Parents bugging me because I'm 21 and never had a boyfriend.

[Anonymous]

My mum & dad treat me like I'm abnormal because I'm not dating and not sexually active. They think it's bad that I'm not and I would be happier & healthier if I was (I have depression) it really upsets me... I don't want to have sex! I think it's embarrassing and I'm too shy to get a boyfriend anyway. I'll probably be single all my life and that bothers them, they think I should get a boyfriend and move out of home.

Updates

+1 y

do you agree with my parents? am I abnormal? should I try and get a boyfriend? will it make me happier? how do I get a boyfriend I don't even know how to because I'm shy

Updates

+1 y

It's not just my parents who bug me.. my other family do too, and friends and even people I work with. They are always like "why don't you have a boyfriend" like I am SUPOSED to have a boyfriend or something? and they think I need to go out more so I can find one... it really makes me depressed and feel abnormal :(

[superuss]

You need to talk to see a professional about your depression. Also being shy means, that you lack confidence in yourself. There are many techniques that can help with gaining confidence. It really sounds like you need to work through you issues, before finding a boyfriend. Having a boyfriend isn't ALL about sex. Its also about having someone in your life, that loves and respects you.

Why don't you want to have sex? Do you not crave it? Or is it just that you are embarrassed? Some people don't have a high sex drive, and that's fine, but if you do get the urge, then you need to realize that sex, is nothing to get embarrassed about. It can be one of the most beautiful acts that you will ever know, as long as you have the right partner. You should see a therapist and sort out your feelings, before rushing into any relationship.

[Asker]

I have spoken to a professional before, and they didn't even do anything besides charge a great amount of money which I can't afford! my depression isn't that bad I just get really sad sometimes and I used to have bad anxiety aswell but it's OK now. I do have confidence issues, but I'm working on it...

No I don't crave it much, I can live without it. I think it's embarrassing and am a bit grossed out by it too.

[superuss]

You say you don't want a boyfriend, and you don't want to be single forever, so I think you do want a boyfriend and are just too shy to admit it. If you want to find a date, the easiest way is to look online. You can make sure the guy knows what you want, and don't want, before ever meeting. Not saying you need to look for a boyfriend, but just going out on dates, and meeting new people, can be fun. You never know, you could stumble across a really great guy. It will help your shyness as well.

[Asker]

I don't want to have a lonely life, but that doesn't mean I need a man. I can just make more friends.

I don't really want a boyfriend because I don't want to have sex and things like that.

I think internet dating is really embarrassing and desperate... if anyone I knew in real life saw me on there that would be humilliating for me. if I meet a nice guy in real life, then so be it! but I'm not going to TRY and find one, if it happens, it happens if it doesn't then it doesn't matter.

[superuss]

Sounds like you have already made your decision.

[Asker]

it just upsets me that people see me as weird and abnormal because I don't date, especially when my parents tell me I NEED to :( why do I need to? there is no rule saying everyone has to date and get married? But even if I wanted to I couldn't get a boyfriend because I'm socially awkward and a prude.

[superuss]

It is either you don't want a man, or you do want one, and are too shy to get one. I think a part of you does want to met that special someone, but you are afraid, so you are telling yourself you don't want one. You are making up excuses like, I don't know any single guys, online dating is desperate, its hopeless because this or that. You can meet guys by joining some clubs, charities, or cultural events, in your area. You are selling yourself short. Lots of guys would be happy to date you.

[Asker]

I don't think I'm selling myself short. I am ME I don't need anyone else. I'm better off on my own. No guy would want me anyway. They want sex and I don't.

[superuss]

Every time you say no man would want you, you ARE selling yourself short. Yes sex is an important part of a relationship. If you are not ready to have sex, then you need to wait, until you are ready. I really think this has more to do with your poor self esteem, than your thinking sex is gross.

[Asker]

I don't understand why EVERYONE is suposed to find a partner... what's wrong with being single? why is that so abnormal, why do people pick on me because of it? no I don't want to have sex, so I better not get a boyfriend because I will be a disapointment to him. Girls are suposed to give their man sex to keep them happy.. I'm not willing to do that.

[superuss]

If you really don't want a man, that is fine. But this "No man will every want me." attitude you have is not healthy. It shows that you don't value yourself. It is this disrespectful attitude you have, toward yourself, that has me concerned... I don't mean this last part to be mean, but I had a friend, that sounds a lot like you do now. It turned out she was gay, and too afraid to admit that to herself at the time. Do you think that might be the case? I am sorry if that offends you.

[Asker]

no I'm not gay. I think I'm asexual.

