Why are introverts expected to take responsibility for others' unfriendliness all the time?

[Bethany22]

As an introvert, it's easy for me to feel like I'm responsible for the lack of friendliness going on between myself and someone else, especially since I'm always the common denominator with each individual. But what if there are people who are actually difficult to talk to? How can I tell whether it's them and not me, whereby then I can legitimately give up on them?

[mickmrly]

I had no idea you were an introvert, you are regularly posting questions and interacting with people on GAG.

As for trying to be friendly while an introvert, I have found that consistency is key. Some people can seem nice at first and then ghost you or not interact any more. I think that if you just try and be as consistently friendly/interactive as possible, you'll find the actual friendly people who will respond positively to you.

A little example I have is that at the place I volunteer I was trying to be talkative with a fellow volunteer there and I thought she wasn't that interested in talking so I didn't try too hard. But then at lunch we had a big chat and she talked about how she came from Zimbabwe and what it was like living there during British rule to African rule and a whole lot of other stuff. (I think the trick was I offered to share some chocolate)

Perhaps stick to topics you are interested in and talk a bit about those until you get a positive response. You seem to have a lot of interesting things to talk about on GAG, so you should have some interesting things to talk about in in-person interactions.

[Malgaran]

I remember I took this course some years ago (was mandatory) . There they basically seem to believe everyone is extrovert where everyone feel better and happier by socializing and spending as much time as possible with other people. Basically nightmare fuel for most introverts, I know I got in a heated debate with one of these course teachers or whatever wanna call them. She seemed to think it was my fault, that she assumed everything bad about me, cause I didn't brag about every good deed I did. She saw me as less, for essentially not being fake. It was my fault that she would assume the worst about me.

Yeah no, if you are gonna judge me based on my appearance or just random wild guesses, that's on you. If I do good things in the seek of appraisal of others than my good deeds aren't really good anyway. I told her that too.

Either case, short said, people are stupid and society is stupid.

[Bethany22]

People that assume the worst are so annoying!!

[AmandaYVR]

Who says you are responsible? If you keep trying with people, then it's obviously not you.

Introverts do have a reputation for being antisocial, but they're really two separate groups.

A true introvert has far fewer connections and relationships, but the ones they do have are much deeper. Quality over quantity, sort of thing.

Starting a conversation amongst introverts can be a slog though.

[Emiliamazing]

While I am not an introvert, one of the basic ways we know we are developing a friendship is by the other person providing feedback/conversation or attentive to your thoughts. Being a good listener shows kindness and interest. If someone is not actively listening or participating in a conversation with you, perhaps they are not going to be a close friend.

[inhua]

they shouldn't.

not everything needs to be someone's fault when it comes to attractive.

if person A is not attracted to person B, it's fine and not person A's fault for not finding person B. at the same time society seems to want person B to blame themselves which is stupid and often ends up making situations worse.

[jshm2]

Don't flatter yourself. As an "introvert" you're basically human carpet, and not there to provide any noise, only silent comfort.

No one really wants to hear you speak, as you've rarely got anything to say anyway. If others are "unfriendly" it's because you have forgotten your place in the group dynamic.

Most social groups have a dynamic. Problems come in when people act out of their dynamic for the worse.

[Shy_Steve]

I have the same problem occasionally aswell, I'm not exactly sure either so I know what you mean.

I think some people are Just difficult to talk to especially if your an Introvert, I would just try not worry about it and just think about friendlier people I know.

[jennifer_bloom]

This does not apply to every case but I find normal people are impressed when your not trying to impress them and somebody with stress in social groups repels people by trying too hard be likeable.

[PamelaRivers]

Friendship is a two-way street and both sides are just as responsible for making an effort. Don't think it's always your fault.

[Immie85]

Your thinking to much about it. If they want to keep the friendship the the need to make the effort too.

[Sixgunsound]

If a person demonstrates, they don’t want 0R DESERVE, a relationship with you, that is neither your fault no problem.

[inkyvampire]

What if it’s someone simply having a bad day? I try to give people the benefit of the doubt.

[User3191989]

A lot of extroverts, assume introverts are unfriendly. It's wrong to assume of course but, that's basically what it boils down to

[LazerBean]

As an introvert, that is not an "introvert" problem. That is an individual problem that occurs when said person allows it to be that way, regardless of if they are introvert or extrovert.

[Account]

I no longer do that. I won't take the entire blame for miscommunication/misunderstanding or lack of communication happening on both parts. Feeling guilty about that is of no use to me.

[Guardian45]

As you are open and able and willing to communicate, then their lack of commitment is NOT your problem. Communication is a two-way street!

[peedy]

You know I dong even know the difference between an introvert and a extrovert and quite honestly i think they are made up terms to divide us

[pizzalovershouse]

Shouldn't be some just dont get what mean so causes problems

[WhitneySnow]

It’s not your fault. Don’t stress about it.

[boobliker]

don't have one !!!