Friend ended the friendship because I didn't invite her to my birthday, is she overreacting?

Question

My best friend and I became distant this year. We met up once, and because I'm so busy with my new life I took a little while longer to respond to her texts. I went away with my boyfriend and did say I would meet up with her when I came back for her birthday and mine which are close to each-other. When I came back though, and I ended up going out with my other besties for my birthday. I didn't wish her on her birthday either, I forgot.

My friend then sent me an essay-long text saying she's done with the friendship. Is she overreacting?

Labokachulaa · Accepted Answer

Nah but it kind of sounds like you don't really value your friendship with her. There's 24 hours in a day, I understand forgetting to text back every now and then. But I feel like it was done on purpose at some point. We've all been there and done that, but usually it's to people who dont particularly care to lose..

Ask yourself this, if you were in her shoes and you had ZERO information about what's going on, all you have is these last minute messages which have absolutely no thought. She's not messaging you anymore on your birthday, and to top that off, now she's began to flake you.

Would you feel like she's truly your friend? I applaud her for having the self respect to leave where loyalty and values are no longer being served.

I don't mean to come off at you, but dang girl.. if you really didn't mean to make her feel like this, I can tell you she felt really hurt and disrespected.

Dinklex3 · Accepted Answer

Nah. She was hurt. You claim she's your best friend, but you make excuses of being too "busy" to communicate and put no effort into the relationship. She clearly isn't a priority to you... Especially if you think she's overreacting.

Now she won't have to waste her time with friends who make empty promises/ forget about her and be with friends who actually care. She could've had something else planned for her birthday, but instead her "bestie" wasted her time and no showed. 🤷🏾‍♀️

ObscuredBeyond · Accepted Answer

A bit of a power move; but I'd say being flaky is unwise on your part. It invites drama like this.

At least when I lost "friends" in the past, it was due to more serious betrayals, or because they wanted to back tyrannical regimes for one or another insane reason, and got mad that I wouldn't budge and play along. Ideological differences over matters in which innocents were literally being killed by how it was playing out, and I couldn't get behind those supporting measures leading to actual deaths. And me being viewed as a "traitor" because I stood my ground, refusing to defend the indefensible for the sake of "group harmony."

In your case, it sounds like both of you were being incredibly petty, and both paid the price.

RangerBlue22 · Accepted Answer

It really sounds like you didn’t value her too much. If I was in her position I would of just stopped contacting you and quit making any plans.

It’s funny how women are not only flaking on (or ghosting) guys but also there other friends now. They just want to indulge whatever seems most exciting and important in the current moment.

Friendships do fade or break over time in many cases. People have life changes or they change in personalities. It’s sad. But you should always strive to be respectful.

TenderFantasy · Answer

No. You made promises to her you weren't able to keep/fullfill.

She was probably anticipating seeing you and missed you but yet you forgot all about her. How do you think YOU would feel if the shoe were on the other foot? ! That she went out with her man and other lady friends and because of that, she forgot all about you? ! Shows how much you valued her. It takes two to have a good relationship. It's hard to already make friends with other women. This, I've learned in life. If you say something to your friend, try your best not to forget. Maybe she realized your true feelings for her and it wasn't as deep or as important or valuable as she realized. She's ALLOWED to feel that way. There's always consequences to our actions. My dad "drilled this into my head" in the past, and now I am giving it to you!

BlueScorpio · Answer

No, if she's your best friend why would you leave her out of the celebration? That's extremely hurtful to leave a friend out of certain events and probably made her feel like an outcast to her own best friend. I've experienced this myself before and it really hurts to be left out intentionally while seeing other friends/people you know get invited. I can understand her anger, I too would probably distance myself as well if my best friend is making it seem like they don't want me around any longer.

You can try to redeem yourself by apologizing or talking it out with her but it's solely up to her if she wants to continue the friendship. Put yourself in shoes and understand how that might feel.

Biancam13 · Answer

She isn't overreacting. At all. Doesn't sound like you're her best friend, because best friends care about each other's feelings and think before they act. I refuse to believe you just "forgot" to invite her to your birthday. It was probably just because you didn't want her there, in which case what's the point of being friends anyway? She's dropped out of your life now. It sounds like she's done both of you a favour and deaded the already-dead friendship for you. Now you don't have to ghost her like a coward anymore.

MysteriousDarkness · Answer

You claim she is your "best friend"  but you don't act like it. You said you would hang out with her for her birthday and yours. Did you hang out with her fo her birthday? No. Did you invite her to hang out for your birthday? No. You didn't even wish her a happy birthday. Did you invite others to hang out with you for your birthday? Yes. Is she overreacting? No. She was hurt because you forgot her birthday and didn't invite her for yours but made sure to invite others. This is supposed to be your best friend.

Anonymous · Answer

I had to explain this to my girlfriend one time and it saved our relationship:

"Stated priorities" are what we say our priorities are, our ideals, what we strive for.

"Lived priorities" are the results of the choices we actually make, and reflect what our current priorities actually are.

Our goal should be for our "Lived priorities" and "stared priorities" to be reflective of one another.

You can state that your friend is a priority, but until you live it, by following through and making the effort, then you are either falling short or, less likely, being outright dishonest.

There is nothing wrong with prioritizing other people besides a particular friend, but make an effort to bring these two things into closer alignment and people will appreciate your honesty in the matter more. You can do this by either changing your actions or changing your stated priorities.

Good luck

Haha456 · Answer

why is she your friend if you're not willing to respect her enough by honoring your promises?

i dumped by ex friend for the exact same reason. if you're not willing to act like my friend, don't be my friend.