[SSeifer]

Maybe your parents are right.You are not nun but you wanna single all your life its weird things.you need try to get a boyfriend and like a normal person's life

[Asker]

I didn't say I WANT to be single all my life but I probably WILL be. I'm too shy to get a boyfriend and sexual things make me embarrassed. Even if I wanted a boyfriend (which I don't really) I wouldn't be able to.

[SSeifer]

Sexual things not embarrassed things.Dont be shy when you chat with guys you need increase your confidence.Single all the life is horrible things your are not young not maybe you older than me I'm not sure

[Asker]

I think it's embarrassing. I can't help being shy, and I don't get a chance to meet many guys anyway because I don't go out much. I don't think being single is bad, I'm fine by myself. I'm 21.

[SSeifer]

You can find a boyfriend from your workmate

[Asker]

No I cant. I only work with 2 males and they are both older then me & married.

[SSeifer]

So you means no guys around your.you need extend your social circle

[Asker]

why do I "need" to. I'm fine being alone.

[SSeifer]

But you said you don't want to have a lonely life.21 is a good age to find a man do you want to find a boyfriend when you older?its hard thing find a good guy when you 28

[Asker]

why does someone need to have a boyfriend to not have a lonely life? why can't I have friends instead? and I don't think 21 is a good age to find someone to settle down with guys my age only want one thing, sex! and I don't want that.

[SSeifer]

Im confused.Do you mean you want to find a man but no sex?/you want to find a man but you just too shy/you are OK no nid man.which one?

[Asker]

I don't want to have a boyfriend, because they want sex and I don't. I'll be OK if I have friends so I'm not lonely.

[Anonymous]

I would agree that you should move out of home...but only because your family sound like a bunch of superficial idiots (no offence). It's your life, and you do what you feel is right when it feels right. I'm sure they have your best interests at heart, but it's none of their business whether you're single or not.

I get this sort of bullsh*t from people all the time. I have made a really good life for myself, and it p!sses me off that people still focus on the fact that I'm single as if nothing else is of any value.

Having a boyfriend will not make you happy. I used to have severe depression, and was in a relationship for most of that period. I'm single now and am much happier and healthier.

[naturally]

You are not abnormal.

My parents are a bit the same. I am endlessly fighting with my mum, she wants me to get married I tell her I don't want to never going to happen! and the more you bring it up, the stronger my resistance!

It will make you happier if you are more social for sure but if your parents are forcing you to be with someone and you do just so they shut up, you will end up resenting the guy.

Start small, try and commit for a year to getting involved in some activities you enjoy and make some friends.

[Asker]

yeah I have fights with my mum about it too. I tell her I'm going to be alone forever and she's like "no you will get married and have kids" and I say I don't want to and she says I'll change my mind because any normal women wants that... makes me feel so depressed :(

[naturally]

You need to pick up you amo darling.

Every time she says things like that. Fire back with Passion. If she insists on treating you like a child who can't make her own decisions, act like a child.

Say "No!, make me!, guess what mum, I'm a lesbian (this is what I say), the more you say it, the more I'm not going to do it, I'm getting a hysterectomy!

This is all well and good (and works), but you must have a plan for your life. Career-wise. Tell her your going to be a doctor, a lawyer...

[naturally]

an astronaut, you must have some ambition, or life plan to back yourself up when she says "well what are you going to do with your life then?"

[Asker]

I did say I would get a hysterectomy lol she said "you would never do that don't be stupid, you will meet a man soon" it pisses me off so much! I feel like crying just thinking about it :( why does EVERYONE have to get a partner to be "normal" ?

Yeah I'm planning on being a vet...

she's like "you'll be able to meet a nice vet man to marry" GRRR!

[naturally]

Oh I know! I know! I know the feeling! the urge to yell SHUT THE F UUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!

You reach a point where you have to just let it swipe of your back. Every time she says something just say "never going to happen" and walk away unless you want to have a mature conv. with her and tell her it's annoying you when she does it?

or, why don't you move out? on your own? it will show her you're independent and you don't need a man.

Congrats on your ambition to be a vet!

[Anonymous]

Really? My parents DON'T want me to have a boyfriend til I'm that age. They're very old-fashioned.

[Asker]

how old are you? I wish my parents were like that. I don't want a boyfriend but they think I should have one because that's what normal girls my age do.

[Opinion Owner]

16. Seriously? So far I don't really mind, but if there is a guy in the near future I'd be kinda annoyed if they were all like "No way".

[Anonymous]

i'm in the same boat as you. le sigh.

[Asker]

It sucks hey :( if we wanted a boyfriend we would get one! Don't need parents telling us to get one.

[moviedude714]

try being 23