instead of just a short term punishment/conversation.

Understand that your kids are always listening to you. Even if they are busy doing something while you are nearby having a conversation with someone else, the kids still hear and absorb what you say and how you respond to different situations.

[GagieLenn]

Interesting, interesting.

As a kid I used to play board games with my dad, stepmom and brother. I remember it being kind of fun. Yet I see why they would be good binding time.

Gotcha, gotcha. This would be something I would have to look more into. Mainly because I haven't had too much conflicts I've brought to my parents with friends or others outside family involved. Yet it does seem to make sense to figure out how to solve the problem than to give a punishment. Most punishments in my case didn't exactly work for me as a kid it seems. 😅

For sure, yes! I used to tell my parents I always listened. Yet they had always said things like "things I say to you go in one ear and out the other." What they really meant was I didn't do what they wanted me to. Yet they also didn't to and or how to teach me probably (?) Maybe in some cases they didn't know exactly what they wanted? 😅

Yet thanks for the comment! 🙂

[Brendan24]

I don't have any kids so don't know exactly but

Just have common sense, trust your instinct if something is off probably is be there to support the kid allow the child's imagination to grow not hinder it, encourage the kid to make choices could be very small choices, dont have certain expectations for what you want your kid to be like/do let them choose

Then if you want you could get the kid something like a Greenlight debit card which apparently builds credit (don't know how it works don't have it but saw it a couple days ago on a commercial might be different companies that do something like that)

[GagieLenn]

It may depend on what you mean by common sense. It seems today that can mean different things to different people. Can you explain a little more, maybe? 🙂

I see where you coming from with trusting your instincts about if something is off. Being there to support my kid (s) is also important to me and encouraging them to be more imaginative and to make choices is also something to look more into.

For sure! Teaching them finances is super important. It would have made more sense if my parents taught me finances when I was younger. Especially if they wanted me to move out when I turned 18. (One of them did. 😭)

[whereismyjohnny]

I'm not a mother, but I can say what I needed from my mother while growing up 😅 I think the most important thing is to get kids' trust and be there for them, so make them feel like they can talk to you about their problems. Also if you notice any changes in their behaviour (like staying in their room, drastically personality change), react. Things like that are mostly starters of depression, talk with them and show support. Never, but never argue with a partner in front of kids, it takes a toll on a person eventually.

I would just say be loving, kind and supportive to the kid, and they'll be grateful. ❤️

[GagieLenn]

For sure trust and being there for them is something I want to get and be good at, and yeah avoiding arguments as Mich as possible in general seems like a good idea. No-one really wins those it seems.😮

[nitsuj86]

I'm not a woman, or a mother, or a father. But I am a son of a strong family unit, in an age where it is hard to find.

My advice. Find a reliable partner and stay with them. Who you reproduce with I believe is the biggest factor in setting yourself up for success.

Not just someone who makes your parts tingle. But someone who would be a good father, support, and friend. My parents were always a team, worked together, and never quit when it got hard. And as a result, we are all successful well-adjusted adults. Sure there were times when my parents wanted a divorce, but they stayed together, and I bet both of them would tell you that is how they have gotten through life without most of the troubles others experience.

I see a lot of fucked up people in the world today, and one thing they usually share is broken homes. People chase selfish desires and get rewarded with lonely prizes.

[nitsuj86]

Oh, and don't just "give" your kids stuff. Make them work for it. They want a car, you can drive mine to get a job and save money to get your own. You wan't money... chores. You start a sport, you finish it. Etc... Tough love works wonders for some. It did for me, but not always the case for others.

[GagieLenn]

Oooh! Interesting you are a son of a strong family unit. Can you tell me more about how your family dynamic is? 🙂

Yeah! Reliability in a partner is what I am looking for and with that as well as other things compatible I definitely stay with him. I also agree, who you marry matters so much in life! These days people seem to think much more about the short-term and more self centered things instead of the strength of their family unit unfortunately. 😅

I do think it's important for kids to learn to earn things for themselves as well. Yes. 🙂👍

[Diodoro]

Take advice from good mothers who have the type of family relationship you want. Real World experience is King Above All Else, and the advice of people who are in the position that you want to be in should be respected by you more than the opinions of basically anybody else

[GagieLenn]

Yep! That's what I'm looking for. 😄

Especially in real life. Seems kind of difficult right now. Haha.

