Are you a joiner? Or a loner?

[lilyanony1]

I used to want to join groups and activities but even though I'd get up and go. I would struggle to get on with others.
Mostly because people can be competitive and incredibly nasty with it.
Also if there are "leaders" they can be quite full on setting the terms within the group.
The few that I have made friendlies with either aren't so confident and can be a little clingy or snarky with their comments especially when they're feeling insecure.
I find it really hard to manage myself and my anxieties plus navigate all of this. So as I've gotten older I learned its better that I just do things alone or at a safe distance from everyone else.
What about you?
Do you thrive and live for the competitive nature that grows in group dynamics?
Do you find the common ground and evade all contentions?
Or do you drift on the outskirts?

[Andres77]

I used to want to join when I was younger but the arrogance and selfishness and competition and pettiness were not worth it.
So instead of wanting to be a part of other's "events" I started finding and doing my own. I started mastering a few skills and when I'd do my own thing others would admire my skills and then I'd move on to another event.
It's not easy fitting in.
So I stopped trying.
Maybe this is why my being an introvert gets interpreted as me being arrogant.
Instead of being on the fringes of other's worlds I made my own, comfortable and fun world of my own.

[lilyanony1]

People always think I'm arrogant or selfish... But actually I'm quite the opposite

[lilyanony1]

Good for you though, you can set the terms

[silkjames]

Yeah some people are annoying lol I can't stand it sometimes but hey it's apart of life Im always surrounded by friends and family I got a business too run and part owner in a boxing gym yeah I'm diffently not a loner yet when I retire hell yeah IL be a loner then peace and quiet until then I'm all in lol!

[DizzyDesii]

Definitely a loner because I’ll go with or without ya haha. I’m mostly loyal to my own damn self. But i do enjoy others cheering me on from time to time so I’m likely to join in with others until I’m in my comfortzone in that place/setting. Then i stray from the crew and do my own thing.

[dustybiker]

I’ve always hovered in between. I drag the wall flowers from the wall and bring the bossy people back down to reality.

[lilyanony1]

There's a woman who really doesn't seem to like me. She's my neighbour. She absolutely loves my mum I think because my mums in total awe of her.
Anyways when roller skating yesterday (a thing my mum and I were supposed to learn together) she approached us. Anyways after witnessing me holding my mums arm she encouraged me to join the group of professional skaters. So much so that she spoke to my mum and was leading her around. Now knowing that I wouldn't part her side she kept going and ditched us once we were part of the group.
I was pissed off because again, my mum allowed this woman to walk her away when we were out together.
It's not that I couldn't join the group but when people are whizzing round you coming at you from all angles when you're nervous it makes you fall and uncomfortable.
I just wanted to spend some time with my mum. Especially as she decided that she didn't want to skate this time.

[dustybiker]

I can understand that frustration. What did your mother say about it?

[lilyanony1]

She's apologised

[Mynameisbobby]

I'm definitely a loner I have very few friends but the one's I have I trust. I don't like all the competition I think it's stupid. Everyone comparing themselves to everyone else. I'm in competition with my self I guess just trying to be better than I was yesterday.

[menina]

That's a good question and I'm sorry that you feel this way. I tend to find the common ground and then I deal with what it comes.

[Blackcosmo]

I'm usually a loner because I feel out of place with everyone.

[JoyGirl]

I am a loner/introvert.
I like my own space.
I can work well in a group, tho. I am just not very talkative.

[fonduegirl]

I was a joiner before my teen years. I was a very willing child. Quiet, but willing.

[JohnK123]

I think Covid times messed me up
hut I’m getting back to being a joiner

[JohnK123]

Were u a joiner before covid?

[lilyanony1]

No not particularly. Example if I went out I made friends better randomly then actively joining clubs or hobbies. Because people develop pack mentality.
So I always opted to do things on my own and if I so happen to make connections great but it wouldn't stop me.

[JohnK123]

Oh well hopefully it gets better for u. Lmao if u want an online friend pm me haha

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

I'm the type that likes to join after I get warmed up to people.

[Sugar100]

Loner. I had a disease
I was born with called selective mutism where a child is shy cannot speak like in school. I never had friends as I didn’t talk. People don’t like you if you don’t talk.

[lilyanony1]

Did you have severe social anxiety too?

There was a boy like this in my college. He used to come and talk to me when it was he and I in the room alone. But he'd go mute when in a group.
He upset me one day because we were all given paints at the beginning of the year and I carefully tried to make my own stretch across the months I needed them... Anyways he kept stealing mine. So I waited to catch the person unfortunately this particular day I snapped.
I was really upset that he didn't take the time to let me know it was him. Because I had been complaining that my paints were going down.
I don't regret doing this because in this particular case I felt like he was taking the piss out of me. So I declined his request, and I confronted him with the question, why are you afraid when in the group? Who is scaring you?
Anyways he went away and thought about it... He returned and asked me if he could use my paint. The guy that used to sit next to me fell off his chair in shock.
That was the beginning of him trying to engage with us more.
He started to laugh at our jokes and although he didn't say a lot, he tried to fit in more with the group.
I'm not a mean person and I hope that you will understand that this wasn't said to trigger you or him. I was his ally and he would talk to me when he was alone even after that.

It bothered me that in this case he waited for me to not be there to take my paints when I had never refused him anything before.
For the 3 years we studied together for the last 20 months or so, I saw this person open up to us as a group.

Everyone liked him, and yes although he felt more confident having longer conversations with me alone, he did say more to us as a group because of the encouragement and the inclusion.

[Cuminginside]

Well it's a good thing we don't make you mad sound like you a firebomb

[Blueeyes81]

I'm an introvert and only prefer the company of a few individuals. Groups are something I avoid like the plague as I never enjoy myself.

[Massageman]

If I had it to re-do, I would have joined in a few more things, primarily the band in HS.

[IsoUser]

To be perfectly honest I am a Leader throughout my life I always have been, so the two previous options aren't for me 😉😉😁

[Jerre]

I am a joiner. Love to be around people, especially girls.

[Jerre]

@lilyanony1 Thanks for the Like

[24jack]

I have fun as long as they aren't too competative, but lean mire towards a loner especially after corona

[lilyanony1]

I hear you.
I think it's nice to have friends and a community but you also need to feel comfortable joining that group.
And you also need to feel able to do so with others who encourage and make you feel good.
If you're confident enough please don't lock yourself away go out and do the things you want.
All I can say is that I hope you're OK x

[24jack]

Definitely true but I'm absolutely fine and enjoy my time but thanks for the concern

[lilyanony1]

Thank you for replying. 😊

[24jack]

No worries ( lol another reply without knowing when to end the convo) XD

[mandyfire98]

I'm definitely a joiner

[serious]

I am loner. Without doubt.

[exitseven]

I have been a loner all my life.

[Wise4myage]

I am both to be honest.

[sharrinfoxx]

Used to be a joiner now I'm a loner

[Guardian45]

Depends. I tend NOT to be a sheeple!

[Lee1515]

im a loner

[Cuminginside]

I wonder what happens when two loners get together?

[Lee1515]

@Cuminginside i dot know

[Cuminginside]

Neither do I either it could either a negative experience since they both don't know how to relate to people or they become codependent on each other and when something happens to one of them then it is a Cinderella syndrome all over again.

[Waldoe]

Loner