Is a parent giving unsolicited advice on how to find a boyfriend toxic?

[Bethany22]

I never asked for strategies to get a boyfriend, but parent is repeatedly telling me to try going on a dating site because the social events I've been going to for the past two months haven't resulted in me meeting someone. Don't you think that there is a lot wrong with that comment? First of all, she's giving me unsolicited advice, two, that I should always be on the lookout for a boyfriend, and three, that I should be having a panic attack because I haven't found a boyfriend 'my way' within a short span of two months. At least that's the way I interpret that behavior. Any other interpretations?

[Nik1hil]

Nobody in this world actually cares about you, except your parents!..

They have the right to give unsolicited advice!..

A boyfriend won't drop from sky for you.

Relationship needs to be made with time efforts and sacrifice

Your parents if not updated with the world might not give the exactly right advice but the essense of what they are trying to say , that you need to understand. . because worlds changing so fast! And our parents are getting old..

Filter out all negative translation and discard them, because your parents don't mean those and they won't help in any way..

[Stevefiveo]

I don't know about toxic. Although constantly saying it could bring it to a toxic level. I think she is trying to say that she really loves you and wants you to find a guy that loves you too.

[coachTanthony]

Nobody likes unsolicited advice. Now as for giving advice I think most people who are looking should utilize dating apps, going out to try an meet people, etc. Everyone should have a balanced approach. Stop worrying about your parents and focus on what actually matters. Your parents make some good points so don't hate on them. You should get your face out of your phone when you are in line for coffee. You should be making eye contact when you see someone you like. In the end this isn't rocket science however most people focus on wrong shit... like bitching about their parents instead of actually taking good advice no matter who it comes from.

[SoftCliff]

Maybe I misunderstood the question, but OP didn't say she wants a boyfriend. The way it's phrased, makes it sound like they're forcing or pressuring her to find one... At the age of 27, that's controlling behavior and it's toxic

[coachTanthony]

@SoftCliff Nobody ever misunderstands a question. They just give an opinion based off of what was given. So that is what I did. I am sure from the lack of context here others will have different opinions. Most times we just don't have all the information.

[QuadDamage]

Oh dear, well this topic is always really mixed. My mom has never had any pressure on me and my sister what so ever. My sister is 8y older then I'm, she has since long found her husband. They have 3 children.

In this sense I'm the "dark sheep" in our family 😂 I've never been the "norm" person. I work and follow all these yadda yadda routines we all have. But other then that, no thank you.

Your parents are entitled to have their opinions, but things don't really work like when they were young in a lot of aspects. And you should be able to live your life the way you see fit. Take what you want from their advice then just put the deaf ear, if it becomes a personal problem for you.

Most of my friends has issues making their parents bornt in the 50-60s (like mine) understand, that times change.
And they should simply just trust the childrens judgement.

Are you happy? I mean that's more important then anything really 👍

[A_Bell]

Ug. Way to water down the meaning of the word toxic. Having that view of your parent's act of concern is what is toxic.

Parents, which I am won, care more abut their children than anyone who has never had them will ever know. She cares about you and maybe the advice is bad, but it isn't "toxic."

[QuadDamage]

When someone repeatedly keeps nagging you over the same thing even if you tell them to stop. Yes, that is a form of toxicity. It becomes an infected wound that remains open and cannot close. Because the issue is always present when you talk or see A specific person. It's one thing if it's a teenager. You have to remind, remind, remind them all the time. That's how young people work. Asker is 27* and should be able to say no to her parents, but it is. It working. Her boundaries are not being respected. That's why she's even making the topic here, she doesn't know what to do.

I don't know how her mom was raised, but I however agree with: She's not trying to be annoying or w pain in the ass. She probably just does not realise how annoying this is for the *Asker

[Guy13]

I receive unsolicited opinion and advice on girlfriends from my parents almost every Sunday, however, I do not consider it Toxic. A Narcissist is toxic, although, unsolicited relational analysis can be an inconvenient reality.

For me, I know no others who posses a greater concern for my welfare than them. Thank God that I do not bruise easily 😎

[AviatorTom]

Parent cares about daughter and is offering advice. You have the option of taking it or not, your choice. What difference does it make if it's unsolicited? Many people would love to be in your situation; instead they have parents who don't care.

[fonduegirl]

My parents pretty much don't care about my dating choices. No I wouldn't like to take her place. Her parent sounds kind of overbearing, no offense!

[Monalisa77]

It sounds like theyre forcing her to find someone evn if they dont like them.. Thats not caring

[fonduegirl]

@Monalisa77 exactly

[fonduegirl]

@Monalisa77 plus let's not forget online dating can be dangerous

[ChiTown33]

I think that's just what parents do (specifically mom's) My mother insisted that I just hadn't found the right woman yet ad nauseum every family holiday. It wasn't till I turned 40 that she finally changed her tune and started going "I think he's going to stay a bachelor". It was funny to, because it was such and about face. 🤣

[Emiliamazing]

I think parents always want to give the kids advice, and often times it's not because they're trying to control you or degrade your choices. It may not be the best advice, sometimes you have to look elsewhere or internally.