[Diodoro]

Lol not surprising sadly

[Anonymous]

I got some good advice for the girls and ladies out there, to be good mother my advice is to be a stay at home wife, that way when your husband returns from work the house will be sparkling clean and their will be dinner waiting at the table for him, women are better off staying at home and being the housewife, that's my advice.

[sage2021]

I think they are referred to as homemaker's now, and not housewives.

[Opinion Owner]

Said no one in history, Lmao

[GagieLenn]

Yayaya!

Being a housewife/ homemaker is something that has interested me lately. For me growing up it never really felt like home anywhere yet that's seems to be what I wanted a lot after getting to know myself a bit more. 🙂

[Opinion Owner]

Well good for you. 😊

[BipBipLeddus]

I try to be present, but not right on top of her at all times. Let her explore and play on her own.

I'm pretty new to this and trying to figure it out myself.

[GagieLenn]

Yes, yes, yes. I agree. 😀

Oooh! You are a new mom? Congrats. 💕

[sage2021]

Respect your children's privacy - stay out of THEIR things. Don't be a snoopy mom. What's theirs is theirs, so hands off. Give your child enough space in their life to allow them to be who they were born to be and not what the parents want them to be. It will be rewarded because you get to watch them grow up and flourish into a life that they enjoy living. 🌹

[GagieLenn]

I'm still on the fence about giving my kid (s) "privacy." Haha

For me there were some things I wanted more privacy growing up. (Having my own room early on since I don't have any sisters.) Other things I would have wanted less privacy in such as how to deal with being a woman properly instead of being on my own pretty much. For me it lead to several problems later on that I won't go into. As well as dealing with emotions with my mom would have been very helpful. Yet I understand why that wasn't able to happen now so that's good at least. 🙂

[ragooo8]

Make sure your child has a father. Boys raised by single mother's are most likely to end up in jail or die young. Girls are more likely to end up in the sex industry

[GagieLenn]

Yes! For sure my child/ children will have father that's there for them/ together with the family. My family has experience with divorce and dads who weren't there in whatever ways in the past and even in my generation, which is not too surprising these days unfortunately.

My step brother is exactly what you are talking about for the guys and my brother was pretty close to it at one point. I definitely can see that as an outcome for the girls without their dad as well. Perhaps if I didn't go to a Christian school for a short while I might have been more of what you talked about for the girls. Ew and so sad. 😭

Yet back on making sure the kids have a present father, husband's gotta find me first so kid (s) can have the daddo. 🙂

[shaysh87]

i think every mother wants to be a good mother. But most of them end up fuckin up on their jobs. Believe it or not, I have seen lots of bad mothers raise their kids up to 18-20 years old, including mine. There are people who are born to be good moms while the rest just constantly fuck up and never learn. or the fuck ups tend to be very ignorant and like to believe everything they are doing is correct. Nobody wants to be a bad mom but few make it to the "excellent" level.

[GagieLenn]

Most of them do want to be good moms Absolutely. Yet to me it seems it matters where there mindset is long-term with motherhood, family her general headspace is. (Perhaps, I could be wrong.)

The thing about good moms is that it seems it doesn't seem to be something they're born with only. It is also because someone's family generations before that have more likely built them up. Yeah, some people have more foundation than others yet that is because someone way back before they were born worked hard to put things into place where they could more likely succeed in a similarly and or better way. They and people in general are pretty much the results of their environment and up bringing. At least that's how it seems to me now. 😮

Of course nobody wants to be a bad mom and others and myself will still make mistakes yet if someone doesn't seek guidance things probably won't improve. So practical ways to improve the strength of my family long-term is what I am attempting to look for and apply at least. 🙂

[shaysh87]

@GagieLenn

Most moms are either of these:

a. fuck up moms who never learn as they go. their kid is 16 and you still see them fucking up.
b. moms who are very mediocre, have major parenting flaws, but think they are the best moms ever.

Few moms are anywhere near perfect.

