How do you overcome this?

[Anonymous]

I feel like I'm 'always a pastor, but never the friend.' if you don't know what I'm trying to get at; I'm always encouraging people by making cards for them, spend time with people whom I know are going through a hard time, helping others, etc. I basically treat others how I'd want to be treated, I encourage others the way I'd want to be encouraged. But I don't have close friends especially young women like myself to be there for me, to encourage me or to walk through life with me. Why not though? I don't understand everyone says how sweet and kind I am but no one ever takes the initiative to reach out to me, I'm always having to do the reaching out. It's beginning to feel isolating and draining.

Updates

+1 y

I feel like I can't 'click' (or easily emotionally connect) with a lot of people.

[stratford]

I understand totally where you are coming from. It can be very draining when you are always the one reaching out to other people. A simple call, message or even just an invite to hang out can feel very uplifting for all of us, and it is a very small jesture to show friendship.

In my experience, I've learned that some people just aren't wired that way. It's not that they don't care about you, and I'm sure if they knew you were struggling in this way they would feel bad.

In your life, you will cross paths with a lot of people, and some will be like you - caring, thoughful and compassionate. They will do what you do. Those people, they are the keepers, the ones you should invest your time and emotion in - you will know them for life.

Then there are the ones in the middle, they are like you, but they are too busy keeping their own head above water to think proactively about how to look after you. It's not that they don't care, they do, and when you hang out, you have a lovely time. These people, you will need to make your own mind up about whether they are 'keeper friends'. I have a few friends like this that I love and have come to accept that I should not expect them to reach out to me first very often.

Then there are the last type of people, these are the ones you can invest a lot of care and emotion into, and get nothing in return. They will leach and bleed you dry - take what they can from you and move on without thinking that they are a 'taker' and not a 'giver'. They are probably not bad people, but they aren't even aware of what they are doing and, most importantly, their perception of 'friends' is quite different to yours. It probably has hierachy (their needs are always greater than yours) and can even be business like.

There are a few people who may just find it too hard to emotionally connect with your issues and pains, they feel it too strongly and consider it a burden - these people will perhaps grow to learn that it can feel very empowering and energizing to help others.

One other thing to consider is that sometimes you can give too much too soon - save your most caring moments and kindness for when people really need it.

Hope that helps and please know you are not alone and you are one of the good people who I would probably get along with very well!

Keep being you.

[Iron_Man]

Don’t put pressure on yourself friends just come around naturally you have to decide your friends

[Anonymous]

You need to socialize more and perhaps in a different setting than what you are used to.

[Guy13]

Get out and about more.

[In_Trance]

Just be yourself