Being a friend is a role, not just something you like to call yourself.

petitedollbabee · Answer

She didn’t overreact. The fact that you can’t see the problem, is what makes you a bad friend. The friendship seems one sided even though you claim they’re your best friend. She’s putting in all the effort and she was excited to see you but you ditched her and didn’t even reply to her messages. She is understandably hurt and if I was her I would’ve just blocked you and moved on.

BlackBeauty90 · Answer

Why are you insulting the word "best friend" when you barely even registered her existence? She was attempting to maintain your friendship & you didn't give a shit.

Is she overreacting? No. You were mean, nasty, inconsiderate & selfish/self-centered.

If anything she's been mature & kind in not sending you a short text along the lines of you're a nasty inconsiderate bitch & simply blocking you

Guy13 · Answer

MY best friend forgets to invite me to his birthday then he better had his woman put a shovel upside his head or something else along those lines happen. No one does that unintentionally... that's like not inviting your sister or brother. You would not hear from me until I heard and NOT texted apology from you. It is beyond heartless.

curiousaboutthis · Answer

No, if you forgot to wish her happy birthday and celebrated with all of your other friends besides her, it's kind of obvious why she would be so upset, you excluded her completely, you seem inconsiderate. If you truly value your friendship with her, tell her directly that you will try to be more considerate in the future, and beg for mercy. Hopefully she will show you grace, if not, I don't blame her, just give her some space and prove yourself considerate. Hope this helps😊

rienna888 · Answer

hmm In my perspective, if you did that to me, i'd get the impression that you dont like me. First you don't reply to my messages, and then you hang out with your other group of friends and don't invite her. Then you don't say happy birthday to her, when your birthday is near eachothers. Explain to her that it's not your intention and be completely honest.

melanieeeB · Answer

Well basically you two spend less time together, she probably got all excited to see you on her birthday and spend some days with you and you ditched her for another party and even forgot her birthday... she is rightfully hurt

Anonymous · Answer

I'm glad she realized what a bad friend you are. She did the right thing and good things await her. But you... this will come back to you like a slap because karma is a bitch. Good luck making new friends in adulthood with that kind of mindset, dear you're gonna end up completely alone.

Sasha0426 · Answer

Nope! Her reaction was justified. You put it into her head that you would go see her for her birthday and you didn’t follow through. That whole time she was wondering where you were and why you didn’t see her. Clearly, you don’t give a shit and you didn’t bother putting in more effort. I mean, I can take someone forgetting to say Happy Birthday on my birthday, but I will NEVER let it slide when they promised me something and they get my hopes up.

Sofi-a1997 · Answer

WTF. You're in the wrong here. You've acted like a bad friend, and it seems as though you were ghosting your "bestie." I would be done with you too. She's not overreacting and I would be very hurt/feel very betrayed in her position. I wouldn't be surprised if she never talks to you again.

dustybiker · Answer

Read that back to yourself only reverse the roles. You were let down. Would you be overreacting?

itsalyssaagain · Answer

Are you for real….. I actually thought I had bad friends but you took bad friend on a whole other level lol. At least she sent you a text. If that was me I wouldn’t even bother. I’d expect nothing. I’d just block you and move on.

Alottosay · Answer

Why do I got the feeling you're the best friend and your seeing if you overreacted? If not, you should be able to understand what she is feeling and she told you exactly why in the text.

Anonymous · Answer

Wtf do you think dummy? I don't know why you think you're hot 💩. Let's be real he ain't loyal to you and cheating on you. But when you catch him in the act you'll be running back to her. I don't know why she gives an phuk about you cause I wouldn't. You sound insecure

FreyaRed · Answer

Depends on situation. Usually if she thought you're her friend she doesn't think this way anymore. It's over.

annabananna · Answer

She is understandably hurt because you’ve shown you don’t value her very much. I can understand why she would want to move onto friends that value her more.

CA4444 · Answer

Mmmh seems like she cares and you don’t so yeah that’s hurtful and I can understand why she’d want to take her distances.

AngryCarl · Answer

An essay is a bit over the top but no, not really. It doesn't sound like you value your friendship very highly.

msc545 · Answer

No what you did (and didn't do) was very hurtful. She is not overreacting.

Blackcupcake · Answer

she’s hurt… maybe acknowledge her feelings and apologise instead of saying she’s overreacting

WTFdivorce · Answer

Best friends don't do that. I would reevaluate.

Anonymous · Answer

to be honest, it doesn't take that long to respond to a text... so no, she's not overreacting.

grierwrange · Answer

No I’d do the same. I hate flaky people and you’re not just flaky but seems like you didn’t even remember which I feel like is somehow worse

cücüko · Answer

I don't think he overreacted. It's a sad situation for him.

Anonymous · Answer

Based on what you've told us here, I'd say her reaction was not unreasonable.

iamnash · Answer

You’re not really friends then sorry real friends don’t forget birthdays

Brando10222 · Answer

She did the right thing. She deserves a better friend than you

TopTier · Answer

Text her and see it she over reacts. Bet she won't react at all.

Laravi · Answer

Well if you didn't invited her and you did invite other friends then you let her know pretty clear she wasn't a friend to you

OlderAndWiser · Answer

"She's done wth the friendship." What friendship?

Haaa135 · Answer

Put yourself in her shoes...

douride2 · Answer

I would say you let her down.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

What is this "new life" you speak of?

Friend ended the friendship because I didn't invite her to my birthday, is she overreacting?

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