[GagieLenn]

Well, you've gotta think a bit farther than things for most moms aren't ideal. Gotta think of why that is. To me it seems it is how things in the past generations for the mom (this can be about people in general) have been built in her past generations and past and or current environment. Yet for you it seems you're either born a good mom or you're not. (If anyone, I was not born to be a mom. Or at least that's how it seemed when I was 10. Yet admittedly I was probably much more misguided then. 😅)

It also depends on what you mean by the near perfect mom. I am curious on what a near perfect mom is to you. Have any ideas and or examples? 🙂

[shaysh87]

A perfect mom is someone who Knows the right effective ways to teach , discipline , mold children into successful, well rounded adults all while still being able to let kids be happy and enjoy their childhood

When many people talk about a great mom, they are usually just talking about a mom who is dedicated , cuddles with her kids, knows how to soothe them , be attentive to their needs

I think that motherhood is more than just cuddling with your kids or tending to their feelings. It is also about knowing how to raise your kids into successful adults with good jobs so they don’t need to struggle to survive. It means teaching good values , manners , discipline to studying well in school, instilling the right goals , instilling responsibility over their own lives (which most parents actually fail at )

[shaysh87]

You can tell if a parent has done a good job if your 18 yr old kid is organized , knows how to be responsible , understands the importance of a job well done in the workplace (many kids have trouble with this), never late to work, don’t party in college, gets good grades , works hard to succeed

[GagieLenn]

Gotcha, gotcha.

I agree with you that those skills are great to have when being a good mom for sure. I also agree that cuddling, soothing and or attentive to their needs only means that that's all it takes to be a good mom. (Or dad if I count what I have seen these days. 😅)

My point was that those are skills and not something you are born with and can take several generations to build up those kinds of things. That's why I'd like to at least attempt to start that. Literally no-one else in my current family probably has or will unfortunately. 😅

[GagieLenn]

I guess for me the goal is not be near perfect or perfect. It's more to make a lasting change in a positive direction. 🙂

[shaysh87]

@GagieLenn

From my own experience , the most responsible kids who do well in school / career Ans in life are the ones who are forced to take big responsibility at a very young age. They are the ones who need to help out mom cook dinner so they can eat dinner on time every night. The kids who do the best in college are the ones who who pay for their own tuition. Those who do best in life also tend to have parents constantly reminding them of good core values such as getting a good education , being responsible over their own lives , being respectful towards others,

Kids who spend their childhood where parents cook for them every night , are only conveyed about toys and video games , never do any housework unless they get paid for it , are well spoon fed well over 18, these folks tend to be irresponsible and don’t do as well in school and in life

Most parents have a very hard time raising responsible children. There are many reasons for that

[GagieLenn]

Interesting ideas.
I definitely agree with the idea of kids, especially girls helping out in the kitchen as they get old enough to help. Cooking healthy and well is a good skill to have, improve on and past on to generations. 😊

I'm not exactly sure on the how I would have my child/ children handle higher education payments just yet. Yet it is definitely something to think about.

Yes, yes, yes! Making sure they have the influence of good values is really important to me and will do my best in showing them the best direction to go in. 😄

It is true most parents struggle with teaching their kids to be more responsible. I'm sure I will struggle too. Yet I will keep looking for guidance in becoming more responsible and teaching responsibility from other parents so the I may be able to do that better than without. As well as to help my potential kids to do the same with their own. 🙂

[dustybiker]

Stand strong behind loving and fair, but also consequences to actions. With that balance you won’t go wrong.

[GagieLenn]

Gotcha, gotcha. Will do my best in those areas when I am able. ❤
What do you mean by "stand strong?" If you don't mind me asking. 🙂

[dustybiker]

If you don’t stand behind what you say you lose trust. Kids also get confused in what is really expected and some cases what boundaries they can push to get the result they want.

[GagieLenn]

Ahh, gotcha and understood. Those things will be something to work on as well. Thanks. 🙂

[TheSpaceGnome]

1. Don't get mad over small things.
2. Expect your kids to make lots of mistakes, and accept that its a part of the process. 3. Expect it to cost a fortune to raise them.
4. Have a monumental amount of patience.
5. Be ok with being woken up at 3am for nonsense reasons, be ok answering 200 million questions.
6. Expect your kids to make a lot of messes that you will have to clean up.
7. Expect pickiness.
8. Don't yell, scream, insult, belittle, or hit, as punishments.