[Kiran_Yagami]

Imagine thinking your parents somehow need permission or solicitation to give you advice. What planet do you live on? Your parents should not try to force you to find a boyfriend if you don't want one, however, given that you've been going to social events with the purpose of finding a boyfriend, giving you advice on how to fulfill that goal is not out of order.

[Monalisa77]

Thats bot advice!

[SphynxUK]

Aren’t you 27? Can’t you just tactfully tell them you don’t need any advice on how to find a suitable partner?
In any event, they are probably traditional and think you need to be married off. I don’t feel like they mean any offence or malice.

[fonduegirl]

Definitely toxic. She should let you find one at your own pace. And istg if they think like "but her biological clock is ticking!" Like no shi, Suzanne, but your daughter needs to find a guy who sees her more than a breeder. SMH

[RealMarek]

Giving advice is part of parenting, so I don’t think it is toxic unless it is done with the aim of demeaning you. That said, it might not be good advice and you can make your own decision about it.

[Monalisa77]

Unlews youve never had a boyfriend before this isn't nice/fair

[JHNS98]

It's really hard to say which behaviour is toxic anymore, it has just become an online buzzword being thrown around like confetti these days.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

Yeah, I always worry if my parents would try to give me relationship advice, I couldn't handle it with my poor self-esteem.

[Anonymous]

Nobody should ever give a woman advice. You're 27. You know exactly how to find and keep a good man. Just keep being yourself and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

[Anonymous]

she's probably worried about you because you're 27? anyway, just say thanks and ignore the advice.

[1350135L]

Since when is a parent giving their kid advice toxic? You think you're better than your own mother? If you don't agree, then at least it's just advice, don't follow it. But to accuse your mom of being toxic? Something's wrong with you.

[Monalisa77]

To me that isn't advice, its controlling behaviour

[FunkyMonkee]

I would call that, being helpful and caring about YOU.

[Monalisa77]

I would call it controlling

[FunkyMonkee]

@Monalisa77 I call THAT over-reacting.

[Monalisa77]

If my mother told me i needed to met a boy id tell her to f off. Ill meet oen in my own time

[Monalisa77]

Im not just going to aak any dick or dom ojt. Im not good around people in general and they need to tick all The right bozes

[Monalisa77]

Encouraging her to have a panic attack? U really thiink thats caring? They can actually kill a person!

[FunkyMonkee]

@Monalisa77 Yeah, true but, she's just making a suggestion. I didn't hear anything about her threatening her daughter with hot pokers in the eye if she didn't get a boyfriend!

[Monalisa77]

She said she should be having panic attacks. No mother should wish that on their child

[FunkyMonkee]

@Monalisa77 Again, that's because of how she perceives what her mother said! Normal people would just take it as a bit of helpful advice. Over-reactionary people would take a heart attack if they heard it.

[Monalisa77]

I don't think anyone should br saying Anything about panic attacks unless they genuinely suffer. It can bring on an attack and cause anxiety.

[Monalisa77]

Also we dont know how often the mother is saying it, if she says negative things regularly it can tare a confident person down.. Believe me i used to be really. Confident when i was younger and now. Im quivering in my boots if i should message a. Guy who blocked me

[FunkyMonkee]

@Monalisa77 I guess she shouldn't talk about them, then.

[FunkyMonkee]

@Monalisa77 Correct! So, why jump to conclusions that she's being manipulative?

[Monalisa77]

Eh? It must be bad for the girl to q weather its normal

[Arik_jade]

I think your parents are worried about you that you don't have boyfriend. so they told you to visit dating site so that you can have one.

[Monalisa77]

Unless she's never had one its none of their business that she doesn't have one and can't forxe her to find one

[Arik_jade]

@Monalisa77 Yes I agree. They should not force you

[LiamJHayden]

Unsolicited dating advice is at least annoying, and in your case could very well be toxic.

[pizzalovershouse]

Depends on if it feels wrong an then say your thoughts

[krin_m]

Tell her that you appreciate her concern for you but she did raise an independent woman and she should trust your judgement.

[Anonymous]

What culture is your mom from? I know in some immkgrant families this is super common like some of my friends from Africa and Asian households

[Tracker1958]

If you look at the divorce rates, it make one think that women make very bad choices.

[OlderAndWiser]

She's eager to have grandchildren.

[es20490446e]

What parents don't give unsolicited advice?

[Spiritofn]

Maybe it was a half ass joke?

[Anonymous]

Yes, it can be. Always best to ask first.

[Jennz6]

Nope

[EaterPeter]

Not necessarily