My boyfriend is depressed and keeps pushing me away. I don't know what to do

[love_life1987]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about a month and a half. Things were good for awhile, but all of a sudden he's become distant and emotionless/pushing me away. We talked about it today, and he said that it's just stress related. He works two jobs and works about 50 hours a week. On top of that, his lease is up on his place, so he is house hopping from friends to friends and with me on and off for a few weeks til he can move into his new place. He also told me he's super scared. His ex fiance cheated on him, and he said he's afraid that I might do the same thing. I try to convince him that I'm not going to cheat on him, and that I do really care about him, but he says he can't give his full self to me, and it might be awhile before he does. He hasn't been kissing me much, holding hands much, and has just been different. He even told me he was, and that he was sorry for it. He feels like a bad boyfriend and hates to see me sad. I asked him if he wants to be with me, and he said he does, but he can't promise that he won't break up with me because he doesn't feel like he's good enough for me, or that I can do better. That I deserve someone who will treat me well. He says he is that guy and wants to be that guy, but he's got some things to figure out first. He's not breaking up with me, and we're still dating, but I can't help but feel like this is somehow my fault. He says it's not, and says that he cares and likes me so much. I can't help but feel like it IS me. He was never like this til a few days ago. I just don't know what to do. I try telling him I will give him support and be there for him, but he just wants to be alone and pushes me away quite a bit. I really like my boyfriend a lot, but I kinda feel like I don't know who he is anymore...

Updates

+1 y

I think I figured out what is wrong with my boyfriend. I had mono about a month ago, when we first started dating, and I had the exact same symptoms. Depression, anxiety, pushing people away, irritability, etc. I thought I was losing my mind and going crazy, but I went to the doctor and was diagnosed with mono. He's showing all the same symptoms, so I'm starting to wonder if he's not getting mono as well. When I was sick with it, he continued to make out with me and we were still sharing drinks.

[Vasillilaw]

I'm pretty much going through the same thing. I've been with my boyfriend for 9 months. Before we started dating he warned me that he doesn't do well in relationships because he has anxiety disorder and starts to get annoyed at the other person and ignore them. This happened with the 2 girls he's ever dated which he also slept with. The one girl dated him for 2 weeks and the other for maybe a month or 2. When we began to date we didn't put a label on it, but we didn't see anybody else and he was wonderful. He called me once and sometimes twice a day. We'd talk for hours and even do video chat because he lives 2 hours away and we don't always get to see each other. The distance never mattered...until recently. He started his depression after we were together for about 6 months. It was about a week after we had sex for the first time. We did sexual things with each other since we started dating, but didn't have sex. Anyways...about a week after having sex he didn't talk to me for 4 days straight. I was really upset because I thought he was done with me, but he finally talked to me. He stopped calling me on a regular basis and we haven't done video chat since. It was hard to get used to the change, but it wasn't unbearable. Then his mom moved back into his house. She is unbelievably depressed and has been sucking him dry of any happiness. Because of this I have to beg him to talk to me at least once a week and beg him to hang out with me. He's too sad to do anything and it's really making things difficult. I finally got tired of it and tried breaking up with him a few weeks ago. He said that he's trying to treat me as best he can while he's going through this, that he'd regret losing me, and that I shouldn't blame myself for what's going on. As long as he can agree to answer me back when I text him and call me a few days a week I won't mind as much, but getting no attention whatsoever is difficult.

[Sports002]

give him some space. tell him you're there for him if he needs you to talk to, but don't try to force him to talk to you about stuff. let him come to you if there is an issue. just be a supportive nice caring girlfriend. I'm sure you are because you're obviously worried and want to help.

[AltTech]

He isn't ready to be in a relationship. What you are experiencing isn't going to get any better any time soon. He needs to mature and get past his last relationship and straighten up all the issues going on in his life that are causing him stress. Not to mention he needs some serious self respect.

He's only going to drag you down and end up stressing you out. I know this is probably not what you wanted to hear, but I've seen it happen to many friends.

[love_life1987]

U were right. He broke up with me. Said he wasn't ready for a relationship. He's not over his ex. Ya, saw that one coming after I asked this question and you answered it.

[AltTech]

Sorry to hear that. He wasn't right for you anyway. You deserve someone who isn't going to bring you down and drag you into their problems. Someone who makes you feel good about yourself will come along.

[love_life1987]

Thanks. Sad thing is he's the only one I want. He was a good boyfriend til the end. He treated me well didn't press me for sex and made me feel like a princess. Guys like that are hard to find these days. And if they are out there, they're clingy ass mofos. haha