[GagieLenn]

1. Yep!
2. Yes.
3. Yes, yet also I would like to manage spending a at least better than how my parents did. As another commenter said. They don't need the most amazing things all the time to be happy.
4. Yes! I am quite patient with people now yet I've still gotta do more work on that probably. 🙂
5. Probably not always going to feel the best being woken up at 3am yet it'll be my kid and not a from something else. I am ok with people asking me many questions already. Yet I don't get as many as I ask, lately at least. Haha. 😆
6. That's alright. At a young age it's understandable and when they're older I'll need to teach them how to clean up after themselves. (Not sure how that's gonna go yet. Yet it's something to look into as well.)
7. Yeah. Haven't thought about that as much yet. 🤔
8. Yep. Absolutely.

[Agape93]

Talk to @EmmaMary about it. I have no idea how good parents are supposed to act.

[EmmaMary]

@Agape93

Thank you so much for the tag... I just do what I think is the very best I can, but I'm still learning new things every single day.

Every woman/mother will have their own very individual views and opinions, but most times we all seem to follow a natural trend.

To me personally, it is the most exciting times of my life.

[GagieLenn]

@EmmaMary

Awesome, awesome.

Gotcha! I am interested in many different view points on this lately. Haha. Interesting, interesting. I haven't heard of natural trends before. What do you mean by those? 😮

Awww! Happy to hear things have been exciting for you in marriage (and motherhood?) ☺💕

[Anonymous]

Never oppose your child's wants and directions (e. g. colored hair, a particular or unusual hobby or a certain profession). And never tell them their wishes are "stupid".
Either you can help them or stay out of their way because one day they may get what they want and they will remember who helped them and who opposed them. They may reflect accordingly.
It may or may not be to your liking. But they will ultimately be themselves.

[GagieLenn]

Ehhh, never is a strong word. Yet I understand to let them be a kid. At the same time the example of dying hair, I would want to explain to him or her early on that chemicals in your hair will more likely damage your hair, especially long-term. Yet I wouldn't call their ideas stupid pf course. Explaining to them the realities of the things they may want as best as I can is important to me at this point. 😮

I hope to help my kid (s) go into the direction of thinking more long-term as well. So they can do better at it than me and pass and grow that to future generations. 🙂

[Opinion Owner]

That's fine. You're not opposing them but giving them a heads up, so that's good.

Mine couldn't accept my wants and dreams and have opposed me. I have moved out to live alone and I do not talk to them. I pursue my wants and dreams myself without telling them anything.
They also get too nosy if i have health problems (father doesn't take it serious at all), so i go straight to the medics myself and finance the medical bills all by myself. I can tell they don't go to the medics themselves unless it's almost like a life threatening emergency. They say medics only want our money.

Don't be like my parents.
💕

[Opinion Owner]

I myself got colored hair extensions and dyed my base hair pitch black. I got braids and high tail and charms on my braids. The ladies really love my hair. They look at it. They tell me to swing my head with my braids and high tail. I received quite a good number of compliments from the ladies ❤❤❤ they're so sweet.

My parents don't know. They can't accept it.

[skyeee_]

as a child of gen x parents PLEASE dont compare your kid (s) with others, degrade them for not getting a perfect score and definitely dont make them feel like a failure overall.

[Subarugirl]

Teach her how to establish and maintain boundaries. Sex education is important and shouldn't be a taboo topic.

[annabananna]

Have a loving marriage and make sure you make a child with a good man. They have great parenting book on how to have happy children you can read.

[MrtoddsWildRide]

It's about balance. Your kids, and marriage and work and being able to do things for yourself all need to be a priority.

[GagieLenn]

Interesting, interesting. 😮

Those are important things to manage well for sure. 🙂👍

[Nahid1707]

Enjoy and have a good supportive circle too

[GagieLenn]

Yeeeeah, for sure enjoying time with is important. As well as having a good environment and people to grow up around. 🙂👍

[Nahid1707]

Yea 😊

[Sabretooth]

work as little as possible.

[GagieLenn]

Gotcha, gotcha. 👍

[Sabretooth]

they're only kids once.

[GagieLenn]

Yeah... 😭 Especially gotta make those first few vital years the best they can be.
I have been looking into more house wifey stuff lately.🙂

[Sabretooth]

husband should, too. gotta have a balanced life... too many have forgotten that.

[GagieLenn]

Yeah, husbands and fathers are for sure needed to keep the family strong/ as strong as possible. ❤

Balanced in what way (s)? Also in what areas specifically? If you don't mind me asking. 😮

[Sabretooth]

just make sure you're both involved. stay involved but respect their privacy--you want respect--it must also be given. and for god's safe... if you have a daughter... don't coddle. girls are not more mature--that's a dangerous myth--they're more inquisitive, that's it. by going by this myth--you make them a target for manipulation. we males can sense this weakness--it allows us to manipulate a situation to our benefit to involve them in mature and illicit activities... same for more mature girls, as well. I say ''we'' because we can all sense it--we just don't all act on it.

[GagieLenn]

For sure! I want both my future husband and myself at least to be involved and stay involved. I'm a little on the fence with privacy. Part of it is because in certain ways growing up it would have been better for me to have more privacy. (Having my own room, space in the house and maybe other things?) Yet at the same time I would have also seemed good if my parents could be more open about emotions, thoughts, and listening so they could help guide me through them if possible. To me it makes sense to give them privacy on things I wouldn't want to share with them/ things that wouldn't benefit them generally.

I'm not sure about what coddling looks like actually. What do you mean by that? 😮

Interesting. I have heard the saying "girls mature faster than guys." Yet I think it may have more to do with the window woman seem to have when it comes to finding a the best partner they can. (What do you think?) While guys seems to have more time in that area. Hints: Why they say "guys mature later." And yeah, some older guys can and do take advantage of that unfortunately... 😅

I think that kid of situation for both guys and girls is sad...

Well, maybe it's no fare to say all. Not all people understand this consciously at least. Subconsciously may more so. 😮

[Sabretooth]

balance is important. letting them get away with things, shielding from all the bad, not taking the precautions to make sure that they can protect themselves when shit happens and you ain't there--that's what I mean. trust me--older men do not mature with age... between my father and I... I've always been the more mature. I also mean guys their age take advantage them, as well--it's why so many end up dropping out of school to take care of their kids or, end up in abusive relationships and the like... thinking of trash like Laundry... what do you mean about ''Yet I think it may have more to do with the window woman seem to have when it comes to finding a the best partner they can.''?

[GagieLenn]

For sure it seems a certain type of balance is ideal for the success of the relationship and raising the kid (s) and for sure shielding them isn't a good idea long-term either.

Yeah, hat is kind of what I heard about guys. Sometimes they may not mature with age. Im not sure of the context when you talk about those guys taking advantage of those girls in high school. Guys like your dad or guys in the same age group? ? ?

Also what do you mean by thinking of trash like laundry?

It has started to seem to me that the saying men are like wine and women like cheese has some truth to it. Mainly because for most women when they hit 30 their dating/marrying options do start to go down and do not go back up. While a man in his 30's+ can and more likely will date and or marry a 25 or younger year old. And as you already said, it's not about a females "maturity" in the same sense as a males.

At least that's what i've come to understand At this point.

[Sabretooth]

either, to be honest--often times, tactics mature... though, some are far too lazy and cheep but will still take advantage of vulnerable girls. my father is in his 70s... you wouldn't know by how he acts. Brain Laundry. it's largely based on the lies revolving maturity... hell, my mother often indicated that was more mature--maybe they fake it in your presence... I dunno. I'm of the opinion that's the case and their games only mature.

[GagieLenn]

For sure, their tactics can mature instead of the guys maturing themselves and yeah girls can and do get taken advantage of. At the same time younger women generally speaking are more valuable and or desired by men generally speaking. Yet also I was looking at why that might be. (Not maturity as you have said.

We do be getting off topic a bit yet yeah I would like to work to be more a house wifey/ homemaker for potential husband and kid (s) at this point. 🙂👍

Hopefully sooner than later, yet I've got a lot of work to on myself before then it seems.

[collie22]

be a good mom and only do things the right way

[GagieLenn]

Yes, yet we all will make mistakes. Yet learning and growing from them seems important when working towards being a good mama. 🙂💕